I was shut up in Haven for a whole week before I was allowed to leave and start my missions. During that week I was freezing my ass off in the icy cold trying to learn spells from Solas. He said I was a quick study but I knew he was just being polite.
I had gained the reputation of having a temper and being a stubborn "bronto". When I was first called that I thought of a tough horse, but Varric was quick to show me a few sketches of my comparison. He laughed at my reaction. I was basically called a rhino!
I said in a rough n' tough accent, "Are you makin' fun of my weight?" I kidded.
"My dear lady no!" He responded with a chuckle.
Varric loved that comparison so much he gave me the nickname Bronto. I didn't like it much but he seemed to think it suited me.
Varric joked one night at the tavern that he'd bet a whole sovergien to hear Solas call me Bronto, preferably in the bedroom. Varric wiggled his eyebrows and I rolled mine. Thank God Solas wasn't there with us or else I would have been blushing as red as a beet.
The relationship between Solas and myself became intricate and deep. It was not romantic, but I'd be lying if I said I never thought about it. We shared something greater, I felt as though there were a literal string connecting us, or two attracting magnets. And that nothing could break that connection.
After training with Solas on the courtyard we would recede into his make-shift library where he would cast a warm fire that would hang above us, keeping us nice and cozy.
I learned many spells from him, sadly none of them advanced. Although I only learned these spells after spending three days just figuring out how to harness and control my magic.
Solas told me that normally it would take months for an adolescent mage to gain control of their powers. But there were a number of reasons why I picked up on it so fast: I was older and my magic was practically bursting, I had a good teacher, and apparently I was naturally adept.
By the time my studying ended with Solas it was night and my stomach would be growling for food. Solas and I would usually grab food at the tavern, but on the last night of the week Leliana asked everyone to gather in the Chantry Hall for supper.
Long dinning tables had been set up, and delicious plates of simmering food sat awaiting to be eaten. Cullen and Solas sat beside me, Leliana and Josaphine sat across from me, and Varric and Cassandra sat on the ends of the table. The rest of Haven sat at various tables enjoying the hot meal.
I dug in the moment I sat down, stuffing nug meat and gravy into my mouth.
"Looks like Bronto's hungry, who'd have thought?" Varric remarked. I stopped to give him a glare but I wasn't actually mad.
"Ahem." Leliana cleared her voice and all the bickering stopped, the attention was focused on her, "I believe it is time to progress our next objective. A group of four will go to the Hinterlands and speak with Mother Giselle about approaching the remaining members of the Chantry. I must express that she is vital in convincing the Chantry that we are not their enemy. We cannot focus on the true threat, the Breach, while we are being hunted and degraded by the Chantry. Lead Scout Harding will fill you in on the details of the area and where Mother Giselle is located, you will meet her at the base camp in the heart of the Hinterlands." Leliana inhaled and exhaled loudly, "Now, who wants to volunteer?" She smiled charmingly at us all.
Cassandra was the first to speak up, "You, Josephine, and Cullen should not leave your duties unattended. Snow, Solas, Varric, and I will go."
"Thanks Cassandra," I say sarcastically.
"Now don't be sore Bronto, I'm sure you're just dying to get out of these mountains. I hear there's actual sunlight in the Hinterlands!" Varric said.
"You're right Varric, I'm starting to get sick of this frozen pit. What season is it anyway?"
"Summer, actually." Solas added in.
"Summer?! I don't want to be around here when winter kicks in. Alright, I'm in. But first! Sleep!" I rise from my seat, having filled my stomach full earlier.
"I shall excuse myself as well," Solas exited his seated and walked with me to my one-room home. Cullen gave both of us a suspicious look as we left the hall together, but I thought nothing of it.
It was cold outside, as usual, but I wore a thick fur coat around me to at least retain my own heat. I could see the fog of my breath as I exhaled, it was fascinating to watch, I felt like I was creating temporary white shadows that dissipated before I truly was able to behold them. I would look at Solas and see every tiny detail in his face that was only inches away from mine, he would look onward with an ever-wise expression.
Solas's own home was next to mine, so most nights we walked together before going to sleep. We reached my doorstep within a few minutes, we had walked in a peaceful silence and I was ready to sleep.
"Do you know how to ride?" Solas asked me.
Instantly a dirty thought entered my head and made me blush, "W-what? No," I fumbled.
"Ride a horse, I mean." His eyes lit up seeing my rosy cheeks.
"I can't say I've ever tried. That doesn't mean I can't." I say, regaining my natural color back.
"Well let's hope your abilities to learn quickly will be of use tomorrow. We will be traveling by horseback...Snow?"
"Yes, Solas?"
"Have safe dreams and goodnight," He let go of my hand, I had not even noticed when we started holding hands. He walked over to his one-room home and closed the door behind him, suddenly I was cold without his presence and I hurried into my warm bed.
IXI
I dreamt of Cullen. How every time he looked at me it was with a hidden distrust, or defensiveness. Yet when we engaged in conversation his countenance turned bright and friendly. He seemed like a golem from the outside but inside I knew he was a sweetheart, I just had yet to see it.
In my mornings before training I would take a walk past the gates and into the nearby woods. Well, I call them woods but that makes them sound ominous. The sun flooded past the trees and filled the ground with light. I breathed deeply and closed my eyes, a smile crept on my face.
"I love it here." The voice startled me and I jolted open my eyes. It was Cullen.
"You shouldn't sneak up on me like that! What if I set you on fire? Then all we'd have is a smoking commander. Oh wait, we already do." I winked.
He blushed but did not comment on my flirtation, instead he continued with before, "Whenever I feel stressed I come here to relax, I've found myself visiting this place frequently since you were brought in. Not that is has anything to do with you...it's just that it means the real battle will begin soon and many soldiers' lives depend on me."
I place my hand on his shoulder and give him a gentle squeeze, "I'm starting to understand that feeling. But in reality we're just people not miracles. You just have to remember how you can inspire people to do great things, and suddenly it becomes worth it.
Back in Virginia I was in college to become an English professor. I realized that being impatient was not a good virtue to have as a teacher, but I was too stubborn to admit that. I knew what it was like to inspire someone to do something on their own and see their smile.
"You have a good heart Cullen, I can see that no matter how much you try to hide it."
He brushes back my long black hair behind my ears, "Your eyes are a resilient yellow, I don't think I've ever seen anything like them."
Yellow? My eyes are brown!
"What's wrong?" Cullen asked.
I didn't want to freak out again in front of him. So I just said to myself that it doesn't matter if my eyes are yellow or if I have pointed ears. I am still me. "Nothing." I say, "And thank you, your eyes are quite the sight too," I grin.
Again he ignored my advances, I was starting to think he didn't know how to flirt.
His hand fell back to his side and slide them into his coat pockets, "I do not wish for you to be offended but I must ask you something."
"Go on."
"Solas, do you actually trust him? I mean, he hides so much and we all know so little about him. He was the only one who didn't seemed surprised you're from another world, doesn't that strike you odd? What if he had something to do with your being here?"
"That's ridiculous. Solas has helped me throughout this entire ordeal. I trust him completely. He wasn't surprised because I told him at the battle, and besides! He has explored and discovered places in the Fade you couldn't even imagine!" I was getting defensive, but he just tried to make me doubt the one person I truly connected with!
Cullen backed off, "I didn't realize you felt so strongly for him." There was a long painful silence.
"He's not the only person I care for Cullen." I was frustrated and afraid I'd say something stupid, so I made a quick retreat back to my room where I could vent.
I ran into Solas who could sense my anger and embarrassment. He didn't ask what it was about, that I was greatful for, he offered to be a dummy that I could vent my magic on.
I learned his barrier spell is extremely powerful and withstood all the spells my mana could cast before depleting.
My favorite spell of choice was my fire spell, probably because fire fit my personality so well. Back on Earth I had taken a bunch of online quizzes to find out my element, all of them were fire.
Solas could tell fire was my favorite as well, and asked if I wanted to specialize in that branch. Immediately I said yes. Fire was my magical soul visualized!
"You could be a great fire enchanter one day. Sadly, I don't have those skills, but I could find a teacher that knows more once you've learned all you can from me."
I was saddened by the idea of Solas and I spending less time together, but my thirst for knowledge in the arcane made me agree to this too.
I wondered just how long it would be before my studies with him stopped. I'm sure Cullen would be glad of it. I could not understand Cullen's utter distaste for Solas. I wish Cullen could see what I saw.
My time with Solas had flown, it was nearly time for lunch. We walked to the tavern together, almost synchronized in step. We were heavily engaged in a conversation debating the controversy of magic. I had no memory of entering the doors of the tavern or sitting down, just Solas's words and expressions. He captivated me, and I think he enjoyed having all of my attention.
Varric was at the tavern, and promptly joined our table once we sat down. He interrupted and ended our debate with a simple, "So did I tell you about the one time the Seeker had me captured and interrogated?"
"No. I don't believe so Varric, this should be interesting." I turn to Solas, "We'll continue this conversation later?"
"I have a feeling this topic is unending, we'll probably be discussing it many times in the future." Solas raised his hand to signal the bar-maid.
"I look forward to it." I say to him. The bar-maid comes over to our table and we all place our orders for food and drink. Wine, in Solas's case.
"You were saying, Varric?" Solas gestures to him.
"Huh? Yes, I was just so intrigued by you two love-birds. You know, I have a good romance story if the two of you would like to hear it...?"
Solas turns slightly red, as did I, and coughed, "That's not necessary." This gave Varric a good laugh and he droped the subject.
"As I was saying...it was some time after the explosion of the Chantry in Kirkwall," Varric started. I was only able to understand some places and events from what Solas had taught me, "The Champion of Kirkwall and I are great friends, family almost. So when the Champion disappeared, who might know where she went? You guessed it. Me. The Seeker guessed it to. She had some of her "goons", what I found out later to be some of the Inquisition's soldiers, ambush me and bring me to her. I woke up bagged and tied to a chair I pitch black darkness. Suddenly, a candle is lit and the Seeker's face appears. I can see her, the chair I'm sitting in, and a book that I wrote of the Champion she's carrying, that's about it. Then she demands I tell her about the Champion of Kirkwall, I started with a little story but she called on my bullshit. She wanted to the real story, with all the gruesome lovely details. So I gave it to her. She heard the story, and it wasn't what she expected. But it did change her view of Hawke, the Champion of Kirkwall. She had no luck in locating Hawke after that, and brought me to the Conclave to tell the Divine my story when everything went down. You know the rest."
"The Seeker is more ruthless than I thought." Was my concluding thought. Just as I had said that Cassandra walks up to our table.
"What was that Snow? Something about ruthless?" Her eyes narrow accusingly.
"Ah don't worry your head about it Seeker. Come join us, our food is just about to arrive!" Varric successfully evaded her, that sly guy.
Cassandra didn't have much to add in the conversation, she slowly sipped her warm mug of beer while the rest of us laughed at Varric's other stories about Hawke's unfortunate timing.
Then, right after Varric's third story, Cullen joined us as well! It felt like everyone was coming to the tavern for a drink right then!
He expressly sat himself between Solas and I, although I'm not sure how he managed it. I couldn't tell if he was just being a hard-ass, or if he was...jealous? No, what would Cullen have to be jealous about anyway?
After a few drinks Cullen loosened up, as did Cassandra. We all got sucked into a game of Wicked Grace thanks to Varric persisting. I was doing surprisingly well, considering it was my first time playing the gambling game.
Pleasant conversation passed the time until a few too many beers were drink and we started betting clothes. Cullen lost a shirt, Varric his duster jacket, Solas nothing, and Cassandra...just her armor. I could swear she must wear at least three layers. As for myself, I exited the bet after I lost my first shirt layer. I was way too modest to go topless. Varric said I should take lessons from his friend Isabelle on how to be not-modest-at-all.
We stayed until dinner time and had another round, which was bad judgment since we were already shit-faced drunk. By the end of the night when we all decided it was time to head to bed.
Solas walked me to the door like a gentleman, although stumbling like a drunkard. But Drunk Cullen didn't like that, so he pushed, yes pushed, Solas out of the way.
"I'lll waallk the ladyy hoomme tooniightt!" Cullen was still shirtless and a wreck, but I thought it was cute and I giggled, I couldn't stop giggling.
Solas clearly didn't think this was funny but didn't interfere with the commander nonetheless, "As you wish." He said.
"Aww, you're not going to fight for me Solas?" I pouted my lip.
"Not this night, Snow. But I have a privilege the commander does not have. I shall see you in the morning for training tomorrow, and I'll teach you a spell to cure the nasty hangover." He winked at me, "Have a nice night, and try not to be too...adventurous." His expression turned sour at that last word and he sped past Cullen and I to make it to his room before Cullen and I left the tavern.
Cullen grabbed my arm and we left the tavern together.
Cullen shirtless was definitely worth all that alcohol, he had a toned muscular body that made me warm even in this snowy weather, "You must be freezing right now!" I exclaim to him.
"Trrrue. Butt when I holldd to youu liike thiss," He holds me in place and wraps his arms around my body, immediately my hormones start going crazy. Hormones coupled with alcohol was not a good mixture, "I feell fiine liike thiss." His speech was still slurred, which made me question why wasn't Solas's speech slurred?
Cullen lets go of my body and clings to the sides of my arms. He looks into my eyes intently, as he had done earlier that day, "Maker, you're beautiful." My eyes widen and I my heart stops, my entire body stops.
I can see him leaning down, and I'm terrified. Our mouths are only inches apart. Then, contact. The touch is so soft I feel myself leaning into it, I feel my body leaning into him wanting pressure. My mind stops thinking and our arms have wrapped around each other's bodies in a romantic embrace.
Something clicks from within me and I break the kiss. We're out of breath and our bodies are pressed heavily against each other. I take a step back and inhale, trying to clear my head of all the hormones screaming. Cullen does the same and we're both shocked of what just happened, I thought there was some kind of tension between us, but I hadn't thought romantic, and certainly not sexual.
"I should go...go to sleep. I have...training in the morning..." I force out the words that needed to be said.
"With Solas...yes. And I...have duties and...soldiers..." He placed a hand on his forehead as though he had a giant headache. I took this opportunity to escape the situation, just as I'm about to run past him he grabs my hand and pulls me into his arms again, "Snow...don't go..." He kisses me passionately with so much emotion I didn't even know existed. I want to stay, badly, but I force myself away and release myself from his grip.
"I have to." I run up the steps and into my house, my heart pounding as I slam the door shut. The first thought that entered my mind when I closed that door, was the fact that Solas could have seen us through his window from where we had been standing.
I hoped we all had drunk enough alcohol to forget permanently. Especially Cullen. I don't know how I was going to face him in the morning. Was that kiss even real? Or was he just so drunk he didn't have any self-control?
I sighed, I was exhausted and drunk and my adrenaline high from Cullen's kiss had worn off. The moment I hit the hay I passed out.
That next morning was one of the most awkward I had yet. Although I had gotten my wish, partly. Fortunately, Cullen didn't remember a thing. Or at least I believed he didn't from the way he acted. As for Solas, he acted distant during training, and I was sure he had witnessed the events of the night before. But, as promised, he taught me the hangover cure spell. I was too embarrassed to bring up anything from the night before to him and continued on as thought it was just a normal day.
I wasn't sure how to act around Cullen, so I acted the way I had before anything happened between us. Besides, he was back to his surly self. And I had other things to think about, namely not getting shot in the face with a fire ball.
So much had happened just within a week, and soon I would be off to the Hinterlands with Solas, Varric, and Cassandra to start our journey. I felt as though I really connected with the people here, I had made new friends and started to feel like maybe I could belong.
One question remained, well many questions remained but one shot up to the top of my list: Why did I have yellow eyes?!