13th September 2005

Dear Diary,

I know it's crazy; I'm still so young but I can't help feeling that I want to stay in Palo Alto, with Sam, forever. This is where I feel like I've really come into my own; I'm learning my craft here, I stepped out into the world here, and, this is where I met Sam. I don't want to sound like one of those lame shows on the TV or a cheesy romance novel, but he means everything to me. Everything. I can't imagine not having him in my life. I love him so much. He's the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think about before I fall asleep. When I'm not with him I find myself turning to talk to him about something which is going on or something I'm thinking. He's everything I hoped for in a friend, in a boyfriend, and, I can't believe I'm saying it, maybe, hopefully, something more one day…

He thought he'd surprise me by picking me up from my placement pre-school today. Not knowing he was waiting outside for me I didn't rush in coming out, setting up the schoolroom for tomorrow. When I did head out, I saw him. Sam was playing with Hanna, a girl from my class, and her dog, Buster, whilst her nanny was on the phone. Hanna was giggling as Sam chased her, picking her up and twirling her around, the dog chasing round his legs. Hanna spotted a bird come to perch by the feeders I'd put out in the tree last week with the children. Sam put her down carefully and crouched down beside her, petting Buster. I could see his smile as he listened to Hanna telling him all about the feeders and why they are important for the birds. I was impressed with how much she remembered, but all I could really think about was Sam. Seeing him with Hanna and Buster like that, watching him as he pointed out the different colors of the bird to Hanna, telling her about what kind of bird it was, seeing Hanna's wonderment, it made my heart melt.

I want that with Sam. A marriage, a child, a dog, a white-picket fence. And jobs we love – me teaching my own class of pre-school children, him being a lawyer just like he's always wanted. And a family. I want a family. With Sam. A family of our very own. He'd be a great dad and I just… I didn't think I could love him anymore than I already do, but seeing him with Hanna and Buster today, I think I fell in love all over again.

Jess

29th September 2005

Dear Diary,

Mom's sick. I'm on the plane flying back now. Dad phoned – she's been rushed to hospital with abdominal and chest pains. Apparently they don't know what it is and they're running lots of tests. He said she's stable now though and that I didn't have to come out but I want to. I need to. Mom's been there for me my whole life, she's everything I aspire to be; I have to see her.

I'm going to be missing lectures and placement but I don't care. I mean, I do, but family is more important. Mom is more important, always will be.

Sam was adamant he was coming with me but I wouldn't let him. He's got a meeting coming up; it's kind of like a pre-interview for the Law School scholarship interview. He said looking after me was more important but I put my foot down; I couldn't let him do that for me. It was hard though; having Sam by my side would have made this easier, but that's not important. Sam needs to be on his best game for the meeting and hearing about Mom really shook him as it was. Makes me what to ask about him and his mom, but I know better than that.

…

Dad's just phoned again. Dixie's coming to the airport to collect me and bring me to the hospital. Apparently Mom's doing well and she's sleeping. Can't wait to see her.

Praying for her,

Jess

10th October 2005

Dear Diary,

Mom's doing much better. They say that she can go home tomorrow. I'm so thankful that she's going to be ok; someone up there obviously heard my prayers. Dad actually cried when we got the news; even tired and in a hospital bed Mom managed to tease him about that!

Sam sent flowers to the hospital for Mom. They're gorgeous, and her favorite. It amazes me sometimes how Sam can remember every little detail or throwaway comment. I miss him.

I'm flying back in two days, booked my flights this morning. I wanted to be around to help with Mom moving back home. I was going to stay for longer but Mom forbid me from putting my life on hold for her any longer. I told Sam when he phoned earlier and he said she reminded him of someone he knew. Can't imagine who!

Sam's meeting went well. He said they seemed to like him and were really interested in his dissertation area of study and research. I knew they'd love him. They'd be stupid not to! He said that provided he gets the grades from LSET that they were short-listing him for interview in a few weeks' time! We're going out to 'Luccis' when I get back to celebrate.

I need to go and do some grocery shopping for Mom's homecoming. I was thinking I would make some beef stew, my speciality and Mom's favorite.

Bon appetite!

Jess

15th October 2005

Dear Diary,

Beth came round earlier to think about the school trip we're organizing together. Our placement schools are wanting to boost inter-school connections and friendships so we volunteered to trial a program where we organize joint trips for the children. Looking at budget, logistics and risk assessment factors, we've decided on Palo Alto zoo and aquarium. Sam and I had a great day when we visited over the summer. The animals are all healthy, happy and extremely well looked after, at various stages of their rehabilitation after some injury or other in the wild. Last time I was there with Sam, we were lucky even to see a seal being prepared for release back into the wild, having recovered from the wound to her side. It was wonderful to see. I think the children would really enjoy it and learn a lot. You never know, I might have some budding conservationists, zoologists or vets in my class!

Before she left Beth asked me if I would like to spend Christmas at her parents' ski lodge. She's going with her parents to Europe over the break so the lodge is free and she thought that me and Sam might like to use it. I can't believe it! I've seen pictures from Beth's last Christmas up there and it looks stunning and so much fun. I'll have to talk to Sam about it but I love the idea.

Jess

…Sam's on board for the winter trip. I'm so excited! It's going to be like something off a postcard – me, Sam, snow, roaring log fire… And I can't think of anything better than getting Sam all to myself, no studying, no placement, no extra-curricular commitments, just us, time to relax and enjoy each other's company. It's going to be great! Our very first Christmas spent together properly as a couple! Can't wait til December!

I hope you enjoyed this chapter; reviews are, as always, much appreciated. It's looking like the next chapter will be the last, sadly. I really don't want to have to think about how this story inevitably ends... :( Thanks again for reading.