Jack Harkness- Flirting Extraordinaire

England loved scones. He loved making scones. He loved eating scones with a nice cup of English breakfast or Earl Grey on a rainy Saturday morning curled up with a good book and his cat, Crumpet. What he didn't like, however, was being forced into making scones. Especially by one Mr. Jim Moriarty.

"You want me to do what?" He asked a scowl on his face.

"Make scones. It's not a hard concept really," Moriarty shrugged, his Russia-like smile scaring the wits out of the country. "I know Sherly-Sher's on this ship. I need scones for tea with him."

"What? Why?"

Moriarty shrugged, a Cheshire-like smirk on his face. "I haven't seen him in a while. Besides, it's time to explain to him a couple of things."

"Like what?"

"None of your business, dear~" Moriarty shrugged. "It's smart people things, things you petty unthinking creatures wouldn't understand." England scowled at that, it was both rude and uncalled for.

Well, this Mister Moriarty was one narcissistic git. "I am your country. I am not petty!" England clenched a fist. His emerald eyes glittered. "I was a pirate! I was the strongest empire in the history of the world!"

"And now you're not," Moriarty sang. "I wish you would tell me whhhhhy!" The man regained seriousness very quickly. "Now, England, get cooking! You don't have much time~"

"And what if I don't?" England challenged.

It didn't even take a second for Moriarty to come up with a threat. "It would be such a shame to cut off your eyebrows." England winced. He loved his eyebrows. If he didn't have them then his face would look weird and America would mercilessly tease him. He didn't really want to make scones for the manipulative git known as Moriarty, but...

"Alright."

"Good!" Moriarty handed him the pink oven mitts. "You have forty-five minutes, and if they're not done by then..." Moriarty raised his evil Britannia-brow cutting razor threateningly, and England nodded quickly. "Anyway, they need lemon curd, so I'll be back soon~"

"ENGLAAAAND!" America was shouting at the top of his lungs. The Doctor was running around sonicing everything. "This is so weird, dude! He was right behind me, I swear!" The Doctor scowled at him.

"This is England we're talking about. He doesn't just get lost!" The bowtie-wearing Time Lord snapped. Then he brightened. "Maybe he was looking for a fez, or a new bowtie?"

"Or maybe he was trying to destroy France again?" America mused. The Doctor shook his head.

"I would hope he would know better," The time lord groaned. "Last time he did that, he set Weeping Angels on Napoleon!" America laughed heroically.

"This is ridiculous!" John burst finally. "How am I waiting for my own country, on board a spaceship, having just finished a game of Cluedo with a bunch of robots, a world superpower, three teenage wizards, and Sherlock?!" Sherlock frowned at him as Harry shrugged.

"I've done weirder things. Like kill a giant snake with a fake sword. Or-"

"Or almost die in a graveyard. That one takes the cake. Talk about irony," Ron agreed. Hermione sighed, shaking her head.

"The only good thing about that is it killed Edward Cullen," she said calmly, opening her magic bag and pulling out her lip chap. The other two wizards nodded in agreement.

"Who?"

"Cedric Diggory was a fake. He was actually a sparkling vampire," Sherlock said to John. America grinned at him.

"Twiliiiight!" he cheered. The Doctor rolled his eyes. "What? It's American! I love American things!"

"No shit Sherlock," the Doctor mumbled. Sherlock glared at him. "Right, sorry!" The door opened suddenly, and a man in a blue trench coat stood leaning against it.

"If you love American things," the man said with a flirtatious wink. "Then come take a look at this!" The man bowed. "Captain Jack Harkness," he sashayed over to America. "And who are you, handsome?" America grinned before striking a pose.

"I'M THE HERO!" he shouted. "I'm America!"

"Jack, shut up," the Doctor groaned. "Please. One American is enough!" America pouted.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

The Doctor shrugged. "Americans are just so loud."

"And annoying," Harry added. The Doctor nodded.

"Kinda like Draco," mused Ron. Hermione elbowed him.

"Their egos aren't as big."

"Yes they are," The Doctor and Harry chorused. America pouted.

"I don't have a big ego!" Captain Jack now sauntered up to John, having noted that America was too clueless to figure out that Jack was flirting with him.

"How did you get in here?" asked Magnussen. Everyone had, somehow, forgotten he was there. Jack winked.

"I'm Captain Jack Harkness."

"He flirted with the front guards," the Doctor translated.

"How do you flirt with a metal robot?" Hermione wondered.

"This is Jack Harkness we're talking about. Anything is possible."

"You're forty-five minutes are uuuup!" cheered one Moriarty as he skipped, yes, skipped, into the room, carrying a bag filled with jars.

"I hope they're done, because if they aren't you'll lose your eyebrows!" England was frowning at his creations. They were a bit more burned than usual. Just a little, but still. Moriarty popped up behind him.

"England! I need those scones!" England could hear the razor going off behind him, and shuddered. The country turned around, holding the plate. Moriarty examined them closely, looking at them from every angle. England held his breath. Finally Moriarty looked up.

"Weeeeeell..." he drawled, reminding England of one specific ginger sibling of his. "They're not bad. Actually, they'll do nicely!" Moriarty grinned, holding the razor threateningly. "Now, let's go find Sherly and the rest of your group!"

"Why?" England demanded, his thick eyebrows furrowing.

"Because I want to kill Magnussen! Sherlock is mine! All MINE!" England groaned. The razor poked him.

"Let's go, England! We're going to be assassins! Well, actually, you are, because I'm too fabulous. You're going to revert back to your pirate self. And then you're going to kill Magnussen with a scone bomb!" England sighed. Why did he always get stuck with the psychopaths?

As of right now, the majority of the group were entertained by this Captain Jack Harkness flirting with Sherlock. Well, everyone but America, because America was still running around looking for 'his England.' When Jack finally stopped to take a breath, a Dalek rolled up to Magnussen.

"We detect two intruders in the lower decks!" it beeped. Magnussen frowned, but America interrupted whatever he was about to say.

"Dude! You found England? Awesome!" The door opened, and a blond haired, big eyebrowed man was shoved in.

"Alright alright!" the man dusted himself off. "You don't have to be so rude!" America brightened up.

"England!" America glomped him.

"Get off me, America!" England struggled out of America's grip. The door opened one more time, and a man stepped past him, carrying a plate of burned rocks.

"No..." America gasped, staring from the man to England to the plate of rocks and back. "You made scones for him?" England nodded, looking miserable.

"He threatened my eyebrows..."

"If I were you I would take the eyebrows off," Ron commented. England scowled.

"Hi Sherlock!" the man looked at Magnussen with distaste. "And others." He raised the plate of scones. "I brought-" The floor exploded, and the second scariest noise to England's ears was heard.

"Kesesesesese!" the voice laughed." Why wasn't the AWESOME me invited to this party?" The dust cleared, and a pair of red eyes peered out, followed by a giant grin.

"MY AWESOME BRO!" America shouted, throwing his fist into the air.

A/N: Okay, this chapter was done by the awesome author named MillieTheKitty37!
Thank you to everyone who's reading so far, we have this fic planned pretty far ahead so look forward to more chapters soon! :)

~MillieTheKitty37

~BooksAreLikeChocolateButBetter