A/N: a big thank you to everyone still reading. So the first half of this is Regina and second half is Emma.

Really hope you enjoy it x

It has been days since I received that message from her and I have to keep reading it, I still can't believe she did that. As if the scribbled note wasn't enough she goes and sends this.

Why?

I was very clear and precise in my note. It was written there for her to understand in black and white.

I wasn't saying no to us being friends and I was contemplating it, but she just has to keep pushing.

What is worse is that isn't the only one she sent.

I scroll through the others.

Sent the morning after, I got:

I'm sorry

A couple of hours later I received another:

I'm really sorry. Please don't hate me.

I pretty much got texts like that all day. Every hour or so a new one would arrive until they just stopped, but that wasn't until later that night and I assume she fell asleep.

It was actually a relief to have my phone silence.

The next day it began all over again and started with the following message;

Please talk to me...Please.

I love you xxx

I remember rolling my eyes at that one. Begging will get her nowhere.

I made it very clear in my letter back that I would not pamper her with affection nor would I heed her every request of me. I am not interested in loving someone who may hurt me. I just don't trust.

It isn't just our 'friendship' as she calls it on the line here. There are lots of factors to consider and the biggest of all is my heart. Its been broken before, I have had to take really good care of it since. She is a fool if she thinks I would just rip it out and hand it over to her without a thought.

So messages have continued to flood into me, all self pitying and each and everyone as pathetic as their predecessor. Thankfully today though they seem to have stopped, which is absolute bliss. The silence and to not be continually hassled just what I need. Giving her the silent treatment seems to have sent the message loud and clear.


Days.

Not a word from her at all.

This is torture.

I am holding my phone desperate to send the first message of the day and knowing I will follow it with many more. I am consumed with guilt and I do blame myself. I have ruined everything. I always ruin everything.

I just want her to see that I truly am sorry.

For the past few days I don't even think I have been myself. I have dragged myself to work and only spent social time with my parents to eat. I don't feel like talking, they are suspicious but no idea why. The rest of the time I have spent concealed within my duvet and nursing myself with an alcoholic medicine known as whiskey.

Bottles of the stuff I have consumed trying to get over her.

It's not working though. It never does. In fact it only makes me miss her and her attention more.

Thankfully it is the weekend. No one is going to miss me if I fail to emerge from my room. I feel so ill, having only had liquid for dinner yesterday evening and having started on it the minute I woke up this morning, I can feel it all bubbling in my stomach.

The threat of vomit is imminent but I keep swallowing down the bile and drinking. I refuse to give into the urge to be sick. I need to numb the pain and that is all it is now; pain.

Rejection hurts.

That is what she has done she has rejected me. Just like everyone else in my life. It doesn't matter when, but at some point after I have allowed myself to open up and get close to someone they abandon me. It is all because I am just too much

It isn't my fault I am such a mess.

Life has been good to me I suppose but it hasn't always been kind to me. It has been tough, very tough and sometimes I have struggled to make it to the next day but something inside me has kept me fighting.

Maybe I should just give up now though.

My head is thumping, I can't think straight, can't act straight, excuse the pun there. Can't concentrate, do my job properly, focus, motivate myself or...

...smile.

I am desperately unhappy and she was the only shred of real happiness I had.

In fact I think it might have actually been less painful if she had just ripped my heart out and crushed it!

Great now I'm crying.

My eyes sting with the sudden lubrication and I close them, screwing them up tight so that all I can see is blackness. Is it ironic I think it reminds me of my life?

Black, dark and horrible places from which there is no escape.

I take another swig of whiskey at that depressing thought and I throw my phone away onto the side as I tumble back onto the bed and try to sleep.

Its not happening so I just cry. Eyes still stinging. Throat still burning. Dream still shattered and heart still broken.

I cry for hours, hours and hours. All alone and with no where to turn.

Eventually I begin to drift. Maybe when I wake hope will have been restored.

Don't mistake that for optimism; I am very far from that.