Love is abstract. You can love your mother, your father. But you can also love a person whose blood doesn't run through your veins. If the person feels the same, the two of you will spend a lot of time trying to combine your bloodlines. You will share almost every liquid in your body with that very person, you can even create new life, with both your own and your lovers blood, giving a child the strength to stand on its own legs. But no matter what you do, the blood of your lover will never be the one that pumps from your heart.
Narcissa Malfoy loved her cousin. Regulus had always been there when there was no one else to be found. Her relationship with her parents wasn't the best. She knew they had wanted for her to be a boy, but that went for all of her sisters. She had been their last hope, though. It did of course make her parents happy that Cygnus' brother got two sons to carry the name of Black forward. But of course, they would have preferred it if they were the ones to bless the family with a first-born son.
Cygnus Black was an emotional man. He cried a lot and suffered with depression from time to time. Therefore he had not spent a lot of time with his daughters, except for Andromeda, his favourite. The two other girls, Bellatrix and Narcissa, had been brought up by their very severe mother Druella, making them very aware of politics and their duties as the heirs of the Noble and most ancient house of Black. Cygnus had forbidden his wife to ever lay hands on his precious Andromeda, and even though he was emotionally inferior to his wife, he was still a man, so his opinion would matter the most.
Whilst Bellatrix and Narcissa had had to dine with strangers for hours straight at the age of five, Andromeda had been out in the gardens, playing with mud. Sometimes, Narcissa thought that if her father hadn't let her sister cover herself with dirt as a child, maybe she wouldn't have decided to keep the company as an adult?
Narcissa had heard that her sister had given birth to a girl a few years ago. She had named her Nymphadora. It bothered Narcissa that she had named her daughter after a constellation, as if the child was a daughter of the name of Black. She hadn't told Narcissa, and it hurt. She could understand why she hadn't contacted Bellatrix or her parents, but… but her? Hadn't their sisterhood meant anything to her? Of course, Narcissa wouldn't be able to reply if Andromeda were to contact her. But she would have liked to know that she was special to her. But apparently not. Andromeda had not only left her parents, she had left her little sister. And she had left her alone.
Sirius Black had stopped being a Black. He had left them as well. Andromeda was lost, and Bellatrix… She wasn't the way she used to be. And now, Regulus was dead. There was nothing left of what once was called the Noble most Ancient House of Black.
Narcissa was broken and so was the name she had been given at birth. But she had a different name now. A different life ahead of her, and the child in her belly would not be named Black. It was a Malfoy that she carried, and a Malfoy could only be given life by another.
So she burnt the letter from Regulus.
All her life, Narcissa had been living in the rubbles of her family name. The new world had destroyed her family, and she wouldn't let it kill her coming linage too. She grieved her cousin, no doubt. But she couldn't do what he asked her to do. She was to build a new life and he, after all, was a blood-traitor.
Narcissa didn't tell her husband about Regulus's letter, she didn't want to worry him. He was so happy. He kissed her stomach every morning and every night.
"Hello, how is everything going in there?" He asked, as his lips pushed against the bump on her belly.
"I'm only 5 months in, Lucius. I'm not sure he can't hear you yet"
She had told him it was boy. She was quite certain, but Lucius seemed to take is a promise, not a divination. It made her worried, but she didn't speak of it.
"Oh, I'm sure he can! I want him to recognise my voice, I want him to recognise me"
She lay on the bed, ready to fall asleep, but Lucius always wanted to talk with the little fellow growing inside of her. He insisted, every night.
"Lucius, please, I'm tired" She murmured, closed her eyes.
"Just a little longer"
There was something childish in his eyes when he spoke about the baby. He was so excited, as if all of his troubles would magically disappear once they were given an heir. Narcissa wasn't so sure. Lucius had settled between her legs, but instead of having his head stuck between her thighs, he had decided to let it rest right above her belly, rewarding it with tiny, innocent kisses.
"Do you think it's the right way?"
Narcissa's voice was sudden. It was a dangerous question and she knew it. So did Lucius, because he suddenly stiffened. Without a word he dragged down her nightgown over the belly he had just so happily embraced.
"What do you mean?"
He asked, his voice low. She could hear the anger burning in his voice, he tried hard not to show it, but it was there.
"Do you think his way is right? Are you sure this is the way the revolution will come true?"
She was worried for her husband. She did not want to believe Regulus words; she had convinced herself that he had gone mad, just like Bella, Andromeda and Sirius. But then that left her the only Black-cousin left with some brains. And what were the odds for that? Was she mad as well?
"Of course I'm sure!"
The sweet, caring tone he used when he spoke of their child was completely gone. He was furious now. She hated when he was. A long time ago, she had been the only one able to calm his anger. He had now learnt to do so himself; but it always came to a point where he was beyond reach. She could not still him, neither could he.
"I'm just not sure about his methods, Lucius…"
"They're necessary! Don't you understand? I've told you a thousand times, we don't enjoy doing this, but we have to! It's self-defence!"
"Yes, but I'm not sure if it's right to-"
"I thought you were on our side, but maybe you're just like your traitor-sister, after all!"
The couple fell quiet. Narcissa just stared at him. The fire in his eyes quenched. There was nothing left of his anger, he just seemed empty.
"Narcissa, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that-"
"I know" Narcissa said, no longer looking at him. She turned over to her side.
"Narcissa… Please, I'm sorry"
His whisper in the night was wasted. She had shut him out for the rest of it.
Narcissa had tried so hard to forget about her past. She had covered up everything. She was Black by blood, but a Malfoy at heart. She had only been able to use the name for five months, but she identified more with her husband's ancestors than her own. Her family had been driven to madness and Lucius suggestion that she was a part of all of that… Narcissa had trusted him with her heart and soul. She knew that he could be violent, she had experienced it herself, but she knew that he'd never hurt her. She had truly believed that he wouldn't. But his words felt like a fist in her face.
Narcissa cried herself to sleep. Her tears were silent, she had been taught to keep them to herself, and so she did. But when her eyes ached from the lack of sleep and the excess of tears, she finally got to enter the peaceful land of dreams.
She didn't talk to Lucius for days. He didn't try to speak to her either. Most women would have gone mad, but it really was one of the things she liked most about him. If she said no, he didn't try again. If she denied him the joy of sharing a conversation with her, he would wait for her to start a new one. He respected her, after all. Lucius tried to make it up to her, of course, but never did he ever cross the line.
Narcissa spent the days planning parties and other events, and when Lucius got home, he handed her gifts under silence. Goblin-made jewellery, elf-sewn dresses and promises of visits to magical spas in Edipsos, Tuscany and Andalucia. But nothing convinced Narcissa that he was worthy of her hearing her voice. She kept the presents, of course, only a mad woman wouldn't.
She had trouble sleeping. Nightmares haunted her, she was used to sleep in Lucius' arms, feeling the security wrapped around her. But she couldn't now. Instead of making peace with her husband, she had started drinking Sleeping Draught. It was easier that way.
Lucius was out on a mission. He seemed to be every night, now. From half-closed eyes, she saw how the room turned green from the light of the fireplace. You cannot apparate to private property, so they had to use the floo-powder network when they didn't have the time for a walk.
Narcissa heard a noise, giving her notice of her husband's arrival. She didn't turn around, but she knew that he was undressing, and a few seconds later he fell down beside her in bed. He kept to his side, as he was supposed to. But then, a sudden voice spoke in the dark night.
"Maybe he's wrong. Maybe there won't even be such a thing as a revolution." It was only a whisper, but she knew that he intended for her to hear. "Maybe all our dreams will be wasted, and we will never have the pleasure of facing the new world. But you have got me, always and forever. "
Without a word, she turned around and faced him. He didn't look the same. There was something in his eyes.
"What has he done to you?"
Lucius didn't even have to answer with words. His hands reached for the bulge on her tummy and his jaw tensed. He breathed heavily, as if it would help him to calm down.
"No…"
His actions sent her a clear message. But no.
"I'll keep you safe. The both of you."
"Are you having doubts in the pureblood-superiority, Lucius?"
Narcissa asked one day when they took a walk in the gardens of the Manor. It was winter again; it always seemed to be so in Britain. Narcissa's feet were cold; they felt like ice attached to her body. It didn't matter how many layers of clothing she had, she always froze during the later part of the year. She held Lucius by the arm, stealing warmth from the side of his body.
"No, I don't. I consider the superiority of purebloods to be absolutely necessary. Although…" Lucius fell quiet for a moment, his brows wrinkling. "The Dark Lord... He's an extraordinary wizard, I've never seen anyone like him, but" He lowered his voice, as if there was someone else following their conversation "I have my doubts about whether his methods are… effective. If I were leading a pureblood opposition, I wouldn't threaten my inner circle's family. And I would never suggest spilling pure blood to prove a point"
"Are you saying what I think you are?"
"I will protect you. The both of you."
"You're having a daughter, Mrs. Malfoy"
The Healer was an old man with dark skin. His hair had gone grey over the years, and even though he seemed to have seen a century pass by, Narcissa could spot a glimpse of happiness and excitement in his dark eyes.
The potion she had spit in had indeed turned pink, but it must be a mistake. She was giving birth a boy. A baby boy with the name of Malfoy; a baby bow who would carry on the family name and lead it into further greatness, a boy who would be their heir.
"No, no." She said, sure that she was right, "You've done a mistake, I can assure you. It's a boy"
Narcissa turned to her husband to find support, but also to explain herself. She had promised him a son.
"Lucius, he's wrong. I'm having a little boy, you don't need to worry"
Narcissa felt how her heart beat faster. She couldn't have a daughter. She had to be guaranteed a son; she couldn't be blamed for the Malfoy family's downfall! It was her duty to fortify the earth with another son of the name of Malfoy.
"How dare you concern my husband with this nonsense?" She hissed at the Healer, who simply gave her a humble smile in return. She was getting angry.
Lucius looked concerned. His beady eyes went from the healer to Narcissa, from Narcissa to her belly. Eventually, he seemed to have made up his mind about the matter.
"Worry me? Why would be worried?"
Lucius beamed. His eyes suddenly glowed brighter than she had ever seen them; he actually had a smile on his lips. He didn't smile in front of others, if they weren't Death Eaters or influential enough to be worthy of the famous Malfoy-sneer.
She worried in so many ways. She was worried for the child growing inside her, what world her daughter would have to enter. She was worried for her husband, he worked hard and she hardly ever saw him anymore. And she worried for herself. Narcissa knew that Lucius was happy about them having a baby girl, but she also knew that he expected her to bestow him a son once their first child was born.
The baby inside her was a miracle. Its existence was magical. Narcissa had been blessed with carrying it underneath her heart. She doubted that she would be able to bring another child to earth. She hadn't succeeded the first time, and her pregnancy was nothing but lucky.
To keep herself from worrying too much, Narcissa arranged parties and events at the manor almost every week. Lucius was rarely there, but Narcissa didn't mind. She had grown used to his absence.
The bump on her belly had grown bigger than ever, she was soon to give birth to their daughter. Many women hated their pregnancy, but Narcissa embraced it. She glowed. To be honest, she had never felt so beautiful. The baby inside her witnessed of not only her fertility, but of Lucius' love for her. When he didn't spend time with her, she sometimes closed her eyes and put her hands on her stomach. She was carrying his child, a living soul with a heart a pumping Malfoy-blood.
This very evening, Narcissa had decided to meet a few of her old Hogwarts friends in Diagon Alley for dinner. She was dressed in a dark blue dress, showing the world what state she was in. She wanted everyone to know about her unborn baby.
"Lysandra, darling, smile a little, will you?"
Her red-haired friend had never looked so dull. Her brown eyes just tiredly met Narcissa's.
"I'm sorry" She murmured, "I'm just a bit distracted. I haven't heard from Regulus since your wedding"
Narcissa stiffened. She was about to answer, but Troian came to her rescue.
"Get over it, Lysa! He broke up with you, that's how it is, get over yourself"
"I know, I know! Merlin, believe me, I know! The thing is he didn't really seem to be himself, you know. Cissy, have you heard from him?"
Narcissa cleared her throat, took a sip from her water. The restaurant was a fancy affair, and it was a shame she couldn't drink wine. They had just ordered their food, and Narcissa had settled on lobster after half-an-hour of shilly-shallying.
"Yes, he seems to do well" Narcissa lied. She was a fantastic liar. It was in her veins, lying was second nature for a pureblood. "He writes to me as often as possible. He's in South Africa, actually, exploring the old Mapungubwean society"
Yes, he would have liked that. It was exactly the type of thing that Regulus would enjoy.
"Oh…"
They didn't speak of her cousin for the rest of the evening. They tried to act like in the old days, but things had changed. The distance between the girls was sadly obvious. Narcissa felt as if it wasn't for the baby inside her, their reunion would have been a much happier business. But they kept the mask on, smiling and laughing, but it wasn't the same.
When the night had started to fall over Diagon Alley, and all of their plates were empty, a red-haired woman entered the restaurant. She didn't fit in, she wore hand-me-down robes, her hair in mad curls and her eyes shone watery and red. She couldn't be very much older than Narcissa herself, but she looked like she had lived a thousand years already. She didn't recognize the woman, but something was familiar about her chubby figure.
"My brothers!" She cried as she violently made her way towards Narcissa's table. "What have you done?!"
Narcissa stared at the stranger in front of her. What was she talking about?
"I can assure you, I haven't been anywhere near your brothers" She said, her upper lip curling in disgust.
Who was this woman, and what made her believe that she had the right to talk to her, Narcissa Malfoy, and what on earth had made the woman think that she could just come in to this restaurant, interrupt a wonderful dinner, and accuse her of something she had had nothing to do with?
"Your husband," The woman roared in her face, spit coming from her mouth, landed on Narcissa's cheek. Two guards came running towards her, started dragging her out of the restaurant. "…is a monster! A monster, do you hear me?!"
As the two wizards forced her out, Narcissa took up a napkin from her handbag, silently dried away the spit from her face.
Your husband is a monster.
"Narcissa, are you alright?"
Your husband is a monster.
"Who was that?"
Your husband is a monster.
"Molly Weasley. I've heard her brothers have been killed.
Your husband is a monster.
