A word from Joss: Hi there, sorry for the delay, work has me in a chokehold, but I've almost finished this story, and I hope you enjoy it! As always, reviews/favourites/follows are my only source of daily sustenance- you don't want to starve me, do you? Enjoy. Yours, Joss. XXX
Richard was walking, fast, too fast, his hands thrust in his hoody pockets and his head down, when the van roared up, braking suddenly with a harsh screech of metal on pavement. Richard yelped, flinging up his hands to shield his face, his eyes blinded by the headlights but the dirty grey van stopped before it could crush him. A figure was leaping out of it and Richard knew who it was before the man had pulled off his black balaclava and beamed widely at Richard.
"Hi there! We've got to stop meeting like this, but I thought you might need a friend."
Richard stopped him before he could continue. "Listen to me. Everyone lies to me- John, Mrs Hudson, Mycroft, Lestrade…and you,"
Richard's friendly stalker had the decency to look ashamed.
Richard went on. "And frankly, I'm sick of it! Sick of feeling like half the people I know babying me and treating me like I'm too weak or stupid to know what's going on, and the other half seeming to secretly hate me. I don't even know which camp you fall into. If you're going to keep bothering me and acting like you're doing it to help me, I'm going to need you to tell me your name. Give me a reason to trust you."
"My name is Sebastian Moran."
"Ok. Thanks…Sebastian. And who are you, to me?"
"I was your- your best friend, I guess. We worked together."
"On the tv shows? The kids' shows?"
"Uh…" Sebastian looked sheepish, but then his face hardened and he reached forward, gently cupping Richard's face with a massive hand. "Have you been crying?"
Richard awkwardly patted his red, puffy face. "It's nothing."
"It's not nothing. Is it that Watson? Has he done something?" Sebastian's grip tightened and Richard squirmed. "Did he hit you?"
"What? No! He's just…weird, as usual. He's never…real with me." Richard pursed his lips, feeling his face grow hot with embarrassment.
"If he does anything, says something, does something you don't like, you tell me and I'll sort him out. I mean it. Gives you a funny look. I swear." Sebastian looked so fierce, his strong brows drawn together, his jaw clenched, that Richard didn't argue. Richard ducked out of Sebastian's hold and nudged his arm.
"Thanks, but I'm fine. He's been good to me, really. But it's nice knowing you care."
Sebastian stared at him sadly. "Of course I care. I always care. I'd kill for you, Richard."
"I think people normally say 'die for you'."
"I'd do that too. I'd jump in front of a bullet, die with a smile on my face if it meant you could continue living in this world, Richard. You're supposed to be here, always. The world needs you, it's not right without you."
Richard flung his arms around him, speechless. This was what he needed, a friend. Someone who cared and wanted to listen to him, not sweep his concerns under the carpet or placate him with lies. To his surprise, Sebastian hugged him back tightly. A bit too tight, it was hard to breathe, but he didn't care.
"Come with me," Sebastian said firmly. "You'll have your answers. Please."
And Richard found himself saying yes.
Sebastian's flat was…not what Richard was expecting. He was expecting heating, working lights and a stocked fridge for starters. Instead, Sebastian led him to a filthy-looking estate, the pavement was dotted with dried chewing gum, a car alarm screeched from a nearby van but nobody attended to it, and a group of teenagers sprayed graffiti on a wall.
Richard followed Sebastian up the flat's spiralling metal stairs until they reached a door marked 15. Sebastian unlocked it, beckoning Richard in. The interior wasn't much better.
Richard always took pride in cleaning at 221B, wiping the windows, dusting, scrubbing the dishes, although John would try to stop him, insisting that Richard was a guest, so should relax. Seeing the thick dust lying on the windowsill, and the grime on the pane that blocked most of the view, Richard winced, backing away so he couldn't accidentally touch anything. The room he was in seemed to be multi-purpose, yes, there was a sofa(but no tv) but there was also a mattress and blankets in the corner. Sebastian excused himself and went in an adjoining room, which Richard assumed was the kitchen when he heard the clatter of pans and water running.
"So, what do you think?" Sebastian called, over the sound of the water.
"It's nice." Richard replied, looking around.
"You little liar," Sebastian backed through the doorway, holding a tray laden down with mugs and biscuits. "It's shit and we both know it."
There wasn't much Richard could say about that, so he changed the subject. "Is that you?" he asked, spotting a photograph on the windowsill. The Sebastian in the photo frame looked younger, happier, with a deep tan and dog tags hanging from his neck.
"Yeah, that was years ago. I've not aged well." Sebastian grinned wolfishly, setting down the tray on a coffee table. Richard sat at the sofa, and Sebastian joined him.
"Don't say that…Sebastian, you look fine." It was getting easier to say his name. Sebastian, Sebastian, Sebastian…Richard said it in his mind, hoping for an echo, a memory, something.
"Thanks," Sebastian said softly. "You don't look so bad yourself." He abruptly turned away, gulping his drink noisily, and Richard took a tentative sip of his. Tea. It was the perfect, delicious.
He told Sebastian so, for something to say, and Sebastian seemed to take pride in that.
"I always used to make tea for you, I had to get it exactly right." Sebastian told him, and Richard smiled at that, sinking back into the sofa, feeling remarkably relaxed.
"What were we like?" he asked, and Sebastian looked thoughtful.
"We were always together. God, you used to make me laugh. We'd, we'd go to a bar, and you'd just start saying shit, I don't know, stuff about the people there, and everyone would be getting mad and I'd have my work cut out for me, punching their lights out before they could punch out yours."
"Really?" Richard didn't think this sounded like something he'd do.
"Oh yeah. I saved your arse so many times. You weren't always that grateful, you know? Or maybe you were but you just couldn't say it."
Richard returned his mug to the tray, and glanced shyly at Sebastian. "Well, if I never thanked you then…thank you, Sebastian. I mean it."
Sebastian looked completely floored. He stared at Richard, dazed almost, staring and staring like he was witnessing a miracle. Just when Richard was beginning to worry, Sebastian blinked and his gaze slipped to his own cup of tea.
"What's wrong, Sebastian?"
"Nothing. Just…you're different. So different."
"I'm still me." Richard said quietly, and Sebastian was still talking-
"So much lighter, and softer...and warm…" but he broke off, looked Richard in the eyes. "Yeah," he whispered. "You are still you." He acted before Richard had a chance to realise he'd spoken, and suddenly, Richard found himself pushed up against the armrest of the sofa, as Sebastian kissed him hard.
For one dizzying moment, Richard was ablaze with sensation, rough, warm lips on his own and sharp stubble scratching his face. Sebastian was groping him, kissing him and moaning, and Richard raked his hand through Sebastian's blonde hair, hardly able to believe what was happening. But the sight of his own hand snagged in that thick blonde hair reminded him of another person, someone he was involved with. And loyal to. John.
"Mm, I can't- Seb- no, Sebastian, stop it!" Richard shoved as hard as he could at Sebastian's barrel-like chest, and Sebastian zoomed back to his side of the sofa, his hair and eyes wild.
"Shit, I'm sorry, oh fuck, I just- I saw you and you look like- I'm sorry-"
"I should go." Richard rose, and Sebastian leaped to his feet.
"No, Richard, please-"
"Goodbye, Sebastian."
"But how are you going to find out the truth?" Sebastian shouted desperately as Richard ran to the door.
"I'll ask the man I love. Not you." Richard said, and he left Sebastian in his filth.
