Rachel came back down to the bullpen.

"She still doesn't want to talk about it.", Rachel told Gibbs.

"How's she?", Gibbs asked.

"She's tired.", Rachel answered and Gibbs sighed. He went up to Ziva. She stood up as he came in. Gibbs went quickly to her as he saw that she felt dizzy. He held her and sat her back down.

"Be careful.", he told her and laid her back down. Then came Tony in. He saw Ziva. She tried to stand up as she saw Tony, but Gibbs stopped her.

"What is?", Tony asked Gibbs confused.

"Call Ducky.", Gibbs told him and so he did. After 5minutes came Ducky in. Tony and Gibbs sat next to her held her because she tried to stand up.

"Oh, Ziva, my dear, what's with you?", Ducky asked as he came to her.

"She feels dizzy.", Gibbs told him and Ducky nodded. Ducky kneed down next to her and checked her pulse.

"Her pulse is too low a doctor should do an echocardiogram.", Ducky explained.

"Can you do that, Ducky?", Tony asked.

"Down in the autopsy.", he told Tony. Tony picked Zia carefully up and carried her down. Then Ducky did an echocardiogram.

"Her heart is fine.", he said happily after he was finished.

"What is it then?", Tony asked. He stood behind Ziva's head and stroke her hair and forehead.

"She should eat and drink more, make sportive activities carefully and take time for standing up.", Ducky told him and Tony nodded. Tony helped Ziva to sit up carefully.

"Did you cut?", Ducky wanted to know and Ziva shook her head. Ducky smiled. After Ziva sat for 5minutes Tony helped her to stand up. He held her in the beginning and then she could walk alone. They went in the elevator where Gibbs waited already. Then they drove home. At home Ziva laid down on the couch and Tony went to her. He sat on the couch and put her head in his lap. They looked in each other's eyes. Tony stroke her hair.

"Everything is going to be okay.", Tony told her. She just looked in his eyes and said nothing.

"I love you, Tony.", she told him after awhile of silence. Tony started smiling as he heard that.

"I love you, too.", he replied, put his hand on her cheek, lifted her head a bit up and kissed her. She smiled during the kiss. Tony held her in his arms and whispered something in her ear what made her even more smile. She sat in her arms for about 30minutes and then yelled Gibbs and told them the dinner is ready. Tony helped Ziva to stand up and they went in the kitchen. They sat down on the chairs and Gibbs placed steaks on the table.

"I don't eat that.", Ziva said as she saw it. Gibbs sighed.

"What do you want?", he asked her.

"Something more healthier.", she answered. Gibbs stood up and cooked a bit rice for her. After it was ready they ate. Tony and Gibbs ate the steaks and Ziva only the rice. Then Gibbs cleaned the table up and went in his basement. Tony and Ziva went upstairs and Tony turned the TV on. He laid on the bed and Ziva came to him. She laid down next to him and Tony wrapped his arm around her. She rested her head on his shoulder and drifted slowly in a deep sleep. Tony watched his movie to the end, turned the TV off, kissed Ziva's forehead and fell asleep. In the night Ziva woke up by a nightmare. She breathed heavily and sat up.

"Tony, Tony.", she said as she shook him. He turned around and mumbled something before he opened his eyes. He saw Ziva sitting next to him with tears in her eyes. He rubbed his eyes and sat next to her. He rubbed her back.

"What is Sweet cheeks?", he asked her.

"Tony, hold me. I, I feel like cutting.", she stumbled. Tony wrapped his arms around her. He was worried about her, but at the same moment glad that she didn't cut. He held her in his arms and let her cry. After 2hours she fell asleep in his arms. He laid her down and covered her up. He wrapped his arms around her and fell asleep again. In the morning Ziva woke up by Tonys alarm clock. She turned around and woke Tony up.

"Hey, Sweet cheeks.", he mumbled as he sat up.

"Morning Tony.", she replied. Tony stood up and helped Ziva to sit up.

"Today is the court case.", Ziva noticed sadly.

"Yes. Hey, look at me. Everything is going to be okay.", Tony told her. Then he helped her up an held her in his arms.

"In a few hours it's over.", Tony whispered and Ziva nodded.

"And now get ready.", he told her and she took a shower. After she came out if the bathroom, Tony took a shower and got ready. Then they went down to the kitchen. They drank coffee and Gibbs handed Ziva something to eat.

"I'm not hungry.", Ziva replied.

"Ducky said you should eat more!", Gibbs said strictly and so she ate. Then they drove to the court where the lawyer, Ducky and the rest of the team were already waiting for them. Then they went in. After the court case they could left the building. They stood outside the building and the lawyer said good bye and left. Ziva hugged Ducky.

"Thank you so much.", she said delightedly in his arms.

"No cutting, Ziva.", Ducky told her.

"I promise.", Ziva replied and Ducky nodded. Then Tony put his arm around Ziva's waist and they went to their cars. Gibbs smiled at his girl. Ducky paid a ransom for Ziva and Raday Pazy got a long prison term for kidnapping and raping Ziva.

At home they sat down on the couch it was a late afternoon, so Gibbs went in the kitchen to cook something. Ziva sat on Tony's lap, Tony held her in his arms and kissed her neck. She rested her head on Tony's chest. They sat there for awhile holding hands. Then came Gibbs in.

"Food is ready.", he told them.

"I'm not hungry.", Ziva replied like always. Gibbs said nothing just looked at her with his 'Gibbs-look'. She she stood up and went to the table where the food was. They sat down and ate in silence. Ziva didn't want to eat, so she just ate a half of it. As she was finished and stood up Gibbs sighed. He cleaned the table and Tony followed Ziva. She was in the bathroom sitting down on the floor, Tony picked her up bridal style and carried her to the bed.

"Tony.", she screamed mad.

"Well, that's my name.", he replied with a childish grin in his face. Ziva hit Tony on the shoulder and wanted to go, but Tony held her.

"Stop. Don't go, Ziva.", he begged her and held her in his arms. She sat back down on the bed and Tony held her. They sat there for 10minutes and then Ziva started crying. Tears rolled down her cheeks and she struggled against Tony. He held her in his lap till she stopped.

"It's okay, Ziva. I'm here.", he calmed her down. She nodded slowly and rested her head on his shoulder. She closed her eyes and whined in Tony's arms.

"What was it?", he asked her carefully.

"I, I, I saw...saw a, a pic...picture of Sa, Saleem.", she stammered. Tony hugged her tighter.

"He's dead, Ziva, he can't hurt you anymore.", Tony whispered in her ear.

"I, I know, but why do I always see him?", she asked and looked in his eyes helplessly. Tony couldn't see hope in her eyes and that makes him so sad.

"I don't know, sweet cheeks. Try to forget him.", Tony told her.

"Tony, I do, but I can't. I hate him. I want to forget him.", she said almost yelling.

"I know. I know. We try it, okay? I want to help you.", Tony whispered and kissed her head. She nodded slowly, closed her eyes and tears were still streaming down her face. Tony had one arm wrapped around her and stroke her hair with the other. He kissed her hair and played with the hair.

"I love you, Zi.", he told her and kissed her neck. She didn't reply, she just turned her head to his and kissed his cheek. He laid back down and pulled her to him. She laid on top of him and he wrapped both arms around her.

"How do I deserve you?", she asked and looked in his deep green eyes.

"You deserve so much more, Zi. And I know you don't believe me, but it's the truth.", he told her and put her head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around her head, so she could only see him. She smiled as she notice what he tried. He smiled back.

"Now you can only see me. No Saleem."

She smiled. He leaned to him and kissed his lips. He kissed back. He rolled over her, so he's on top of her. He kissed her behind her ear and continued kissing her down her neck. He just stopped to undress her shirt. Then he continued.

"Wait. What about Gibbs?", she asked.

"He left earlier.", he answered and kissed her down her collarbone. She undressed his shirt and he unzipped her bra kissing her breast. She

moaned and he kissed down her stomach. She put her hands on his back and moved them down to his trousers. She opened his trousers and he undressed them. He undressed hers, so she's only in her panties and he in his boxers. He hands moved down and to his boxers and he undressed her panties. He kissed her more and more down.

"Stop! Tony, I, I'm sorry. I, I can't.", she said with tears in her eyes. Tony stopped and looked at her.

"It's okay, sweet cheeks.", he answered and laid down next to her. He covered her up.

"Could you let me alone, please?!", she asked. He nodded and dressed his clothes on.

"No cutting.", he told her before he left. She laid on the bed crying. Tony went down and sat in the couch staring at the roses. As he heard something, he stood up and went up. He saw Ziva taking a razor blade and sitting down on the floor. He watched her and saw how she was hesitating. After a long time just staring at the razor blade she lifted her shirt up which she dressed on after Tony left. Moving the razor blade to her skin Tony stopped her. He went to her and held her hands.

"Let it fall.", Tony told her strictly. She looked in his eyes an he said it another time. She looked down at the shiny blade. Breathing heavily she opened her hand and the blade fell down. She picked her up and carried her on the bed.

"Hit me.", he told her and she looked at him confused.

"Hit me.", he replied.

"What?", she asked still confused.

"Letting it out doesn't have to leave a scar.", he said "Hit me. Let go of your hate. Let it out.", he told her and lifted her chin with his fingers up, so she looked in his eyes.

"Hit me.", he whispered. She hit him with her fist. He nodded. She hit a second and a third time as hard as she could.

"Better?", he asked her after she was done. She nodded and Tony hugged her.

"I hurt you.", she noticed crying in his arm.

"Never mind.", he said quickly and rubbed her back with one hand and held her head with the other.

Ziva cried in Tony's shoulder till she fell asleep. Tony laid her down and covered her up. Then he laid next to her and held her in his arms till he fell asleep as well. Gibbs came back and saw Tony and Ziva laying on the bed through the open door. He looked at Ziva and suddenly she opened her eyes.

"Gibbs.", she said sleepily.

"Ziva, why aren't you sleeping?", he asked her.

"I had a nightmare.", she answered quickly and quietly. Gibbs went to her and laid her back down as she wanted to sit up.

"Try to sleep.", he told her and kissed her forehead. Then he left in his bedroom. Ziva cuddled next to Tony and starred at him. He was sleeping peacefully and that was annoying for her. All can sleep except her. She just has nightmares all the time. She sighed annoyed. After a few minutes of starring at the dark ceiling she stood up. She was about to go to the bathroom as she heard something. She turned around.

"Don't.", Tony said very sleepily.

"I need to. I can't sleep, I've nightmares. It needs to stop.", she said and went to the bathroom. Tony sighed, rubbed his eyes and stood up. He wrapped his arms around Ziva as she stood behind her in the bathroom. She ignored him and searched in the shelf for a razor blade.

"You can't ignore me.", he whispered in her ear and kissed her neck. He turned her around so she faced him and kissed her lips. His hand moving over her forehead to put the hair away. After the kiss she rested her head on his shoulder. He held her in his arms for a bit. Then he picked her up and carried her to the bed. He laid her back down and laid next to her.

"You need sleep, Zi.", he told her and covered her up. He wrapped his arms around her and came closer to her.

"I'm right here. Nobody can hurt you. I will never ever let someone hurt you.", he whispered to her and she fell asleep in his arms. He kissed her head and tried to fell back into sleep as well. A few hours his alarm clock said it was 7am. It's his free weekend, so he decided to stay with Ziva. She slept the last hours without any nightmares. He began playing with her hair. After one more hour she turned around, so she faced him.

"Morning beautiful.", Tony told her and kissed her.

"Morning Tony.", she answered and Tony smiled. Tony wanted to stand up, but she hold him.

"Stay here.", she said, opened her eyes and looked at him with puppy-dog eyes. Tony smiled.

"Well, when so a beautiful women want to stay in bed with me I can't say no.", he said, moved closer to her and wrapped his arms around her. She rested her head on his chest and closed the eyes again.

"Have you slept well?", he asked her, but didn't get an answer, so he looked at her and saw she fell asleep again. He smiled, rubbed her back and kissed her head. He laid there with the sleeping Ziva in his arms and imagined a wedding.

'I stand next to the aisle in a black tuxedo and look at the people. They aren't much. Just the NCIS-family, my dad and a few of my friends. No friends from Ziva. And Gibbs is missing, but of course only because he will lead Ziva to the aisle. And in this moment the doors at the end opened. Flower girl walked along the red carpet and let blooms fall down. They two girls are my friends daughters. Then came Ziva and Gibbs, her arm hooked into Gibbs and they walk to him. She looks so beautiful. I've never seen such a beautiful women before. The beautiful Ziva David, well in a few minutes she is the beautiful Ziva DiNozzo. They arrive at the isles. Gibbs kisses her forehead and sits down. Ziva stands in front of me and looked at me. We both smile.'

At the same time Siva dreams.

'I lay on the floor of a little, dark room. Saleem had just left after he tortured me. He has had a knife with him and now I lay here with new wounds. He knows where he has to cut, so that it hurts as much as possible, but can't kill me. My stomach bleeds and smarts. A tear rolls down my cheek as I think about Tony. 2months ago I left him and the team because Tony killed Michael. He told me he had no other choice, but I couldn't believe him. Now I'm here for more than 1 and a half month and I would forgive him. He is the love of my life. I know it since I saw him the first time all this years ago. I never told him and now I'm gonna die without telling him. Ziva why do you have to be so stupid! I say to myself. I calm a bit down and then opens the door. Saleem comes in laughing. "So my little slut we're gonna have some fun.", he tells me and began kissing my neck. He undresses me and then I lay in front of this bastard nakedly. He rapes me.'

Tony noticed Ziva having a nightmare. He sat up and shook her. She opened her eyes, but wasn't present. She starred at the ceiling and didn't move.

"Ziva, Ziva, hey. Sweet cheeks. I'm here. Saleem is dead! He can't hurt you.", Tony said to her almost screaming. Her eyes were still staring at the ceiling and she still didn't move. It was like she's no present, just her body is. Ten he got an idea. He kissed her carefully and his fingers moved over her body tenderly. He put her hair behind her ears and held her head with one hand as he kissed her. All at once she was back. Tony stopped and looked at her smiling. He helped her sitting up and held her.

"I'm here.", he told her as he held her in his arms. She looked at him dazedly. He put his hand on her cheek.

"Sa...Sa...a...leem.", she stammered and Tony held her tighter.

"He's dead. He can't hurt you anymore.", he tried to lam her down. With her hands she held herself on Tonys shirt. She was scared. She calmed slowly down as Tony talked to her.

"Tony, it, it felt so real.", she stammered after she calmed down.

"He raped you, didn't he?", he asked her carefully and she nodded. She put her hand on her stomach where she has still the scars from that day. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, then she opened them again and the first she saw was Tony. She smiled a bit.

"I love you."

"I love you too." They said and smiled.

Ziva was wrapped in Tony's arms. He held her and waited till she stopped sobbing. She looked up at him.

"What are we going to do today?", she asked him.

"I don't knkow, sweet cheeks, but I'm sure we find something to do, but first let us have breakfast.", Tony told her and they got up. They went down, Ziva ate something and both drank coffee.

"What about a walk Tony?", she asked him and he nodded.

"Then get ready.", he said and she stood up. She went up showering. After 45minutes she came back down where Tony was waiting for her in the living room. He stood up as he saw her and they left. I t was warm and sunny for a November day. They walked along the streets and it began to snow. Their fingers intertwined they walked through the already a bit white park. Ziva had white snowflakes in her curly dark brown hair. They came to a lake which wasn't frozen yet. They stopped. Tony put her head in his hands and Ziva smiled at him. He smiled back and they came closer to each other till their lips met. After they pulled apart for air, they smiled even more.

"Let's go home.", Tony said as he noticed it was already noon. Ziva nodded thankfully because she was a bit freezing. They walked back and it started snowing more havier. Thankfully they arrived at Gibbs' before the adviced storm started. Gibbs was at work, so they were alone. Tony went in the living room and made a fire. He laid down on the couch and asked Ziva to join him.

"Of course, but let me change into some comfy clothes first.", she answered and took the chairs up. A few minutes later she came back down in sweatpants and one of Tony's sweaters. He smiled as she laid down next to him. Her hair was still a bit wet from the snow. She moved under the blanket and closer to Tony. He ran his fingers through her hair and leaned in for a kiss. He laid on top of her and his hands moved under her sweater. He ran his hands up and down her back and a cold shiver ran down her spine, but she wanted it and so she let him continue. Tony noticed she didn't wear a bra and the next time he moved his hands down from her shoulders he moved slowly to Zivas other side. His hands came slowly, teasing her, to her breast. He started kissing her neck and massaged her breast what made her moan. Tony looked in her eyes asking if he could continue. She nodded and so he picked her up. He carried her to the bedroom bridal style. He brought her to the bed and climbed on top of her. His hands back under her sweater he moved them up from her stomach. He kissed her neck once and then whispered something in her ear that made her giggle. He loved to hear her giggling. He continued kissing her neck. Carefully he lofted the sweater over her head. He didn't want to make it too fast for Ziva, but as she took a short look at her he knew she wanted it too. He kissed her collarbone down to her breast still playing with them. She moaned as he touched her skin with his lips. With his hands he started undressing her sweatpants and Ziva lifted Tonys shirt over his head and threw it on the ground. Her hands on him moved down and opened his trousers. He dressed them off. His fingers ran along her sigh as he kissed from her belly button down. As he noticed Ziva was shivering he stopped and looked up. She struggled with herself.

"It's okay, Zi. We don't have to.", Tony said caring.

"No, Tony. I really want. It's just that I see...", her voice cracked at the end. Tears were in her eyes. Tony took her hands in his.

"It's okay, Sweet cheeks.", he tried to calm her down.

"No, Tony, I really want that, I just don't want to...", she stopped and another tear was to see in her eyes.

"Don't want what?", he asked her confused. She looked in his eyes.

"I don't want to have dreams about you...like, like I have about...Sa...Saleem.", she told him and a tear rolled down her cheek. He wiped it away with his thump.

"Wel, I'm sure that's going to be different than Saleem.", Tony said and had his typical DiNozzo-smile on his mouth. Ziva smiled. 'That's why I love him', she thought and nodded to him. Tony looked at her to be sure she really wants it. His hands running down her body to undress her pants. He kissed her body down. Her hands ran down his chest and undressed his boxers. His body closer to hers he moved his fingers up from her sigh along her mid up. His hand grabbed her hand holding it over her head and he kissed her. She felt him on her entrance. He slowly pushed into her and she was close to tears, but she wanted it. Slowly he pushed another time and with every time he got a bit faster. At the beginning she was very close to tears, but it got better in time.

•••

Tony did slower than normal, but he enjoyed it. He hadn't slept with any women after he kissed Ziva in Tel Aviv. And to see that Ziva enjoyed it as well made it even better.