I wouldn't call this 'long-awaited' but I've been thinking of it for a while.
I've just been really missing my Ashes of Our Lives and What We Have Left universe, so I'm back for some more.
This is NOT A SEQUEL to What We Have Left - there won't be a continuation. These are outtakes, a series of oneshots that take place during/after both Ashes and WWHL.
If there is something particular anyone would like to see (I was asked a few times for Reid/JJ to get married) then please ask, I'm happy to see what I can do.
This particular first section takes place directly after the end of WWHL. Recovery.
"If you share your pain you cut it in half, if you don't you double it."
Roughly a month after WWHL ends.
It started as an embarrassing habit, one that woke them up in the night and left them quiet and awkward for nearly half an hour. Now, they skipped the foreplay and embraced the act willingly, finding it all the more comforting because of the lack of pre-play.
JJ had attempted sleeping on the couch for a while, she really did.
She and Reid were opposites; she could not ever sleep, resolving to spend the night up watching his TV at a low volume, red-rimmed eyes distant and one hand twisting her hair. She would try to avoid looking at the window, for fear of seeing anything besides the cream-colored curtains looking back at her.
Reid never wanted to do much more than sleep. He experienced the infuriating sensation of sleeping long hours and waking up exhausted. He put it down to the wide array of prescription drugs he was on, although that did not make him any less bitter. He was often holed up in the bedroom, resting under a mountain of blankets and trying not to worry about his new roommate.
Each night when they resigned to bed, JJ would curl up on the couch. After a few nights of doing so, she realized that there was no point to trying at all. She could sit still for hours, never dozing or resting her eyes. Every time she did, her fragile mind would be assaulted with images she desperately wanted to forget. Blonde and black hair, alternating each time and slate-blue eyes, cold and hungry like a snakes would snap into her mind like a rubber band, biting a sharp burn of pain into her head and making her jolt upright.
Each night she would last a little less time on the couch before she found herself getting to her feet, clutching an oversized flannel about her shoulders and making her way down the narrow hallway into the now-familiar bedroom.
Familiar with the routine, she didn't knock or make a sound as she slid into the king-size bed situated in the middle of the room. She gave the room a quick glance, wide blue eyes searching in the dark for a blackened shadow, feeling no small amount of relief when she noticed none.
JJ settled into the unbelievably comfortable mattress, pulling the thick blankets up to her shoulder and turning onto her side, leaving her back to the edge of the bed. She could barely see her partner under the blankets, so she tugged at the edge to expose his face. Facing her, he grimaced at the now-lack of warmth against his skin and he twitched, blinking sleepy eyes, near black in the darkness of the room, awake to meet hers.
Reid watched her, surprised as always at how the minuscule amount of light seemed to gather in her eyes and make them glow a silver-blue that gave her away.
Just as he did every night, he reached out one hand to touch her cheek, his fingertips smooth and warm against her skin. She closed her eyes, leaning into his palm and breathing a soft sigh of relief and worry.
"You alright?" He asked with a voice muddled by sleep and tinged with discomfort. She knew he was just beginning to warm up to the idea of being so close to someone, but she had a feeling his shyness ran deeper.
She answered with a soft 'yes' like she always did, but chose to elaborate. "I just... I needed to be close. I'm more comfortable in here."
She started scooting in and he wriggled, pushing the heavy blankets away to make room. She curled up close, not enough to be snuggled against him, but enough so he could put an arm around her shoulder. A glance at the clock on the nightstand told him it was past three am. "Why don't we just skip these late-night meetings, and you can just sleep in here from the start?"
So they did.
With him, she was able to slip into an uneasy sleep, usually free of dreams, good or bad. She fell asleep and woke up to the soft, barely noticeable scent of pine-needles and clean laundry. It was a smell only he had, and though she had no idea how he managed to smell like fresh-cut trees all the time, she could hardly say she didn't enjoy it.
So he would watch her during the night, tired eyes fixated on her porcelain smooth face, tracking for twitches and movements that would betray discomfort. Only once he was sure she was sleeping for good would he allow himself to drift off again, feeling the near painful pull of exhaustion tear at his body and mind.
In the morning, he would wake before her. She was exhausted, and rightfully so. He knew the tiredness he felt was psychological, so he would will his aching body up and to the kitchen to start the coffee, which would release the scent that would wake JJ from her dreamless slumber.
It never took JJ long after that to come stumbling into the kitchen, arms wrapped around herself. She would pass Reid, seated at the kitchen table reading the newspaper. Like every morning, she would drop a hand as she passed to drag a hand along his thigh, clad in sweats to fight off the chill that never seemed to leave the apartment no matter how high the heat was on.
Coffee in hand, she would join him at the table, sipping the hot drink and making a grab for the paper as he set it down.
He would drink his while she looked, neither saying a thing and doing nothing except enjoying the morning quietness.
It had been their routine for just over a month, and today was no different.
Setting the paper down, JJ looked up to find Reid looking at her over the rim of his favorite, chipped coffee mug. She set her own down and slid a hand across the table. He released one hand from its wrapped position around the mug to fold his fingers around her slender palm, and she nearly closed her eyes at the feel of the heat from his hand, from his cup, grazing a trail of heat across her skin.
They sat for a while in silence, Reid smudging a thumb over the back of JJ's hand while she stared at the table, staving off the emotion for as long as she could. When she couldn't hold back any longer, she looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said in a meek voice, "Spence, I'm scared."
He met her eyes, his expression so saddened she nearly leaned back in surprise, perturbed at the sheer openness he was sporting. Part of her was afraid that he was too, making her reality come crashing at the thought that there was still something to be afraid of. But most of her just felt privileged; he didn't open up to people, but with her he was an open book. He offered her comfort and companionship unconditionally, and she fully felt his support even when he said nothing at all.
"I know," he replied simply after a few minutes, and those words were oddly soothing to her battered soul.
"Spencer," she said, surprised at how adding the last letter of his name made her sound so serious. He noticed to, watching her intently with an unwavering hazel gaze.
"Let's go out today," she said tentatively, and he tilted his head just slightly, moving to stand and grabbing his coat from the back of the chair.
It was the first time since they'd been home that she had initiated leaving. They had both been content to rest in the apartment until their shattered minds were pieced back together; until the ashes of their lives were rekindled into a flame of life. Each time there was a flicker of fire, a wind breathing the name of Alexander Napuri billowed along and snuffed it out, scattering the ashes father and farther apart. Eventually, they would be too hard to pick back up. They knew that. They had to try while the pieces were still manageable.
Half an hour later they stood, dressed and ready and shoulder to shoulder at his door. Unsure what to say, his hand reached for hers and they laced their fingers together, JJ leaning into his side as they took that first step on their own from the apartment. There were no teammates there ushering them out to a group meeting, to the BAU, or to their scheduled therapy.
Today, it was just them. Just two people, not profilers, not agents, not government officials. Two people, hand in hand, leaving their home for a walk and a cup of coffee at Paula's cafe down the block where Reid had loved to go before he'd been thrown outside the world he'd known. Now it was a world with JJ, and he would bring her into it completely, adding her to his life with his whole heart behind her.
Together they took the steps, opting to walk instead of drive. The day was not warm nor cold, and the sun on their skin felt soothing. They were two damaged people, frozen from months of cold, burning cold, returned to the heat of normalcy. There was no other feeling like it.
Hands clasped, shoulder touching and hair tousled from the breeze, they walked. Not a word was exchanged, nor were any needed, and they simply enjoyed each other.
They would heal, they knew that.
But it would take work. They would scrape up each other ashes and kindle the fire until it flared out into brilliant rays, recreating the remarkable people they had been. They were not too far gone.
As JJ looked up at Reid with such comfort in her cobalt eyes, he knew, down in the pit of his soul that they were recovering.
Soon, they would be whole.
She was his heart, he was hers.
There were no two ways about it.
I'm so stuck on Ward of Ruin right now, and this came FLYING onto my screen. What is wrong with me? I miss the Ashes world a lot, actually. Expect more for this! Next one will probably be a snippet from when they were with Napuri during Ashes.
Please R&R! I appreciate it! (: