Thor (** )

Thor never expected to come back from Asgard like this. The Avengers got hurt yes, but only in the presence of battle! So, how was he going to explain this injury, he had no clue. Thor normally comes back with great tales of adventure to tell his teammates and without any injuries, but this time there was no perilous tale for him to tell.

He blamed his misfortune on Loki and… ale

~FLASHBACK~

The Ale Houses on Asgard are much wilder than those on earth; Thor knows that much for sure. The continuous sound of laughter, music, and kluncks of ale mugs reminded Thor of all the victorious battles he and his other brothers in arms had won. However, it is not the background noise that made Thor miss home so much, it is all of the smack talk that made the man go to the ale houses so often.

Every good man should know a few curses in his own tongue, and Thor knew MANY. He says them around the other Avengers, but sense they lack both the All speak and the native tongue of the Asgardians, they always fall flat. Here though, Thor knew what everyone was saying and even pitched on the right occasion.

Thor sat facing outward from the wooden bar. His drink was in one hand while the other was encouraging two men who had more than their fair share of drink.

(Translations will be at the end)

"BY ODIN'S BEARD YOU MEINFRETR! THE MEYLA YOU CALL A WIFE HAS MORE RESEMBLANCE TO A BARREN KERLING THAN HER OWN MOTHER!"

"YOU HEATHEN QLFUSS, I AM SURPRISED YOUR KERLING COULD EVEN PRODUCE SUCH OFFSPRING CONSIDERING YOU FACE TAKES THAT OF A HORSE!"

Thor was enjoying this too much, he knew, but he needed a break from the other Avengers. He missed his home and they understood that. Now the two men were fighting. They were both huge and burly, but one had orange hair and a beard that matched. While the other was covered in grey and had dark bushy eyebrows. They were throwing mighty blows! The orange man slammed his meaty fist into the head of the grey haired man rendering him into oblivion. Then he proceeded to pounce on the slack form and beat him some more. The fight had proven to be displeasure when everyone in the pub Boo's the fight then started to bicker amongst them. Even the women started to get into fights by pushing and shoving one another.

This wasn't right…was it?

Thor started to get down from his stool and instead toppled over. *How much have I consumed?*he thought and the world swayed around him. Then out of nowhere, for Thor anyway, a fist came and slammed into Thor's jaw. He stumbled and fell to the floor, rubbing his face. *Where did that come from?* Thor tried to stand by using the bar as leverage, but the fist struck out again. Now Thor was getting irritated.

*WHO DARED HIT THE god OF THUNDER!*

Now he rocketed to his feet and swiveled to the left. And not to his confusion, it was Loki.

"Aren't you imprisoned suppose be to?" Thor's head was spinning causing the world to tilt. The man Thor cold have sworn was Loki laughed and punched Thor again.

"Yes, BROTHER,' Loki hissed,' I was in that rust bucket of a prison cell since you left me there! But now I am freed and here to have a little fun."

Loki pulled Thor up by his gold chain holding his cape in place and head butted him. Thor didn't fall, but his brother was much more hardheaded than he had thought! HE tried to throw a punch of his own, but Loki simply moved out of the way and Thor went thundering forward into a table. Loki yanked his long blonde hair up and rammed it into the table again before turning him around. Thor took this opportunity to do his own head butt. Loki stumbled backwards clutching his forehead and Thor tackled him around the waist. Their battle was continued like this in the mist of the already chaotic Ale House.

Loki had managed to flip around and now straddled Thor's waist and continued to punch his while shouting.

"YOU. LEFT. ME. THERE. TO. ROT. IN. PRISON. NOW. I WILL. MAKE. YOU. SORRY!"

Loki got off and flipped Thor around, then yanked him up by his hair. "Say cheese!"

Thor was confused. "Say cheese?"

Then the chair hit him in the nose.

A loud crunch followed by Thor's yell halted all the fighting in the room. Everyone seemed to have a blindfold removed from them as they all looked around at the mess of the Ale House. Many men were on the floor groaning, women were crying for the loss of hair (no doubt pulled out from the battle), tables and chairs were broken, mugs shattered, and gaming pieces were everywhere.

Thor felt people helping him to his feet and someone putting a cool rag under his nose. At first he flinched away from the object, and then he heard his mother's soothing voice whispering securities. He looked around him; Loki was nowhere in sight but the man who hit him with the chair stood wide eyed at Thor.

Thor recognized him as the orange haired man who had started all of this. He glared at him as much as he could with one black eye, bruised jaw, several cuts, a busted lip, and now a broken nose. The man dropped the chair and ran even faster than one of the village rats, tripping several times along the way. Frigga now maneuvered herself to be in front of Thor and pulled his head down to look at her. She scanned his face, "What has happened my s

"Verið velkomin."

Frigga laughed, a mirth filled sound that made Thor smile and chuckle a bit. She kissed her son's head after making sure he would be alright. Then a new form of chaos came as his mother tried to get all the seriously injured to the healers. So Thor easily slipped out and went back to earth.

~END OF FLASHBACK~

Now back to Thor's dilemma. He could come up with some fathom to explain the injuries, but lying was not something to be worth of. So that idea was cast out into the wind. Now he only had two options. 1) Hope that the other Avengers are asleep so he could try to sneak into the tower. Or 2) tell the story behind his broken nose. Thor was hoping for the first. His nose had stopped bleeding a while ago, but the bridge still hurt with a hot passion. There was no hiding it and the only way it would heal properly is if he slept for a day or two, which was do able.

Thor landed on the roof of the Avenger's Tower as quietly as he could, but with the thunderstorm overhead, he had no doubt in his mind that the whole city knew of his presence. He walked over to the elevator on the top of the building and pushed the button for his floor. Thor silently watched the numbers scroll down and tapped his foot impatiently on the steel elevator.

"Hello Thor" Jarvis' British accented voice filled the void and startled him.

"HELO MAN I DA VWALLS! HOW ARE YOU FARING?"

"Quite well. Where you not trying to be quiet upon your arrival?"

Thor internally cursed himself. "Aye. Are my oder bruthers in arms awake?"

"Yes, sir. They have been waiting for your return for a while now. "

Thor cursed. "Alright, dank you Man in da Vwalls."

"You are welcome, sir."

*So much for sneaking in* The elevator doors opened to reveal the group all lounging on Thor's oversized couch and watching a movie. Steve was the first to look up, he opened his mouth to say something to him, but just stared for a second squinting at the man. Bruce and Tony were on either side of him looked up at too at the Captain's pause. Clint was lying on his stomach on the floor with Natasha leaning on his shoulders looked up to. "What? What happened?"

Tony was the one who spoke next. "Jar, hit the lights would ya?"

The bright beams came on, making Thor squint and then wince at the gasps that went through the room. Then Tony started laughing. Everyone looked at him and glared as Steve and Bruce moved to get up. Tony quieted after the looks of death he was getting, but the grin never left his face. Steve walked over to Thor, who looked like a kicked puppy, and Bruce came back from another room carrying a first aid kit and an ice pack. Steve let Thor settle into the recliner next to the couch as Bruce put ointment on the cuts and bandaged his nose.

"What happened Thor?" Bruce asked the question that everyone wanted to know.

Thor looked up at everyone, when Bruce gave him the ice pack. They all seemed sincere enough in their intentions, so Thor answered in his even deeper voice.

"I had gotten myself into wat friend star cals a barfigh."

Everyone looked confused. "What?" Steve asked.

Thor sighed and repeated his statement. "I had gotten myself into a barfigh."

"What?" Clint said, confusion was the only way to explain his face. Then the Man in the Walls spoke for Thor.

"I believe that Thor is trying to say that he had gotten into a bar fight."

Thor nodded toward the ceiling in a sign of thanks. Then looked back at his team. Stark had mirth written all over his face, Steve and Bruce looked worried, and the Scarlet Spider and Archer looked ready for murder. Thor ducked down his head and looked at the TV screen and its position on a bright orange fish with black and white stripes.

"Well, I can see the damage that the fight did to you. And now I know for the future that whenever the god of THUNDER isn't making a booming entrance it is because he has lost the battle to beer and women." Tony said. Everyone turned to Tony and threw various things at him for pillows to popcorn that Thor had just noticed was

He smiled at the people that he called his second family and laid back in the chair to sleep, but not before hearing Tony's comment on the "Thunder Mouse"

"STEV'N!"

Translations as promised!

Meinfretr-stink fart

Meyla- little girl

Kerling- old hag

Qlfuss- drunkard

5. Verið velkomin- Got drunk with Loki and woke up on Mars.