Chapter 2
They sat there under the tree for what seemed like an eternity. For a short while, he could let go of everything and just be. But, of course, it didn´t last nearly as long as he´d wanted.
"We should probably go inside" Ginny said.
"Yeah"
"Mom is probably sending out a search party after us any second". He sighed and started getting up. Soon they made their way to the castle, walking closely together, their hands wrapped firmly around the others.
It wasn't until they were standing outside the Great Hall that he stopped. The Hall was still filled with people, which he thought strange until he realized that it was dinner time. Quickly he let go of Ginny and went back into the shadows, gesturing to her to go ahead. He just couldn't. He couldn't face Mrs. Weasley, not now. Fred´s death was his fault, he had lured Voldemort into the castle. The feelings that he had been suppressing the entire day burst out and he felt his breath hitch.
A warm presence beside him told him that Ginny hadn't listened, of course not. She sat there beside him until his breathing finally calmed down, then helped him stand up.
"You need to do this, come on now" she urged him and nodded towards the doors. He shook his head.
"I can´t, not after… it´s my fault that…" his voice faltered. Ginny looked at him, anger once again showing in her eyes.
"If Fred had been here he would have smacked you for saying that". Harry just looked down.
"It´s not your fault, and no one blames you but yourself. So get of your sorry bum and get in there. Because we need you Harry, you are a part of our family. I need you. So don´t bail out on me now" her voice was fierce, but kind. Then she took his hand and practically dragged him towards the doors.
As they walked through the Hall, side by side, he looked around for familiar faces. He spotted Padma and Parvati Patil sitting closely together, Parvati crying on her sister´s shoulder. Not far from them sat Ernie Macmillan and Hannah Abbot, they were both eating and looked like they had gotten to clean up as well.
The Weasley´s were not difficult to spot, the clutch of redheads sat at the far side of the table that usually was the Gryffindor table. As they approached they could hear Mrs. Weasley´s voice, with its familiar worried tone.
"But what if anything has happened to them! We should go out looking for them"
"I don´t think there will be any need for that my dear" Arthur Weasley responded, nodding in the direction of Harry and Ginny. As they sat down, he felt Ron´s eyes on him, but he just ignored his best friend and concentrated on answering Mrs. Weasley's questions.
They took the seats across from Hermione and Ron, which resulted in him ending up next to Percy. Thinking about the last time they met, it felt strange, but Percy hardly even seemed to notice him. His eyes were red and puffy, and his eyes never seemed to leave George who was sitting on the other side of the table.
Mrs. Weasley was bustling around, making sure everyone was eating, though neglecting herself. Eventually Mr. Weasley excused them from the table and led her out of the Great Hall. Almost immediately after they had left, George got up without a word and stalked out as well, Percy trailing after him. With only the four of them left at the table, Ron put his arm around Hermione and sighed.
"Mom has been like that ever since… well, that´s how she copes I guess. By taking care of everyone else". Hermione nodded, sniffling.
"I just can´t believe that they are gone" Ginny said quietly. A heavy silence settled over them, and soon they decided to try and get some sleep.
Sitting on the four poster bed, dressed in pajamas he´d gotten from his backpack (he didn't know how it got there but nevertheless was he thankful), he started letting go of the tight hold he had on his emotions. Slowly, they slipped back into his mind, making his eyes tear up.
"Hey" he looked up to see Ron standing there.
"C´mon mate, I know that look. You are blaming yourself for this, you and your stupid hero complex" Harry just looked at him.
"I might not be sensitive or tactful like Hermione, but I know how you work. And I´ll tell you, I understand you" Ron sighed and looked up at the ceiling "the thing is, you will probably never stop feeling guilt. It´s not a rational thing, but we can´t help it. And you have always been especially good at that. But right now, you need to start living your life. Bloody hell, you earned it. We all did."
Harry just looked at him for a long while before saying:
"That was the most mature thing I´ve ever heard you say" Ron thought about that for a moment, before shrugging and going back to his bed.
Two days later they started packing, preparing to go back to the Burrow. The term had officially been cancelled and already students were starting to leave. Everyone in the Weasley family (including Harry and Hermione) were going except for Charlie, who had volunteered to help rebuild Hogwarts and Bill and Fleur, who were returning to Shell Cottage.
Much to his dismay, he had not had the opportunity to talk to Ginny since that day by the lake. It had been two days and it seemed as if one of them were always surrounded by people, making it impossible for them to talk.
Meanwhile, the Ministry seemed to have broken out of their post traumatic shock and had finally, under the watchful eye of Kingsley Shacklebolt, started issuing orders of arrest. Kingsley, who knew how much Harry disliked being left out of the loop, kept him informed.
One of the first orders of arrest issued was for Dolores Umbridge. Her trial was to be held in three months, by then the Ministry reckoned they would have gathered most of the scattered Wizengamot. Harry had, after much convincing from Kingsley, agreed to act as a witness when that time came.
As they walked past the gates to the apparation point, Harry couldn't help but feel a bit relived. Hogwarts wasn't the same anymore. It was tainted, like the ghosts of everyone who had died still clung to the very atmosphere of the castle. And even though it hurt, he couldn't ever imagine going back.
They arrived just outside The Burrow because, Arthur explained, when the Ministry found out that they were planning to go home they had insisted on putting all kinds of protective enchantments over the house. Not just for Harry this time though, Ron and Hermione had also played a great part in the fall of Voldemort and everyone was worried about any eventual stray Death Eater out for revenge.
As soon as they got inside, George left the rest of them. They heard how he hesitated outside the room he used to share with Fred, before continuing, past the door and further up in the house. Moments later they heard a door slam and then everything went quiet, aside from Mrs. Weasley who had started sniffling the moment she walked through the door. She and Arthur continued into the sitting room while the others continued up the stairs to their respective rooms. When they passed Fred and George´s room, they all averted their eyes, except for Ginny who was staring intently at the door as if willing Fred to walk out and declare that the whole thing was a prank that he had played on them.
Soon they parted from Hermione and Ginny, who were sharing Ginny´s room, and continued up. The room looked exactly like it had when they left, complete with the orange everything and the spare bed that just never seemed to leave Ron´s room. The entire place smelled like soap, and Harry guessed that Mrs. Weasley had cleaned it before leaving to get rid of the stench the ghoul left. Remembering it, he was thankful that she had.
He and Ron stayed up there for most of the day, talking or just sitting in silence. It felt like forever ago since they just talked, with no imminent threat hanging over them. Neither of them mentioned the battle, like mentioning it would pop some kind of protective bubble they had put around themselves. It wasn't until a voice from downstairs called them to dinner that they became aware of the rest of the world again.
On their way down, they ran into George who was making his way up. He stopped for a second, looked at them with unseeing eyes, before continuing up and into the room that had previously belonged to Bill and Charlie.
Dinner was quiet, aside from occasional sniffles from Mrs. Weasley who seemed to have made it her mission to make sure that everyone ate at least two full plates while completely neglecting her own, which continued until Percy, of all people, gently forced her to sit and put food on her plate. She ate it quickly and then made a big deal about collecting the dishes and starting to wash them so violently that Harry feared that the enamel would fall off.
After dinner he, Ron, Ginny and Hermione retreated into the sitting room where they played exploding snap until Hermione declared that it was late and they made their way up to their respective rooms.
He was back in the cave, but this time Dumbledore wasn't there to save him. The inferi came closer and closer, he could make out Fred´s red hair, Tonks bright pink. They were all there, Lupin, Moody, Lavender Brown. Something grabbed his arm and he saw Sirius staring back at him with emotionless eyes, dragging him towards the water. He tried to fight, but it was no use. They drew him closer and closer, his feet were now almost touching the lake.
A cold feeling drew him back to reality. He looked up at the blurry figure standing beside him and fumbled for his glasses. Someone handed them to him, a someone that turned out to be Ron.
"You had a nightmare" Ron said, his voice slightly shaky "I couldn't wake you up". Harry noticed that he was dripping wet, the reason clear when he saw that Ron had his wand out.
"Thanks" he mumbled, too tired to say anything else. Ron just nodded and went back to his bed. After a minute, his loud snores filled the room and Harry grabbed his wand to dry himself before lying back down.
But he couldn't sleep. The inferi, their faces sharp in his memory, flashed before him until he got up and started making his way down the stairs. He was almost at the bottom floor when he heard voices, and stopped. He recognized Mrs. Weasley´s sobs and Mr. Weasley´s soothing baritone.
"I just can´t…" he heard her say "how can you plan your own child´s funeral? That's not how it´s meant to be"
"I know, but we can´t just isolate ourselves forever. Our children, the ones still alive, deserve better than that" Mr. Weasley´s voice was thick.
Harry started making his was up again before hearing anything else. The guilt twisted his stomach. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley had to plan their child´s funeral, all because he couldn't keep the fight between him and Voldemort. He knew that if any of them knew what he was thinking they would hit him over the head, but at that moment, with the inferi still clear in his mind, he couldn't help but let the guilt unravel him.
He started making his was up the stairs again, he would spend the rest of the night on the floor, he decided. Anything to prevent the dreams he knew would come if he dared to close his eyes.