what's one more regret, right?
Hux zeroed in on Ren's location with a scowl on his face and sweat on his brow. He really did not want to die today, and as much as he loved Starkiller, going down with it was not an option for him. Naturally, the Supreme Leader wanted his pet back before bedtime, and naturally, the risk fell on Hux's exhausted shoulders. He would not be getting rewarded for this, this was all part of the doctrine after all.
"Leave no man behind", is what the big word in bold print says.
What it really means is, "Save their ass because we don't want to have to replace him/her."
But he supposes that if it was him down there, he'd like to think that Ren would come for him too.
Hux snorted, a funny thought indeed.
Nevertheless, Hux was getting closer, he had a good five minutes tops before the Base became no more. Leaving Ren to die was a no-go, and if he couldn't return with the brooding bastard then there was no coming back for him at all.
Hux really just wants a drink, and his cat too.
Time seemed to slow down to a halt, yet the wound on his side continued to bleed. Like sand in a hourglass, Ren could feel his hold on what remained of his sanity slipping. Rey continued to stare at him, he imagined her already crap has just world ended only to pave the way for an even shittier one. The silence is becoming too much, too annoying for a man on the brink of death. If the blood loss doesn't get him, then Rey will.
Or of course the more likely option, death by staying on an exploding planet.
He presses his hand to the bowcaster wound even harder, he should have thought this whole fight through honestly. But he's Kylo Ren, as if that answers the questions to everything. It does though, for every little act, there's an even greater consequence, and Kylo Ren is nothing if not a man that just doesn't give a damn about what comes after.
"You gonna say anything, or what?"
She sneers back at him, not quite enjoying his tone, "I don't see what more I can say, I was close to a monster in man's clothing. I just-"
"Just what huh?" He cuts in, his irritation at their positioning is finally catching up to him. He never claimed to be a good man, good men don't agree to tread the path he has found himself dead-set on treading. If he was a good man, Han Solo would still draw breath and he wouldn't be feeling this tear in his chest from his mother's heart breaking chaotically down the middle. Right now though, his wounded pride is getting the best of him, and to top it off, there's an know-it-all voice in the back of his mind telling him, "You fool, you should have known not to pick this fight here. Now look at you." This voice sounds strangely like Hux, which makes Kylo hate it even more.
"Just, why?"
Why would you kill your father?
How?
Why Han Solo?
Why.
He realizes that she was a lot closer to Han in her mind than he originally thought. He thinks that out of all the legends ever told in the known galaxy, that the story of Han Solo was her favorite. And it's not hard to see how, or why.
It was his favorite too.
He hadn't wanted this curse, even though as a child he was well-liked by his friends, that all ended when he started showing signs of Force Sensitivity. Fast forward nearly two decades later, and he had fallen victim to a nasty case of Skywalker Bad-Luck. He was not blind, he knew that this path was a horrid one, but if he was going to wield this curse, then he was going to get the most out of it that he could.
Supreme Leader Snoke is most wise. This is no lie, he is, and he can show Kylo a great many things. If he stays true to his word however.
Rey in a way however, represents something that could have been, in this moment at least. He could be in her shoes, standing over the body of a Dark Sided warrior, fighting for what is right. She wants to know what really happened behind Solo's death? She'll get her answer, in time.
"You sure you want to know all of that? It must hurt, I'm sure of that," because it hurts him too, "But believe me, there are no explanations I can give you that would help you in this moment."
These words were true, there really was nothing he can say to her now to ever ease the pain. He was Kylo Ren, a destroyer, not a healer.
He meant these words to be soothing, sort of. He was just trying to stay awake to be completely honest, so speaking out the side of his neck seemed like a good idea.
Turns out, it was a horrible idea.
"I should fucking kill you, everything that you've done, its led to this and I-I just can't sit here and do nothing." She's on her feet now, and the Rey from his past is once again replaced by the Rey of the here and now. She is standing on her feet, and seems primed and ready to gut him.
He's tempted to just do it for her out of exasperation.
"Then what's stopping you? Do it then, do it for the thousands that I have seen burn, the lives I've taken. Or do you not care about them? Is it only Han Solo's life that you care about?" He sounds mocking, and a dark part of him is glad for it.
"How dare you?!"
"It's true damn it!" He spits out some blood, and sits upright. He feels reinvigorated somehow, as if the heat of the argument is turning him in to a new man altogether.
Despite the blood loss, he feels rather alive.
"Listen to me, you don't even understand what the hell is going on here. There's so much at play here that you just don't know about." To both their surprise, he gathers enough strength to right himself back up to his feet, although he is hunched over at the gut, arm holding his wound. He looks like a gutted man, yet the tear is not a purely physical one so much as it one spiritual. He feels weakened, and yet she has made him strong again, just by pissing him off.
To her credit, Rey tries not to react too much at his sudden display of willpower. He's tough, she can give him that much, but she's fairly certain that she can beat him back down again, it wouldn't be too hard at this point.
"You can think what you want, but don't think you're the only one that will mourn for Him, I was his fucking son."
"And yet you killed him?! What the hell is wrong with you?" She doesn't care that he's upright now, barely, but still standing. He's walking towards her now, and she stands her ground. Rey is not afraid, she is angry, she is angry for Han and for the boy that she used to know. She may not like what he's become, but he seemed like a good enough kid back then. She cannot correlate the two, but she can mourn for another lost Solo she supposes.
"There's your first fucking mistake, I didn't kill him alright?! He-he..." Ren stutters, and Rey feel's his much larger hands latch on to her upper arms with all the desperation of a dying man. His words trail off and he starts making stifled grumbles that she can only identify as sobbing. He is sobbing in her arms much in the way that she used to back in her early days of scavenging.
He cries like someone who is afraid to admit that their breaking, she know's the type. She was one, and on Jakku you will find many like that.
She looks down at him with a frown of disgust, sympathy, and rage. It's exhausting her, and yet she can't turn him away, can't shove him in the snow because she feels like there is more to it than what he says. She can tell that he is telling the truth yet he is hiding something from her at the same time, and in a way, she thinks this to be the worst of lies. The one's of omission.
When he speaks again, she would not be prepared for what came next.
"He killed himself. And I helped him along." Then Kylo Ren dropped to his knee's, bringing her along with him. He's coughing now, they sound harsh and unforgiving. She looks down and see's that he's making a mess of her tunic with his blood. He must be a true beast of a man indeed to be able to withstand this much punishment and keep going. So lost in her wonderment, she considers what his training must consist of in order to achieve this manner of defiance when it comes down to knowing when your body has had enough.
Rey is so lost right now, that she cannot fathom Ren's admission, she cannot believe that Han Solo literally plunged the saber in to his chest, and that Kylo Ren helped him right along. The weight in her arms deepens, and it is all too clear that Ren has passed out on her. What to make of all this, she is not sure, but if there's one thing that she's sure of for certain, it's that the father and the son are not the men that she once thought they were.
A smuggler, and a monster.
She sees a brown haired man holding his son high in his hands, the aforementioned son pretending to fly with his arms spread wide.
This boy could not possibly have ever killed his father, not even now. Yet the death of Han Solo is shared by two, the man himself, and his son.