Fi: Downloading requested data. Esimated time is 2 days.
Me: Holy crap, it takes you that long to come up with an answer? I thought you knew everything!
Fi: The extent of my knowledge is only filed under the categories of environment and battle strategy. Downloading information on the universe will take, when estimated, 2 days. I suggest you keep from bothering me, or it might result in miscalculated information.
Me: And that's about how close you can get to being rude, huh? Well, anyway, we're doing that question/dare/thing for Midna while we wait. By the way, that is one deep question, Ayako Zetra! I bet Fi will have a whole ton of fun downloading the answer... So without further ado, here is Midna's bit of fun!
From PyscoFangirl:
Hey Zant, check dis out! *turn him into an imp* PAYBACK FOR WHAT HAPPENED IN TWILIGHT PRINCESS!
Me: I'm pretty sure that isn't a question. But I thought, what the heck. Turns out, it was a pretty enjoyable conversation. Midna sure had a field day.
Zant: What am I here for? Ganonpork assigned me to be the guardian of the Allied Base. He'll kick my-
Me: My, you guys really like to give Ganondork nicknames! Anyway, you're going to have to have to stay for a little while until I can get Midna here. She isn't cooporating. *Calls Midna again*
Midna: What the heck?! I TOLD you-
Me: DO YOU WANT TO KICK ZANT'S BUTT OR NOT?!
Midna: ...HECK YEAH!
Me: Then. Get. Over. Here. NOW!
Midna: *Teleports* Where's that son of a-
Zant: MIDNA?!
Midna: ZANT!
Me: ME! ...Right. Sorry. Midna, you are officially allowed to turn Zant into an imp as payback.
Midna: Oh, I'll do more than that... *Holds Zant up by his neck* HEY! Eyes up here! Now, I am going to make your life a living Hell. I'll squish you like the dung beetle you are!
Zant: Help... me...
Agitha: Oh, gracious, please! Don't squish a poor, defenseless little beetle!
Midna: Who invited the bug lady?
Me: Poor? Defenseless? Have you SEEN those things up close?!
Midna: This is besides the point! Just let me torture Zant already!
Me: Okay, fine. Shoo, Agitha. So... when you turn him into an imp and stuff, will he get his own animal to carry him around? Ya know, like you had Wolf Link?
Midna: Hmm. Riding Link was fun. Zant shall not have that luxury!
Me: Um, can you please rephrase that first bit?
Midna: ...There will be worse things to come if you don't let me torture him now. And to answer your previous question, I would let him have a pig. They're fat, slow, and related to Ganon.
Me: AND THEY HAVE BACOOOOON!
Midna: I hate bacon.
Me: Me too! So I'm not the only one!
Zant: *Still being choked* I'm... guess... ing... a... sor... ry... won't... cut... it?
Midna: Oh, a sorry would indeed "cut" it!
*Time Skip*
Me: Long story short, Midna got her revenge on the now pig-riding imp...
No pigs were harmed in the making of this chapter. And sorry to pig-lovers. Pigs are adorable. (That may or may not have been my opinion.)
Me: Oh no... Zant's back. I wonder what he named his pig!
Zant: Ganonpork was NOT amused... he... he said... t-that...
Me: Are you crying?
Zant: HE SAID THAT I WAS WORTHLESS! PLEASE! CHANGE ME BACK TO MY FORMER SELF! PLEASE! I WILL DO ANYTHINNNNNNNNNG!
Me: O.O
PsycoFangirl:Sorry about last time Zant. Would you like a hug? Also how old are you? I know Ghirahim is like 17 or 18...
Me: Zant is currently having an emotional breakdown. I think he really could use a hug, actually. I feel really bad now. *Snaps fingers, Zant returns to former self*
Zant: *still crying*
Me: Okay, you can seriously stop crying now. You're back!
Zant: I MISS GILBERT!
Me: Ummmmm... who is that...?
Zant: THE PIG!
Me: O-kay. *sigh* I'll get you your darn pig. I wonder if Midna was like this after she basically dumped Link...
*Flashback*
Midna: ... See you later... *breaks mirror*
Link: WHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYY! MIDNAAAAAAA! *cries* BUT I... I LOVE YOU! IT CAN'T END THIS WAYYYY!
Zelda: GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF! *slaps Link*
Midna: Finally! Back in the Twilight Realm. That Link was as dumb as a box of rocks. Sure was a cutie though. Wait... no... NOOO!
People of the Twilight Realm: YAY! OUR RULER IS BACK! Um... what's wrong?
Midna: I CAN'T RIDE LINK ANYMORE!
People of the Twilight Realm: O.O JUST BACK AWAY SLOWLY GUYS. OR SMILE AND NOD.
*Flashforward*
Me: I got your stupid pig, alright?!
Zant: *still crying*
Me: Goddesses. WHAT IS IT NOW?!
Zant: YOU CALLED HIM STUPID!
Me: UUUUGGGGGGHHHHHH! ALRIGHT! YOUR STUPID PIG IS NOT STUPID OKAY?!
Zant: *sniffle* You promise?
Me: You. Have. GOT. To be kidding me.
Zant: PROMISE!
Me: ALRIGHT! I freaking promise, okay? You sound like a five-year-old!
Zant: That's because I am five years old.
Me: Say what now?
Zant: *randomly starts laughing*
Me: What's so funny?!
Zant: You fell for it! I'm 23! Pfffft... FIVE. Hilarious! You humans are so ignorant!
Me: *turns Gilbert into bacon*
Zant: NOOOOOOOO! GILLLLBERRRRT!
Me: *texts Link* Hey do u like bacon?
Link: Yeah! Who doesn't? Wait, how did u get my #?
Me: *sarcastic* Bcuz I stalk you. No u moron. Bcuz I'm just that awesome, okay? Don't question it.
Link: I wouldn't be surprised if u stalk me. I already have millions of stalkers already. I wonder how many valentines I'll get.
Me: Just come get your darn bacon.
