They didn't cry. They didn't talk about it. They moved back Britain, and they never said a word about their time in the east. Narcissa blamed herself for not being able to keep his child, and Lucius felt guilty for leaving her alone. He wasn't allowed to touch her again. Not because she didn't love him, but because she couldn't bear the thought of losing another baby of his. She was a disappointment. She was supposed to precede the Malfoy bloodline, it was the one thing required of her. But she couldn't even do that.
"What happened to you two?" Regulus asked when he visited the magnificent Malfoy Manor in Wiltshire. She spent a lot of time there instead of with her parents in London. Narcissa hadn't invited Regulus, neither had Lucius, but he came and went as he wished anyways.
"We grew up, Regulus. You should try it"
"Regulus? Really, Cissy, you haven't called me that since… ever! I'm Reg to you, you know that!"
Narcissa stared at him with blank eyes. She didn't have energy for this. He was such a child! He knew nothing!
"Nicknames are ridiculous; you should stick to your real name"
"Cissy I-"
"Narcissa. My name is Narcissa and I want you to leave"
Regulus pitch black eyes met her bright blue ones. His jaw was twitching and his nostrils moved quickly. He hadn't shaved for some time. Now that she put some thought to it, he didn't look the same. He seemed to have aged ten years. The skin around his eyes had wrinkles, and underneath them were two dark, half-moon shaped bags of skin. She opened her mouth as if to ask him about it, but in that very moment he stood up and left her, just like she had asked him to.
Narcissa was in bed when Lucius came home. He was always late, nowadays. She could spot him in the doorway. He was walking on his toes to make sure she didn't wake up, but she was always did when he got home. She couldn't sleep without him.
"Where have you been tonight?" Narcissa asked, her voice in a low tone, trying to make sure it didn't break as she spoke.
"Narcissa, darling, you're awake! My apologies, did I wake you?
Lucius voice was shocked. It always was, he never learned. He started to undress, his pale chest reflecting the moonlight as he got rid of his shirt.
"No, I couldn't sleep" She replied "Where have you been tonight?"
Narcissa asked the same question every single night, and she always had to repeat herself to get an answer. He unbuttoned his belt, pulled down his trousers, just standing in his underwear in front of her. Lucius had a great body, and even though she was attracted to him, she couldn't let him touch her again. She felt dirty for some reason. The blood of their dead baby had created a wall between them.
"I can't tell you much. We're planning to attack a famous building in Diagon Alley, I'm not allowed to tell you which one, but I'm chosen to be the leader of the attack"
He lay down beside her in bed, wrapped his arms around her shoulders and kissed her hair. He did the same thing every night. She looked up at her fiancé. He had aged as well, but not a lot. He was 21 now. He looked older, though, much older. He almost looked like he was 25. Narcissa couldn't help but wonder what he'd look like in 20 years. She could still spot the fire in his eyes, the passion. He was going to fight until he had reached his goal. She admired him for it.
The Death Eaters had asked for her services many times. She was a talented witch, no doubt. But she couldn't dedicate her life to them. Lucius didn't want her to, either. He said that he put himself in extreme danger for the purebloods to be able to keep on living. If she sacrificed her life as well, there wouldn't be many left. Lucius didn't plan on dying, of course, but it was a risk. He was scared, he didn't want her to know, be he really was. She could sense it. She knew just by the way he moved.
"We should get married"
Her words were just a whisper in the dark, but their effect on him was so obvious. Lucius stiffened, his arms still holding her, but not in the same embracing way as before. Narcissa could hear him swallow.
"Do you want to get married?"
Lucius voice was hoarse, maybe from the alcohol he had been drinking. Almost none of the Death Eaters could complete their missions without liquor running through their bodies. They drank it like water, as if it was the only thing that could give them power.
Narcissa was quiet for a moment or two.
"I want to spend the rest of my life with you"
"Do you want to get married?" He asked again.
"I want to spend the rest of my life with you"
Lucius jaw tensed and he sat up. Their wedding-plans had been set on ice since they travelled through Europe. It felt like years since he had asked for her hand.
"Narcissa, do you want to marry me or not?" He sounded mad; she didn't know why "Marriage isn't like this. We have to… You know we have to… If we were to get married"
In the wizarding world, the couple in question had to make love to complete the spell that would combine them. If they didn't, they wouldn't be married by law.
"Lucius, I-"
"I don't want to live with you as if you were my friend, Narcissa. I love you with all my heart, but my love is heavier than the one for a companion. I don't want to force myself on you, I want you to come to me, but if you don't, you can't really blame me for not taking your love for granted!"
Narcissa's eyelids sunk down over her blue eyes. She focused her gaze at her hands in her lap. He was right.
"I'm sorry. I haven't fulfilled my duties…" She mumbled, still not looking at him.
"It's not your duty, Narcissa. I don't want it to be. All I'm saying is that… I'm sorry, I just…" His voice broke.
She felt a hand underneath her chin, lifting it upwards and forcing her to face him. He looked so tired. His long blond hair was tangled and his lips thin with determination. The eyes that normally burnt with dreams of the revolution and love for her was now simply blank.
"Do you love me? Because if you do, I can do anything. We don't even have to get married, Narcissa. But I have to know before I promise you my future"
His voice was passionate, but that was the only thing about him that was. The rest was just a tired mess. But he was her tired mess. She couldn't stand the thought of him being with someone else. And who would that even be? One of the Greengrass daughters? Would he go back to that Parkinson girl with whom he had made love for the first time? It had always stung in her heart when she had thought about it, that an older, dark-haired girl had been with Lucius first. That someone other than her had seen him naked, had felt his manhood under her fingers, kissed him... She swallowed.
But what about her? Who would she end up with? Narcissa thought of this for a moment, whilst observing Lucius' face. Was she meant to live without him? What would she do without him, without being able to see that little wrinkle right above his left eyebrow? What was she supposed to do if she wasn't allowed to kiss his crooked sneer? Was Narcissa able to love someone else? No. She couldn't. Narcissa Black couldn't imagine a life without Lucius Malfoy.
Without a word, she leant slightly forward, met his soft lips with hers. It was the first time in two years. She had almost forgotten how it felt. They kissed very, very gently, to make sure the other was comfortable. After a minute or two, she pulled back, looking at him determinedly.
"I do. I do love you, and yes, I want to marry you"
Their wedding arrived within what felt as a second. Narcissa wore the prettiest dress she had ever seen, a long white thing, sleek, hugging her body rather tightly down to her hips where it expanded out in a beautiful wave-like way. The neck was square, forcing her breasts upwards, contouring her curves to look fuller. She wore her hair out, flowing down her back like a blonde waterfall. Her lips were covered in a blossom pink lipstick. She felt beautiful.
At the altar they promised each other a future together, promised to be faithful, and promised to love one another forever. It was a heavy thing to assure a person, but with Lucius, she had no problem doing so. She knew that she would love him to the end of her days.
The party was thrilling, of course, had there ever been a party thrown by Blacks or Malfoys which hadn't been? It was crowded, pureblood families from all over the world had gathered to celebrate their eternal love. There were so many faces Narcissa didn't recognize, but they all wished her the best of luck in her marriage.
In the corner of the room, she spotted a familiar face. Regulus sat with a glass of wine in his hands, gazing over the crowds. She kissed Lucius' cheek before she went over to him.
"You look lovely, Narcissa, but you already know that, I assume?"
His tone wasn't happy at all. He sounded grumpy, and he wasn't mocking her in a funny way, he was just cruel.
"Regulus. What are you doing here, in the corner? Shouldn't you dance with Lysandra?"
"Shouldn't you dance with Lucius?"
"He accepted my excuses"
Regulus looked like an old man, not even close to the 21-year old he was. He looked as if he hadn't slept in years, she could actually spot a grey hair on his head.
"I broke things off with Lysandra"
"You did what?! Why on earth did you do that?"
Narcissa stared at him, unable to understand. Was that why Lysandra had looked so sad during the ceremony? Oh Merlin, she hadn't even asked if she was okay! Narcissa was a truly worthless friend.
"Got tired of her. She whines a lot, you know? By the way, have you heard about Sirius? He ran off"
"What has happened to you, Reg? Tell me, please, I can't stand seeing you like this. Let me help you"
"Regulus. My name is Regulus, and I grew up. You should try it sometime."
Her own words were thrown back at her face. Maybe she had deserved it. He stood up, and she grabbed him by the arm, but was unable to speak.
"I'm leaving. I want you to have this, but you can't open it until tomorrow. Alright?"
Regulus dark eyes observed the surroundings, making sure that nobody saw when he handed her a letter. It had the family of Black's seal.
She nodded, minimized the letter with a simple spell, so that she could put it inside her dress.
"I'll mi- Have a good time, Narcissa. Really. I'll see you soon"
He leant forward, kissed her forehead, and walked away. Nothing of this made any sense to Narcissa at the moment, but later, when her hair since long had gone grey and the wrinkles, the ones she got around her eyes when she smiled, went permanent; she knew what he had wanted to say.
His fingers worked quickly as they dragged of her dress. She closed her eyes, embraced his touch. He stood behind her, wrapping his arms around her now naked waist, buried his face on the side of her neck.
They didn't speak. They hadn't said a word to each other since their confirming "I do's". They didn't need to talk. It felt as if they did, they would ruin it. His hands cupped her bra-dressed breasts, she could both hear and feel how he breathed in.
Narcissa felt something else, something hard pushing against her lower back. It was her guarantee of him liking what he saw. He hadn't seen her naked since… Lucius took of her bra, dragged her panties down, leaving them on the floor.
They stood like that for a few minutes, him behind her, she with shut eyes. But then, she turned around, blushing. His lips were curled into a very pleased sneer. She loved that smirk.
Narcissa put her hands on his bare chest, pushed him down the bed. She kissed his throat, unbuttoned his belt and pulled down his trousers. The fabric felt like liquid between her fingers. She sat astride over him, grabbed him firmly by his ponytail forcing his gaze to go from her body to her eyes instead. When he met her eyes, she kissed him, sank down over his manhood, closing her eyes and shut the rest of the world out.
Lucius filled her with his seed a little later, her walls clinging around his member, and she instantly knew. She must be pregnant.
Dearest Cissy,
Make sure you're alone when you read this. I write to you because I want someone to know about me. I don't want to be forgotten. When you read this, I will be gone. Please don't despite me for what I've done. And please, don't tell the rest of the family.
The Dark Lord has methods you couldn't even dream about. You couldn't imagine, not even in your darkest nightmares. To spare your soul, I won't tell you about them, but they must be stopped. The revolution is a must, but not this way. I don't think he's interested in it, I think his goal is to be immortal; he's using our passion for the New World as weapon to reach his own eternity.
I have gone off to fight him, doing as much as I possibly can. I want you and Lucius to do the same.
I want you tell Sirius about me. About what I did. I don't think he'll ever understand, nor do I believe that he'll care to get to know, that ignorant little bastard. But I want him to know. He is completely wrong about everything, but he's right about the Dark Lord.
Don't trust him, Cissy. Don't let Lucius trust him any longer. He'll hurt you. He'll kill you if he gains from it.
I'll miss you,
R.A.B
