All characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi, I just wrote the story. Hope you enjoy, and reviews are greatly appreciated. Mentions of abuse and self harm in this chapter, please be aware.
I heard shouting when I first awakened. The sounds bursting into my room, jolting me from my slumber as I slowly sat up, blinking away the crust that formed at the corners of my eyes. I played the violin last night, why did I cry whilst I slept?
The raging voice clearly being heard from downstairs was my step dad. Why was he so furious this morning, and what caused such a disturbance? I exited my room as quietly as I possibly could, dreading if I was found out by him. I stood by the ledge and hesitantly peered over, straining my ear to better listen in.
"She's almost 21, Miriam! I don't want her here a moment longer, dammit. I want her gone by tomorrow."
"Surely you don't mean that. She's still in college. . . doing her hardest to finish classes. . . Will leave when she's done with this semester. . ."
I sigh and comb my fingers through my tangled mess of hair, trudging back into my little safe house. I sat down on the bed and curled up on it, squeezing my eyes shut as the temptations of the razor beckoned to me. I sigh once more.
Things such as what happened a few moments ago happened frequently around my house. It's occurred since I turned 18, with my step dad yelling in my face that he was going to "kick my ass out onto the street." I've been there, done that. He hasn't done it yet, however, which I'm most thankful for since I have absolutely no place to go.
I flinch as I hear something smash against a wall, it shattering as my mother screamed back at him to stop throwing things. I pick myself up and went to the bathroom, a hand shakily reaching for the drawer where I kept my razors. No one would know, and no one will. Such pain only passes when I am at ease, and doing such will help block everything out around me. I smile.
Three cuts.
I sat on the stage in the center of the music room, focusing my attention on my violin that I held to my neck. No one else was here, it was break, and I heaved a sigh and let my eyes slip shut. I counted my breaths- 1… 2… 3… 4…- before setting the bow softly against the strings and began to play.
Once again, I seemed to have lost myself in the music, for when I opened my eyes, I spotted Inuyasha sitting amongst one of the many fold up chairs in the middle of the room. I nod at him when he stood up and packed up my violin.
"You doing alright, Kikyo?" He asked softly, pushing himself up onto the stage next to me.
"As fine as I'll ever be. Why?"
"These past few days haven't favored you in the slightest. Is it family trouble again?"
Oh, I had almost forgot. Inuyasha knows most of what goes on in my house, albeit he does not know about the abuse.
"Yes, actually. My stepdad has been upset for a few days now, and I've tried to keep away, knowing it'll only stir up more anger from him if we crossed paths."
He caught the slight change in my expression and pulled me close in a warm hug, rubbing my arm slowly as he spoke.
"You know, if anything bad happens, which I hope it doesn't-" he knocked on the wooden floor beneath us for good measure. "You are always welcome to stay at my place."
"Thank you, Inuyasha, really. I appreciate it." I smile before sliding off the stage. "We should head back, shouldn't we? I don't want to miss English."
She is very peculiar, I must say. How she holds her violin case so close to her, how she grasps her left wrist and tugs on the sleeve whenever she is nervous or upset. I've come to know these small things about her, from the time she's been in my class. I don't know what it is about her that attracts me, but every now and then I catch a faint whiff of sadness enveloping her, and I wonder why.
Do you wish to find out?
No, no… Not at all.
Then why do you care? Cease thinking about her at once.
She does not interest me in the slightest. I just wish to know what it is that causes her such misery and pain.
Foolish. Such mockery. You are only belittling yourself when you think about her. You are more than that wench.
I do suppose you're right, but I wonder…
The nights are rough, and my razors are too far away for me to reach them. I'm lying on my side in the dining room table, struggling to breath as I wince with every small intake of air. Bastard, I think to myself as I lay suffering. He couldn't even finish the job.
I struggle to my feet, coughing up a small amount of blood. I scowl at it, and doing so made me even angrier, knowing that I was too weak at the moment to fight even him back. I stumble in the dark towards the stairs and grip the handrail tightly and ascended, feeling tears prick my eyes. It hurt, with every step I took, the pain came back tenfold. I wouldn't be surprised if he somehow broke a rib, let alone fractured or broke anything else on my body.
Tonight's beating came back to hit me like a bulldozer, and I wasn't expecting it at all since the last time he fully beat me was when I was 18. I close my bedroom door behind me and lock it, clenching my jaw. I wanted to scream so bad, to let the whole world know what he did to me just then. But I couldn't. I was weak then, and weaker now with each passing moment.
I didn't care of any thought that passed through my mind; the razor within my reach and I grabbed it tightly. It sunk into the palm of my hand slightly, and I watched, mesmerized by the sight of my blood against cold metal. I laugh silently at my pain, and felt tears slip past my eyes and down my cheeks, creating little wet lines. The blade pressed into the skin of my wrist and I rejoice in the feeling.
Four.
Five cuts.
Six cuts.
Seven cuts.
More.
Morning soon came, as did the return of my massive headache from the night before. It was Friday, the day of my exam in English class. I rubbed my eyes with my good hand and glanced down at the mess I made on my wrists.
Dried blood caked my wrists and the palm of my hand, but not a single drop of blood hit my sheets. That must mean I cleaned up somewhat, even though I don't remember. I stand from my bed and shiver at the cold gust of wind from my open window I forgot to shut yesterday. At least it was cold, and turtlenecks are my favorite things to wear.
Inuyasha met up with me at the base of the school steps that morning, holding a cup of hot chocolate in his hand. Kagome was with him, and I seemed to not mind at all when I reached them.
"Hello, Inuyasha. Kagome." I smiled at both, gratefully drinking my cocoa.
"Hey, where were you last night? I tried calling you and it went straight to voicemail."
Hm, did he? I must have missed it. Being beaten almost half the night sure does something to your mental health.
"I must've fell asleep early, I was plenty tired. I'm sorry. May we reschedule?" I ask, following the two inside the warm building. English was my only class for today, since I had an exam in it. The rest was useless and Inuyasha and I planned to head to his house afterwards for a movie marathon.
"Sure thing, my bell flower. Just call me when you're finished with your exam and we'll meet up, kay?" I nodded at his request and went to go find my classroom, eager to get this day over with.
I enter the room silently, only a few others taking the test early. I met the teachers eyes and nod at him in acknowledgment before sitting down to start the test.
It was gruesome, but I believe I passed with a good enough grade for my liking. Everyone else already left, and I was about to leave when the Professor stopped me.
"Ms. Kikyo? May I have a word with you?"
"Um, sure. What about?" I lean back against my desk and readjusted my grip on the violin case. That seemed to catch his attention and he quirked an eyebrow.
"Are you joining the band at all? I heard that they need a new member, preferably someone who plays the violin such as yourself." He smiled at her, but it never reached his eyes. He wasn't interested in having this conversation with her, she could tell. All he was interested in was what she was wearing, if she was seeing correctly.
"Yes, I fully intend on joining them. May I be excused?"
"Just one more thing." He stood up then, making his way around the desk to stand before her, crossing his arms over his broad chest.
"I insist you play for me once. I would like to hear how you play."
I was startled at his forwardness and blinked, rubbing my left wrist as it suddenly began to ache. "I…" I was at a loss for words, no one else wanting to hear me play besides Inuyasha. "Alright. We can set up a date later. I must be going now. Goodbye, Professor Naraku."
"Just Naraku, if you please." He smiled once more down at me and escorted me to the door. I didn't fail to realize his hand was on my lower back but to my surprise, I never made a move to tell him to take his hand away. I waved goodbye and turned to head towards the meeting spot outside the building, deep in thought.
Hm. I wonder why he was suddenly so interested in me. Surely he is only my teacher, and I his student. What could possibly happen?