Author's Note: This one is a little long...er. Hopefully it's a good thing. And there might be some OOCness of Zoro. But I don't care. I had fun writing this. XD
Cream
Damn that woman.
Damn her and her stupid "little piece of advice".
Roronoa Zoro clenched his teeth as he recalled what had happened earlier in the kitchen.
It all started when Brook, their skeleton musician who had a weird sense of humor, decided that the crew could use another skull joke of his to go with their after-meal tea party.
"Yohohohoho~~I must've been sitting in the same posture for too long…Now there are pins and needles in my legs-"
"But you don't have any muscles to feel." Chopper pointed out in an innocent voice.
A dark aura enveloped Brook's skeletal figure: "Chopper san, you kind of ruined it for me." He was disappointed he didn't get to say the punch line himself.
He then tried to stand up but fell back into his own chair. "So this is what it feels like to be old." Turning to his sword-fighting comrade who sat next to him, Brook politely asked: "Zoro san, would you kindly help to remove these tea sets for me?"
The younger swordsman simply nodded as a yes.
However, just as he was going to take the tea tray to the sink, a feminine voice put in:" Oh Zoro, you may wanna keep those tea bags."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Looking over, he frowned at the comment. He could only assume this was some kind of insult that he didn't get -since it came from Nami.
"Well, as much as I hate to break it to you—"the oragne haired girl said in a slightly mocking tone. "you are starting to wrinkle up around your eye's area, which makes you look…" she paused for three good seconds-Zoro was sure she did that on purpose. After drawing the whole crew's attention, she finished: "…sorta old. "
Then she flashed him the most innocent smile he had ever seen on her face—not that he'd buy it."Just put these tea bags on your eyelids for like 15 minutes and you'll be fine by the morning. "
"Ahahahaha!" Quick to response to whatever his "lovely Nami swan" said, Sanji immediately burst into laughter. " Nami swan is so observant~~~! Marimo here looks like he's thirty something! How sad!"
"Shut up ero-cook! With that stupid goatee you don't look so young yourself either!" Zoro barked.
He then turned his furious gaze towards Nami."Listen, woman, I don't give a damn if I look old or not. I'm a swordsman. All it matters to me is that my swords are sharp enough to cut diamonds."
"Okay, if you say so." She shrugged. "I was just giving you a little piece of advice."
Zoro narrowed his eyes. "Save it. I don't need any advice on skincare."He spit out the last word as if it was poisonous.
"See? When you do that, those wrinkles really start to show!" Nami held out a finger, pointing it toward his eye corner.
"Indeed!" Chopper exclaimed. "I can see them from here!"
"I don't have to worry about wrinkles!" Luffy said proudly, stretching his face with both hands making it look ridiculous and yet cute in some way. " I'm rubber!"
"Me neither! I'll just polish my face if it gets a little rusty!" Frank laughed.
"And I don't have any skin to wrinkle, yohohohoho~~~"
These idiots were just lucky that he didn't feel like kicking some ass today. Zoro watched with his arms folded as his nakamas carried on what he assumed could only be the dumbest discussion ever happened in this ship.
" Swordsman san, I seem to recall there is a jar of eye cream on my night stand. I can get it for you if you want. "Robin kindly offered as she crossed her arms, ready to grow extra hands into the girls' bedroom.
"No~~!" Before the swordsman could protest, Nami called out faster. "That eye cream is mine! You know how expensive it is Robin~~ you were there when I bought it! So don't waste it on Zoro!"
Never hit a woman, never hit a woman…Zoro muttered under his breath. Sometimes he just needed to remind himself about that. Nami was really expert at driving him nuts.
0-0-0-0-0
And now, he found himself standing in front of the bathroom mirror, staring into it blankly.
He even found himself leaning really close toward that specular surface, close enough that he could actually count all the pores on his skin…
He suddenly pulled back. Realization hit him like a hammer to the gut: That woman had just made him check himself out in a freaking mirror!
And a real man should NEVER care the smallest bit about appearance.
Ok it was decided-he was gonna kill her. What she had done to him was unforgivable.
"So, who's the fairest of them all?"
Zoro froze on the spot. A mixed feeling of embarrassment and anger rose up in him as he turned around to face that cunningly smiling face of the ship's navigator's.
Great, now he'd have to kill her. She just caught him leaning into a mirror like some pansy would do.
"That did not just happen, woman." Although he doubted it'd work, he desperately tried threatening:" I swear if you dare tell anyone about it—"
"About what?" Nami batted her eyelashes innocently. "Like you said, nothing happened, Zoro."
He looked at her incredulously, all alarms set off. There gotta be some catch down there….
"Don't give me that look, like I've done something terrible to you. Actually, I kinda feel bad about what happened in the kitchen today. Since I 'm partly responsible—"
"Partly?" He raised an eyebrow.
She gave him an "I'm still talking" glare. "Anyway, I wanna make it up to you." She lifted her hand so he could see she was holding a tiny jar between her thumb and index finger.
His eyes widened. That'd better not be...
"Consider yourself lucky. I spent 20,000 belis on this eye cream and I'm feeling generous right now. You want me to spread it on your eyes?" She suggested in a sweet tone, walking up to him.
"You do realize—"he stated in a firm voice, eyeing that little jar in disgust."there is no way in hell I will let you put that thing on my eyes-or anywhere on me, don't you?"
"I know." by this point, Nami just couldn't hold back her amused chuckles anymore. "Sorry~~it's just, messing with you is so much fun!"
What a heartfelt apology. Zoro snorted.
"20,000 belis? What kind of crazy person would spend that much money on some cream anyway- "he suddenly stopped in mid-sentence.
"What?" she looked at him curiously.
"Nothing." He shrugged, sounding perfectly indifferent. "Just uh- on second thought, a little eye cream wouldn't be the worst thing in the world."
He took the little jar from her hand in a swift motion-right before she could change her mind." Thanks."
Nami could only stare at him in disbelief. Had he bumped his head or something?
"Wow, that's...new." She said.
"I'll take whatever I can get." He informed her in a flat tone. "After all, you don't feel generous quite a lot."
"About that-you know, this stuff is really expensive! So don't apply too much of it-" She called out behind him. "And-and do give it back first thing tomorrow morning!"
A slight smirk appeared on the swordsman's face as he exited the bathroom.
0-0-0-0-0
The next morning
"WHAT?" Nami screamed, looking down in exasperation at the now empty jar sitting in her palm.
Zoro stood by with folder arms. There wasn't the slightest hint of guilt on his face.
"What-" she glared furiously at him, clenching her fists. "-exactly did you do to my very expensive eye cream, Zoro?"
"Nothing." He answered plainly, feigning innocent. "Except that I might've accidentally slipped it to Luffy last night."
"Oh?"
"And I might or might not have told him it's some sort of cream. Well it is—I mean it was." Zoro had to cough a little to cover up the chuckle escaping his lips. The look on Nami's face was hilarious.
"Why you-"She fumed.
"Hey Nami!" The cabin door opened, their rubbery captain bounced in with a wide grin on his face. "So you have more of that cream with you? It tasted good~~!"He looked at his navigator expectantly.
A murderous aura began to give off from Nami's slender figure.
"I'm gonna kill you, Zoro." She announced in a very low, cold voice. " I'm gonna kill you like a dog in the street—right after I toss Luffy's dead body in the sea."
"Run, Luffy! Run for your life!" Zoro called out, sending the rubber boy darting out the front door in a flash of an eye. Nami gave chase while yelling "Get back in here, you idiot! I'll cut you open if that's what it takes to have my eye cream back!"
"What eye cream? Zoro told me it's food—Aaaahhhhh!"
"That's why you are dead and he's next!" They both ran off.
The swordsman smirked quietly. Yea, Nami was right. It was so much fun to mess with people once in a while.
The End
