A/N: Thank you everyone for the continued to support. I hope you enjoy this chapter. :)

When I wake again another day is dawning. Don't ask me which one because I can't tell you. Having isolated myself away I have no idea. I know one thing for certain though, it isn't a work day, no alarm rang in my ear early this morning. I have little energy but still manage to slap my hand across onto the bedside table and fumble for the button to illuminate my phone screen.

Bright it blinds me as I check the time and see it is early. Really early. I groan and bury my face under the duvet having not paid attention to anything else but the time.

So all this sleep, even if it has been with a cloudy head has given me time to think and self loathe. I'm not so good at the first thing but at the second I am a pro. I blame myself for the destruction of our friendship, my moods, my feelings, my general behaviour.

Yep see, still feel guilty even after days of intoxication and ignoring her best I can.

It has taken everything for me to not pick up my phone and send another message, followed by another, and then another and another and another until I am just typing away on the tiny device all day. We used to do that, we had got so used to being friends and being in such regular communications. I really thought we had a connection.

How wrong was I?

After a while of just lying here though and contemplating these same thoughts over and over my throat feels dry, my skin itches and I am just generally irritated. There is so much to think about? So many unanswered questions I feel will remain that way and hundreds of tiny little feelings to suppress.

Oh the joys of my life!

So I have gotten myself out of bed. The house is nice and quiet and there is not another to be seen so heading to the bathroom I decide to refresh myself. See if it makes me feel a little more alive but I bet it won't.

Setting the shower off I start the water warm but holding the tap and feeling the warm liquid, I shut it off in favour for the cold. I need a wake up call. Perhaps a good dousing in cold water will wash away all the problems, or perhaps it will just give me that sense of reality I feel I need.

Wash myself clean and start again. That's the aim.

Come on you can do it. You've done it before, plenty of times.

Get it together!

I step under the freezing cold cascade of water and let it drench me. My body instantly shivers at the contact with the cold liquid upon my skin but I force myself to stand there. I stay there, for ages, all those thoughts quickly running through my mind until I lean back suddenly against the wall and close my eyes.

Here no one knows these are tears streaming down my face. It is a relief. I just cry.

When I finally leave the bathroom I can do nothing but shiver. I scurry across the deserted building and back to my room with my hair dripping and just a towel wrapped around me. Instantly I tumble back onto my bed and hide my freezing body within the duvet.

I was wrong, I don't feel any better at all.

Sniffling I am trying to fight the tears but no here they come again.

Thick and fast, rolling down my cheeks until they soak into my pillow.

Oh my god I miss her. I miss her so much and its only been a couple of days.

Suddenly I am realising I have no idea how I am going to cope.

Questioning my purpose again for everything; getting up, going out, speaking, talking, smiling, walking, feeling, living; breathing!

I Miss Her!

I only end up more upset.

I cry myself back to sleep, until the thoughts are all just whizzing around my head unconsciously over and over, driving me crazy ready to make my head thump when I wake.


Two days I think it has been and the silence, still bliss.

The non existence of a pressure I knew not existed until the other day is now gone.

I feel such relief, but...

I can't stop checking my cell.

Just in case there is something, a message perhaps but no not a word. Not a call, text, letter, email, knock at the door, nothing.

I'm not worried, or am I worried.

Should I be?

Do you think she is ok?

Did I do something wrong?

I let those questions plague me most of the morning and then after a while they just flutter away and my urge to check for communications subsides. It was so much easier to just carry on with my life than I had initially thought.

I was becoming far too dependent on just having that one person to talk to anyway.

I have other friends, they need attention and some of my time too, as does my work. It is time to focus more on what is important and a constant in my life. She was far too inconsistent and the unpredictable moods were making life most difficult some days.

Taking a deep breath I sigh and smile as I settle down for a day of relaxation. God I deserve it, it has been a most stressful few weeks or months actually.

It's time for me to take some quality time for myself.

As I sit and surround myself with a lovely soundtrack of music playing low in the background, I also pick up a book and start to read. It is only as I get into the story or not as I am slowly finding out, that I find my mind has wandered to worrying about her again.

I will never admit it to another soul but...

I actually think I might be missing her.