.
.
TWO
.
.
MONDAY
.
.
The last things that Ty Lee remembers are Lo and Li's words about Ember Island. A magical place. How she will never forget the night when they finally got to know each other better before a campfire, how it rejuvenated her increasingly darkening aura. The family portrait burns. Mai and Zuko reconcile. Azula says something about an estranged, banished mother thinking she is a monster and ultimately laughs it off. Ty Lee feels the best that she has ever felt for quite a while. Because: I know you.
She tells herself and everyone that she will never forget this day.
Then she wakes up and everything seems different.
Ty Lee is definitely not on the bed that Azula and she shared in Lo and Li's run-down cottage, definitely not on the sheets that Mai said the sea puked all over. This bed smelled different, softer. But she felt a familiar presence stir beside her, groaning into wakefulness. A scent she knows well permeates her senses and Ty Lee knows. Same dark-hair framed a slightly older face. Azula looked impossibly more beautiful than the last time she saw her (which was just last night). She is naked too, bare from the lots that she could see from the skewed blankets. Ty Lee does not remember having sex with her. They share the room with Mai and Zuko too and Azula does not want anyone to know…
Azula does not want anyone to know…
Azula says it's nothing….
Despite the glances, the jealousy, the secret kisses, the touches that almost burnt into something else…
Azula does not want this.
Azula would not want this.
"Azula!" Ty Lee calls urgently, shaking the other girl up. They could not let anyone see them like this. What would the Fire Lord say? Zuko snitched as often as Azula lied. There was a reason why they did not call their trip to the arcades for what it was: a double date. Azula was arranged to be married with another nobleman soon. Imagine the scandal! Azula would be livid. What's going on, Ty Lee promises herself that she would figure out later. That kiss in the beach didn't escalate and went out of control, didn't it? Azula does not want this. Azula said, insisted that this is not love.
No matter how much it hurt Ty Lee, some secrets just have to be kept.
"Azula!"
But Azula always knows what to do. And they are in a room that Ty Lee never saw before, wrapped in sheets that Ty Lee does not have an idea where from. They certainly are no longer in the old women's beachhouse. No sounds of wave crashing against rocks. No smell of seawater. It does not smell like old lady. Where are they?
"Azula!"
Blearily, golden eyes finally crack open and this time, Ty Lee takes note of the difference. The face that stares back is gaunt, tired and riddled with stress lines that the Princess works so hard to conceal. She would never be caught dead with those! But bathed in the sunlight, she looks no less as perfect as she was yesterday, dressed in her sleeveless tube, the sand staining her red garments. If anything the lines mark a maturity that makes her even more attractive, rivaling the flawlessness of yesterday's youth. Her body is curvier, more pronounced. Azula frowns, but not in alarm. Ty Lee gapes. She points an accusing finger towards the silently contemplating princess. "What in the world did you do to yourself Azula?"
Azula holds into her shoulders, sighs. She props herself up. Her eyes are clearer now and she asks. "How much do you remember Ty Lee?" she coaxes. Her voice is gentle. Too gentle. It momentarily disconcerts Ty Lee. Azula is never gentle. She is conniving. She would purr, she would croon if she gets something out of it.
"What do you mean how much I remember?" Now, Ty Lee is confused. And she notices the small things. Azula's voice is deeper, her words lacking the sultry accent she once took pride in. Azula's countenance is less stiff, lacking the command that her scowl inspired. Azula looks like Ursa. For the first time, fear grips Ty Lee's senses. This is not Azula. And yet… "We were in Ember Island. With Zuko and Mai! We were in Lo and Li's house but we are not there now. Where are we… Azula and what is going on?!"
Her voice… her own voice…
Ty Lee's panic is getting the better of her and she forgets that Azula dislikes being bombarded with so many questions all at once. But Azula just waits, rubs her bare shoulders and Ty Lee is struck by the already growing suspicion that this might not be her princess after all. Because Azula would have already chastised her, mock her. Perhaps she apologized last night but that was only because Ty Lee was once again better at something Azula wanted to be best at. Azula always needed something from her—her submission, her skills, even her love. And Ty Lee had always been more than willing to provide to her Princess because that is their relationship. Azula takes. Ty Lee gives. Being in her good graces makes Ty Lee fear her less.
But Azula is nothing but efficient. This Azula just stared at her in askance, as if expecting something. In that short span of time as Ty Lee bumbled and fidgeted, her Azula would have gotten them out of this place already and burned it in her wake.
Maybe, they look the same. Or this might be how an older Azula would look but her Azula is just fourteen! Younger than Ty Lee! This woman… this woman…. This is not Azula! No way.
Azula can read minds however. And this Azula does. "I assure you that it is me, Ty Lee. Azula. I am Azula" The touches become more urgent, pressing further as if sensing Ty Lee's instinct to incapacitate her. She does not relax. She cannot let herself to. "You are twenty-six now Ty Lee. And we are married."
No.., what is going on? Married? Twenty-six? How is this possible?
"But you…" she trails off, trying to shrug her hold off. Ty Lee would have pushed her off and drawn as much distance as possible but her body feels heavy, uncooperative. And this Azula… this Azula…"You are going to be married off to somebody else!"
"Some things change."
"What?" She is astounded. Because there is no way that Azula would marry her. There is no way. What they have… what they have….
What they have is never love.
"You said you don't love me!" Ty Lee shrieks, this time finally gathering her rage to pull away. Because Azula would never hold her like this. Not so tenderly. Azula said she did not love her. Azula did not love her. And Ty Lee would never marry someone who denied her such dream. "You just said it yesterday! Azula! What in the world are you saying? Who…" She holds the sheets to cover her naked body, points a trembling finger towards Azu—the stranger. "Who are you?"
"Listen to me Ty Lee…" Her voice… her voice is different. Azula does not talk like that. But the woman keeps her distance, willingly giving Ty Lee her space. Wrapped around the red blankets, Ty Lee leaps off the bed, poising herself for a fighting stance.
Azu—the woman stands too but her attempt to look nonthreatening is futile. Her body is a Firebender's frame, all muscle, no wasted skin. Ty Lee tries not to stare, tries not to think that this is indeed what Azula would look like twelve years later…
Twelve years later.
Ty Lee is twenty-six.
Even from the distance, Ty Lee can tell that she is of almost the same height as this woman.
"I know I should have put a mirror here." She hears Azula… mutter and Ty Lee is surprised at how close she has gotten. Immediately, hands seize her shoulders, holding her steady. She is not pinned down, she is not forced into restraint. But the stranger that looks so much like Azula towers over her, though it is obvious that they indeed are almost of the same height. An expression swims in golden eyes that look so familiar, so beautiful. But this pair looks more haunted, more troubled than the one who told her friends that her mother once thought she was a monster.
And that she was right.
But it still hurt.
"Listen," The familiar edge of her tone is back. And Ty Lee looks up at the woman—Azula- who struggles to contain her growing impatience. "I'll explain this over coffee. But for now, go to the bathroom. Get yourself dressed. This would be clear in a minute. I promise I would look after you."
This stuns Ty Lee. There is no way… there is no way… "But—"
"What?"
"Azula would never say that." Ty Lee pushes the arms off, backing another step away. She puts her before her, ready for a quick jab. "The Princess Azula I know would not care as long as she gets what she wants. I am nothing to her. It's not love—"
The laughter that follows is unsettling, pent-up aggression and frustration released into an ironic burst of mirth. There is a sparkle in Azula's wide eyes, an airy quality in her gaped mouth. She shakes her head repeatedly. And Ty Lee freezes.
"If you still believe that, then this day would be harder than the usual." What? What does this… this weirdo mean? Azula is never like this. Azula is never crazy like this. She is perfect, composed. Azula makes sense. What is happening? "Listen, Ty Lee. I love you."
No… That's not true.
Azula would never say that. Her Azula would never say that. She has everything. She has the world! She does not need Ty Lee.
Azula makes sense.
This stranger does not.
"And I will always look after you."
No…
Azula does not care.
Azula does not need her.
"Now I promise, everything will be clear once you take a nice bath." Stunned, Ty Lee lets herself be coaxed towards the bathroom door. Azula pauses outside and stays. "I'm downstairs if you need me. I'd give you a tour around the house. Just remember…"
Ty Lee begins to shake.
"I love you."
The door closes.
….
.
.
The anxiety does not subside even after she saw the painted portrait—the one evidence that made everything unreal feasible. For paintings can be forged and eyes can be tricked. Perhaps, this is one elaborate prank, one designed to lead her on, just the very thing that Azula who never acknowledged what was between them for what it was, would do just to possess her. She is cruel that way. The Azula that Ty Lee is used to. Mirrors lie too. You see what you want to see. But it cannot be denied that Ty Lee does not want to see an adult version of her staring back and yet she did.
She is dressed now, in a white kimono she does not remember owning, seated at a kitchen she does not remember cooking on. She fidgets, eyes panning back and forth, to and fro, looking for an escape. She is in a house she does not remember ever living in. The windows are all closed. And as far as she can see, there is no door in sight. Azu—yes,- Azula herself stands not a few yards away, waiting for the kettle to steam and true to her word, explains the whole thing.
An accident. A banishment. Because apparently, Zuko is now Fire Lord and what Azula only has left is Ty Lee, who cannot even remember having the Princess in the first place. Her storytelling is vague, coated with the most general description that only rendered Ty Lee more confused than ever. Because why would Zuko banish her after all she has done for him? They captured Ba Sing Se, has slain the Avatar. They are heroes of the Fire Nation. Ty Lee never wanted for Azula to be Fire Lord—for some reason, the idea has always been cringeworthy to her- but Ty Lee definitely expected more than them being exiled in Isobu—some island in the outskirts of their nation. Azula is left with nothing so she takes Ty Lee with her.
As usual with the Princess, the acrobat is but an afterthought.
Her illness. She wakes up a different person every single day. She wakes up confused. Azula stays by her side, becomes her tether back to the real world that has already moved on without her. Everyday, she is the stranger who knows Ty Lee intimately. Everyday, the past would be lost. The present, a routine. The future, unthinkable.
That is that one thing that she loathes to understand but so far answers the multitude of questions that has piled up.
But she cannot believe this is happening. Because if she does, then that only means the reality that she is in right now is far from the dreams of a life that she has always mooned about. Or rather, the appropriate dreams where her heart is not stepped on mercilessly. Azula is never part of those. Azula is never supposed to be part of her life after she gets what she wants, despite all the kisses, the confusion, the almost-sex. And yet… and yet… and yet…
Ty Lee is not supposed to be this pathetic.
"We are married Ty Lee." Azula reminds her once again, seating herself as she places the cup of coffee before the desperate woman. Lots of cream. Lots of sugar. Azula never knew that about her. Azula woke too early to share breakfasts with them and she definitely did not ever make Ty Lee any. "We were nineteen and very much in love before things happened."
The accident. The accident that made her an invalid for the past seven years. She feels her head spin. Thinking hurts. This accident. This accident that put her in a situation where she has to get to know an Azula she agreed on marrying all over again every passing day.
Because even her most masochistic side does not recognize the woman anymore.
Because although she can see (Ty Lee tries not to think of what lay under those red robes, how those alluring unpainted lips tastes now) why she would have lusted after her, there is just no way that Ty Lee would marry her.
(But then, it was the third time the Princess told her that she loves her and she is different and she makes her coffee and she is beautiful and they had sex and perhaps, she really agreed if she proposed because deep inside Ty Lee knows that though it would have been okay that they were never meant to be, she wouldn't have been able to move on from her first love. The kisses, the confusion, the almost-sex)
(But she doubts it)
(She just cannot believe… she just cannot believe… that Azula has nothing but her now.)
(She cannot believe… she just cannot believe… that Ty Lee has nothing but Azula now too.)
(The kisses, the confusion, the almost sex…)
(There has to be something more than that.)
"Don't you want to ask what this accident is all about?" Azula prompts and for a moment, Ty Lee is startled at her gentle, coaxing tone. But she reminds herself that in this reality, Azula answers questions and retells the story of their lives every single passing day that Ty Lee wakes up to find that the world has streamed on when she stayed stuck in the past.
And that Azula has changed. Azula has changed.
That she has nothing but Ty Lee now and the memories of a long-gone life.
And Ty Lee has nothing but Azula now. And even her memories eluded her.
"Why are you banished?" is her answer to the posed question. She ignores the coffee, figuring that it would only add fuel to her already hammering heart. Azula calmly sips hers, elegantly raising her cup to her lips. She sighs, breathes and the gold gaze stays contemplatively on Ty Lee's gray ones. They are beautiful. Still beautiful.
More beautiful.
"Well for starters, the Avatar is alive."
The information alone says a lot although Azula does not enunciate it like a momentous revelation. (Which is understandable if you have to say that every single day… no… no… NO!) But it provokes the same shock as it would have had it been more dramatic. Ty Lee's lips part. "You mean your father banished you?" Twelve years. Twelve years since everything happened. Twelve years of her life that Ty Lee has no idea about. She needs answers. She needs them now.
But is one day of lucidity enough to catch up to memories that she would forget the very next day? It is the way her illness goes, Azula had said. You have a hard time remembering things. Yesterday, Azula had mentioned that Ty Lee remembered the attraction and obviously acted on it too. She blushes at the thought. The previous day, she was in the mind of a fifteen-year old.
And now Ty Lee believes she is still fourteen,
A mere difficulty on remembering is the biggest understatement ever sold.
She… she… She cannot think of the word.
"No." Azula seems unaware of Ty Lee's turmoil, of her slowly crumbling psyche. Because all this time, she has been alive and she has no idea how. "The world banished me. The world has no place for people like me anymore especially after the war." There is no emotion in her words, just cold, hard facts. Clinical, her mind supplies. The word sounds familiar.
"After the war?" Ty Lee exhales. And the implications race in her mind, things she never thought about before. Because the Fire Nation has been impervious. Azula has been so invulnerable. How could they wind up in the losing side. "Azula… I—"
"Long story short: I lost an Agni Kai. Zuzu becomes Fire Lord. The world hates me. And I lost everything."
Azula states this calmly, no negative inflection as if this is but a routine she got used to. She pauses, as if waiting for Ty Lee to ask a question. "And me?" She asks, feeling her gaze shift to the unvarnished surface of the wooden table. "Where do I come in?"
"You joined me." She replies, like it is the most apparent thing in the world and Ty Lee thinks that maybe it is. Perhaps in her compassion, she falls harder for Azula when she adamantly told herself not to. That probably she considered the end of the war a blessing in disguise. Because if Azula lose grasp of the things that once mattered, she would finally see a path that Ty Lee secretly visited in dreams after their trysts and traverse it with her. Maybe, it makes sense. Maybe, it is the only thing that makes sense now.
Because there is no way that the Avatar is alive. No way that Zuko is Fire Lord. No way that she forgets the memories she makes whenever she so much as slips out of consciousness.
But she will… Ty Lee will certainly join Azula to the ends of the world.
That makes sense.
But there is no way that Azula would willingly tell her that she loves her when she just said yesterday that,,, that… that…
This is nothing.
Yesterday is twelve years ago.
"Some bounty hunters caught up to us." This time, Azula volunteers the information and Ty Lee realizes that she has been silent for quite a while to warrant the discomfort between two friends awkwardly reacquainting. Except that they are no longer just friends. They are married. She is her wife. Azula is Ty Lee's wife. And they had sex yesterday even though Ty Lee does not even remember."You had a head injury. And well, you never quite recovered."
She hears the words. She hears her voice. And she sees the same beautiful face. But senses could be fooled. And the heart could be hypnotized. She ignores her fluttering chest, favors her doubting mind. And Ty Lee asks with a frown. "How did you propose?"
The mirth that succeeds her honest curiosity makes Ty Lee think that she remembers something. Déjà vu, she marvels until realizing that Azula did the exact thing earlier when Ty Lee openly doubted the validity of their marriage. Because she cannot believe it. She just cannot. The history Azula just told her are all empty words, not even triggering a single recollection. Avatars coming back from the dead are as fantastical to her as the myth of Omashu. Ty Lee frowns. "Don't laugh." The words escape her mouth and she is surprised to hear annoyance. "I am just trying to see whether I would remember." Surely, Azula begging for her hand would be a memorable enough event.
"It's just amusing that you are more interested in that than everything else." Azula pauses, drifting briefly in thought. "What made you think I was the one who proposed?"
"Because I never would have asked you!" she insists. And she covers her mouth. Oh no, she would explode anytime now. This Azula seems to be every bit volatile as the one she is used to. But Azula only scowls slightly, shrugs and Ty Lee does not have time to regret her tactlessness.
"Well, I just promised that I will always look after you." She simply says, crossing her arms petulantly. Then she smirks, recovering. This… Ty Lee thinks as she beholds the self-assured, conceited face that the twenty-six year old Azula makes. This is familiar. "We had a lot of sex."
Ty Lee blushes. "I could see that." She squeaks. And there is triumph painted all over Azula's face. Her wife. She actually is her wife. Perhaps, it does not look so farfetched now. Because Ty Lee knows that if there is no war, no throne, no perfection to attain, Azula would not have been too much of a monster to fall for. And even when the Princess outright rejected her, there had been that flicker of hope that Ty Lee had tried to ignore. She realizes that it is that small flame now that pleas for her to believe what otherwise would have been possible.
That Azula loves her back somehow. And each other is all they have now.
But trying to remember anything about the two of them hurts and so Ty Lee does not let go of the doubts.
….
.
.
To Ty Lee's eternal relief, Azula has not gone all mushy to her like she almost feared she would, with all the changes that she has noticed in her persona all at once. But watching the ex-Princess wash the dishes makes It easier for Ty Lee to believe that she has said yes when Azula promised that she will always look after her.
She looks rather good in an apron.
But some pieces just do not feel right and it perturbs Ty Lee to no end how kindhearted Zuko who carefully pluck bread to small pieces to feed the palace turtleducks would let his sister wander around the world for war crimes that he himself committed once upon a time. She knows Zuko, as much as the young man had tried to deny it last… that night in Ember Island. Azula who now lives no better than a peasant and is taking care of a wife that cannot remember who she is half the time, if what she says could be trusted—there is just no way that Zuko would let that happen. Bygones are bygones and no matter how viciously they have chased each other around the globe, they are still siblings. Azula had said in passing (after a random question because Azula only speaks of the past when prompted) that Zuko switched sides and ended up aiding the Avatar. Ty Lee for some reason is not surprised. And Azula did not elaborate. The acrobat rationalizes that telling the same story every single day must be too much of a chore.
The fact that Azula readily answered questions, albeit a bit evasive at times is surprising enough.
Another thing is Mai—surely she would be Fire Lady by now. And if indeed Zuko has been hopeless in redeeming his own sister (because even Ty Lee could tell that for once that Zuko made the right decision when he joined the Avatar. The megalomania, if that is the right word is getting out of control.), Mai should be enough of a clear head for her… husband?... to see reason. They are friends, closer than is permissive in the competitive atmosphere of where they originated. When Ty Lee asked, Azula has been closed off, almost reticent again and murmured that Mai is not someone to be trusted.
And for some reason as Azula carefully diverted her attention from their apathetic friend, Ty Lee sees the Princess she feared more than anyone in this twenty-six year old familiar stranger once again. Azula tells Ty Lee things and Ty Lee is not supposed to ask questions. And though she is consumed by the whys and hows of her situation at the moment, in her unstable mind Ty Lee is still the same fourteen year old who let Azula laughingly dismiss her own sob story off because she fears upsetting the relative balance that their otherwise abusive relationship has settled on.
So Mai is not an acceptable topic.
Ty Lee is careful and wary, treading through broken glasses around the questions and answers, around mystery and clarity. For all the façade of amiability that Azula attempts to exude, the girl who thrived in half-truths and secrets is still there, hidden away in homey smiles and accommodating words. To her credit, Azula must have noticed because for now, the amnesiac finds herself comfortable in the distance they exercise.
They sit in the opposite ends of the couch. Azula waits for the next question, her golden eyes lit with expectation. Her eagerness seems out-of-place, her apparent patience even more so. When in the past, Azula's face lit up like this when she has an impenetrable city to conquer, this time Ty Lee seems to be the only thing that she cares about, is thrilled about. And that feels wrong. Just wrong.
She thinks of any safe thing enough to ask and then she figures she should bite the bullet and try this one. "Do I have any medication I should take?"
This must have given Azula a jolt for she stills for a moment and looks at Ty Lee with a flicker in her golden eyes. Her brows creased as if surprised by the question. This sends Ty Lee to an edge, afraid that she did something wrong again.
But then she has amnesia, wakes up everyday not knowing her surroundings so she should be cut some slack. She proceeds. "I mean if I have been going through this for some time, we must have tried some remedies." She chews her inner lip, trying to remember anything she knows about memory loss besides a particularly overbearing grandfather who took not recognizing Ty Lee among her sisters to a whole new level. "I can tell it is very hard. I cannot even imagine it 'Zu-Azula. Waking up with a wo-wife who asks you who you are half the time. But amnesia is a medical disorder so there must be a cure, right?"
"We tried several things." Azula replies and she seems to have regained some semblance of composure, reverting to the clinical tone once more. She inspects her nails listlessly. "Herbs, hypnosis. I even forced a waterbender to look into it once. You name it." She trails off, watching Ty Lee with a cocked of an eyebrow. The acrobat is unsure what her expression betrays now. "Persistent amnesia has always been a tricky thing that has eluded many a scholar. Shall I explain it to you?
Jargon has never been the strongest of Ty Lee's suits and even Azula, as gifted as she is in strategic warfare, tries to avoid reading about the scientific side of nature. Though, Ty Lee could tell that she could excel on it if she tried. She remembers a younger Azula wondering once about the practicality of a flowing lightning, the girl who flew a kite with a dangling key in a thunderstorm out of curiosity and concluded a couple of complex things that Ty Lee did not bother understanding.
But she could not smile her way out of this. This is important. Ty Lee has to know what is going on with her.
Even if she will forget it by tomorrow.
She shivers.
"I have read about the matter when I found out about your… condition." Azula sounds hesitant but nevertheless plows on. "The first year is hard. You barely can remember anything and I continually have to reintroduce myself." A deprecating chortle. "The next years has seen improvement. Today, you remember your teenage years. Up until when we are at Ember Island, I believe."
"Does it vary?" Ty Lee knows the answer.
Azula nods. "Memory is a funny thing. There are two ways of how it works. One part stores short-term memory, like remembering what you ate yesterday. Another stores long-term memories like.. uh, the coup in Ba Sing Se. Likewise, there are two kinds of amnesia."
"Partial and total?" The term feels somewhat familiar. Perhaps they have discussed it at some point in the Royal Fire Academy for Girls. The instructors always have a knack of imparting the most useless of knowledge.
Except that it is not so useless now. Ty Lee wishes she has listened more closely.
"Loosely, yes." Azula's tone is beginning to gain confidence, trudging through a familiar territory. This is the Princess she remembers, so strong and so sure of herself. Ty Lee does not feel that way anymore. She used to, she tries to tell herself."I have read about one case when a Fire Nation soldier got hit by an earthbender. And he forgot his entire life but still can retain new memories."
This sounds better than what Ty Lee is said to be experiencing. "And the other."
"Is rarer." Azula answers. Her tone is somber as though she is trying to calm Ty Lee down. She does not get any closer though, does not offer any physical consolation. "Those are for people who forget memories as soon as they make them."
Something clicks in Ty Lee's head. It is quite painful and she winces. "I have both?"
She forgets most things about her life.
She forgets everything that might make it more bearable.
What do you do when you don't know of your past and the future is not even something to look forward to?
Something dark crosses Azula's face. And Ty Lee does not know what to make of it. "Yours is still rarer than that.'
She shifts from her seat but does not get any closer. Ty Lee does not question the immense relief that she feels. Because no matter what, this Azula is still a stranger to her as the concept of her forgetfulness.
"Because sometimes, you actually remember everything. And believe me, Ty Lee, those are the worst times."
….
.
.
Azula looks like she regrets bringing that up.
The revelation that there are instances that she woke up knowing everything up to the point that the bounty hunters bashed her head scares Ty Lee. Because in that she finally understands the pain that Azula must feel. The empty hope of finally waking up with a cognizant and well Ty Lee, only for it to dash into smithereens the next day when she ended up wondering who in the world she is once again. "It had happened a couple of times in the past few years." Azula says because Ty Lee snapped up and urgently asked for more information, fueled with more enthusiasm than even the questions about the bounty hunter who hit too hard.
"How was I in those days?"
"The time after the first instance, I just pretended that everything is fine. That you were in a coma after the attack." She regards Ty Lee's aghast and horrified expression with an indignant huff. "What? I'm sure you wouldn't want me to spoil the day when the both of us could actually be normal."
Ty Lee can tell now that this line of inquiry angers Azula more than anything else that she has messed up so far so she strikes it down. Because she understands why, she can see why. When she lost her memories, Ty Lee broke into pieces that are not even big enough to pick up and fix, that even Azula's genius cannot restore. A pretense for a single day is the consolation that they probably both craved for.
"And the next instances?"
"Next question."
Azula does not sound too happy.
So Ty Lee proceeds to the next question.
"Were the two of us put into prison or something?"
Being thrown in the guillotines does not seem so farfetched a thought given the things she has heard so far. Zuko the ruthless Fire Lord who gave Azula a taste of their family's medicine for dysfunctional relationships. Mai, who could "not be trusted". A resurrected Avatar. And finally, Azula in the losing side for once.
Ty Lee thinks that she would have followed her to the ends of the world no matter what. The kisses, the touches, the almost-sex. Because in her own way, Ty Lee loves her. And if she is the only thing that Azula has, she surely would not deny her of the one thing that can keep her sane.
Except that she is now a bedridden, house-sat invalid who asks the same questions everyday, who does not even remember the promise she probably made in their wedding. Azula ended up having worse than nothing.
Anyone else would have gone mad.
But not Azula. Never, the level-headed Azula.
"I was." Is Azula's reply and Ty Lee is snapped back to the reality where Azula reminded her of the nuptial promise that she would always look after her, in sickness or in health, richer or poorer, amnesiac or not for the day. "I escaped at one point. We met again some years later and well… you joined me."
That… that made sense too, Ty Lee thought in apprehension. She imagined herself hunting down Azula to join her in her dangerous exile. But what happened to her? Ty Lee was still one of Azula's handpicked generals. Surely, she would have fought alongside her, battling the forces of the united nations all because Azula expected her to. And Mai? Wouldn't they be jailed too?
Azula made it sound like Ty Lee did some form of noble sacrifice that ultimately touched her.
"You said it was romantic yesterday." Azula points out, pouting.
Defensively.
"I did?" Ty Lee does not remember. Of course. "You made it sound like I was free. Wouldn't I be on jail too if you were?"
The smirk that graced Azula's beautiful, mature features was what one would describe as ironic, directed more to the situation and viewing it with detached sarcasm. She shook her head, as though amused. "Hmm… let us put it this way. Mai loved Zuko more than me. And she looked more favorably at you as well."
The pieces clicked. So Mai must have a hand for her supposed amnesty. But why not Azula? They were friends too, weren't they? Ty Lee does not want to ponder further. "There's more to this story, isn't it?" she prompts gently. Azula is not looking at her.
"Everybody ends up loving Zuko more." She whispers. Tired sigh.
I could sit here and complain how my mother loved Zuko more than me…
But I don't really care.
That. That, she remembers like it is yesterday.
Maybe because it was yesterday to her.
"Azula, I am not sure of anything right now." Ty Lee hears herself say. She desperately wants to gain the courage to touch her. But this woman is still a stranger. The Azula that she remembers loving is the ruthless Princess of the Fire Nation who kissed, touched, almost fucked her without acknowledging it for what it was. This Azula must have kissed, touched and fucked her when she is the only thing that she can love. "But fourteen-year old me… I certainly love you."
The words do not attain the effect that Ty Lee aimed for.
Azula raises one brow and the ironic smirk, the self deprecating laugh comes back in full force.
"Seriously…" She said in between mocking chuckles and Ty Lee crumples to herself. This. This is the Azula that she knows. And yet is unfamiliar. There is a glint in her eyes. Ty Lee does not want to look at it. "I hated the fourteen-year old you the most."
….
.
Her fourteen-year old self has done something. More accurately, she did something shortly after the events that she can remember now. Fourteen-year old Ty Lee is the persona that Azula finds most insufferable. Ty Lee can see it written all over her face, even in the mask of forced cordiality. Azula is never one for pretext of goodwill. Ty Lee just cannot put her finger to what it is and she does not dare to ask.
Maybe Azula thinks it does not matter.
Maybe Azula herself wants to forget.
Maybe Ty Lee does not need to know.
Maybe Azula does not need Ty Lee to know.
Azula avoids her for the rest of the day,
She makes dinner, wearing the same apron that she is scarily attractive in. Ty Lee eats with her. They talk. And Azula answers questions. But there is the inkling that nagged on her throughout the night that Azula wants nothing more than to end the day.
Ty Lee does not ask about her fourteen-year old self.
She falls asleep on the couch.
Thoughts of inconsistencies, possibilities, manipulation and that suspicious cup of dinner tea that made her dizzy falling into the deep pits of the forgotten. She visualizes the dark void eating the memories of today. She sees fists reaching out to jab repeatedly on an armored back.
She sees golden eyes filled with madness, pale, familiar lips snarling into stark raving rants.
The words, the hurtful words become a distant buzz.
Tell me, when did you stop fearing me?
Ty Lee does not remember.
Ty Lee would not remember.
Ty Lee would never—
(TBC)
….
,
,
Azula's betrothal was an idea for Book Three that Bryke ultimately discarded, according to the wiki anyway. It would have been interesting to see that as a plot device in the original series but it probably would seem more like an unnecessary filler.
The scatterbrained narration is an attempt to illustrate Ty Lee's confusion. It is hard to imagine being in her shoes right now. Her demeanor as you can see mostly depends on how much she remembers. Azula's behavior is a reflection of this as well.
Thanks for the lovely feedback and the alerts/favorites. That is much appreciated. Do tell me what you think and thanks for reading.