Ha! I got it! *cheers* Anyways. Thanks so much for being patient and everything and whatnot. I apologize for any errors that may be in here... And I'm going to apologize for how OOC Jace is but I thought that was kind of a given at this point. A round of applause (and a standing ovation) to TMTMFD because I'm pretty sure I just asked the stupidest questions ever and she didn't even yell at me. So yeah.

Enjoy~


Disclaimer: This is a fanfiction. I do not own anything here but the plot. All characters belong to Cassandra Clare and all song lyrics belong to their respective owners.

WARNING: This fic contains mentions of suicide, bullying, abuse and various methods of self harm. If this bothers you then please turn back now!


Playlist-

Starry Eyed - Ellie Goulding

It's Time - Some Remix I don't know who it's by... (Imagine Dragons)

You Found Me - The Fray

I Feel Pretty/Unpretty - Glee Version

Sobri 2 - Amine & Leslie

Fucking Die - Skrillex, Coopers Remix

Dearly Beloved - Kingdom Hearts (Don't know the composer sorry)

Saltwater Room - Owl City

No Sleep - Shakles (Savant Remix)


...I'm Here

.

Write a story in which the narrator slowly falls in love with the reader.

.

I'm Here...


I do believe I've mentioned how Alec's hands are distinctive.

Careful, kind.

These hands?

They were large, harsh, angry.

And, well. They were flipping through my pages.

Now, I'm not sure if I've ever explained this to you, but occasionally (totally random occasions, too) I can hear snippets of sound.

Like in the stands, we could hear the muted voices of people surrounding us, and the horns of what I believe to be cars wailing in the background. In Alec's house, it was quiet. Not once have I ever heard anything from them, other than the sobs of Alec, back at the very beginning. During his school hours, there's always a loud screeching bell and people making themselves known.

What I heard now?

Cruel laughter and mocking words and then that name.

The dreaded, hated name. The one that I've pinned as the source of most of Alec's problems.

Jace.

"Jace... He's so... Pathetic... Really... Related?" I could hear only snatches of what they said, muffled words, but I could still make out what they were saying.

I could hear it, with that jeering voice. Jace, he's so damn pathetic. Are you two really related?

And then I heard it.

A laugh.

Loud, booming laugh, a rich voice responding. "Foster... I... Isn't... Sad?"

And from what Alec had put here about his, I could easily guess as to how the 'brother' had responded. No, of course not. He's only my foster brother. And I know, isn't it sad?

This boy.

I hate him.

And more than anything, I want to tell him that. I want to write back hateful words, tell him how much he's hurt Alec, how much of Alec's energy is put into them and how all Jace does is throw it back in his face.

Alexander loves you so damn much and all you do is crush him.

Over and over again.

What kind of monster are you?

But I don't. I don't say anything, don't make any of these opinions known.

Because I can't risk that, and so far, they've done no harm... Not in here, anyways.

"Oh, look." Sharp, mocking voice. "Someone else's handwriting in here. Alec's got a boyfriend? Found another fag like him, I suppose."

"Who... Magnus?"

But they'll never find me here.

And then the real torment started.

The flipped to the next empty page, and put the tip of their writing utensil to my paper.

And then started writing.

And with every word, my heart broke a little bit more.

Fag.

Stop.

I hope you fucking kill yourself

You have no right.

Choke on a dick

What makes you feel like you can go in and do this to someone?

Burn in hell

Get out of here.

Pull that dick out of your ass

You're probably covered in disease

Slut

No one wants you here

Had a crush on your brother, did you now? Disgusting faggot

They were relentless. Neverending, cruel, disgusting.

I didn't want Alec to see this.

Go kill yourself and save everyone the pain of being around you

And then someone with decent handwriting put their thoughts in here.

You disgusting queer is what you are. You should save your parents the pain of knowing that they raised a monster like you and kill yourself.

And I knew who this was. Of course I did.

Jace

P.S. I never needed your help, never wanted your help. you were just so stupid and i took pity on you... well. Nothing changed.

Never cared for you.

You were just that stupid boy who didn't know when to give up.

Ugly fucking bitch.

If I could, I would have cried. Sobbed my heart out, letting all this rage and pain free.

Because Alec... He was so sad and so tired and anyone with a brain could tell... Should have been able to tell, anyhow.

But it was obvious, now.

So damn clear.

Alec loved everyone, and all he ever got in return was hate.

And one day, they'll realize how special Alec is.

But when that time comes, I can't help but feel like they'll be too late.

~xXxXxXxXx~

January 23 2013

That ….

That's Jace's handwriting.

Immediately, I braced for some type of explosions, some type of reaction filled with anger and vehemence.

But I should have known by now, that Alec's not like that.

He … His friends …. They read this?

Of course nothing is sacred to them.

There were no tears.

Ignore what they say, Darling. You're so much better than the-

Stop lying. Please, Magnus. You're my friend, no?

Friends don't lie..

More than anything, that hurt the most, I think. To see that he'd given up.

That all these insults have just... Killed him, in a sense.

Exactly. And I'm not lying.

A pause, and then slight pressure on that line of text, like if he was running a finger over it.

Still no tears.

Nothing.

Then, hesitantly, he pressed his pen back to paper, the words slightly shaky, whether from pain or gratitude, I wasn't sure.

You know, Magnus. You're the only one who's ever said that to me.

Everyone else had something entirely different to say.

So forgive me if I don't exactly believe you.

Fine. You don't have to believe what I say.

Just remember that someone out there does think that you're amazing, alright?

Finally, one drop of water hit the pages. Then another, and I was relieved.

I'm sorry. I do cry often when I'm writing. They crinkle up your pages and ruin your paper.

You're the only one who listens to me. The only one who thinks I matter. You have no idea how thankful I am to you for that.

Before I could begin to formulate a response, Alec quickly wrote his ending, then closed me shut.

Alec.

~xXxXxXxXx~

Alec started off this entry with a drawing.

First came the outline, then he slowly and carefully went into detail, starting with one part and finishing it completely before moving on to the rest, and so I watched, completely fascinated, as the beginnings of a face appeared, feminine and adorable.

Dark eyes peered back at me, a small innocent smile lighting up the girls face, chubby hands reaching for the person gazing down at the drawing. A flower clip held bangs back, striped tank-top and jean shorts. It was almost a magical thing to see, all the lines and strokes of his pencil create such an image on the page. It was almost as if I could see again, in a strange sense. On the very top of her head, in Alec's loopy writing read the name Isabelle.

And the cycle started again. This time, the build was slightly taller, not a hint of baby-fat found on the body, face lacking a grin, more serious, with the hint of a smile lurking in his eyes. One arm was draped over the girl's shoulders, as if protecting her. Dark hair covered his forehead and trailed down his neck. Plain jeans and a long-tee shirt is what he wore, with scuffed sneakers and slender hands clenched slightly. 'Me' is what labled this boy.

That's how Alec... Used to look like.

So serious, solemn.

This time, the outline started slightly behind the boy and girl, only a bit taller than the dark-haired boy. Cocky smile, lighter hair, tan skin. He stood a distance apart from the other two, and I couldn't help but feel like this would be someone who grew up to cause trouble.

Lots and lots of trouble.

A polo and jeans, with flip-flops and some type of electronic device hung from his fingers.

'Jace'

Still, I didn't comment, not wanting to break his streak.

The fourth outline was by far the shortest, and the happiest of the bunch. A smile that still had gaps from teeth that had yet to grow in, wavy hair that fell over a chubby face. Bright eyes filled with joy, hands grasping to hold another. Glasses were perched on his small nose, and I couldn't help but think that there was a startling resemblance between this boy and the other dark-haired one. 'Max', was written across a glasses frame, small and written with care.

Finally, at the very bottom of the drawing, next to Alec's signature, read 'Year 2007'.

Me- 11, Jace 10, Isabelle- 11, Max - 3.

He then turned to the next page, starting out with his usual opening.

January 24 2013

I wonder what I'm supposed to write about in here today.

Nothing interesting going on here.

Just at work, and no one's coming in, so.

Is this your way of saying that you would like to talk to me?

Well …. Yes. If you don't mind, of course. I'm sorry, I don't mean to bother and-

Alexander, stop. Honestly, I enjoy talking to you. Only light in my life and all that.

Jokes like that aren't funny, Magnus.

Who said it was a joke?

Sorry, Darling.

Ah well. Would you like to have a contest of sorts?

… I am a notebook, mind you. I can't exactly do much.

Well, I'd imagine that you're able to draw, since you can talk and such..?

I can. Well. 'Can' is a relative term. I can draw stick figures. They normally have oval faces, though.

That's fine! We can still have fun.

If you say so...

And we did. Well, I did. I hope he did.

Magnus, what the hell is that?

That, Alec dear, is a stick-person eating a popsicle.

… That looks like a lollipop that was run over by a car and merged with a rock-thing.

Hey! Hey, I resent that. No. See! Look, that's its face, and there's its... Wait, what happened to it's legs?

It had legs?

Ah! Yes, I see it now. Those two little pegs.

You've got to be kidding, Magnus.

Er... Only a little bit.

They look like … Not-legs.

No, no. What if... I did... This?

I extended the two 'legs', making it so that they equaled the length of the body/torso part.

Magnus!

Yes? I think this is quite the improvement.

…. Give him four legs, so he'll resemble a mutated giraffe.

~xXxXxXxXx~

He picked my papery ass.

We had a drawing contest.

So yeah, that was kind of a given, though I must say, I think that my stick-figures were beautiful.

~xXxXxXxXx~

As time went on, Alec started trusting in me more, and that in turn, made my heart soar.

I mean, really.

Alexander Lightwood has to be the best thing that could ever happen to... Anyone. And I hate that so many people can't see that.

~xXxXxXxXx~

He even painted me a cover. Alec had asked me if I cared if he messed with my cover - Of course I didn't.

He could throw me in a fire, and I don't think I'd mind, because he'd be the one who wished it to happen.

Alec drew a rough sketch in here, and it was beautiful.

My name was all flowy and gorgeous and he spent so much time on it.

Paint is a weird sensation. Cold and wet and yet not slimey.

He used bright colors, he said.

With flowers and swirls, and his name at the very bottom, with mine in the center.

I asked him why, and he responded with, "You are this notebook, Magnus. I write in you, sure, but I don't... Own you. You're your own person... Er... Well, notebook. But you get the point."

I think if I was human, we'd be the best of friends.

And I would beat Jace's ass.

February 4 2013

Magnus, I hate this.

I hate everything.

Please, just … Let me rant?

When I didn't answer, he continued, his handwriting as shaky as the day when he professed his desire to kill himself.

I wish you were real.

That I could hug you, and know what you look like.

I wish that you could hold me and tell me that everything will be alright.

You're like … One of those internet friends, for example.

You're always there for me.

But then …. What happens when that ends?

Because everything must end, whether you wish it to or not.

And I can feel it, in my chest. This big hole that just eats away at who I am, and I can't-

I don't know who I am, Magnus.

I look in the mirror, and I see a stranger. Someone with tired eyes and a broken face and a worn-down air clinging to them and what happened to me?

I see someone who cuts, who burns, who does anything to get rid of this emptiness..

And it won't go away.

It doesn't leave, Magnus.

It never leaves. It just stays, and kills you and makes you want to rip your heart out and just end it because that would be so much easier and I'm sure in hell people are too busy concerned about themselves and wouldn't be sitting there, judging you and making you feel like shit because you're goddamn different.

And then there's the whole thing with 'addiction' and you know what?

They can go take all their 'advice' and shove it up their ass, because they have no idea what they're talking about.

And … Suicide doesn't sound like a bad idea, not anymore.

Not as scary.

If Max doesn't get to live, then why do I?
What gives me that right?

And everyone blames me, I know it.

He was my responsibility, and I failed him.

I fucking failed.

He- He just wanted his paper and it flew across the street and I took my eyes away for one second and then he was gone.

Right in front of my eyes, he was taken.

The car that hit him was a small one, but it was at full speed and Max just- All the blood and his screams and he cried for Jace and those last words …

I don't-

I can't-

Does this make me a monster?

Not once, have I cried. I don't feel it, I've distanced myself.

Everyone's sobbing and crying and mourning and I … I'm doing my homework, my extra credit work, everything.

Max …. He wanted everyone but me.

Mom, Dad. Isabelle, Jace.

Even Clary.

But not once, did he cry for me.

I-

Magnus, help me. Please, help me.

This entire time, my heart had been ripped out of my chest, and the only thing I could do was read in absolute agony as he poured his heart out and I was so out of my element here and I didn't know what to do.

At the same time, I kind of did.

Alec, you're not a monster, and you're not disgusting or any of those adjectives you love to use to put yourself down.

And you're just coping in a different way.

It doesn't make you any less human, or any less good, alright?

Okay …. Alright ….

Thank you, Magnus.

Thank you.

-Alec

What he did next absolutely broke my heart, and it was then I realized that I wanted to be a human so damn badly, just to give him a hug, just to let him know that I was there for him.

Taking his time, he slowly sketched out a portrait of the assumed boy, Max. Underneath, read the the numbers, 2005 - 2013.

He then went back into the journal, finding that older drawing, and carefully shaded in the boy, making him darker, more muted, than everyone else.

Failure, is what read above the more recent portrait.

This is what happens when you fail, Alexander.

Don't forget.


Hi again!

I just have a quick question - For the story on how Magnus became a notebook - Should I add it as a bonus chapter, or would you like me to post it separately? Do you guys even want it? I dunno.

That's all.

Thanks for reading!
-TheShhTiger