Tearing off the ski mask, Ichigo drops to his knees above his toilet, retching heavily into the bowl.
He hasn't eaten anything since this morning, so nothing comes up but a clear sticky liquid, but that sure doesn't stop him gagging, his still gloved hands gripping tightly onto the seat.
Some of the blood on his gloves is still wet and smears on the white seat, the sick sight only making Ichigo gag more intensely.
What the fuck has he done?
It was as if, as soon as he saw that guy, he couldn't control his own body, his vision going blurry.
All he could do was watch himself beat the life out of that poor unsuspecting guy, but he couldn't physically do anything to stop it.
He wanted Shiro to not hate him so badly, but he had no idea it would feel like this. That it would make him feel so disgusted with himself, like he wanted to rip his own skin off just to be free of what he's done.
He's...a monster.
That guy didn't do anything to him, he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.
In fact, now that he thinks about it, why did that guy look kind of familiar...
Still dry heaving, he senses someone come into the bathroom behind him, already knowing who it is as icy hands glide over his clothed back.
"See, wasn't that fun, Ichi?"
Ichigo pants, sweat dripping down his face.
"F-fun?"
"Yeah, and shit, It's been a hell of a long time comin."
Ichigo braces his hands more firmly on the toilet seat, his shoulders shaking.
"T-that guy..."
"Ah, yer wonderin why he looks familiar, ain't ya? Think about it and I'm sure it'll come to ya."
Ichigo wheezes, his sweat slicked hair clinging to his forehead.
Think dammit, think!
Long blonde hair, blue eyes...
Ichigo chokes back a sob as realization smacks him in the face.
"N-no, please no-"
"Oh yeah Ichi, finally figured it out?"
"How could you even know he'd be there?"
"I didn't, too bad for him though I guess. Poor blondie, that's sure gonna hurt in the mornin, well, if he ain't dead that is."
Ichigo hangs his head in shame, his gloved hands still splayed on the seat.
"I-Izuru, that's his name."
"Yeah, one of that sexy redhead's friends that ya work with."
"Shiro, he didn't deserve this."
Shiro growls.
"Well that's life for ya, shit happens all the time to people who don't deserve it, bout time ya got used to that fact."
He should go back, he should go back and help!
At least call an ambulance or something, in case he's still alive.
How is he ever going to be able to look at Renji again after this?
Feeling a cold hand grip his chin firmly, Ichigo stares up into angry dark orbs.
"Don't ya even think about going back, ya hear me? All yer gonna achieve is gettin yerself in deep shit."
"I, I have to do something, if I get in trouble then so be it."
Shiro snarls, his sharp black nails digging into Ichigo's chin painfully.
"I think yer forgettin who's in charge now, Ichi."
Ichigo blinks up at him.
"What do you mean?"
Slowly, Shiro skims his blue tongue across his lips.
"Well, ya finally decided to pass lil ol me the reigns, which means I'm the King now. And if yer pretty little ass even tries to do something bout it, I'm gonna show ya jus how much worse I can be than tonight."
Ichigo tries to pull his face away, but the black nails only dig in harsher, causing him to let out a small whimper.
"Ah ah, did I say ya could move?"
Pure panic bubbles up in his chest as he fights the urge to try to run.
After all, how the hell can you run from your own mind?
Has Shiro...tricked him?
"That's right, ya got no where to run so ya might as well just be a good boy. As for trickin ya, I guess I am a lil guilty of that, but only cause ya were being such a pussy and not lettin lil ol me have even a lil bit of fun. Believe me, I don't wanna hurt ya Ichi."
Shiro's other hand weaves through Ichigo's damp hair, as an unsettling grin spreads on the Albino's face.
"I don't, I don't understand this," Ichigo stammers.
"Sshh, don't worry so much, ya just keep livin yer boring life like ya usually do. Ya will realize what I mean soon enough."
Shiro swoops down and plants a kiss on Ichigo's forehead, before stepping back from him and pointing at the blood smeared seat.
"Get cleaned up, don't want anyone seeing blood all over the apartment do ya? Especially if that cop happens to pop round again."
Not really having any other choice, Ichigo manages to push himself to his feet, his eyes quickly avoiding the blood smears as he tugs off the dirty gloves and throws them in the sink, before heading to the kitchen to get some cleaning supplies.
He feels Shiro's unnerving gaze on him through every second of it, and has to stop himself from lashing out at the other.
Once he's done, he feels arms wrap around his shoulders, Shiro's nose leaning against the side of his neck and inhaling deeply.
"Ya know, I love the smell of blood on ya, but somethin tells me ya co-workers ain't gonna."
Ichigo nods, taking the hint and tugging his clothes off, Shiro's hands trailing down his bare chest and arms as he does so.
He tries his best to push away the immense feeling of guilt that's building up inside of him, but it won't budge one bit.
He's done a truly unforgivable thing, and if he's any sort of human he would go and face the damn consequences of his actions.
But deep down, he's terrified.
He wouldn't get thrown into prison, he'd get dragged back to that place.
Drugs forced into his system daily, his emotions draining out of him and leaving him acting like a walking dead reject.
Not being able to enjoy even the simple things in life, like the sun hitting his skin, or even just music playing on the radio.
He doesn't want to end up like his mother.
Climbing into the hot shower, the bandage on his arm is starting to fall off, so he gently takes it off, cringing at the gash's across his arm.
The wounds have started to slightly open up again, smears of his own blood evident on his arm and bandage.
It probably happened when he was...
He shakes his head at the nasty memory.
No, he can't think about that, not right now.
The hot water makes the wounds sting, so he tries his best to avoid getting it wet or getting body wash in it.
Shiro just observes him in complete silence from the closed toilet seat.
Ichigo has no idea what is going through Shiro's mind, but the idea of someone getting hurt again...
Ichigo stares down at his own hands as the water cascades over him.
Even if Shiro is manipulating his action's, it's still him, his own hands that caused someone else pain and suffering.
Turning off the shower, he get's a towel and then carefully put's his arm in fresh bandages.
He grabs a bottle of sleeping pills from the now tidy again bathroom cabinet, heading into his darkened bedroom.
As he sits down on his bed, he notices his phone vibrating on the bedside cabinet, and he picks it up.
Two text's from Renji, and five missed calls from...Blue sex machine?
Who the hell-
Oh-
OH...that damn egotistical bastard!
He must have done it while Ichigo was passed out last night.
Sighing, Ichigo opens the text's first.
Renji: Yo Ichigo, how's it going? 13:05pm
Renji: Hope your phone's dead and you aren't just ignoring me :/ 17:20pm
Shit.
"Talk to him."
Ichigo glances up from his phone, Shiro now stood in front of him, his hands on his hips as he stares down at Ichigo.
"Why?"
Shiro raises an eyebrow.
"Why? He's yer friend, ain't he?"
Ichigo sighs in exasperation.
He has no right to talk to him, not after what he's done to his friend.
But if he doesn't...
what exactly will Shiro do?
Ichigo: Sorry yeah, just put it on charge. See you at work tomorrow. 12:58am
Renji's probably asleep by now so Ichigo doubts he'll reply.
And as for 'blue sex machine'...
He can fuck off.
Ichigo puts his phone back on the cabinet, quickly throwing on a loose bed shirt and boxers before swallowing down two of the circular pills and crawling underneath the covers.
Shutting his eyes, he feels the bed dip as Shiro lays down next to him, wrapping an arm around his waist.
Please sleeping pills, just kick the hell in.
Thankfully, Ichigo has a dreamless sleep thanks to the sleeping pills, but when he wakes up and sits up in bed, the horror of what exactly he did yesterday comes flooding back to him all at once.
His hands grip into the warm bed sheets tightly, guilt rising up in his chest and sticking there like an iron weight in his chest.
He can't help but tense up when a cold hand runs down his arm, and his eyes find Shiro, smirking at him coyly.
"Good mornin, sunshine."
"G-Good...morning," Ichigo stammers out, and Shiro weaves a hand through his tousled hair, grinning.
"Ya still thinkin about yesterday, Ichi?"
"What do you think," Ichigo spits, before tugging himself free and getting out of the warm bed.
Shiro yawns and sits up, staring up at Ichigo happily.
"So what's the plan for today, hmm?"
"I've got work, which means you're staying here."
Ichigo tries to sound authoritative, but his voice comes out a little too shaky.
Smirking, Shiro shuffles closer to Ichigo, putting his hands on Ichigo's slim hips and licking his pale lips.
"Don't ya remember what I told ya yesterday, Ichi? I'm the king now, so ya can't tell me what to do."
Ichigo internally panics, because if Shiro does come with him, how the hell is he supposed to concentrate on work and ignoring this damn devil at the same time?
"Shiro, please..."
"Hmm, I think I like ya beggin. Beg me properly and I might consider it," Shiro teases, his thumbs rubbing slow circles on Ichigo's hips.
God, he doesn't want to beg, it's downright demeaning.
But what choice does he have? At least if he does, he'll get a little bit of freedom, which he more than needs right now to even begin to get his head straight.
"Please, just let me go to work alone Shiro," Ichigo pleads, his voice almost breaking.
"Good boy, see, that wasn't so hard now, was it?" Shiro taunts.
Ichigo turns away, stomping towards the bathroom and heading for a much needed shower before he has to face work.
No, not work, Renji.
This is going to be one awful day.
Before he leaves the apartment he heads into the kitchen, gulping down a glass of water since he can't stomach anything solid right now, the guilt is eating at him way to much for that, and he pauses as his hand wanders down to one of the drawers.
To be exact, the drawer where he keeps his medicine that he should be taking.
And if he had been taking, someone wouldn't have gotten beaten to a pulp, or god forbid, to death.
Just before he pulls it open, a pale white hand closes over his own, breath blowing across his ear and sending chills down his spine.
"And what do ya think yer doin, hmm?"
Ichigo freezes, his eyes nearly popping out of his head.
"I...I was just..."
"We both knew what ya were doin, ya have never been able to lie, not to me. I'm hurt that ya wanna get rid of me so bad Ichi, especially after all we've been through together."
Shiro pulls Ichigo's hand away from the drawer, slipping his other hand under his chin and making Ichigo look at him.
"Ya know, even in the best of relationships Ichigo, ya gotta have compromise."
Compromise? Shiro's talking about hurting people as if it's a freakin Marital dispute over some stupid shit, like purchasing a new dishwasher or microwave.
"I'm not hurting anyone else, I don't care what you say or do," Ichigo growls, staring defiantly into the black orb's.
"Yer kinda cute when ya try to put ya foot down, I like it," Shiro chuckles, and releases him, sauntering back over to the couch.
Ichigo just stares in surprise, he thought Shiro would at least be angry at the obvious disobedience, but if anything, it seemed to amuse him.
It makes Ichigo's blood boil with rage.
Shiro doesn't think he can be just as intimidating, just as menacing? We'll see about that.
Ichigo jumps as something slides under his door, and he tiptoes over, picking up a large, brown envelope, his name scribbled on the front in messy handwriting.
"The fuck is that?" Shiro calls from the couch.
Ichigo turns it over in his hands for a minute, before sighing and putting it down on the kitchen counter top.
"It's from my dad, I'd recognise the messy kid like handwriting anywhere."
"Looks like the fucker didn't get the message last time, eh? Maybe we should make it more clear next time."
"NO! Even though I hate him for what he did to me and mum, I'm not hurting him!"
Shiro snorts, waving a hand in the air dismissively.
"Whatever ya say Ichi. Don't ya have work to get too?"
Glancing at his watch Ichigo curses, grabbing his keys, wallet and coat and racing out of the door.
He has to run to make it on time to the coffee shop, but he manages, quickly doing his usual routine of putting his stuff away and getting his apron on.
Orihime is out front when he arrives, and he greets her as warmly as he can, but Renji is no where to be seen.
Ichigo feels guilt pool in his gut at the rush of relief it causes, because damn, why should he be getting any relief after what he did?
If anything, Renji should get the opportunity to beat the crap out of him.
An eye for an eye as they say.
After a while, Ichigo wanders over to Orihime, the coffee shop being as good as empty apart from a young couple sitting in one of the window booths.
"Hey Orihime, where's Renji? I thought he was here today too?"
Orihime glances around them worriedly, before covering her mouth with her hand as she lowers her voice.
"He was here not long before you arrived, but he got a call from someone and ran out in a blind panic. I don't know what happened but he went pale as a ghost and told me it was an emergency and that he was leaving the shop in my hands. I didn't know what to do so I just nodded, but I'm glad you turned up to help me, I don't know what I'd do otherwise! I just hope Renji's okay."
Her expression turns sad, and it looks like she might even cry.
Ichigo swallows thickly, reaching a hand out and putting it on her shoulder.
"Hey, I'm sure whatever's happened, Renji will be fine, okay?"
God, he hates himself for even having the nerve to comfort her about something he did.
He hates himself for causing this, because lets face facts here, even if he tries to pin it all on Shiro, it wouldn't have even happened if he hadn't wanted to get himself back into his Albino side's favour so badly.
So yeah, all the guilt is rightfully resting on his shoulders.
Orihime sniffles, smiling up at him.
"Yeah, you're right Ichigo, everything will be just fine!"
As another customers comes through the door, Ichigo grasps her shoulder gently one last time.
"Good, then let's just hold up the fort while he's away, okay?"
"Yeah!"
After dealing with a busy lunch rush and cleaning up, Ichigo is cleaning out one of the coffee machines when the door chimes, and he looks up, his stomach plummeting when he see's a haggard Renji coming over to the counter.
He wipes his hands on his apron and goes over as Renji puts his head down on the counter top, his shoulders sagging.
Orihime is out on her break at the moment, so it's just the two of them in the shop now, and Ichigo finds it much harder to breathe, the air feeling way to thick all of a sudden.
"Renji?"
Renji sighs, lifting his head up, and Ichigo can see just how drained the other looks.
"Sorry I didn't leave a note for you or anything, it was kind of an emergency."
"Don't worry about that...what happened?"
Renji puts his face in his hands.
"You know my friend, Izuru? I don't know if you'll really remember him, you only met him like once, but he's in intensive care right now."
Ichigo gasps loudly before he can stop himself, and the iron weight in his chest increases tenfold.
"W-why?"
"Someone beat the living shit out of him outside of a nightclub late last night, I don't know why, it makes no fucking sense. Izuru hardly ever gets into trouble, he's a real nice guy. Shit, maybe it was because of one of the fights me and Shuhei dragged him into over the years..."
Renji clenches his hands, and Ichigo can see his shoulders shaking.
"That's got to be it, it's got to be my fault, my fault he's nearly fucking dead," Renji spits, and Ichigo clamps a hand over his own mouth in horror.
Now Renji blames himself for this?
No one should be burdened with this crap except for him, he has to do something, he has to tell someone, this has gone far enough-
"And here was me thinkin ya could be a good boy if I let ya have a lil freedom."
Before Ichigo can even glance behind him, the sadistic darkness swallows him whole.
"Renji, none of this is your fault, please don't think like that," Ichigo soothes, and reaches out a hand, placing it over one of Renji's, tracing his fingertips across the skin slowly.
Renji glances up at the touch, his watery brown eyes meeting Ichigo's own.
"But...it is...if I wasn't such a punk and always starting shit, then no one would've gone after Izuru..."
Ichigo shakes his head, moving a finger down to Renji's lips.
"Enough, it wasn't your fault, if anything you should blame the bastard who did that to such a sweet, innocent guy, right?"
Renji frowns deeply, but after a few moments he nods, and Ichigo retracts his finger, leaning down on the counter closer to a surprised Renji.
"You know, you really shouldn't be working right now, not in your state. Why don't you go rest in the break room for a while, hmm?"
Renji blinks at him dumbly, before he nods in agreement, getting up from the counter.
"Yeah, maybe that's a good idea, thanks, Ichigo."
Ichigo smiles and waves as he watches Renji go, and as soon as the redhead is out of sight, a sadistic smirk takes over his lips.
"Gotcha."
After waiting patiently for about ten minutes, Shiro pops his head around the break room door, grinning as he spots Renji with his back facing him, relaxing on the break room couch.
Shiro closes the door quietly, walking over until he's stood right in front of Renji, who jumps out of his skin when he see's him.
"Jeez Ichigo, you scared the shit out of me!" Renji breathes, putting a hand on his chest.
Shiro smirks down at him, slowly beginning to untie his work apron.
Renji's eyes widen as his eye's follow Shiro's actions.
"Uh, what are you doing?"
Shiro takes the apron off, dumping it onto the floor unceremoniously.
"What does it look like? I'm gonna make you feel better."
Renji's mouth hangs open as Shiro suddenly straddles his thighs, bringing his tongue out to slowly lick at Renji's smooth jawline.
"W-what, Ichigo-"
"Shush, just relax and enjoy yerself," Shiro husks, and he rolls his hips down against Renji's crotch teasingly.
Renji groans, his hands immediately flying to Shiro's hips, his fingers digging in almost painfully.
"S-shit, Ichigo we can't, not here," Renji mutters, but there isn't a lot of resistance behind the words.
"Why not, Renji? I know you want too, I know you want to fuck me so hard that all I can do is scream out your name till my lungs give out, don't you?"
Renji shivers at the vulgar words tumbling from Shiro's mouth.
Shiro takes the shiver as a green light, and begins to suck and lick at his neck, making sure to leave a mark.
Renji doesn't seem to mind one bit, in fact he starts to roll his own hips up, his hands wandering under Shiro's shirt to caress smooth, toned skin.
"You're making it really hard for me to resist right now," Renji grumbles, and Shiro pulls back from his neck, slowly licking his lips as he stares at him.
"Am I? Then why don't ya stop and just take me already?"
Renji's eyes darken, and he capture's Shiro's lips in a wet, rough kiss, pulling the other's body closer to him.
Shiro groans wantonly into his mouth, continuing to roll his hips against Renji's.
It's only when Renji breaks the kiss for some much needed air and begins to tug at Shiro's shirt, does something strange happen.
"STOP IT, STOP IT RIGHT NOW SHIRO!"
Ichigo's furious voice resounds around his head like nail's on a chalkboard, and Shiro cringes, his hands quickly clutching at the sides of his head.
Renji abruptly leans back and stares up at him, worry etched on his slightly flushed face.
"Ichigo, what's wrong?"
Shiro grit's his teeth, scrunching his eyes shut.
"I SAID THAT'S ENOUGH YOU BASTARD!"
Ichigo opens his eyes, glancing around himself warily.
He flinches as he see's Renji staring up at him, and then he notices the more than compromising position they're both in.
Ichigo gasps and scrambles off of him, his eyes wide and his chest heaving.
"Ichigo, are you okay? You're worrying me now."
"I...I don't..." Ichigo stammers, his eyes finding his discarded apron on the floor.
"You've gone really pale, was it something I did?"
Ichigo shakes his head, heading as quick as his feet will carry him for the door.
"No no, it wasn't you, I just...my stomach feels off, I'm sorry!"
Ichigo slams the door after him and heads into the bathroom, locking the door before he rushes over to the sinks, drenching his face in cold water.
What the fuck was Shiro doing? And how far would he have taken things if Ichigo hadn't managed to rip back control?
As water drips down his face, Ichigo stares at his reflection in the mirror, and he sneers.
This has to end, and it has to end before Shiro gets another chance to take control.
And with that thought, Ichigo throws open the bathroom door and starts to run.
He doesn't stop running until he reaches his apartment, fumbling with his keys until the door unlocks and he slams it shut behind him.
As he expected, Shiro is leering at him from the couch, and as he get's up, Ichigo quickly jumps over the kitchen counter in one leap, throwing open the drawer and retrieving the pills.
Shiro is only a few feet away from him now, his black eyes widening as he see's Ichigo popping two pills into his mouth.
The Albino quickly closes the distance, gripping onto Ichigo's chin.
"SPIT EM OUT, SPIT EM OUT NOW!"
Ichigo ignores Shiro's orders, ripping free from his harsh grip and darting over to the sink, swooping his head under and turning on the cold tap, water gushing into his mouth as he swallows greedily.
Shiro growls wildly, grasping his hands into his snow white hair, his eyes bulging.
"WHAT THE FUCK DO YA THINK YER DOIN!"
Ichigo pulls his mouth away, water dripping down his chin as he stares back all too calmly at a distressed Shiro.
"I'm sorry Shiro, but I have to make sure you can't hurt anyone else."
He's been nothing but a fool, and this is the only way he can think of even starting to make things right.
There is no way in hell he can afford to lose control again, even if it means sacrificing the one thing that he was able to share with his mother.
Turning the tap off, he slumps down onto the tiled floor, panting and letting his eyelids close, listening to Shiro's hisses and growls as he panic's like a cornered animal.
"NO NO, YA WON'T GET AWAY WITH THIS, I WON'T LET YA, DO YA HEAR ME, ICHIGO?"
And he hopes that when he opens them again, the Devil will be gone.
I'm sorry, it's been a while since I updated this, I just got distracted with other things!
But here's another update for you guys, and I have to say, I actually quite enjoy writing Shiro like this, even though I probably shouldn't XD
I know there's no Grimmjow in this, but don't worry, we'll see him more than enough in the next chapter ;) I wanted this chapter to focus more on Ichigo and Shiro.
But enough of my blabbering on, thanks for all the reviews, favourites and follows so far, they are much appreciated!
I hope you enjoyed the latest chapter and thanks for reading :)