Somewhere in the hallway a group of boys laughed and hit a locker. She jumped under my firm hands, and her already stiff body tensed even more. One of her hands clasped over mine and pulled it out from under her skirt, and she pushed away in the rolley chair. In a matter of moments we were a foot apart. I managed to keep my eyes facing down. As much as I wanted to pretend I was tough and in control, losing what I wanted hurt.
I could feel her looking at me but I just pulled my hands from hers and picked up my bag. I was embarrassed at my coming on to her, and was fleeing. I put both straps on my shoulders so the bag would cover as much of me as possible.
"Hey...' She said. I froze in my tracks and turned my shoulders still avoiding looking at her. "I uh...I don't really know how to respond to that. It's never happened before and I uh...it's dangerous. For me."
"I'm not a snitch." I said shortly. I wasn't going to run around bragging, or even tell anyone. I didn't really have that many friends, and even the ones I did have I wasn't very close to. Of course I wanted to do more, go farther, experience all of her, but it wasn't realistic to hope for that. For all I knew she had a steady boyfriend. I didn't want to risk her losing her whole life so I could get some.
before she could reply I pushed out the door. I pulled the wrinkled note out of my pocket. She hadn't written a time, so I could take as long as I wanted to get to class. Her initials looped at the bottom, and I couldn't help but stare at it. Everything about her was just so...curvy. Down to her handwriting. It made the disappointment sting even worse.
I wanted to scream. Why was it that she could irritate me to my core, but lure me in stronger than anyone I've ever felt? I wanted to beat lockers and screech like an ape. I wanted to cry, and laugh, and feel her skin on my lips again. I wanted to give her everything she wanted, but at the same time stand my ground and show her I'm not afraid of her, that were equals.
Maybe that was the whole point. My parents called my lesbianism a "phase" and maybe it was. Women are hardly ever treated fairly, but in a lesbian relationship they are equal, theoretically. They both wear the pants. Maybe it bothered me so much because it was beyond sexuality, to greater things like age and education. Maybe I was pissed because this wasn't something I could overcome. She would always be older than me. She would always seem smarter. It didn't matter if one was physically more capable because some obstacles aren't physical. Some equalities were unequal and unable to become equal. I laughed at how she would react to my math refrence to try and figure this whole thing out.
from somewhere behind me I heard heels clicking. Instinctively I picked up my pace, straightened my back, and veered more towards the middle of the hall assuming it was a teacher.
"Jamie." She whisper screamed. In my state of hopeless attraction to her, I assumed it was ms. Campbell, but at the same time told myself it wasn't, that I was making it up. I kept walking and she called again. This time I turned.
It was her.
she had her head peeked around the corner, her eyes glancing around rapidly, nervousness evident. I turned on my heel and approached her, curious as to what she wanted.
"What?" I whispered back as I drew nearer.
her eyes beckoned me closer. When I was around a foot away she reached around and snatched up my hand, dragging me down the hall.
"where are we going?" I whispered.
"Sh."
"I just-"
"I said SH." I smiled and she smiled back. We headed for the bathrooms, but instead of going in to the normal ones, she pushed me inside the teacher room. It was nicer than the rest. The walls and floor were a better tile, it was cleaner, smelled nice, and had higher quality appliances.
"What are we doing in here?" I asked. I fucking begged. I was confused, and slightly turned on, with just a Hint of the feeling of being toyed with.
She exhaled deeply without replying. "I'm fucking crazy." She whispered to herself. She was leaned against the wall farthest from me with her head tilted up towards the ceiling. Her hands massaged her temples as if she had a migrane.
"Hey." I said.
"just...just give me a second. I have t work my way up to this. It's not easy for me like it is for you."
"what's not?"
"This. This whole...thing. i dont know. I've never been with a girl, much less a student. I mean this is nuts!" She rambled. I thought about making a penis joke, but decided against it. I dint think her nerves could handle it. I didn't want to prove her obvious thoughts that I was a child to be true.
"Come here..." I whispered. I held out my hand to her. She looked at it as if I was diseased for a moment which caught a nerve for me, but then slowly reached out and took it. I pulled her in close and held her face in my hands. I stared at her lips and how they called to me. I bit mine and looked to her eyes for permission. She didn't seem as if she knew exactaly what to do, so to make it easier on the both of us, I grabbed the hem of her shirt, pulled her hips to meet mine, and pressed our lips together. I sucked them in and tasted them, treasuring every second. Before long her hands found the small of my back and our bodies became like one.
All the days spent grumbling and rolling my eyes in her class faded away. It was like that person that tried to smother me out was gone, and in her place was a timid, nervous woman. A woman who tried to be as close to me as possible, but keep her distance. This person had complexities and personalities I never thought her to possess. I had never thought of her as a person before, but as our lips danced, that's what she became. Not a teacher, or a body, but a person I knew nothing about.
