In the morning Tony woke up by the ringing of his alarm clock. He looked at it. It's 6am. His arms were still wrapped around Ziva. He looked at her. She sleeps peacefully. 'Finally' he thought. She woke 2times up the last night. He put his arms away and stood up. He went in the bathroom and took a shower. After 10minutes he went in the kitchen and drank a coffee. Then came Gibbs.
"Ready for work, DiNozzo?", Gibbs asked him.
"Ziva's still sleeping.", Tony replied.
"Then wake her up!", Gibbs said a bit angry. They went to Ziva. She laid on the bed, her head in the pillow and her curly, brown hair covered her face. One arm is under the blanket and the other rested next to the pillow.
"Gibbs, I don't want to wake her up. She woke up 2times last night and now she sleeps peacefully."
"Fine, DiNozzo. Stay with her, but when she wakes up you give her her IV. And then you come to work with her."
"Yes, boss.", Tony answered. Gibbs left the house and drove to the NCIS. Tony laid back down next to Ziva and held her hand. He laid next to her for two hours and just watched how she sleeps. He stroke her hair and listened to her breath. She breathed calmly and after she turned around still sleeping, she breathed calmly against his neck. He smiled. Then she mumbled something Tony couldn't understand. She opened her eyes.
"Morning.", he cheered.
"Morning, Tony.", She replied.
"Have you slept well?", he asked her.
"After the nightmares stopped, yes I did.", she answered him and sat up.
"You need your IV.", Tony told her. She rolled her eyes.
"But first I need a shower."
"Okay." Tony went down to take the IV and Ziva went in the bathroom to take a shower. After 30minutes she came back in her room. She went on the scale and took her blood pressure. Tony wrote the results down. Then he gave her the IV. She laid on the bed and looked at Tony.
"What time is it?", she asked.
"9am.", he answered.
"Why are you here and not at work? Gibbs will kill you!", She asked confused.
"He won't. He wanted that you lie in. And I did too. You need your sleep and I didn't wanted to let you alone.", he explained her and laid down next to her. He put her head and rested it on his chest. She smiled at him. He petted her back and she closed her eyes.
"I don't deserve this, Tony.", she said after a short time.
"You do! And you shouldn't care about Saleem!" She looked at him with a 'you-know' look.
"Yes, I know, Ziva. Don't listen to this bastard. He's a liar! You deserve to be happy. Everyone does! You're not fat, stupid or ugly. You're the most beautifulest women I've ever met! But you could weight a bit more!", he told her and smiled at her
"You're perfect to me, Ziva." He looked in her dark brown hopeful but fearful eyes.
"I love you, Ziva.", he said as his head came closer to hers. She looked in his deep green eyes. Then finally they touched each other's lips. It was a passionately and fiery kiss. Then they pulled apart for air. Both smiled at each other. Through Zivas mind came so many flashbacks.
"What are you thinking about?", Tony asked her still looking in her eyes.
"The last goodbye. Tel Aviv.", she told him and a tear rolled down her cheek.
"Ani ohevet otach, mami.", she mumbled to Tony.
"I love you, too, Sweet cheeks." They laid next to each other for around 15minutes till Tonys phone rang. He answered the call and after a short conversation he told Ziva they have to go. It was Gibbs. They stood up, Tony removed the IV and went to the car. They drove to the NCIS.
In the elevator Ziva seemed pretty nervous so Tony asked her what she has.
"What is?"
"Nothing, it's just I wasn't here for a long time and...", she started to explain, but was interrupted by a kiss from Tony.
"Hey, calm down. It's not that you were dead and then risen from the dead."
"I guess, you are right." the elevator door opened and they came out. All we're sitting in their desks. Ellie, McGee even Gibbs. Gibbs stood up as he saw them walking in the bullpen. He smiled as he saw, she's fine. She came too him.
"How are you?", he asked her.
"I'm fine, Gibbs.", he answered and he nodded. McGee looked up as he heard them talking. He went to Ziva.
"Hey, Ziva.", he said cheery.
"Hey, McGee.", she said happily. They hugged each other.
"DiNozzo, McGee you've work to do.", Gibbs said in the same old creepy sound. Tony and McGee sat behind their desks and worked. Gibbs lead Ziva in a room with a couch, so she could lay down. She laid down.
"I want you to stay here today. I'll look after you.", he told her strictly and she nodded. Gibbs left.
Ziva laid on a couch in the NCIS building. Gibbs looked after her all 2hours. This time came Tony.
"Hey.", she said as she saw him walking in. He went to her and knee next to her.
"How are you?", he asked and grabbed her hand.
"I'm fine, Tony, just bored. Gibbs doesn't allowed me to do something.", Ziva said disappointed.
"He's just worried about you, Zi, that's something good. He doesn't want that you hurt or something like that.", he tried to calm her down.
"Okay, I guess, you are right."
"I can ask Abby if she wants to come to you.", he suggests.
"Okay, but before you do that, please remove the IV.", He betted.
"Okay.", he removed her IV and kissed her, then he left. After around 10minutes Abby came in. She ran excitedly. She came to her and hugged her with one of her famous Abby-hugs.
"Ziva, why are you here? What happened to you? Are you okay?!", she asked worried.
"Abby, calm down I'm fine."
"But why are you here?"
"Gibbs idea not mine!", she answered.
"Oh, I understand." They talked for awhile, but Abby doesn't believe Ziva that she's fine.
"You're not fine, right? I mean, if you are fine Gibbs would have no reason to let you here. What's going on, Ziva?", Abby asked worried.
"Nothing, Abby I'm fine!" Then opened the door and Gibbs came in.
"Gibbs, she's not fine, is she? What's with her?!", Gibbs asked with her puppy-dog eyes and Ziva looked at him with her Mossad-ninja-kill eyes. Gibbs laughed.
A bit later he went next to Ziva and kneed down. He checked her pulse.
"What's with you, Ziva?", Abby asked worried but a bit afraid.
"She isn't fine, but it's her decision to tell you or not.", Gibbs said. He stood up and told Ziva she should drink something, then he left.
"Ziva...", Abby began, but Ziva interrupted her
"Abby, I passed out.", she began.
"Why?", Abby wanted to know.
"I didn't are something for too long."
"Oh my god, Ziva! Why haven't you eat?"
"I'm fat.", she finally said. Abby hugged her and repeated a few times
"You're not fat, Ziva!" After awhile rang Abby's phone. She answered the call.
"Yea?"
"Abby, we found new evidence, come down!"
"Okay, on my way."
She hang the call off.
"Ziva I'm sorry but I've to go." Ziva nodded and Abby left. Ziva laid on the couch and was bored.
Then opened the door and Ellie came in.
"Hey, Gibbs said I shall bring you this.", she said and gave Ziva a bottle of water. She smiled.
"I'm Ellie by the way."
"I'm Ziva, nice to meet you."
"Yea, nice to meet you too. So ehhm what are you doing here?", she asked Ziva.
"Gibbs didn't want to let me alone, so he took me with him to work.", She explained.
"You're my predecessor, aren't you?", Ellie asked her.
"Yes, I am. And how is it?", Ziva asked.
"You left big footprints behind you.", Ellie smiled. She sat down on a chair and they talked till Gibbs came in and reclaimed Ellie for work. So Ziva was alone again.
In the evening came Tony.
"C'mon, Ziva. Lets go home.", he said and smiled. She smiled back as she heard that and stood up. They went to Gibbs and drove at Gibbs'. Ziva laid down on the couch and Gibbs came to her and wanted to give her the IV.
"Don't Gibbs.", she betted.
"The IV or food. It's your decision. Make one!", he told her and left, so she could think about it.
Tony and Gibbs were in the kitchen cooking rice. Ziva was in the living room. Gibbs gave her two options. Either she eats the food or she get the IV. She didn't want both, but she had to choose. After a few minutes she made a decision. She went in the kitchen.
"You want to eat?", Gibbs asked her carefully and she nodded slowly. As the rice where ready, they sat down and began to eat, respectively Tony and Gibbs began to eat. Ziva starred at the food for a long time. Then she took the spoon and moved it through the rice. She moved it to her mouth and chewed the rice slowly. Gibbs and Tony smiled at each other. They were delighted. After they finished eating including Ziva, they stood up and Tony cleaned the table. Gibbs went down to build his boat and Ziva went up in the bathroom. She sighed and undressed her sweatpants. Sitting on the floor she took the knife in her hand. Not really sure she held the knife in her hand, but then came to her mind that she ate the rice earlier. She cut her thigh off. It was a deep and long cut. She sat there watching how the blood dropped down and cut another time.
Tony went through the house searching for Ziva. Finally he came in the bathroom where he saw Ziva cutting. Shocked he stood in the door. Then he went to her, picked her up and carried her to the bed. He laid her down.
"Gibbs, we need dressing.", he yelled through the house and Gibbs ran as fast as he could up to them with the dressing. He came in the room and saw Ziva laying on the bed with bleeding sighs. Tony sat next to her trying to stop the bleeding with a towel. Gibbs went to them. They disinfected the cuts and bandaged the wounds. Tony covered her up. Gibbs and Tony left the room and Gibbs get mad. They yelled at each other and Ziva heard them. After 30minutes Tony came in the bedroom and laid down next to Ziva. He saw a tear rolling down her cheek. He wrapped his arms around her, but she pulled away.
"I just want to help you, Sweet cheeks.", Tony told her carefully.
"You can't help me.", he answered him depressed.
"I can you just have to let me."
"You can't, I'm, I'm broken.", she began to cry. He put his hand on her arm.
"Broken things can get fixed.", he tried to win her over.
"But not all. Sometimes it's too late.", she turned around and looked in his arms.
"It's too late, Tony.", she said still crying.
"Let me try it.", he said calmly, came slowly closer and kissed her lips.
"We'll find a way!", he smiled and kissed her once more. She looked in his deep, green eyes and he in hers. He could see a glimmer of hope in her eyes and that made him smile. He wrapped his arms around her and they fell fast asleep. Ziva sleept the whole night without nightmares. She just mumbled sometimes something in Hebrew and Tony woke up as she did this. He didn't say something, he was happy that she slept without nightmares and just listened to her voice even if he couldn't understand it. In the morning he woke up by the ringing of his alarm clock. He turned it off and looked at ZIva. She's still sleeping. He stood up and went in the bathroom. He wanted to take a shower but as he saw the blood on the floor, he wiped it off. Then he took a shower. After that he went with Gibbs through the whole house and took all sharp things like knifes and razor blades away. They put it in the cellar which will be closed, so Ziva can't hurt herself. He came in the bedroom and Ziva was about to wake up. He went to her. As she opened her eyes, she saw him sitting next to her. She smiled.
"Morning.", Tony said and smiled back.
"Morning, Tony."
"You slept well?", he asked her and she nodded.
"I need a shower.", she said and stood up.
"And then you change your bandage!", he said to her as she went in the bathroom. She undressed her clothes and looked at her sighs. She sighs and hopped into the shower. As the water fell on her cuts it started bleeding again. She went out and wrapped a towel around her. She toweled herself and bandaged her sighs again. Then she dressed some clothes on. Underpants, a black sweatpants, a bra and a gray sweater. Then she went down to Tony and Gibbs in the kitchen. Tony and Gibbs drank coffee and talked. That means Tony talked and Gibbs listened. As Ziva came in they looked at her. Gibbs went to her and kissed her forehead.
"How are you?", he asked her.
"I'm fine.", she answered and Tony gave her a cup of coffee. She sat down on a chair and drank the warm coffee. After they drank, they went to the car. They drove to Ziva's therapist and then Gibbs and Tony drove to work. Ziva checked in unwilling. She went in the waiting room and waited.
Tony and Gibbs drove to the Navy Yard while Ziva was at the therapist. They went to work finishing the old case. Zivas case. As they arrived McGee and Ellie were already waiting for them. They thought they knew who was it in the bank. And so they saved the case. Then they had to do paperwork. Things they all hate. But they did it. After 2hours Tony left to bring Ziva home. He arrived at her therapists and she was already waiting for him. She came in the car and they drove at Gibbs'.
"Are you sure you want to be alone?", he asked her carefully.
"Yes, I am. Bye.", She answered and went out of the car. Tony drove back to work.
"How is she?", Gibbs asked as he came in the bullpen.
"I don't know. She didn't say something and I didn't want to ask her.
"Okay" they went back to work.
Ziva is at home. She tried to sleep because she was very tired. But she couldn't. She had horrible nightmares about Saleem and Somalia. She stood up and went outside. She stood in Gibbs garden. After awhile of standing there her clothes and hair were totally soaked by the rain. But she didn't care.
'Don't let them in, don't let them see... Be the good girl you always have to be... Conceal, don't feel... Don't let them know... Let it go, Let it go... Turn away and slam the door... I don't care... The cold never bothered me anyway... I'm free, Let it go, Let it go... I am one with the wind and sky... Let it go, Let it go... You'll never see me cry... Here I stand... And here I'll stay... Let the storm rage on... I'm never going back, the past is in the past... Let it go, Let it go... Here I stand... In the light of day... Let the storm rage on... The cold never bothered me anyway...' She said to herself and replied it a few times. She stood there in the cold wind and rain and the time flied.
After awhile came Gibbs and Tony home. They parked the car and saw Ziva standing in the garden freezing. Gibbs went in and Tony to her. He wanted to put his hand on her shoulder, but she said
"Don't touch me." so he didn't.
"Ziva, come in. You're freezing and soaked.", he told her but she didn't react. Then came Gibbs out. He had a blanket in his hands and wrapped it around Ziva.
"Ziva, come in.", he told her.
"No, I don't.", she answered him.
"But you're freezing. C'mon!", Gibbs tried to bring her in.
"The cold never bothered me anyway.", she mumbled to herself so Tony and Gibbs couldn't understand her. Gibbs hold her and leaded her in. He sat her down in the couch and Tony sat next to her. Gibbs grabbed another blanket and wrapped it also around Ziva. Then he turned the fire on. He sat on the other side from Ziva and together they tried to calm her down and they wanted to know why she was doing all the things she did.
Ziva sat on the couch and Gibbs and Tony next to her. They tried to find out what happened to her.
"Ziva, what happened?", Tony asked and put his hand on her shoulder. But she pulled away.
"Don't touch me!", she yelled.
"Okay, but tell me, Zi.", he tried it. She ignored him.
"Tony, let her. Go out.", Gibbs said and so did Tony. As Gibbs was alone with Ziva he sat next to her and rubbed her back.
"What's up?", he asked her.
"Nothing.", she answered and wanted to stand up, but Gibbs hold her back.
"Tell me, Ziva."
"I, I can't.", she sobbed.
"You can. I'm listen. All I want is to help you and Tony wants to help you, too.", he said calmly.
"I don't need your help!", she said mad and looked down. They sat there on the couch for a bit. Ziva crossed her legs, 2blankets were wrapped around her an she starred at the floor. Gibbs just sat next to her and waited till she calmed down. After 30minutes he asked her once more.
"You want to tell me?"
"Where should I begin?", she asked him and looked up at him.
"What about the beginning?! When does it starts? When did you stopped eating and began cutting?", he wanted to know. She looked back down.
"A, After Somalia.", she began to cry and Gibbs wrapped his arms around her and held her like this. She pulled him away and stopped crying.
"It's okay to cry, Ziva."
"It's not." , She answered quickly. He wrapped his arms around her once more and put her head against his chest.
"It is! Let it out! Forget what you're father has told you! It is past!", He let her cry and they sat there for a few hours.
After 3hours Tony came back in the living room. He looked at them and smiled. 'Father and daughter' he thought. Gibbs looked at him.
"Take her.", he whispered to Tony and Tony nodded. He sat next to Ziva and Tony wrapped his arms around her in place of Gibbs. She leaned her head against his chest.
"I'm here for you.", he whispered. After awhile he leaned his head against her and stroke her hair.
"Why?", she asked him.
"Because I love you!", he whispered in her ear. She looked up at him. They started in each other's eyes till they came closer and finally their lips met. But Ziva pulled away.
"I, I can't. I'm sorry.", she was about to stand up, but Tony held her arm.
"Why not?", he asked her.
"Tony, the, the first thing I've learnt before I learnt to speak and walk was if you show emotion to someone you'll get hurt."
"What has your father done?", he asked a bit shocked.
"He beat us kids every time we showed emotions. We, we were just a few months old.", she began to cry and Tony was even more shocked. He hold her and kissed her forehead.
"It's past, Ziva. It doesn't matter what your father said. He wasn't good for you.", he calmed her down. Then he took her head between his hands and she looked at him.
"I love you, Ziva.", He said her, came closer to him and kissed his lips.
"I love you, too, Tony.", a tear rolled down her cheek, but she wiped it away. They kissed each other passionately.
