AN; this is the longest chapter in this story so far and it was pretty easy to write, I'm done updating on Saturdays though because I'm starting my piano lessons again and I won't have time to upload on saturdays. This chapter is dedicated to the two people who always review, they know who they are.
Review responses:
Nikkette~ Thank you for understanding my delay for last chapter, this chapter doesn't have any Katniss/Haymitch interaction so I hope you are still understanding. This chapter is important though so I'm leading up to something here.
the dark euphie~ I totally agree with you Peeta definitely got the better end of the deal, he knew that and thats why he killed himself. He knew he wasn't strong enough to go on without Katniss, but he also knew she was strong enough. He was being selfish and unselfish at the same time.
NeverMessWithTeddyBears~ Thank you for your review and welcome to the story, I hope you like this chapter.
As I stepped out of the lukewarm shower I sighed in relief, thankful that the tension in my muscles was gone. The moment I'd walked through the front door I was bombarded with useless questions, courtesy of my mother. She demanded to know where I went, why I didn't tell her I was leaving, who I was with, and so on. I ignored every question as best I could, only giving disgruntled sighs as responses. I retreated to my bedroom and crawled under the comforter, I knew I needed to clear my head and think, which resulted in me falling asleep and of course waking up screaming from yet another nightmare reeking havoc upon my mind. The shower helped me clear my head more than sleeping for obvious reasons, but I realized that I had a prominent absence that I had been putting off. Hunting.
I missed being myself, Katniss had started to mean many things to many people, but Katniss isn't anyone's expectations. She was me when the cameras weren't around and the peace keepers weren't watching. Someone who longed to be outside of the fence and loved the thrill of a perfect shot through the eye, not because she liked to kill, she had killed enough to last a lifetime, but because the idea of defying the Capitol while providing for her family at the same time gave her hope. I had saw glimpses of her, but today, while I was talking to Haymitch, I could finally be myself. It also made my mask all the more unbearable than usual.
I dried myself with an overly fluffy towel and slid my clothing on, one of my old outfits from before the games. A pair of grey jeans and a plain black t-shirt that was littered with holes. My fathers leather jacket was hanging in the very back of the closet, one of the only possessions that I actually cared much about. I took it off the hanger carefully, even though I knew it was the toughest thing I owned. It looked out of place surrounded by the bright lights and white walls of the huge space. the same way that I felt when I was surrounded by all of the luxuries I didn't ask for when other people were being deprived of the necessities that they would always need.
it only took me a few seconds to braid my hair thanks to all the practice, and then I headed out the door. Leaving the intimidating Victors Village in refuge of something familiar, something knowingly unknown.
the walk to the fence was long and unfamiliar, I'd never came to town from the Victor's village before. I tried to ignore the stares that I kept reciving and the whispers that were unknowingly carrying into my ear-shot. As I passed by the bakery, I quickened my pace, trying to move along before the baker spotted me. I kept my head down, not wanting to look at him, but as I took a quick peek into the window his eyes shot up and met mine. I froze, not knowing what to do. At first his stare was blank but then it turned to frustration. I watched him make his way around the counter and out the door of the bakery, walking toward me with a sympathetic smile on his face. The man who thought I killed his son was actually smiling at me.
"Hello." He said.
"Hello." I responded. I almost smiled at him, but I caught myself, not wanting him to think I didn't care that he just lost a son. I stood awkwardly, waiting for him to tell me why he came out here.
"I know." He told me. I panicked, he knew I didn't kill Peeta. Did he tell any one I wondered.
"You know what?" I asked, casually.
"I know that you loved him and you didn't want to kill him." He told me. "He made you didn't he?" I decided to go along with it, he didn't know the truth which was good.
"Yes, he did." I reponded. I didn't really feel bad for lying, it was better for Peeta's father if I didn't tell him the real story. That his son left me here by myself, taking the easy way out and making all my decisions for me. I didn't want him telling other people what really happened, I shuddered at the thought of what Snow would do to me if it got out. I wondered if there would actually be an uprising, I didn't think it was possible since district twelve was so small, and there would be no way to get information to any other districts, but Snow made it sound as if the districts were itching for a rebellion and would seize any and all opportunities.
"I'm sorry that other people can't see that," He told me. "But I forgive you. I know how much you cared for him and I also know that his death will haunt you for the rest of your life." It will, I thought, but not the way you think.
"Thank you," was all I said in response. I didn't know how he understood what it was like, but I was still greatful. I heard a chime and looked behind the baker to see a women who had just walked into the bakery.
"I've got to go." He told me, as he turned on his heals and headed into the shop to the check-out counter.
As I walked away from the bakery I smiled a little, thankful that someone finally understood.
As I slid under the fence I felt the air shift and I looked at the dark clouds that covered every inch of the sky. A storm, I thought walking over to the hallowed-out log the I kept my bow in. It felt more like a weapon in my hands then it ever had and I knew exactly why.
"It just a bow." I said out loud.
"I'm surprised to see you here." A voice said. I turned, bow in hand, ready to shoot. Gale was standing in front of me with a blank expression on his face, even though I almost shot him.
"Put that down." He demanded in an annoyed tone.
"Sorry, reflex." I told him as I moved the bow so that it was slung over my shoulder.
"Why are you here?" He asked.
"Same reason I always come here, to hunt." I answered with a half smile. I hadn't got to talk to Gale at the celebration last night, I knew he was purposely avoiding me.
"I really don't think you need to hunt anymore," he met my eyes for the first time and I saw pain in his eyes "Seeing as you have enough money to feed all of district twelve now."
"That's none of your business." I snapped.
"there is no reason for you to be here," I heard the anger in his voice, it cut deep but I refused to lose my ground.
"Why are you acting like this?" I shouted. "I thought I could at least count on you of all people to understand that I had to do what I did."
"Oh, so you had to be with Peeta, you had to carry his dead weight?" He yelled back. "I understood you, I cared about you and I never overstepped the boundaries you set! Yet you are perfectly okay with ignoring anything we had and going after someone else?"
"Gale." I whispered, surprised that he'd admitted so much.
"I know you didn't kill him," He said casually. I looked over at him with wide eyes. "You've used a knife three times to kill animals, not once did you twist the knife like that and I know you wouldn't do it to a person."
"you can't tell anyone." I told him.
"Like you really had to worry," He said bitterly. "I don't care enough to gossip about it."
"It was all an act," I tried to explain. "I never wanted to be with him."
"Whatever you say." He agreed, the sarcasm seeping out of every word. I jumped as a loud clap of thunder came along with the first bolt of lightning. He turned and started running back toward the fence.
"Gale I-"
"Don't," He turned on his heals to face me. "I know what I saw, the way you looked at him..." He trailed off and left me standing there. He slid under the fence just as the first raindrop hit my head.
