Into the light and back

Auggie was nervous. He stood at the airport. His hands rested on his cane. Annie had accompanied him to the counter and he had already checked in. Now he was waiting for somebody who would help him board the plane. Being blind was often complicated he had to rely on people he did not know and he had to trust them. Trust was the main issue for every blind person and for Auggie, too.

Finally Auggie heard the voice of a young lady say. „Would you please follow me Sir" and then she started walking

Oh no, not again...he thought. Again one of these people, who had no idea how to communicate with a blind person. The young lady had continued walking whilst Auggie still remained at the same spot. After a few metres, the lady turned and gave him a questioning look „Sir?"

With an exasperated sigh Auggie said „Would you please give me your arm?"

The young lady walked towards him and Auggie took her elbow.

Five minutes later he was on board of the plane. The flight attendant had stowed his messenger bag in the luggage area above him and his cane rested on his lap. He fumbled a bit with his cane, musing about what was to come in Rome and after Rome. He had never been so nervous, not even when he had gone to Iraq, well knowing that a war was expecting him and that he could lose his life. Now, he was not exactly going to war, but he knew that Rome could change his life and his life could take a different direction.

The flight was long, but Auggie could not sleep. He had attached the headphones to his Iphone and listened to some music when he suddenly felt somebody touch his hand. The friendly flight attendant was serving dinner. She had just put the tray with the meal on the small table in front of Auggie and informed him what was on his plate. Chicken at 6 ´o clock, potatoes at 12 and carrots at 3 ´o clock she said and smiled. Auggie gave her a surprised look, but before he could say something the young flight attendant said. „My father is blind"

„Thank you" Auggie said and tried to meet her gaze. Then he felt for the cutlery and the napkin next to his plate and started eating.

Four hours later he arrived in Rome. The friendly flight attendant had offered him her lead and he was grateful to have finally found somebody who understood his situation a bit better. When he had finally received his suitcase, the young lady accompanied him to the exit and helped him to get into a taxi. When he had taken a seat and the flight attendant was about to close the door, he said.

„Thanks a lot, you made my day"

„You´re welcome!" the flight attendant said and walked away.

Traffic in Rome is a special thing. Cars, Vespas, trucks and bikes all over and nobody seems to obey the rules. Red lights are not an obstacle for a Roman driver and so driving in this city requires a lot of concentration, tolerance and even sometimes sense of humour.

Half an hour later, Auggie reached the hospital. He paid the driver and asked „Potrebbe accompagnarmi per favore"?

Certo Signore" The taxi driver took Auggie´s suitcase in one hand and offered him his other arm to guide him. Auggie was thankful, but he also kept his folding cane open and held it diagonally in front of him.

They entered the hospital building and the taxi driver announced „Scale su" and Auggie held his cane vertically to count the steps. When they reached the reception desk, Auggie thanked the driver again and gave him a tip „Mille grazie per l´aiuto" he smiled. „Non c´é di che Signore" the taxi driver replied and left.

„Come posso aiutarLe?" asked the young receptionist, when he spotted Auggie leaning on his cane. „Mi chiamo Anderson, ho un appuntamento con il dottore Pietro Mazzini alle 3:00."

Un attimo per favore" The young man took the phone and made a call. Two minutes later a young lady appeared and offered Auggie her arm. „I am doctor Mazzini´s secretary. She said in perfect English but with a strong Italian accent. „I will now take you to his office."

„That is very kind of you, I am always a bit lost when I visit unknown places" Auggie replied

„Yes I can imagine that" The secretary said and added „By the way my name is Lucia"

Lucia guided Auggie through a maze of corridors and halls until they reached the doctor´s office. Auggie assumed, that it would already be difficult for sighted people to get around the building. They had changed the direction so many times and walked through so many doors, that Auggie had already given up on counting steps and turns.

Finally they reached Dr. Mazzini´s office and Lucia led Auggie to a chair. Auggie felt for the seat and sat down. „Good afternoon Mr. Anderson" Dr. Mazzini greeted him when he entered the room. He took a seat at his desk across from Auggie, and looked at the dossier in front of him that contained Auggie´s medical records. He flipped through the pages and asked „Is this your first attempt to undergo eye surgery?"

„Yes and no" Auggie said and explained „I wanted to undergo a new treatment some years ago, but the doctor said, that I was not a suitable candidate for the experimental surgery with stem cells."

„We will know soon, whether you are a candidate for my operation method Signore Anderson. We will have to test a few things beforehand and I guess in two days we will know more."

Grazie dottore Mazzini" Auggie said and smiled into the doctor´s direction. He knew that talking to people in their own language created always a nice atmosphere and showed appreciation.

Lucia accompanied Auggie to the ward and introduced him to the nurse in charge, who would show him to his room. The nurse offered him her arm and Auggie followed her, still holding his cane diagonally in front of him. Even after all these years, he did not trust everyone and was afraid he might run into something. The cane was after all something like a friend for him.

The nurse showed Auggie his room and he slowly explored it with his cane in one hand and with the other hand slightly outstretched. He was excited. Maybe he would leave the hospital as a „new person" a person who could see and did not rely on a cane anymore. The following day he would undergo the first tests and the result would decide whether he would be a candidate for the operation.

„Buon Giorno Signore Anderson" A young nurse entered Auggie´s room and put the breakfast tray on the table next to his bed. Auggie opened his eyes and turned a bit towards the sound of the voice. „Good morning...buon giorno" he answered and sat up in his bed. „After breakfast you will have an MRI scan" the nurse informed him „So please be quick. I will pick you up in 30 minutes".

Auggie got up, and felt his way to the adjacent bathroom to take a quick shower and to shave. When he was done, he walked back to the table and let his hand slide across the tray. He found two slices of toast, some jam, butter and a pot with coffee. The coffee was already a bit cold, but that did not matter, since it tasted better, than the American coffee in USA hospitals.

He had swallowed the last bite of toast, when the nurse reappeared and took him to the MRI.

Ten minutes later, Auggie lay down in the huge MRI metal tube and listened to the banging and clattering sound around him. Even through the headphones, they had given him for protection, the noise was still loud enough. All of that reminded him of the time directly after his accident when he had gone blind. He had had lots of MRI scans and numerous other tests, that had revealed that his blindness was not reversible. Would it be different now?

After 30 minutes, the MRI was over and Auggie was led to an examination room for a few eye tests. Dr. Mazzini himself executed all the tests and announced, that for a final decision he might also need an exact blood screen. A nurse entered to draw some blood and then Auggie was led to his room again. He was a bit bored and could use some distraction and so he took the Braille book, that he had brought and started reading. After a few pages he stopped. His mind was spinning. Would he need a cane when he left? Would he still be blind? Or would he be able to walk alone without help?

The inner turmoil was hard to bear for Auggie and it took him a lot of willpower, not to call anyone from his family or from his circle of friends for support. Even after so many years as a spy, it cost him a lot to keep secrets.

The next morning brought a surprise. Around 10:00 am Dr. Mazzini came into Auggie´s room, accompanied by a young nurse. „I have some good news for you Signore Anderson" he said and patted Auggie´s hand. „We will try to give you your sight back"

Auggie gasped. He had not expected this news after all the deceptions in the past years and he had already given up on the idea of seeing. Now a huge lump formed in his throat and he had to fight the tears that were now stinging and burning in his eyes.

„When?" Was all Auggie could say.

„Well, I think tomorrow morning at 8:00" the doctor said and started to explain the procedure.

„We will insert a special microchip that will replace the function of your damaged optic nerve. This chip will send an electric impulse to a second chip that will be implanted directly behind your retina. Your retina is still healthy and that is necessary for the procedure. However, implanting the chip can also cause a retinal detachment and in this case you would be blind again. If you are willing to take the risk of an operation, we will give it a try tomorrow morning."

„ I would like to try it, anything is better than living in this constant darkness" Auggie said, his voice a bit hoarse and he rubbed his eyes.

„Okay Mr. Anderson. I will see you tomorrow morning in the OT, Dr. Mazzini said and walked out of the room.

Auggie had been nervous before, but now he was speechless. Should it really be possible for him to regain his sight? The possibility to see again was so unbelievable to him, that he started to cry. Now that the doctor had left, he had no more reasons to hide his emotions.

The following morning at 8:00 in the OT

„Mr. Anderson, please count until 20, the doctor said while he injected the narcotics into Auggie´s IV. Auggie started counting. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8...and before he could pronounce the next number, he drifted off to sleep.

The operation lasted 3 hours and it took Auggie another hour to be fully awake again. It felt strange to wake up again with the eyes bandaged. It immediately brought back the memories of the first days in the field hospital in Iraq after his accident and those memories were not the best.

„Welcome back Mr. Anderson" He heard a voice to his left say and turned his head.

„Is it already over ?" He asked, barely able to speak because the breathing tube had made him a bit hoarse and his mouth was dry.

„Yes, everything went well" The nurse replied an took a glass of water, helped him sit up and gave him something to drink.

„Thanks a lot" Auggie smiled, enjoying the fresh cold mineral water that washed away the dryness in his mouth. He felt so vulnerable, all alone in a hospital bed in a strange country. He tried to imagine Annie´s face and wished she was with him right here, right now but he could not talk to her, or to anybody else before he knew if the operation was a success.

The next morning, Auggie woke up and all he could think was „Today is THE DAY" the day that would determine his fate. Blind or sighted? That was the question. He cautiously touched the bandage that still covered his eyes and wondered what would happen in a few hours when the doctor came to take it off.

He slowly went to the bathroom because nature was calling and then he brushed his teeth. He would have a shower later. With the bandage over his eyes it was not advisable either. Ten minutes later, a nurse came in with his breakfast tray and set it on the nightstand. Auggie felt for the tray and started to eat. He finished quickly, because he was nervous and fished his Iphone out of the nightstand-drawer to listen to Mingus sounds. He was so immersed into the world of Jazz music, that he did not realize the presence of Dr. Mazzini who had come into his room.

The doctor touched Auggie´s hand, to announce his presence and Auggie took off his headphones.

„Mr. Anderson, I would like to check whether the operation was a success" the doctor said and asked Auggie to lay back and to stop moving and talking. He slowly peeled off the various layers of the bandage and finally took away the eye patches.

„You can now open your eyes Mr. Anderson" he said.

Auggie slowly opened his eyes. A wave of exitement, angst and nervousness flooded over him and all of a sudden his eyes were hit by the bright rays of the spring sun that shone into the room.

The sudden brightness was a shock for him, after so many years of total darkness around him and he immediately covered his eyes with his hands again because the light hurt him so much.

„I CAN SEE" was all Auggie could say.