Clint (**#)
There are many things that brings pure and absolute joy to Clint Barton otherwise known as "Hawkeye". There is Team Movie Night at the Avengers tower, sparring with his teammates in the indoor gym, hiding in the rafters and watching the rest of the world with a bird's-eye-view, and getting into fights with Tony just to watch the man get flustered. However, there is only one thing that makes the man's insides churn with eager anticipation and adrenaline. Only one thing that truly releases his mischievous side the most…
Pulling pranks!
Clint is the mastermind in the world of pranking. No one really knows- well, excluding Natasha, who would probably kill Clint if he even did prank her- why the man finds joy in scaring the crap out of people. There are theories, but the difference between a theory and Clint is that you simply cannot put a theory to Clint. Or any of the Avengers for that matter.
None of the pranks Hawkeye pulls leave noticeable damage except to the person's pride. And the other members of his team do find in amusing to see one of the high and mighty SHIELD agents constantly checking over their shoulders, and/or running like a mad man through the halls of the helicarrier. Yet despite contrary belief, Clint does NOT use the air vents for his pranks.
One, because the air shafts for him to fit his muscular shoulders through. And two, it is not very practical of the view that Clint wants to observe his work. And three, that would just seem to obvious! So that is probably why the man in purple was trying to find an access point into Tony's air vents back at the tower.
~FLASHBACK~
The mission they had just come back from was a bust! They knew it wasn't going to be easy to break into a HYDRA base to gain some top secret intel on the black market deals that the force were making, but COME ON! That mission was freakin' murder! As soon as they got there, some-oh let's say a HUNDRED! - Armed HYDRA soldiers with freaky alien technology were waiting for them. Someone must not have properly secured their radio transmition back at the base when the Avengers were enroute, because those soldiers were ready!
As soon as the quinjet was spotted, the enemy forces were aiming their artillery thingys at the jet and tried to shot the passengers that are not able to fly out of the sky! Clint was cursing so much trying not to crash the 250 million dollar jet, that Steve didn't even bother trying to tell him about his language favoring instead to hold onto the net on the wall on the far right.
Explosions and smoke clouds were covering the cockpit windows, making it hard to see. The dashboard controls and needles were going berserk due to their rapid descent. And just to top it all off, Clint could have sworn he heard a very hulkish groan coming from the passenger bay. *Yeah, just perfect…*
Clint brought his hand up to his intercom and prayed that the man would answer back.
'Tony! Do you copy?!' Clint didn't really care if he hurt Stark's ears, after all, the man caused those more headaches with his rants more than anything.
'Yeah, Katniss, hear you loud and clear! Where are you?! There are HYDRA people everywhere and- Oh crap! Not the suite, not the suite, NOT THE SUITE!' Clint heard what sounded like a bazooka firing a missile and Tony's, honest to God, scream. If it weren't for the fact that Clint, Natasha, Steve, and Bruce would turn into a mess of broken bones and scrap metal at the moment, Clint would have called him out.
'Tony! I can't freaking SEE anything!' Clint growled between clenched teeth,' I don't even know if I'm still over the HYDRA base! So forget about the stupid suite for once and bring your tin can butt up here and give me a hand!'
'All right! Sheesh! I'm coming Hawk***, where are you exactly?'
"STARK!" This time Natasha yelled both on the intercom in in the jet. She was trying to help Clint steer the monstrous machine while being thrown every which way in the co-pilot seat.
'Coming!'
The quinjet rocked and buffeted over the air currents as the two pilots tried to steer. Steve walked up behind them and braced himself on the head rests of their seats, trying to find a firm hand hold. The thick smoke was quickly lessening as the three were soon face to face with the fast approaching forest. Using all the strength they had Natasha and Clint tried to pull up, but gravity was their enemy. Steve closed the rest of the distance between him and his teammates and covered them in a tight hug, so when- not if- they crashed he would take the blunt of it. Time slowed and what was mere seconds turned to hours in their minds until something hard collides with the bottom of the reinforced metal jet. The impact rocked the three people smooshed between Steve's arms rather violently.
*At least Bruce was smart enough to put his harness on as soon as the turbulence began.* Was what Clint thought when the sparingly comforting and annoying voice of Tony stark came over the com system.
'You guys need to go on a diet! This thing weighs a ton'
'Indeed!'
*Thor? When did he get here?* Clint opened his eyes and looked through the cockpit window, no one was there…so, where the heck was Thor and Tony?
'Okay? Is everyone alive in there?' Thor and Tony, who were bracing both wings of the quinjet grew silent as they waited for a response. Tony positioned his feet from being horizontal with his body to be right in front of him to slow his decline and Thor just straight up braced for impact the showoff that he is. Both man, Asgardian, and jet hit the rough evergreen forest floor with a spray of dirt and rocks. Tony's suit kept him from getting anything other than a few bruises and Thor looked unfazed, but…what about the other people in the quinjet?
'Uhm…guys? Sorry to interrupt any person moments, but…ARE YOU ALRIGHT?!'
Tony and Thor pressed the earcomms closer to their ears as static started to become words.
'Tony…look….Bruce….okay?...'
Thor turned to face the man in the iron suit with a questioning look on his face that any other time would have made the brunette face palm.
'Uh…what?!'
That was when they heard the obnoxiously loud "HULK SMASH!" followed by the big green monster wearing purple shorts-that always made Tony wonder just how many Hulk had-that came crashing out of the back of the Avengers jet. Tony jumped to the side as the Hulk barreled past yelling something like, "MUST CRUSH STUPID MEN CARRYONG BIG GUNS!" Thor looked over at Tony, to be sure he was alright before swinging his hammer and taking off. Tony just stood there and looked after the giant green Hulk and the blonde god of Thunder. Then another thought hit him, what is up with the Hulks purple shorts?
Because honestly! Every time you see the Hulk he had on those purple shorts! Did he ever wash them? Why did Bruce always wake up butt naked if he would have the overstretched boxers on? Where did they ever come from?! Tony chuckled inwardly at the mental image of Hulk doing laundry, then cringed because if he was washing his shorts…then what would he wear 'til they were done?
"I told you to look out."
Tony turned around to see Steve standing there and looking at him. Clint and Natasha not far behind. "Where the heck were you when I first called on the freaking earcomm, Stark?!" Clint was heated. First they nearly died trying to land the stupid jet, then Bruce Hulks out putting extra weight on the plane making it harder to land, and to put the cherry on top! He walks out of the huge Hulk sized hole in the back of the jet, to find Tony staring at Hulk's butt! So, technically, Clint had every right to be pissed off!?
Stark lifted his face plate with a look of fake shock. "There was static!' the billionaire was waving his arms around frantically and gesturing toward the area of his helmet where the ear piece was,' so, it wasn't my fault if I didn't get the memo! You need to speak up Katniss if you want to be heard!"
Clint stepped through the hole and started to close the distance between him and the brunette cracking his knuckles. "Why I 'otta…" but Steve's firm hand stopped him from shoving an arrow down his throat.
"Alright you two! Clint I know you're pissed, but we have to try and salvage one of the HYDRA weapons and bring it back to headquarters before Hulk destroys them. And better now than never."
As if right on que, Hulk let out another earsplitting shout followed by various explosions and shouting by other men in German and English. The four shuttered.
"Fine." Clint said before storming off in the direction of the base Natasha not far behind. As Tony and Steve ran toward the heat of the action to help Hulk and Thor. After many shouts, explosions, Tony clothes-lining people, cursing, and Steve correcting them on language; they managed to save one of the HYDRA stealth jets plus a few of the other weird looking weapons there. The quinjet was not suitable for flying, no thanks to Bruce, so everyone piled into the HYDRA stealth jet. And, silently hoped that SHIELD wouldn't shoot them out of the sky.
~END of FLASHBACK~
As soon as they landed on the SHIELD flying air base- without being blown to smithereens, thank you very much- they we immediately debriefed and let lose around the base until another jet was lent to them. Clint was still mad at Stark, so he took out his anger on some of the personnel roaming through the halls. He put a whoopee cushion in Fury's chair in the head conference room. Hide special Agent Hills' coffee on the top shelf of her bookcase. And most importantly, climbed up the opposite walls in the hall ways and fired split balls at passing agents through a straw while bracing himself with one arm. Their misery was his fun, but there was still one person that needed, no, DESERVED payback. And that is why Clint stopped in front of the opening of the AC vent above Steve's door and appraised in wickedly.
It took long enough, but he finally found the perfect entrance point. Working quickly, Clint stood on his tippy toes and detached the vent grill from the wall with ease. Putting his hands on the bottom, he hoisted himself up and into the air vent. It was a tight fit and he thanked whoever was watching him that there was no draft. Leaving the grill on the floor-he knew this would only take him a minute- Clint began the tight and slow crawl through the air vents.
_Line Here_
Tony was working on one of his suits when he first heard the noise. At first he just stopped what he was doing, but quickly shrugged it off and kept up dismantle and reassembly the suit. Them he heard it again, now Tony looked up. Something, or someone, was causing an eerie scraping sound and it was annoying. Tony left his work and wondered around the lab.
*Where is that sound coming from?*
He was directly under the opening to the air vent when he heard it again. He froze and looked up and mumbled something like, "Seriously? It's always the air vents! Why do the birds in New York always find their way in there?" Tony turned on his heels and walked back to his project.
"Hey, Jar?"
"Yes, Sir?" The AI slightly metallic British accent spoke over the speakers.
"Turn the AC on full blast will you? I think we have another pigeon invasion on our hands and I don't wanna hear Pepper complaining about the bird poops again. It's just plain nasty!"
"Yes, sir. Right away, sir." Jarvis replied, before turning the air conditioning on a super powered cold blast.
_Line Here_
Clint was hot. The metal doing nothing to keep him cool, but he kept moving forward because this prank would so be worth it! The archer could feel the truth serum filled dart in his pocket and the blow pipe attached to his arm. If this plan worked, Tony would not be able to lie about any question for at least three hours. This was probably his best plan yet! He was nearing the granted entrance to Tony's lab when he caught the last of the conversation echoing through the opening.
"…complaining about the bird poops again. It's just plain nasty!"
Then Jarvis' reply," Yes, sir. Right away, sir."
*Did Tony have birds? And why did it sound like Jarvis was trying to hide something?* Alarm bells were going off in Clint's head as he tried to put the words together.
Birds…poop…Jarvis….Clint…Chuckle…AIR VENT!?
"Holy…" was all Clint was able to get before the blast of cold air assaulted his face. The air was freakin' COLD! No wonder Clint never saw birds trying to nest near the AC ducts on the roof! Tony froze all their reproductive organs!? Clint was pushed back with a startling force through the air shafts. He knew there were a lot of turns but geez! Not this many! The world kept twisting and turning and pushing Clint toward another opening, but not before he could properly shield his face.
_Line Here_
Steve heard it before he felt it. The cold air shooting through the air ducts, quickly engulfed the huge living room that the Avengers usually gathered in to watch movies once they all moved in. Steve knew that Tony had an unnatural body temperature do to the arc reactor in his chest, but did it seriously need to be THIS cold? He got up from his usual spot in the middle of the couch and went to grab the green blanket on the back of a recliner when he heard the yelping and tumbling.
Steve stopped mid-step and turned toward the sound. *Was that coming from the air vents?* was the last thought Captain America had before hearing a loud crunch and watched in slow motion as the grill broke off the wall and a body came hurtling toward him. Clint's back came in contact with Steve's chest, knocking the wind out of him before they both tumbled to the ground with a satisfying umph and thump.
What seemed as minutes passed by as Steve started to catch his breath and looked down to see Clint looking up at the ceiling holding his nose and eyes scrunched closed.
Natasha and Bruce were the first to enter and evaluate the display. Bruce tried not to smile and brought a hand up to his mouth, brown eyes displaying mirth. And Natasha gave an unlady like snort before saying something in Russian. Thor came in and tilted his head to the side like a confused puppy before proceeding over to help his comrades, as the elevator door opened to reveal Tony Stark with the biggest cocky grin anyone has ever seen.
Natasha was the first to break the ice," I told you it wouldn't work."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I bow, I bow. I sill vanted to dry though!' Clint replied as he took Thor's hand and accepted a tissue from Bruce to stifle his bleeding nose. Steve watched at the facial feature swelled up and lay at a crooked angle on the archer's face. *He must have hit his nose on the grill when he came out of the air vents.* Steve took Thor's offered hand and stood up, to get a better view of his teammates. Thor looked worried and confused, Bruce looked like he was about to laugh as he set Clint's nose with a few butterfly bandages, Natasha seemed between wanting to kill Clint or laugh at him, Tony looked cockier than usual, and Clint was wincing and glaring at Tony. *Am I missing something?*
Tasha answered his unspoken question.
"Clint wanted to pay Tony back for what he did on the mission. So he prepared a blow dart full of truth serum and hopped into the air vents to get close enough to Tony's lab and shoot him. Judging by Stark's expression, he either heard Clint or Jarvis ratted him out and turned on the AC to flush him out. And I can assume you can put the rest of the story together."
Clint looked at her and gave her a defeated look, which was greatly enhanced due to his nose. "Tasha, 'he whined, 'why bid you bell them dat!" The other assassin shrugged and went over to the chair on the far side of the room to pick up her book and started to read. Bruce chuckled," Well Clint, you nose is broken, but it should heal in about a week or two."
Clint pouted and Tony just started laughing. Thor took his eyes off Clint and watched Stark. "Friend Stark, why are you laugh at the Man of Hawks injury? This is no laughing matter." Tony wiped a few tears from his eyes as he was trying to steady his breathing.
"OH LORD! Does anyone else see the irony in this?!" He looked up to see blank expressions all around.
Tony mumbled something demeaning under his breath. "Why are you all so slow? Anyway, Clint? HAWKeye? AIR vents? Ring any bells?"
Again silence, then Bruce started chuckling. Tony lit up and laughed again. Bruce was turning red as he faced the group…well, except Clint, who looking at the floor. "There is a running joke at SHIELD that Clint/Hawkeye lives in the air vents, so the fact that he was in them and trying to pull a prank that back fired makes the joke even more of a reality."
The other members of the team let out a collective "Ohhh" before the laughed. Thor bellowed, Steve shook his head and chuckled, and Natasha let a smile slip. Tony was hooting by now and Clint was getting redder faster than the Bruce turned green.
"I'm gonna kiw you Star!" Clint roared as he proceeded to run toward the man. Tony took off down one of the many hallways from the living room with Clint on his heels. Cackling all the way. The laughter in the living room slowly turned to wincing and cringing as the sounds between iron and bird commenced. There was a lot of yelling, and cursing, and crashing, and banging…
Then silence, before Clint bellowed in a voice that physically shook the tower.
"STE!?"