Tony had his arms wrapped around Ziva. Her head leaned against his chest and his head is on hers. He petted her back as Gibbs came in.
"Dinner is ready.", Gibbs said and left. Ziva looked at Tony.
"You eat.", he said to her.
"I can't, Tony. I'm fat.", she began to cry but stopped as soon as she noticed she cried. Tony wiped her tears away.
"You eat, Ziva. You're not fat. Please eat something. Do it for me, Zi." She sighed.
"Are you coming?", Gibbs asked and the came and sat down. Gibbs cooked pasta and they ate it even Ziva. She didn't eat much only a little twerp. After eating Ziva went in the scale and Tony took her blood pressure. Then they went to bed. Ziva rested her head on his shoulder and soon they fell asleep. The slept for a few hours, but then Ziva got a nightmare. She dreamed about Saleem and Somalia. then she woke up and sat up. She breathed heavily. Tony woke up aswell as he heard her. She sat up too and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.
"Go back sleeping!", Ziva said to Tony.
"Hey, have you had a nightmare?", he asked her carefully and she nodded. He wrapped his arm around her.
"Tony, I need to get some fresh air."
"Okay, I come with you."
"You don't need to!"
"But I do!" They stood up and went out in Gibbs' garden. Ziva stood there and didn't move. Tony came from behind, wrapped his arms around her and kissed her neck. She smiled and forgot about Somalia for a moment.
"It was about Somalia, wasn't it?", he asked. She took a deep breath.
"It was. It is all the time."
"Oh Ziva, I'm sorry. Just tell me if there's something I can do for you."
"There isn't something. I, I just want to forget it, but I can't. Just, just hold me." Tony held her in his arms for awhile and then woke Gibbs up. He went down in the kitchen to make some coffee and saw Tony and Ziva standing outside. He opened the door.
"Hey you two, want some coffee?", he asked. They looked at him surprised.
"What time is it?", Tony asked.
"Around 6", Gibbs answered and Tony and Ziva grinned at each other. Tony kissed her lips and they went in. Gibbs made 3coffee for them and they drank it.
"Since when were you outside?", Gibbs asked them.
"I don't know, we slept a few hours and then I had a nightmare and needed fresh air. Maybe 3hours.", Ziva explained and Tony grabbed her hand as he noticed that it was hard for her to talk about the nightmare.
"It's okay, Zi!", Tony told her and she nodded. then they left for work. Ziva laid down in the couch at the NCIS and the rest of the team worked.
After Ziva slept a bit she woke up by another nightmare. She called Tony.
"Tony come!", she said sleepy.
"On my way.", He answered and hang the call off.
"Ziva?", Gibbs asked and Tony nodded.
"Seems like she had another nightmare.", Tony answered and Gibbs nodded. Then Tony left. He opened the door and saw Ziva laying on the couch, she looked at him as he came in.
"Hey, what's up?", he asked.
"I dreamed."
"Somalia?", he asked and she nodded. They talked a bit. Tony tried that Ziva forget about it.
"Tony? Why am I always dreaming about Somalia?", she asked. He put his hand on her cheek and petted her cheek with his thumb.
"I don't know, Zi. What happened there?", he questioned.
"Nothing", she said quickly and looked away.
"Hey, it's okay. You don't have to tell me.", he tried to calm her down.
"I want to tell you. I really do, but I can't." A tear rolled down her cheek.
"Hey, come here.", he hugged her and she leaned her head against his shoulder and cried. He petted her back.
"Shhh. I'm here. Everything is going to be okay.", he replied a few times. She looked in his eyes. She put his hands around his neck and came closer. Then they kissed.
"I, I love you", Ziva whispered and Tony smiled.
"I love you, too. Your my everything.", he replied. Both smiled.
"I want to help you as good as I can. I'm here for you, always. Just tell me what you need, Zi.", Tony said sensitively. Her head rested on his chest and her hand leaned against it. She looked up in his green, kind eyes.
"I need another kiss.", she said and both began to smiled. Tony kissed her passionately. After awhile they pulled apart for air. Ziva had a big smile on her mouth. It wasn't just a forced smile, it was a real smile. A smile which came from her heart. Tony noticed it, kissed her forehead and petted her back.
Then came Gibbs in.
"Lets go home.", Gibbs said. They drove home. Ziva went in the living room, laid down on the couch with a book. Tony went in the kitchen to cook dinner and Gibbs went down in his basement. Gibbs looked up as he heard someone coming down the steps. He saw a crying Ziva. He put the saw away and went to her.
"Gi-i-ibbs.", she cried. She sat down on the floor and leaned against the wall. Gibbs sighed and sat next to her. She rested her head on his shoulder and he wrapped his arm around her.
"Ziva, what is?"
"So-Somalia.", she said quietly. Gibbs looked at her.
"Your nightmares?", he asked and she nodded.
"Tony, he, he wants to, to help me, but I, I can't tell him.", she stuttered.
"You don't have to tell him."
"I know, but, but I want. I just don't know how.", Ziva cried and Gibbs rubbed her back.
"Take as much time as you need. I'm sure Tony will understand."
"Sure he will, but I won't. Almost 5years ago and I can't even talk about it. I just have nightmares almost every night. Gibbs, I don't want that anymore. I can't do that anymore." She stood up and was about to go up, but Gibbs stopped her.
"Stay here! I know what you want to do.", Gibbs said worried. She looked at him.
"Gibbs, I can't. You don't know how it is to go through this hell every night.", she yelled. Gibbs went to her and hold her. She sobbed.
"You have to let me go.", she cried into his shoulder.
"Not a second time. I don't let you go, Ziva. How can you expect that?"
"Because I'm broken, Gibbs. I can't. It's a horror every night."
"We will help you, Ziva. But don't say something like that again." He held her till she stopped crying and Tony yelled after then because the food is ready. Ziva wipe her tears away and they went up. Sitting on the table Tony looked asking at Gibbs as he saw Ziva's swollen and red eyes from crying. Gibbs just looked at him with a don't-ask look. And so Tony didn't asked. After they ate, Gibbs cleaned up the table and Tony and Ziva went up. Ziva changed clothes and laid with a book on the bed. The only problem is that she couldn't concentrate. She thought about Somalia. How she can tell Tony what exactly happened there and what his reaction would be. Tony laid next to her on the bed and starred at the ceiling. He wants to know what happened in Somalia. He wants to help his Ziva and he want stopping her nightmares. After 1hour they fell both asleep.
A few hours later Ziva got nightmares. She shot up and sat on the bed breathing heavily. She looked around. The light was turned off, outside it was dark and Tony laid next to her still sleeping. She took the blanket away and turned the nightlight on. Slowly she got her breath back. One food already on the floor she wanted to stand up, but someone held her arm. She looked at it and as she saw Tony holding her arm she looked at him. He raised one eyebrow.
"Really? I thought we've already talked about that!", he said sleepy, but forced.
"I don't know what you mean.", she answered and wanted to stand up, so Tony held her arm even more.
"I'm not stupid, Ziva. I know what you want to do. But you won't cut again! I won't let that happen. Stay here. You won't get out of this bed until in the morning.", he told her strictly and pulled her back in the bed. She sighed. Tony wrapped one arm around her and with the other he stroke her hair.
"Sleep. I'm here. I take care about you.", he said quietly and Ziva drifted into a nightmare-less sleep. He smiled as her eyes closed and fell asleep too.
In the morning Tony woke up in an empty bed. He looked around and then he saw light in the bathroom. He stood up and went to the bathroom. Ziva stood there in front of the mirror looking at her reflection. Her hands rested on the washbowl. In front of her hands laid a sharp and shiny razor blade. She looked at her reflection and thought how ugly she became. Memories flashed through her mind. 'Her childhood. She playing with Ari and Tali. Her mother. How she started working for Mossad and how it changes her mind. NCIS. Her family who care about her. Somalia. How her father sent her to Saleem.' She looked down at the razor blade. She wanted to take it in her hands, but then arms wrapped around her. She horrified.
"You forgot a memory. Me.", he whispered in her ear as it would be normal to know what she's thinking. Then he kissed her neck. Ziva looked in the mirror. Starring at Tony's reflection which is kissing her. He took her hands and moved them away from the razor blade.
"You don't need things like that.", he said calmly. He turned her around and wrapped his arms around her. She came closer to him and finally their lips touched in a passionately kiss. Nobody wanted to let go of each other but then they pulled apart for air. Both smiled. But then she stopped.
"Why?", she asked and looked in his eyes.
"Because I love you.", he answered and she began to smile again. She wrapped her arms around him and rested her head on his shoulder. A tear rolled down her cheek and she hoped Tony didn't noticed, but he did. One hand still on her hip he moved the other up and held her head. He kissed her head.
"Hey, what's bothering you, Sweet cheeks?", he asked caring. She looked in his eyes, a smile flashed over her face.
"Nothing.", she answered and put her head back down on his shoulder. This time he believed her. He smiled. They stood there for a long time, Nobody wanted to move. Ziva smiled. She smiled the whole time and she's glad she didn't cut. After forever she looked in his eyes once more still wrapping her arms around him. He looked in hers.
"You bewared me from cutting.", she said amazed. Tony just nodded.
"And I will beware you the next time. You deserve so much more.", he added knowing what she wanted to say. He rubbed her back and after a few more minutes he told her that they should get ready and so they did. Ziva took a shower and Tony changed clothes. Then they went down in the kitchen and made coffee, also for Gibbs. He then came down and wondered that they were already up.
"You feel better?", he asked Ziva.
"I do.", she answered, Gibbs nodded and kissed her forehead. She gave him his cup of coffee and they drank it in silence. Then they drove to work. Tony and Gibbs went to work and Ziva up in the extra room laying down on the couch.
Gibbs came in to Ziva. She looked up at him.
"You need to see your therapist.", he said calmly.
"No, I hate her. I don't want to see her. And it doesn't help at all.", Ziva answered almost yelling. So Gibbs left. He went down to McGee.
"McGee, I need a phone number."
"Yes boss from?"
"Rachel Cranston", he answered and McGee looked amazed at him. But knowing that Gibbs would get mad if he doesn't searched the number he started. Also Tony looked amazed at Gibbs.
"Kate's sister? Why?", Tony asked him. Gibbs just looked at him with his you-know look and so Tony went back to work.
"Gibbs, I've the number.", McGee said a bit later. He gave Gibbs the number and Gibbs called her.
"Dr. Cranston", the women on the phone answered the call.
"Yea, we need you at the NCIS.", Gibbs told her and hang the call off, so she couldn't reply something. Gibbs left to buy another coffee. As he came back in the bullpen Rachel was already waiting for him.
"Gibbs, why am I here?", she asked confused. Gibbs pointed with his finger up the stairs and went up. Rachel followed him. On their way Leon saw them. He asked what she's doing here. She just said she doesn't know because it's the truth. They arrived in front of a door.
"I go if you don't tell me why I am here!", she said angrily.
"Ziva.", Gibbs answered simply.
"I thought she is in Israel.", Rachel was confused.
"She's here and she didn't eat the last moths and she's still cutting. She doesn't want to see her therapist so I called you.", Gibbs explained and Rachel was shocked.
"And now I shall talk to her?!", she asked still shocked.
"Exactly.", Gibbs answered opened the door and left. He went down to Abby. Ziva looked at the open door and saw Rachel standing there. Rachel came slowly in.
"Gibbs called you, didn't he?", Ziva asked annoyed.
"He did.", Rachel answered and Ziva mumbled siómething in Hebrew to herself.
"You can go. I'm fine.", Ziva told Rachel.
"If this what Gibbs told me about you is true, you're definitely not fine.", she said to ZIva with a strict but helpful look. She grabbed a chair and sat down next to Ziva. Ziva laid on the couch looking at the ceiling and her hands were resting on her stomach.
"I'm here to help you. So let me help you.", Rachel said calmly.
"Nobody can help me. The pain doesn't end.", Ziva said frustrated.
"We try it. So maybe you tell me when it began. When have you stopped eating and started cutting?", Rachel asked still calmly.
"After Somalia.", Ziva answered and her voice cracked as she said the last word.
"Well, what happened there? II want to hear the whole story, but only if you want to tell me.", Rachel asked and made some notes.
"Only if you're not going to tell Tony or anyone else.", Ziva said with her Mossad-ninja-kill look.
"I'm not going to tell anyone. You can trust me."
"Well, my father sent me to Somalia for a mission. I can't talk about details. I was there alone. I sent my partner back home earlier because he was injured. I was almost done as they've caught me. I was taken as a prisoner for almost 4months. Then came Tony, McGee and Gibbs to save me and they brought me back home.", Ziva explained uneasy.
"May I ask what happened as you were taken as a prisoner?"
"Saleem, he tortured me every day. I've still a lot of scars from the knife he used. He called me names nobody should ever hear.", Ziva said the first word quietly almost whispering and she gulped her tears back.
"But there happened something more, didn't it?"
"He, He raped me. Often. Almost every day and after he was done he called me hoe." Ziva stood up and left the room. She went in the ladies room, sat on the floor and cried. Her arms wrapped around her legs and her head was resting on her knees. Rachel followed her and Tony saw it, so he followed aswell. Tony looked as Rachel and signaled her to leave the room. so she did. Tony sat next to Ziva on the floor and wrapped his arms around her. After awhile just crying she put her head on Tonys shoulder and Tony held her head.
"It's okay. I'm here, Sweet cheeks."
"Nothing is okay, Tony. It will never stop haunting me.", Ziva sobbed.
"Well, let me help you. Just tell me what you need, Zi.", Tony said with a caring and calming voice.
"I want to tell you what happened in Somalia.", Ziva whispered to him. He looked at her amazed. He thought she would never tell him.
"Just take as much time as you need. I'm always here.", he kissed her hair and she nodded.
"Saleem", she began "He beat me and tortured me everyday. But there happened something more.", she took a deep breath "He raped me.", she said quickly and quietly. Tony was shocked. He knew Ziva went through hell but he never thought about that. He was pretty shocked and unable to speak. After he got his composure back he pressed closer against him."
"I, I didn't know, Ziva. I'm so sorry for that. You don't deserve this. I'm so sorry.", he tried to calm her and himself down. They sat there on the floor unable to move. It was a shock for Tony and hard for Ziva to speak about it.
-meanwhile-
Rachel went in the bullpen where Gibbs waited for her.
"And?", he asked hoping for good news.
"Well, she talks to Tony at the moment.", she answered happily and Gibbs nodded.
"2times a week, doctor.", he told her.
"I think once a week is enough for her.", she answered and left. Gibbs went in the ladies room to look after Ziva but as he saw Tony holding his crying ninja he decided to let them alone. He left for another coffee. McGee and Ellie were sitting behind their desks looking at each other wondering what's going on.
