Well hello there! I am back. Surprisingly quickly actually. Yay! Party!

So, I don't have much to say this time, except for thank you to everyone who has read and/or reviewed. Big smiles and cookies to all of you!

Princess Selina: Do I want to know what these peculiar images are?

Life-Luvr123: Thank you so much for your review. I included a few of the very good ideas which you gave me; try to see if you can spot them anywhere. Thank you so much buddy! You bring popcorn, I'll supply the ice-cream.

Anissa: I hereby present you with Chapter 3 so you can read more! In answer to your question about the fourth, probably, I have a plan. But you must wait to see! My chapters will probably get longer as the story progresses; I just need to have more to put in them first without rushing the story too much. Thank you so much for you reviews!

On that note, please enjoy!

Chapter 3: Not-so-Shopaholic

As it turned out, the Autobots were way more thrilled to participate in this shopping mission than I was. None of them had ever been shopping before, as was probably to be expected from giant alien robots who really had no need for any of the crap which humans bought. So this was going to be a new experience for all of them. Needless to say, they were intrigued when I informed them of what we were going to do and all seemed quite eager.

In the end I decided that it would be best to take them in small groups or individually as none of them could walk that well and all of them were wearing clothes that were either too big or too small. And for my mental health more than anything I decided that it would be best to avoid attracting masses of attention which those two factors would no doubt bring.

I took the Triplets first, deciding to start off in an area of clothes shopping that I was more familiar with. The nearest mall was way too far away to try to drive to and fro multiple times, so of course, teleportation was necessary where we unfortunately ended up in the multi-story car park. After nearly getting hit by several cars and after I had dragged the three of them away from the automatic doors, which for some reason fascinated them, we finally made inside. Once inside the mall, I suddenly had a realisation of what shopping with small children was like. They wanted to look at absolutely everything. Every item in the windows, the small cafés, the billboards, the escalators, the elevators and most of all the people, fascinated them. Keeping an eye on all three of them turned out to be a much bigger challenge than I had originally thought as I was constantly backtracking, jumping up onto elevated surfaces and running into random stores to find at least one of them.

'Ooh, Ally what's that?' Moonracer asked, pointing at videogame store which had several advertising posters and screens in the window.

'A shop where they brainwash the population,' I said, quite jokingly.

Moonracer took me quite seriously though, and hurried past the doorway to it like it was the gate to Hell. I snorted in quiet laughter and continued to guide/drag the triplets into a department store. There we were faced with problem number two. They had no idea what clothes were for what.

This is going to take forever, I thought, sighing deeply, before saying out loud, 'come on you three, this way.'

I led them over to a corner of the store and stood them in front of me, 'right. I need you three to stick close to me, at all times for this. And if you need to ask about what something is, please do it quietly, we don't want to attract huge amounts of attention.'

My plan was thwarted by Chromia almost instantly as she pulled something of a rack and stared at it in wonder, 'what's this?'

She pulled it over her head like earmuffs and I squeezed my eyes shut, 'Chromia, that's a bra.'

'A what?' all three of them asked.

I gently took the garment from Chromia, 'keep your voices down. Please. You know how you were complaining about, these,' I gestured, 'earlier. You said they were annoying. Well, this is what women use to keep them from getting in the way.'

'How?' Chromia asked in curiosity.

I explained, slowly and carefully how it worked, avoiding the confused gaze of the shop assistant until I was done. When I had finished, all three of them finally looked like they understood me. With a smile, satisfied that they knew what I was talking about now, I led them over a rack which sold sports bras.

'You'll probably be looking at getting these,' I said, taking one off and handing it to Arcee, 'they provide much more support and given we don't know how long you're going to be like this for and what you'll be doing in that time, it would probably be best.'

Eventually, and with the help of a bra fitter the three of them were sorted. I could only imagine what the poor assistant was thinking when she left us. I had only heard snippets of her attempt at polite conversation with them in the fitting rooms, but I could bet that it hadn't gone overly well with the triplets.

Then, thankfully came the easier part of our trip. I hoped. I really hoped.

Slowly, I took them around the women's section of the store, pointing out the various racks and explaining what was on them. Skirts, jeans, tracksuits, singlets, blouses, tee-shirts, jackets. The three listened, fully engrossed in this entire situation. I felt as if I was talking to three year olds, but at least they were being quiet. Finally, after I had finished explaining to them what things were, I stood back.

'Okay, stick to this area and go and find stuff you like the look of I guess. I'll wait here, wave me over if you need anything.'

I didn't need to tell them twice. They were gone faster than I could blink. With a slightly amused smile I leaned against a pillar and watched them trawling through the racks of clothes. They were easy enough to keep an eye on; it was damn near impossible to lose sight of the purple, the pink and the blue hair in such a small area. A few of the other ladies in the area gave them weird looks, but thankfully, no seemed to bother them.

Arcee waved me over first and I found her holding a pair of smart looking jeans, 'which way do they go?'

I showed her as best I could, as Moonracer and Chromia approached, seemingly with the same question as all three watched me with immense interest as I explained. They had seemed to be able to get the trousers they were wearing currently on, but I would happily bet they would only be on the right way by a fluke.

At last, the three had selected clothing and I guided them in the direction of a fitting room. Here, I waited patiently outside, only going over to the stalls when one of them called out for help with buttons or belt buckles or which hole to stick their head through in a shirt.

When at last they emerged, one by one, I was slightly stunned at how…semi ordinary they looked. Ignoring the multi-coloured hair and the glowing eyes they could almost be taken for ordinary humans. Almost. I studied them as they appeared in front of me with a small smile on my face.

Moonracer, the first to emerge had definitely leaned toward a more coloured selection of clothing, with pale blue jeans, a light purple button up shirt and a cream coloured sweater. Arcee had gone a bit darker, with plain black leggings, a long grey and white striped shirt and, surprisingly a deep red trench coat which she was admiring proudly. Chromia, I wasn't overly surprised, had gone for a much darker look, with dark ripped jeans, a black shirt and a hooded jacket. I beamed at all of them.

'Much better. You look, normal-ish,' I praised them and they all smiled, 'now, shoes.'

Shoes were much easier than clothes, and in no time we were walking away from the department store with three much more normal looking triplets carrying a small array of bags. I had insisted on an after-thought that we buy a few more articles of clothing, just in case they were human for longer than a few days.

Of course I knew that if they were going to be human for an extended period of time then we would be visiting here again. But then at least they would know what to do and it wouldn't be so mortally embarrassing.

Upon our return to the base, as the Triplets variously showed off to the others, I collected the next two unfortunate victims, Ironhide and Ratchets without any ceremony and dragged them with me back to the mall. Here I made sure not to land in the car park but a back street behind the mall.

'Okay you two,' I smiled at them, 'I need you to stick close, alright and if you're going to ask something that isn't normal, keep your voice down.'

'What isn't a normal thing to ask?' Ironhide looked confused.

I gave him a look, 'just bear in mind that most humans know how to dress themselves. They also know what various articles of clothing are called and know where to find them. The two of you running around and not having a clue would not go down well. So, just, stay close. Please.'

Thankfully both of them obeyed, a minor surprise, especially for Ironhide, considering I was expecting him to go running off the first chance he got. But they both stayed close, and did nothing that would attract any more attention than their ill-fitting borrowed uniforms, bare feet and clumsy walk. Very deliberately I took them into a different clothing store than the one I had taken the Triplets into.

As it turned out, Ratchet was very competent at choosing clothing, seeming to already understand what just about everything was. I approached him, although I kept an eye on Ironhide in my peripheral vision.

'Have you been doing research?' I asked as he held a shirt up to his body.

'Not really. I'm mainly just observant. It's pretty obvious to figure out which things are which from watching you humans,' he said, a little distractedly.

'Tell that to Ironhide,' I looked over at the weapons specialist and nearly face palmed, 'hold on a sec.'

I ran over to Ironhide and took the skirt from him hands, 'not for you buddy.'

'What is it?' he asked.

'It's a skirt. And it's for girls,' I said bluntly, hanging it back up, taking his arm and dragging him over to the men's section once again, 'you need to stay in this area and only this area.'

Deciding that Ratchet was probably fine to sort himself out, I opted to stay with Ironhide as he carefully looked through the racks, eventually selecting suitable clothes. Once again, I waited outside the fitting room, awkwardly nodding at other people who came and went.

'Ah, Ally?' Ironhide called.

'Yes?' I refrained from using his name.

'Little help…please?'

As it turned out Ironhide had attempted to use the trousers as a shirt. I rolled my eyes, although I couldn't help the smile, 'here,' I pulled them off his arms and handed him the shirt he had chosen, 'this might be easier to put on. The little tag goes at the back.'

'Surely you've been on Earth long enough to know how humans dress themselves,' Ratchet hissed from the stall next to us.

Ironhide banged the wall with his elbow, 'shut it Doc.'

When at last the two were dressed, once again, they looked, normal. Ironhide had gone for a darker look, with black jeans, a dark grey shirt and a leather jacket, which I had no idea where he had found but I wasn't about to argue with him. Ratchet, I decided, had watched too many human medical shows as he now looked like a human doctor, with a button up white shirt, black pants and a tie. I had no idea how he had managed to tie the tie, but Google was a wonderful thing after all.

Jazz and Bumblebee were the next up, and much like last time, I took them to a different clothing store. And here we went through the same process as the others, with me explaining things to them and them eventually deciding on clothes. Because they were younger, especially Bumblebee, it was no surprise that they went for a more human teenage style.

Bumblebee found himself a set of mock army cargos, a plain white shirt and surprisingly enough a black jacket with yellow trimmings. He proudly showed it to me when he emerged from his change room, buzzing softly. Jazz simply found a set of plain jeans, a logoed shirt and a patterned hoodie.

In the end I opted to take Starscream and Sideswipe separately to each other, given that neither got on particularly well. And given that Sideswipe and I didn't get on much either, it was a disaster anyway. The only thing that I could be grateful for was that he decided against running away and acting like a complete idiot. Instead, he opted to walk beside me in sulky silence. He probably would have been considered good looking for a human, with his ash blonde hair and bright blue eyes, if it hadn't been for his permanent grouchy look. From his appearance I could only guess that he was in his early twenties.

He listened to my instructions in silence, for the most part and he was probably one of the fastest to buy for. He dressed himself neatly in jeans, a dark blue shirt which had "Bite Me" printed in bold across the front and a grey hooded jacket, for the most part refusing my help, insisting that he could do it himself.

Starscream was much more open and enthusiastic about the whole experience. Tall and lanky, he exceeded me in height by a good head and unlike the others he seemed to have gotten his head around the whole walking deal. The first thing I did though when were out was find him a set of cheap sunglasses.

'What are these for?' he asked as I shoved them onto his nose, after showing him the right way to put them on.

'Your eyes are red,' I said simply, 'that's not normal.'

I turned away to check out the other sunglasses on the rack and when I looked back at him I couldn't help but snort in amusement. He had tilted the sunglasses down his nose and was waggling his eyebrows at the mirror.

'What you doing?' I asked, holding back laughter.

'I saw it in a movie,' he pushed them back up against his eyes, then tilted them down again, 'I've never had eyebrows before, they're fascinating. What's their purpose?'

I paused, 'no clue. But look up pictures of humans without eyebrows, it's pretty damn creepy.'

Starscream went back to examining his eyebrows until I took his arm, 'Come on James Bond, let's find you some clothes.'

Starscream certainly made shopping fun, as he ducked around racks and made cynical comments about what he saw, rivalling me when I went out with Abbie. But at last, after enduring the stares of onlookers for long enough he emerged from a change room with a flourish.

'What do you think?' he asked, as I studied his new attire.

He had decided on a set of slim jeans, a long sleeved grey tee-shirt and a red and white checked short sleeved shirt thrown over the top, buttons open like it was a jacket. Complete with the sunglasses he looked decidedly like a normal young man.

'Pretty good. I approve,' I smiled at him.

Next came…the Twins.

I had been dreading this all day, the moment I would have to take those two out in public. And it was just as bad as I feared. They didn't listen to me, I lost either one or both of them three or four times and their antics ended up getting us thrown out of several shops before they finally settled down. And that was only after I dragged them into a backstreet and threatened to blow them to smithereens if they didn't obey me. Needless to say they were slightly better behaved after that, and I eventually managed to get them to choose out clothes. Of course no amount of threats could stop the several minute argument about how to wear pants.

'They go this way, you moron,' Skids held them up the wrong way.

'And how are you supposed to do up the little button at the front then dumb-ass?' Mudflap turned them the right way.

Skids turned them back, 'what button?'

'That button!'

'What's the point of that?'

'I don't know stupid, ask Ally.'

'I ain't stupid, you're stupid.'

By the time I arrived back after those two I was ready to drop. All the teleporting had exhausted me and the constant running around and explaining to clueless Autobots had left me drained of all my remaining energy and will power. Optimus approached me cautiously, awkwardly resting his hand on my arm, not seeming comfortable with how close to my size he was. Not that he was that close to my size, he was probably over six feet tall, compared to my five foot four stature.

'You look tired, perhaps you should rest for a while?' he offered.

I shook my head, 'no point. Just got you left now. Come on, let's get this over with.'

Fortunately, Optimus was well behaved, although he was still as curious as the rest when it came to everything in the mall. Too tired to hurry him on, I let him stop to look at things, only being mindful that he didn't look too odd while doing it. It was a real change seeing him like this. Since they had arrived nearly three years ago now, I had become so used to the stoic, ever calm leader. Sure, I had seen his holoform, but it still surprised me to see him this…young. I had always pictured him a bit older. But instead he appeared to only be in his early twenties. Of course, the more malleable human face made a change as I watched him pull a variety of facial expressions which he seemed just as confused about as I found funny.

Eventually we made it to a store and he looked at me quite calmly, obviously waiting for the explanations which he no doubt had been told would occur. Ultimately grateful for his cooperation I took him around the basics as he listened attentively.

'So, this is where I say be free to choose,' I said at last.

Hesitantly he moved away from me as I sat down on one of the stools that the shop assistants used to put items on high shelves. Eventually he came over to me, holding a small bundle of clothes, and asked me what he needed to do next.

Once again I ended up waiting outside a change room, awkwardly acknowledging others who came and went. Much like the others who I had brought shopping, Optimus did end up needing help as he tried to figure out the method to putting the human clothes on.

Pushing open the door I couldn't help but snicker as I saw him holding a plain grey tee-shirt up, eyeing the arm hole as if he was attempting to put his head through it. With a small smile I took the shirt from his hands.

'Here,' I shook it out and held it up, 'your head goes through here. Your arms go through here. And this little label goes at the back.'

I handed the shirt back to him, but stayed in the room as he tugged it on. I smiled at him, 'much better. You look human now.'

Optimus returned the faint smile, before irritably blowing a lump of dark brown hair from his eyes, 'I see why you find this annoying.'

Shrugging, I gathered up the discarded army uniform, 'I don't think you would suit being bald.'

'Pardon?'

'I don't think you would suit not having hair,' I clarified, 'your face, it has the wrong structure.'

He tilted his head, blinking in bewilderment, and I decided to just drop the subject as I swiped my credit card. This amount of expenditure was going to be fun to explain later, I honestly didn't want to know what the bill for today would add up to.

Outside the store where we had been, a runway was in the process of being set up for what I could only assume was going to be a fashion show for one of the larger department stores to show off their winter stock. Standing on the runway were two men, arguing with each other quite loudly. Optimus paused and glanced over at them.

'What's this about?' he asked.

'No clue. And I don't really care. Come on,' I pushed him along.

Even from where we were down on the ground we could hear them, 'I can't believe you designed this atrocity. No one will wear this.'

'But you told me to come up with something unique.'

'I did not mean this. I will not be able to convince any of my models to wear this and certainly no one sane would buy it!'

I have no clue what happened next, but quite literally out of nowhere Optimus froze as a jacket dropped over his head, having been thrown by one of the two arguing men. I quickly reached out and pulled it away, as he shook his head, blinking rapidly. Turning, I glared at the two who were still arguing.

'Watch it princesses,' I yelled.

Rolling my eyes, I turned my attention back to Optimus, who was holding the jacket out in front of him. It was then that I saw the design of the jacket, 'oh you have got to be kidding me.'

To describe it briefly, the jacket was almost an exact copy of Optimus's old paint work. It was made of a leathery material, with orange and red flames patterned across the dark blue background. Optimus looked positively thrilled as he studied it, but all the same he folded it and went to hand it back the designer who was just approaching.

'You dropped this?' he offered it.

The second man, who had no doubt thrown it, stalked over and before the designer could take the jacket back shook his head, 'keep it if you want. I will not be accepting this rubbish,' he glared at the designer.

With an air of hesitation Optimus looked down at me and I just shrugged, 'try it on. He did just offer it to you quite seriously.'

Out of sheer dumb luck the jacket actually fit him, very well it seemed. He looked around me, 'what do you think?'

If I was a manga chibi at that moment then I could just picture me with my jaw on the floor and wide boggled eyes. It looked absolutely fabulous on him in my opinion and obviously I wasn't the only one with that thought.

'See, it suits him,' the designer argued.

'Yes, but I think he may be a special case,' was the reply, 'you can have it.'

I exchanged a look with Optimus, 'for free?' I asked.

'Yes. No one else will wear this thing. You may have it for free, just so long as I never see it again.'

He quite literally flounced away, the designer trailing in his wake, looking annoyed, but not arguing his case anymore. I looked up at Optimus, who was examining the sleeve of his jacket before he looked up at me.

'Is that normal?' he asked.

'No, no that is not normal,' was my reply, 'come on Optimus. Let's get out of here.'

'Absolutely.'