AN: I apologise for the delay in updating Jess' diary; please forgive me. I hope you enjoy this next instalment, especially since it includes some of my favourite entries so far - the picture frame and the baking ;) Enjoy!

10th July 2004 - 23rd August 2004

10th July 2004

Dear Diary,

My first entry written in my new home with Sam! I love it! It's small and falling apart just a little bit but it's perfect for us! Being given the master keys was a surreal feeling; my first, very own home. Sam was quiet at first, hesitant almost, but after we unlocked the place and started to unpack he hasn't stopped smiling all day. He kept kissing me and wrapping me up in those octopus arms of his randomly during the day. He just said he was happy, happy to have a home with me. I feel the same; it just feels right. I love him so much and this all feels kind of like an amazing dream to be honest!

It only took Brady's and Becky's cars to get everything here. (They've been great helping us haul everything up all the stairs; we did have to bribe them by promising to throw a house-warming party though!) Anyway, most of it was my stuff. Even though Sam's been here longer than me he still hasn't collected all that much. Sam just shrugged it off, saying something about being used to travelling light, but there's travelling light and there's travelling light! He just had his clothes, some books and stationary, his computer and a handful of 'knick-knacks'!

All that didn't make it in this trip is my bike. It's going to be useful for travelling to lectures since we're not on campus anymore and it'll come in handy for cardio-training too…

We spent most of the afternoon unpacking and making it more 'homey'. Sam seemed to really enjoy this. We're going out tomorrow to buy some bits and pieces that the place is missing, and some things which are properly ours, both of ours.

Sam wants to get some plants, so I think we're going to go by the boulevard garden place to see if we can find some nice pot-plants. I tried to make him promise we wouldn't get roses though; I've never liked roses. I just think, they're kind of …obvious. I don't know. Sam said he liked them, thought they were romantic, and we got into one of our 'disagreements'. It lasted until Sam had me thrown over his shoulder, tickling my sides while I squealed and I called truce. He absolutely didn't win though, despite what he says; I think his exploded pillow and carpet burn proves that. I am still the undefeated queen of the infamous tickle-pillow fights!

Oh, I must remember to pick up some food and drinks for the house-warming tomorrow as well; Becky and Nicolai would kill me if I cheated them out of a good party!

Greetings from Casa Winchester and Moore!

Jess

12th July 2004

Dear Diary,

Just woken up to a beast of a hangover. I don't know what Nicolai put in that punch last night but it sure was lethal. It was a great house-warming though. Everybody came – Lotta, Nicolai, Becky, Zach, Brady, Olivia, Todd, Natalie, Josh and Beth. It was brilliant. I had such a good time. Despite being nervous beforehand, Sam seemed to really enjoy himself too. I don't think I've seen him laugh so much in my life. He must've drunk about half of the punch bowl – he danced, Sam danced, like a crazy person, in front of people, for like an hour. It was hilarious, and I now have the perfect blackmail material thanks to Becky's video camera. I think at one point he tried to use his lawyer skills to prove that Professor Carlson is 'in league with the butterfly children and the bumblebees'. I don't even understand, and I was there! For a beanpole of a boyfriend, he's terrible at holding his drink! He's an adorable drunk though, so I can live with that!

Think I'm going to wake him up now and see if I can bully him into making me a fry-up to make my headache go away.

Jess

15th July 2004

Dear Diary,

They say you never really know someone until you live with them. I don't know about that, but I have discovered that Sam has a few odd habits which I've never come across before. Nothing bad, just…strange, I guess.

Before we went to bed that first night he made sure to put a small pot of salt on every inside window ledge. He just smiled and shrugged when I asked him about it and he said he's picked up some weird habits over the years. He must be superstitious like my Grammy is; not that she's ever done that but she says salt is good luck and always throws some over her shoulder when she cooks with it. Maybe it's something like that…

Also, I was sorting out the clothes drawers in the bedroom earlier today, and was putting away some of Sam's socks when I found a knife buried towards the back. Sam doesn't strike me as someone who would carry a knife, but the fact that it's stashed away like it is and I've never seen it before means that he probably hasn't ever taken it out or used it. It looked kind of exotic, all weird curves and had some inscription on it which I couldn't read; maybe it's one of those ornamental ones, a souvenir from a holiday when he was younger maybe. Sock drawer's a strange place to keep it if that is the case but I keep my Russian doll set which Pappy bought be from their trip to Moscow in '99 in an old pair of slippers in the bottom of the closet, so I guess I can't talk!

There are other things he does which he doesn't even seem to notice he's doing, like visually sweeping any new room he goes into, like he's assessing everyone and everything in it. They're all little things which make Sam who he is but it makes me wonder what strange things I do without ever realising…I dread to think!

Jess

20th July 2004

Dear Diary,

Best day ever! The apartment still smells delicious, although I don't think I could eat another bite. Sam and I are now the proud creators of the tastiest, most amazing cookies ever! We've christened them 'Moore-chester' cookies. Not the most original I know, but I like it. Most people have 'their song', we have 'our cookies'! (and not that I'm biased or anything, but I think that's much better!)

It's been a while since I've baked and I had a craving to make something today. Cookies seemed like a good idea since you can't ever go wrong with cookies! Sam got back when I was getting all the utensils ready and hunting for all the ingredients and asked if he could help. I asked him if he could get the ingredients out whilst I cleaned out the mixing bowl, since it hasn't been out of the cupboard since we moved in. His face fell at that, before he reluctantly admitted that he'd never made cookies before and didn't know what ingredients we'd need. He's never made cookies before! I can't imagine it; one of my earliest memories was standing on a chair between Mom's arms helping her to stir the chocolate chips in to the cookie mixture. Seeing his nervous face, it made me wonder what other things Sam missed out on not having his mom around…

We had such a fun afternoon, me teaching Sam how to make cookies. Although it did take us three attempts to make even the plain, chocolate chip ones…Sam managed to put salt instead of sugar into the first batch and then we burned the second lot because we got… distracted. I thought it'd be funny to explode a flour cloud over Sam's head, just like my Pappy liked to do to me when I was small; it always made me sneeze. The sound he made was priceless! Kind of like a squawk! And he looked so funny! He snuffled adorably, rubbing his nose as he scrubbed his other hand through his hair to get the powder out but that only spread the flour and made his hair stick up. Wish I'd had a camera. I knew I was in trouble after that though; Sam's never been one to back down from a challenge.

The kitchen was a total white out by the time the smoke coming out around the edges of the oven reminded us about the cookies and ended our flour fight. And we weren't much better, covered in flour from head to toe! I don't think I've ever laughed so much in my life! After we'd aired out the kitchen and ditched the charred cookies, we quickly showered and changed, which, when it comes to flour, is much trickier than it sounds! We had to go down to the store to get more flour, since we kind of used it all…

Third time lucky seems to be true for us; the third attempt at chocolate chip cookies worked brilliantly! Sam was like a kid at Christmas! I had to stop him from eating them right off the baking tray and burning his hands!

Sam asked what other kinds of cookies I knew how to make, which led to us experimenting with new ideas all afternoon. The apple and cinnamon ones were quite good (they were Sam's idea)…the orange-rind and dark chocolate were not. I take full responsibility for those; it sounded like such a good combination but…no, just yuck. We had so much fun trying things out and taste-testing them all though!

But the best cookies of the afternoon were the caramel and honeycomb, aka a 'Moore-chester' classic. Sam tasted the dough first and said I just had to try it. He held out the spoon for me to taste some. He was so right ; it tasted amazing! Smooth, crunchy and chewy all at the same time. We are baking geniuses, I swear! It took us two tries to get the cookies finished though since before we knew it we'd ended up eating all of the dough, straight from the bowl! Woops!

Whilst I hate that Sam hadn't had the chance to mess around and enjoy making cookies before, I'm so happy I got to be the one to teach him how. His face was a picture, and this afternoon has to go down as one of my favorite moments ever! And these have to be my favorite cookies ever! Not just because they taste incredible (even if we do say so ourselves!) but because me and Sam invented them together. Because of the memories of flour fights, burnt cookies, sticky showers, feeding each other dough until we'd eaten the whole lot and felt sick, Sam laughing til he couldn't breathe at my face when I tried the orange disasters (as they are now known!), kissing the leftover crumbs from Sam's mouth and tasting our cookies on his lips.

Our very own creation, full of happy memories!

Jess

1st August 2004

Dear Diary,

I can't even begin to describe what I'm feeling. I'm happy but, I don't know, maybe melancholy is more the right word.

I wasn't sure what his reaction would be to my impromptu gift, but I saw this photoframe in town the other day when I was hunting for a halfway decent divider for my teaching file, and I just thought it was perfect. I don't know where Sam's photo disappeared to when we moved in together; I haven't seen it since that night when I thought I'd ruined everything. But I remember it so clearly and it was getting slightly bent around the edges; not as much as I would have expected given how old the picture must have been - Sam must have taken great care of it, but I thought such a precious memory needed something to keep it safe. And this photoframe was perfect - simple, cleanly polished wood, some gold lining, understated – very Sam.

Sam was busy studying when I got back, text books surrounding him where he sat on the sofa and across the coffee table. It always takes me awhile to get his attention when he's engrossed in his work like that; it's strangely endearing. But anyway, I gave him the frame; I took care to explain that I wasn't trying to make him talk about things, and he didn't have to put it up if he didn't want to, but that I thought it might be nice to put the picture in there to keep it safe wherever Sam stashed it normally, since I knew how much it meant to him.

Sam was so quiet at first; I think I really surprised him. I thought I'd upset him again by bringing his family all of a sudden, but before I could begin to apologise and take back the frame, he smiled. It was a bit watery and shaky round the edges, but definitely there. He thanked me, told me he loved it, and that he loved me, although I had to lean in to hear him, whispering like he was. He kissed me, which still gives me butterflies every time, before disappearing into the bedroom with the frame. I thought that was it, that he'd put the photo in the frame and I wouldn't see it again. But I was wrong.

Sam's soft voice quietly calling my name interrupted my musings about what to cook for dinner. When I entered the bedroom he was sitting on the bed, framed photo in his lap, just like that night all those months ago. I sat next to him, linking my fingers with his, stroking my thumb over his hand to let him know that I was there, whatever he needed. I didn't expect his response though. He asked if it would be ok if he put the photo up in the living room. He asked so shyly, carefully, like he was afraid I'd actually say no. As I could ever say no to him! I kissed his cheek before leading him to the storage unit on the other side of the door, clearing off a space. He placed it so reverently on the unit, taking a moment to adjust it so it was just right. His hand lingered for a moment, biting his lip. It seemed as if he would close himself off as he wrapped his arms around him, trying to make himself small, but I wouldn't let him. I wormed my way into his arms, (I'm sneaky like that!)and told him I loved the photo there and that I was proud of him, which made him smile.

I wonder about the last time that beautiful picture was displayed like this, proudly for all to see. Seeing Sam's expression as he stared at his mom and dad broke my heart a little. I wish I could have met Mary Winchester, but more than that I wish Sam could've have met her, I mean, properly, that he could remember. I hope she knows how amazing her son is; I know she'd be so proud of him. And, whilst I don't know the details, I like to think that Sam's dad is proud of him too, even though he could be hundreds of miles away. I hate the fact that he's practically abandoned Sam but I can't judge since I don't know what happened and why, but he's missing out on seeing all of Sam's achievements and I know that hurts Sam.

For all that though I wish I could thank his dad. I'm presuming that's who raised him and he did a good job at that. Sam's as good as they come so someone out there did right by him, despite whatever happened before he came to Stanford.

I'm so proud of Sam. Taking that step and putting up that photo was a huge deal for him. I'm glad that he felt comfortable and able to do that, that he shared his parents with me. I love him more than I can ever say!

And, speak of the devil! Sam's calling me. Apparently food's ready…

Jess

23rd August 2004

Dear Diary,

You'll never guess…I've managed to persuade Sam to take an Art class with me this semester! Both of our module options for our electives were posted this morning. Sam couldn't decide what he wanted to do; I was torn between Art History and Creative Writing. The Art History module was an option on Sam's list as well. Sam's always seemed interested in my artwork and going to the local galleries and museums with me; he even watched that documentary with me the other night on the European Impressionists (not that he had much choice since I was kind of sitting on him at the time!).

He didn't seem convinced when I suggested that he take it though but I told him it was 'good for meeting girls'. He looked confused at that, like why would he want to do that?, his forehead creasing in that adorable way he gets sometimes, head tilted to the side; I showed him my list in explanation, nudging his shoulder with my own. Seeing I'd circled it on my paper too he seemed to catch on. He smiled at me then, one of his blinding ones, before kissing me so sweetly, our lists getting crumpled between us. He told me to be prepared for him stealing all my notes and copying my work. I can't imagine Sam will ever need my help in anything academic, but since I do have more background in this I'm more than happy to help him if he needs it.

We went into the college office this afternoon and signed up, so we are officially study buddies! I'm looking forward to it. Sam always takes time to chat with me about my work, and I try to return the favour, even though a lot of it goes over my head if I'm honest, but now we can have proper discussions and debates about the leading figures in the evolution of Art in this country; I'm so excited! The only problem now is not to let Sam distract me in seminars…!

Watch out Art History! The dynamic duo of Winchester and Moore is coming!

Jess

Thanks for reading :)