High dive into frozen waves where the past comes back to life
Fight fear for the selfish pain, it was worth it every time
Hold still right before we crash 'cause we both know how this ends
A clock ticks 'til it breaks your glass and I drown in you again
'Cause you are the piece of me I wish I didn't need
Chasing relentlessly, still fight and I don't know why
If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?
If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?
NO EXIT
(7 years ago)
Beth's POV
Motel Room
Cicero, Indiana
We'd been in Cicero for a week, and I was starting to climb the walls. Sammy was safely enrolled in school, but I'd finished up in the Spring so now it was just Dean and I to kill the long days with nothing to do.
John had broken his ankle about ten days ago on a job, and was currently laid up in bed. He was a sour old grump at the moment, so I'd ducked out to find all his favourite foods, some magazines and other things that might keep him entertained while he was in his rest bed.
When I got back to the motel, I could hear voices coming from the motel room.
"I don't know Dad, I'd feel a whole lot better if it were just me," Dean was saying to John.
"Well, I'm not real happy about it myself, I'd feel better if I were going on this job with you as was originally planned. But I promised Jefferson, and we kind of need Beth for this one." John was saying. I frowned, what were they talking about?
I opened the door and let myself into the room. Dean was pacing and John was laid up on the bed still
"What's going on?" I asked, looking at them both.
Dean turned to give me an appraising look and sighed. "We're going on a hunt," he said.
"Why are you so upset about that? You should be thrilled to get out of here." I asked, putting the bag of junk food I'd just bought on the table.
"Well I would be, except, you're coming with me." Dean said with a smirk.
"Gee thanks Dean, glad to see I'm such a wanted person." I frowned and he threw me a smile.
"Suck it up cherry-pie, you know I don't mean it like that. It's just, Dad's sending us on our own." Dean said, a look of concern crossing his face.
"Oh, really?" I asked, looking at John. John didn't look overly pleased about it either and waved me over to the side of the bed. I joined him, sitting next to him.
"OK. Here's the job. Jefferson is in Philadelphia. He needs back-up on this case. Three weeks ago a young girl disappeared from an apartment building." John said, passing me a file.
"This girl wasn't the first. Over the past eighty years six women have vanished. All from the same building, all young blondes." John said, looking at us both. "Only happens every decade or two so cops never eyeball the pattern."
I nodded, curious. Dean was pacing again.
"I don't like it Dad," Dean said to John and the older man sighed.
"You think I do Dean? But I've trained you well, and I think you are big enough to take care of your sister." John said. "Jefferson needs the help, and I owe him big time. Do I have to make this an order?"
Dean sighed, crossing his arms and looking at John. "No, sir."
"That's better. Now go get your brother from school, I want to talk to Beth." Dean nodded and left, taking the car keys with him.
I looked over at John, wondering what was on his mind. He sighed at me, and a worried expression crossed his face.
"What's wrong?" I asked, tilting my head to the side.
"Your brother's right. I shouldn't be sending you, I know this. Makes me sick to think about it because I'm not gonna be there to back you guys up." John said, frowning. "But if the pattern fits there's still two or three girls that will go missing in the next few weeks, and we need to flesh out this creature, or whatever it is."
I nodded. "OK."
"So I'm relying on Dean to keep you safe, and you to keep him out of trouble. You're well trained now, and very capable Beth, I have no doubts in your ability to do this job. You or Dean." John took a deep breath. "But I want you to be careful, don't take any unnecessary risks, and if it gets hairy, you get out of there, you hear me?"
I nodded again, eyes wide.
"Most of all, you listen to Jefferson. He's good at his job, and you get Dean to toe the line with him, none of this macho nonsense. Jefferson is running this job, understood?"
"Yes, sir." I said.
"Now, how do you feel about blondes?" He asked with a twinkle in his eye.
"Blondes?" I asked, confused. John handed me a card with a time and date written on it, it was for in an hour. I frowned and turned it over. Battle Creek Hair Salon it read on the other side. I looked up at him, curious. "Oh, no, you can't be serious."
Apartment Building
Philadelphia
Dean was staring at me, and it was starting to make me feel a little uncomfortable. I glanced over at him again and he averted his eyes, we'd been doing this dance for the whole trip to Pennsylvania. Now we were parked, sitting in the Impala, looking up at the apartment building we were about to investigate.
He glanced over at me again and I turned to stare. "You want to touch it?" I asked, raising my eyebrow and leaning forward a little.
"What?" He asked, frowning.
"The hair Dean. You've been staring at it for the last 10 hours we've been on the road." I pointed out and he chuckled.
"Well it's just... so... blonde." He said, and he did reach out to slide a few fingers through my hair.
"Yeah I know," I grumped. "I hate it."
He smiled at me and nodded. "Yeah it's not really you, but it doesn't look that bad. I can't believe Dad made you a salon appointment, that is hilarious."
"I guess he wanted it to look real." I mused, looking in the mirror at myself, flipping a few tendrils back which he'd accidentally brushed into my eyes.
Dean paused, looking at me again, his face unreadable. "Well it does. Maybe a little too real, I don't like it."
I sighed. "Dean..." I said warningly. I really didn't want him to do the whole over-protective big brother thing on me.
"I know, I know, I'll stop it." He stared at me again. "OK, come on. Let's go. This'll be fun, you, me, no Dad or Sammy – maybe we can actually have a little down time. I think I saw a bar down the street, we can get in some pool once the job is done."
I smiled at him, now that was the Dean I loved being around, happy, carefree, and fun. "Sounds like a plan." I said, nodding.
"Jefferson is already inside checking out the apartment according to his text," Dean said, looking up. "I'm gonna meet him, how about you go check out the landlord, see if we can't rent the place?"
"Sure, I can do that." I smiled, grabbing my bag. Then we were all business, leaving the Impala and heading indoors.
The landlord, Ed, was middle-aged with a receding hairline, three-day growth on his chin, and carrying a few extra pounds around the middle, but he was friendly and keen to get a new tenant in the building.
He walked me up to the apartment and I kept my eyes peeled for Dean, who was up here somewhere with Jefferson, and totally not expecting company.
"It's just so convenient," I said to Ed and he nodded
"Yeah, it's a great building, fixed it up real nice. All the apartments come furnished, too." He said.
"It's so spacious. You know, my friend told me that I absolutely had to come check it out and I have to admit, she was right. You did a really good job with this place."
Dean rounded the corner, lost in his thoughts for a moment with another man I didn't recognise. "What are you doing here?" He asked, when he saw me.
"Oh, there you are honey," I said with a smile, slipping my arm around Dean's waist. He looked at me a little surprised. "This is my boyfriend Dean, and his buddy Jeff." I said.
"Good to meetcha. Quite a gal you've got here." Ed said to Dean, shaking his hand. Dean turned to look at me.
"Oh yeah, she's a pistol," he said with a grin, smacking me on my ass. I raised my eyebrow at him.
Jefferson, as it turned out was a tall and pale guy around his mid-thirties, he had a quirky smile, short blonde hair and eyes the colour of blueberries. He took the whole thing in his stride, smiling at the landlord.
"Great building you have here," He said with a British accent to Ed.
"Thanks man, I do my best to keep it looking nice." Ed replied.
"Well it shows." Jefferson said, nodding.
"So, did you already check out that apartment? The one for rent?" I asked the men.
"Yeah. Yes. Loved it. Heh. Great... flow." Dean said, his hand still around my waist. It felt warm and soft, and it was a little distracting.
"How'd you get in?" Ed asked, suspicious.
"It was open." Dean replied, Ed looked confused but didn't argue.
"Now, Ed, um, when did the last tenant move out?" I asked the landlord.
"Oh, about a month ago. Cut and run, too. Stiffed me for the rent." Ed replied.
"Well. Her loss, our gain! Because if Dean loves it, it's good enough for me." I said with a smile.
"Oh sweetie," Dean said with a faux loving stare, smacking my ass.
"We'll take it." I said with a smile to Ed.
Apartment
"Boyfriend?" Dean asked, looking at me with an amused expression.
"I panicked, ok! I wasn't expecting him to bring me upstairs. I just thought I could question him while you both were checking out the room. I saw you both standing there when we came up and forgot the cover story, except that now I remember there was no cover story!" I paused, looking at Dean. "You know adlibbing isn't my strong suit."
"Yeah... yeah we're gonna have to work on that I think." Dean said with frown.
"She did fine Dean, give her a break." Jefferson said, coming into the room with a bag and dumping it on the kitchen table. "Hi Beth, I'm Jefferson, glad to have you with us."
"Hi there, glad to be here. What have you guys found out about the apartment so far?" I asked
"Well, there's considerable activity around this light switch over here," Jefferson said, waving me over to an exposed circuit in the wall. "Do you know what that is?" He pointed to a thick black goo that was oozing out of the plate. I shook my head, reaching forward to touch it.
"It's ectoplasm." Dean said, walking over.
"Yes, and it's very rare, I've only seen this stuff, like, twice. To make this stuff you have to be one majorly pissed off spirit." Jefferson said with a nod.
"Right..." I said, thinking. "Well then we better find this thing before it grabs any more girls then."
Dean's phone rang and he answered, walking into the living room.
"Hey Dad," Dean said, and I followed him, listening in.
"Yeah, yeah we're here... yes we're with Jefferson...yes she's here, where else would she be?..." Dean rolled his eyes at me and I chuckled, John was going to be a major pain in his ass this whole job, I could tell. "Yes sir. No Dad I won't... all right all right I won't let her out of my sight. Got it!" He hung up and turned to me.
"Dad?" I said with a smirk, leaning in the archway separating the living room from the kitchen and dining.
"Ya think?" He muttered, shaking his head. "The man's more paranoid than I am!"
I laughed and picked up my bag from where I'd dumped it. I carried it over to the couch and sat down, rifling through my things looking for my journal. Pulling it out I sat with my knees up on the couch, opening it up and starting a new entry. Ectoplasm: the black gooey residue left from the presence of an extremely pissed off spirit. Seen for the first time today in apartment building at Philadelphia.
My mind wandered as Dean stalked around the room, laying out blueprints on the table, and talking to Jefferson. He glanced over at me now and again, I pretended not to notice, but the memory of his arm around my waist, lingered... I found myself thinking about it way more than I should have been.
I shook my head to clear it and got up to join Jefferson and Dean at the table, time to work, not think about things that I had no right to even be thinking about.
"This place was built in 1924." Jefferson was explaining to me, showing me the blueprints. "It was originally a warehouse, converted into apartments a few months ago."
"Yeah? What was here before 1924?" Dean asked, pacing down one side of the table.
"Nothing. An empty field." Jefferson said, walking over to sit down next to some more paperwork.
"So, most likely scenario, someone died bloody in the building and now he's back and raising hell?" I asked, looking from Dean to Jefferson.
"I already checked." Jefferson replied, "In the past eighty-two years, zero violent deaths. Unless you count a janitor who slipped on a wet floor." He made a slippery "woooo" sound and then a crash and burn noise as he demonstrated with his hand a janitor falling.
I laughed, at least he was a bit of comedic relief after John's seriousness all the time. I wondered just how his friendly persona came off around John. Maybe there was a reason we hadn't met this guy until now. Dean was still pacing and it was starting to drive me crazy.
"Dean, would you please sit down?" I said, flashing him a crazed look. He stopped and then contritely sat at the table, I flashed him a smile as thanks.
"So, have you checked police reports, county death records..." Dean said, looking at Jefferson.
"Obituaries, mortuary reports and seven other sources, thank you Dean, yes." Jefferson said with a smile.
"OK. So it's something else then. Maybe some kind of cursed object that brought a spirit with it." Dean said and Jefferson nodded.
"We'll have to scan the whole building." I said, and Jefferson nodded.
"Right." Dean said, taking Jefferson's lead. "You and me, we'll take the top two floors, Jefferson can take the bottom."
"We'd move faster if we split up," I said to Dean, frowning.
"Oh, this isn't negotiable cherry-pie." Dean said with his usual pie-inspired nickname for me. I sighed. He literally wasn't going to let me out of his sight.
An hour later we were walking side-by-side down the dimly lit hallway with EMF readers in hand. Dean hadn't been like this in a long time, but then, usually we had John with us on the hunt too.
I glanced over at him, he had frown on his face.
"Yo, you going to let up on me a little Dean?" I asked.
"Huh?" He asked, looking at me confused.
"The last time you rode me this close I was sixteen, going to Spring Dance with the QB1 and you were all worried for my chastity." I grinned, raising my eyebrow at him.
Dean cleared his throat and looked at me. "Yeah, well, that's what brothers are for. Besides, that guy was bad news."
"Dean you broke his nose!" I said, shaking my head.
"Well... he shouldn't have had you in such a compromising position." Dean said looking away and waving the EMF above our heads along the skirting boards.
"He was giving me a simple kiss good night!" I said, rolling my eyes.
Dean grabbed me suddenly, pushing me against the wall and leaning close, his body pressed along the length of me, lips hovering over mine. I stared up into his hazel eyes, suddenly lost for words.
"This... is not the position of a simple...kiss...good night." He said softly, looking into my eyes. I swallowed, my hand dropping a little to my side as I looked back at him.
"Well, if you hadn't noticed, I'm not sixteen any more... I think I can take care of myself." I said, a little breathless. A mix of emotions flicked through Dean's eyes as he remained in place.
"I noticed." He said quietly, and then he swallowed and stepped back, cocking his head to the side. "But you're still my little sister, always will be sugar-pie, so get used to it! If you think I'm letting you out of my sight..." He paused, looking at me conflicted.
I frowned. "What is it?" I asked at his expression.
"I don't exactly agree with this plan of Dad and Jefferson's, to use you as bait." He said with a frown.
"It's the quickest way to draw it out and you know it." I said, running my hand through my newly dyed blonde hair. Dean scoffed, and started to walk down the hallway again, turning a corner.
"If it were you as bait you wouldn't even hesitate Dean, so stick your chauvinistic attitude aside and let's get on with the job." I said angrily, chasing after him.
"Beth, this ain't about gender studies. You can do the job fine, women can do the job fine. But you've had no experience around a spirit this strong." Dean said, still walking.
I followed him, not really shocked at him, but disappointed in his attitude. "Well, how am I supposed to get experience if you and Dad won't let me do these cases? Why do you think Dad sent me here?"
"He sent you here because he's not above putting your safety behind the needs of the job, and it's dangerous, and I don't agree with him because at the end of the day it falls to me to protect you, that's my job, and I can't protect you if you do something stupid, ok?" Dean stopped to face me, he was breathing heavier and obviously struggling with the whole idea.
I looked at him with all the love and affection I felt for my big brother. "Dean, I trust you, you've never let me down. You won't now."
"Why would you choose this life Beth?" Dean asked with a frown.
"What?" I asked, confused.
"Beth you have options. You were fifteen and not given the options. No one in their right mind chooses this life. Dad started me in this so young I can't even remember another life. I wish I could do something else." Dean was staring at me, worried.
"You love the job." I said to him.
"Yeah, but I'm a little twisted," he said with a smirk.
"You don't think I'm a little twisted? I put up with the three of you guys every day! You all drive me nuts! I had a demon inside of me Dean! I can't go back to every day after something like that." I argued with him.
"Your Dad wanted something more for you Beth. That's a good thing. You keep along this path, you might not be able to find it later." Dean said with a sadness in his eyes.
"My father is dead Dean, it's only me now. You, Sammy... Dad... you're all that I have. This life is all I have Dean. So please just stop giving me a hard time and support me in this." I said looking up at him. He stared back at me before his eyes softened and I knew he'd given in. He reached forward and ran a hand along my hair with a half-smile.
"I really do prefer it brown," he said with a smile, pulling me forward to give me a brotherly kiss on the forehead. "OK." He whispered in answer to what I'd just said, and I leaned against him for a moment before wrapping my arms around him for a hug which he returned.
"Thank you," I whispered back, still holding on.
I sniffed and frowned. "Gee, you need a shower Dean." I said, pulling back.
"Huh?" He asked, frowning and sniffing under his arm. "No I don't!"
I spun around, looking at the wall behind us. "Well something smells." I said, holding the EMF reader out in front of me. "Is that a gas leak?"
"No. Something else." Dean said, looking around and sniffing the air. "I know it. I just can't put my finger on it."
I crouched down by a grate in the wall, the EMF reader spiked with static going off the charts.
"Mazel Tov. You just found your first spirit without Dad." Dean said with a grin, crouching down beside me.
"It's inside the vent." I said.
Dean handed me his flash-light before pulling out a screwdriver, undoing the screws in the grate and pulling it off the wall. He took the flash-light back and shone it into the vent while he looked.
"There's something in there. Here." He muttered, handing me back the light before reached his arm inside, feeling around. He grimaced and pulled back, clutching a clump of bloody blonde hair in his hand.
"Eewww." I said, screwing up my nose.
"Somebody's keeping souvenirs." Dean said, looking at me with serious eyes.
"We better show Jefferson." I said, and he nodded, standing up and pulling me to my feet. I glanced at the hair again with a shudder.
"Yeah... now you know why I'm not so happy about the whole bait thing..." Dean muttered, screwing the grate back on before taking my arm and escorting me back to the apartment.
A few hours later and we'd decided to wait until morning to continue the search. Jefferson had decided we should relax a little with a few rounds of poker, and we'd happily agreed. I was still a little creeped out over the whole hair thing, but I didn't want to show it.
Come eleven o'clock Jefferson started to make his bed on the couch.
"You guys are right to share the bedroom, yes?" Jefferson asked, glancing over at us. "I mean, I know it's not exactly ideal..."
"No, no that's ok." I said, looking over at Dean who was suddenly looking a little stressed. "I mean, I pretty much always share with Sammy anyway. Not a lot of room for four of us in those motel rooms." I said to Jefferson and he nodded.
"That's what I figured." He said, and he pulled his top off over his head to reveal a well toned torso. I swallowed, the man was pretty decent looking for someone over a decade older than me.
Dean cleared his throat and grabbed his bag, heading for the bedroom. I did the same, glancing back at Jefferson who was now in sweatpants and nothing else, getting under the covers and bedding down for the night.
I changed into my tank top and shorts which I usually wore for sleeping and went into the bathroom to brush my teeth. When I got back Dean was already in the double bed, facing out, his back to my side of the bed. He was in shorts and a t-shirt, and apparently already asleep.
I took out my candle, the one thing I did every night, and put it by the bed. Usually I would go outside so as not to bother anyone, but this was Philadelphia and outside was the middle of the road, and I didn't want to walk to a park, or go looking for a church this late. I hesitated, looking at Dean's back.
"Dean?" I whispered, he rolled on to his back to look at me, his eyes asking if I was ok. "Do you mind?" I asked, indicating the candle.
"No." He said quietly. "Do you want me to leave?" I shook my head no and his mouth melted into a half-smile.
He turned back onto his side and I watched him for a few moments, before getting my rosary out and lighting the candle. I usually took time to meditate and clear my head of the day's events when I took my prayer time, but not tonight. I didn't want to keep Dean awake any longer than necessary, just the same I said the prayers quietly, almost silently, just a mere whisper on my lips.
Ten minutes later I had prayed the rosary, and finished my daily prayer to my guardian angel. I blew out the candle and the room fell dark aside from the street light streaming in through the window. I crawled into bed and lay on my back, my arm pressed against Dean's back. He turned to face me, eyes seeking mine in the dark.
"Did you have fun today?" He asked quietly, and I smiled and nodded. He grinned. "You're terrible, what am I gonna do with you?"
"Just watch out for me, like a good big brother does, and keep me safe." I said with a smile.
"Hmmm..." He said thoughtfully, watching me in the dark, his face was in shadow so I couldn't see what he was thinking. "Get some sleep." He ordered me, rolling over again. I rolled on to my side after a few minutes, putting my back to him, only to find that I was sliding toward the middle of the bed. It was an older mattress, and naturally sagged in the middle creating a bit of a quick sand effect.
I found myself pushed right up against Dean and I freaked a little. I moved away, pulling myself closer to the edge of the bed. "Sorry." I muttered. He looked over his shoulder at me but didn't say anything.
I tried to get comfortable, but it wasn't easy with the black hole of Calcutta sucking me into the middle of the bed. If it was Sam I wouldn't worry and I'd just cuddle up and go to sleep, but this was Dean, and although we'd shared beds from time to time, I didn't have the same comfortable familiarity like I did with Sam. There was a tension with us which was always overshadowed by John's mandate that there be absolutely no hanky-panky between any of us.
I slipped to the middle of the bed again and sighed in frustration, flipping on to my stomach and putting my arms under the pillow. But I wasn't comfortable. I was a side-sleeper and just couldn't see myself getting any sleep if I was going to be clinging to the edge of the bed all night.
Dean sighed at my movements. "Would you stop tossing and turning?" He asked. I rolled on to my back, which only slid me down against him again.
"I can't sleep on my stomach Dean, this damn mattress!" I said, sighing.
Dean sighed and then the mattress shifted as he moved again. I tensed when his arm slipped around my waist. The bed naturally sank in the middle, and he rolled me on to my side, pulling us both into a warm, comfortable cocoon. He nestled into me, his warm body pressed up along mine. I held my breath. I was pretty sure my heart had just stopped beating.
"For god's sake get some sleep Beth," he said, pulling back just slightly so he wasn't breathing in my ear. The rest of him was pressed snugly against me, his arm wrapped loosely around my waist, hand brushing against my stomach. I moaned internally and tried to relax. After a while he fell asleep, his breathing settling into a relaxed and comfortable rhythm, only then could I fully relax, and allowed myself to enjoy the closeness, the feel of him against me, and I drifted off to a nice, warm, fuzzy sleep.
We awoke to sirens outside the window, the sun was streaming in the window. I opened an eye and realised that I hadn't moved all night. Apparently neither had Dean, he was now pressed right up against me, one leg thrown over the top of me, both arms circled around my waist and his cheek was against mine as he sighed softly in his sleep.
I tensed instantly, because it felt so good and then I was crushingly aware that it shouldn't, that we couldn't. In that moment I also felt something that had occasionally happened with Sam and I too, but it had never seemed such an issue with Sam. I was intensely aware when I felt Dean's morning erection press against my butt.
"Dean!" I whispered, wondering if he was awake.
"Mmmm?" He asked, shifting a little, which only served to drive home his arousal.
"Hey... did you bring a gun to bed last night, or are you just... really... happy to see me?" I asked, trying to sound casual.
"Huh? Oh!" He pulled away from me quickly and rolled to the side of the bed, swinging his legs over the edge to sit up.
"Sorry," he muttered with an embarrassed look at me.
"It's ok." I said, sitting up myself. Dean was grabbing some clothes from beside him on the floor and he headed for the bathroom.
"I call first shower," he said and I nodded. More than fair. Yet again I found myself being a little thankful that I was a woman.
I was fingering my rosary, sitting on the couch and staring out the window behind it when Dean came out of the shower. I had already dressed, deciding to skip my shower, hair pulled back in a ponytail. I still hadn't been able to look in the mirror for a while, the blonde just was too weird.
"Where's Jefferson?" Dean asked, seeing the absence of the older man.
"Went to get coffee." I said. Dean stretched and nodded.
"How'd you sleep last night?" He asked casually, glancing over at me. I barely heard him, lost in my own thoughts. "Beth?"
"Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah, I slept good. Thanks. You?" I asked, looking at him a little shyly.
"Yeah good, great night's sleep." He said.
I smiled and went back to looking at my rosary. Dean frowned and came to sit down next to me.
"You ok?" He asked, looking a little concerned.
"Yeah," I said, glancing up at him. I looked back at the rosary and felt a little sad.
"What's the earliest thing you remember about Dad? I mean, what's the first thing that pops into your head?" I asked. Dean looked surprised at the question and then shook his head. "Come on, tell me." I said, sitting cross legged with my back against the arm of the couch.
Dean considered and then nodded. "I was six or seven, and uh, he took me shooting for the first time. You know, balls on a fence, that kind of thing. I bulls-eyed every one of 'em. He gave me this smile, like... I don't know." He looked down, a little smile on his face.
I smiled. "He'd have loved that, he'd have been proud of you."
Dean looked over at me, then reached out to brush a couple of fingers along the rosary I was holding. "What about your dad?" He asked in turn.
I smiled. "I was still in pigtails when my mom died, before that we lived in Chippewa Falls, near Lake Wissota. My dad used to take us out there every weekend during the Summer." I smiled at the memory. "And my Dad, you know he was a good looking guy, he used to get all this attention from the other mothers and women that would join us from the church – I'm sure the whole minister thing didn't help things along." Dean nodded, watching intently but with a little smile.
"And I used to always be aware, even at such a young age, about how they were flirting with him. I remember saying to my mom one day, didn't it bother her? All these women talking to my dad all the time, and she smiled and she said to me... "there's no need to be jealous baby girl... you look in your daddy's eyes and you see where his heart is." I smiled, just thinking about it.
"He only had eyes for your mom," Dean said quietly.
"Yeah," I said with a smile, tears in my eyes. "The way he looked at her, and me, it was a real, true love. And I just... I feel so privileged to have seen that you know? To know that for some people, it's really out there." Dean frowned slightly.
"What?" I asked, curious about the frown.
"Nothing," he said, looking away. Jefferson burst through the door at that point, all blue eyes and blond tips. I looked up at him and frowned.
"Where's the coffee?" I asked.
"There are cops outside. Another girl disappeared," Jefferson said, looking pained.
Jefferson was pacing next to the table. "Teresa Ellis, Apartment 2F. Her boyfriend reported her missing around dawn," he reported.
"And her apartment?" Dean asked, getting up and sitting at the table.
"Cracks all over the plaster, walls, ceiling. There was ectoplasm too." Jefferson said, running a hand through his hair.
"Well, between that and that tuft of hair, I'd say this sucker's coming from the walls," Dean said, looking around the apartment.
"But who is it? The building's history is totally clean." Jefferson said, looking at us. I was flipping through the a stack of paperwork I hadn't seen last night. A photograph caught my attention and I picked it up.
"Maybe we're looking in the wrong place," I said quietly.
Dean looked over at me. "What do you mean?"
"Check this out," I said, holding the photo up to them.
"An empty field?" Jefferson asked.
"It's where this building was built. Take a look at the one next door. The windows." I said, pointing to the edge of the photograph.
"Bars." Jefferson said, stunned.
"We're next door to a prison?" Dean asked, frowning and going to the window.
A little while later I was on the phone.
"Thanks Bobby." I said, nodding at Dean who was pacing around the room. "Uh, Bobby? Please don't tell Dad we called... you know..." I listened to Bobby on the other end of the phone curse out John and smiled. "Yeah, ok, thanks again Bobby." I smiled and hung up. Bobby and John hadn't really been talking lately, they were always at odds with each other, they'd had another falling out a few months earlier that meant they were ignoring each other like usual, I was fairly certain they'd get over it in a few months time, but until then we kids were the ones who suffered, Bobby was practically a second Dad to us.
"OK." I said, turning to Jefferson and Dean. "Moyamensing prison. Built in 1835, torn down in 1963. And get this. They used to execute people by hanging them in the empty field next door." I looked up at them, with an appraising look.
"Well, then, we need a list. All the people executed there." Jefferson said, leaning on the table.
"Bobby is already on it, he's going to email us." I said and he nodded.
Half an hour later Dean sat down at the computer and opened up our email. "Wow, that was quick," he muttered, and opened the email from Bobby. Jefferson watched over Dean's shoulder as he scrolled through the list.
"One hundred and fifty-seven names?" Jefferson asked, stunned.
"We've gotta narrow that down." Dean muttered.
"Yes." Jefferson nodded.
"Or else we're gonna be digging up a hell of a lot of stiffs," Dean said with a grin at me. He knew how much I hated digging up bones.
Jefferson frowned and leaned over Dean's shoulder a little more, reaching out to point to a name.
"Herman Webster Mudgett." He said, an amazed tone to his voice.
"Who?" I asked, frowning. I'd never heard of him.
"That was H.H. Holmes' real name," Jefferson said, he stood back and crossed his arms with a frown.
"You've gotta be kiddin' me," Dean said. Heopened up a search engine, tapping away at the keyboard and after a moment he sat back with a long breath. "Yep. Holmes was executed at Moyamensing, May 7, 1896," he confirmed.
"H.H. Holmes himself." Jefferson said, a little awestruck. "What are the odds?"
"Who is this guy?" I asked, curious.
"The term 'multi-murderer'?" Dean said, looking at me and I nodded. "They coined it to describe Holmes. He was American's first serial killer, before anybody knew what a serial killer was."
"He confessed to twenty-seven murders, but some put the real toll at over one hundred," Jefferson said, leaning back against the kitchen bench.
I felt my jaw drop.
"And his victim flavour of choice?" Dean said, turning worried eyes to me. "Pretty, petite blondes. He, uh, he used chloroform to kill them." He paused, thinking, then stood up to start pacing. "Which is what I smelled in the hallway last night. At his place, cops found human remains, bone fragments, and long locks of bloody blonde hair." He stopped and looked at me, conflicted.
"Oh this was a bad idea." He said to Jefferson. Jefferson was starting to look like he agreed with Dean.
"Well, we just find the bones, salt them and burn them, right?" I asked, looking between the pair of them. They exchanged an uncomfortable look.
"Well, it's not going to be that easy," Jefferson said with his British accent. "His body is buried in town, but it's encased in a couple of tonnes of concrete."
"What? Why?" I asked.
"The story goes that he didn't want anybody mutilating his corpse. Because, you know, that's what he used to do." Dean said.
"How do you know all this stuff?" I asked, shaking my head. Dean just smiled.
"You know something. We might have an even bigger problem than that," Jefferson said, starting to walk around the edges of the apartment.
"How does this get bigger?" I asked.
"Holmes built an apartment building in Chicago. He called it the Murder Castle. The whole place was a death factory, they had, uh, trap doors, acid vats, quick lime pits... he built these secret chambers inside the walls. He'd lock his victims in, keep them alive for days. Some he'd suffocate, others he'd let starve to death." Jefferson said, turning to look at us.
The reality of what he'd just said hit me like a tonne of bricks. "So Teresa could still be alive... she could be inside these walls!" I said, standing up and looking around.
Dean was instantly on the move, grabbing the car keys. "We need sledgehammers, crowbars. We've got to smash these walls, anywhere thick enough to hide a girl."
And he was gone, out the door. I didn't move, wondering what to do. Suddenly the door swung back open and Dean looked at me furiously.
"Come on! I told you I'm not letting you out of my sight apple-pie, and I meant it!"
I sighed and followed after him. Some things never changed.
We'd made one hell of a mess of the apartment, good thing we didn't give our real names on the rental application. Dean took a flash-light and headed into the crawl space behind the wall that we found. Peeking out when I didn't follow immediately.
"What's wrong?" He asked, sticking his head out of the wall. I hesitated, shifting from foot to foot and biting my lip.
"I've kind of got a thing for … small spaces." I admitted, scrunching up my face.
"Are you serious?" Dean asked, looking surprised. I threw him a look that showed him just how serious I was.
"Well, uh...stay here then." Dean said, hesitating, torn between taking me into the walls where there was the potential of encountering a homicidal spirit, or leaving me here, to fall prey to the exact same thing.
I looked at him, thinking it through and decided that I needed to suck it up and get into the walls.
"No, it's ok. I'm coming." I said with a sigh, steeling myself with a nod.
"Atta girl." Dean said with a smile, heading back into the walls. I took a couple of deep breaths, looking around the now empty apartment and shuddered, OK here goes nothing. I stepped into the wall, counting to ten, and then hurrying to catch up to Dean.
An hour later we were still crawling about in the walls, I was feeling a little better about it all, having Dean with me helped, but it still felt like everything was closing in on us.
My phone rang and it was Jefferson, updating us on where he was at.
"OK. Call us after you check the southeast wall." I said, and hung up. "Jefferson's almost done with the first floor. Hasn't found jack squat either." I told Dean. He'd come to a stop and was peering ahead of us. "What is it?"
"It's too narrow, I can't go any further." Dean said.
I tried to squeeze past him, sliding across his front. "Let me see."
"What are you? Ugh... shoulda cleaned the pipes." Dean muttered as I collided with his crotch.
"What?" I asked, looking back at him.
"I, uh, I wish the pipes were cleaner." He said.
I frowned at him. "Shut up!" I looked down the crawl space and groaned inwardly. "I can fit in there." I said, looking at Dean.
"You're not going in there by yourself." Dean said immediately.
"You got a better idea?" I asked, still wedged between him and the wall.
"You..." He stopped, thinking.
"Uh-huh, didn't think so." I said squeezing past him the rest of the way and through the narrow space to the other side. I looked back at Dean for a moment and fought off the rising panic. I thought about the missing girl, Teresa, and felt my resolve toughen, moving further into the walls, out of sight of Dean.
My phone rang and I answered it.
"Where are you?" Dean asked over the phone.
"By the north wall," I answered, looking around me. I walked a bit further and saw an air duct heading down.
"I'm heading down some kind of air duct," I told Dean.
"No, no, no, no, stay up here." Dean said, but I was already half way into it, holding myself up by my elbows, my legs dangling.
"Look, we've gotta find this girl, don't we?" I asked. I took a deep breath and tried not to think about how much more narrow this air duct was going to be than the walls. "I'm ok," I said to Dean.
"All right. I'm heading to you." Dean said.
I slipped down the air duct and landed on my feet a small way down, it was the same as above, bricked in walls, with cobwebs and mildew. I shone my flash-light around, looking either side of me, I tried to decide which way would be best to go. Then a black goo started pouring out from the cracks in front of me and my heart stopped.
"Oh god Dean." I said into the phone.
"What is it?" Dean's voice came over the phone. "Beth? Beth!"
I felt something grab me and I screamed, then everything went black.
Dean's POV
I panicked when I heard the scream and mentally kicked myself for letting her out of my sight.
"Beth!" I yelled, running down to the next level, trying to hear where she was. I took the sledgehammer and made a rough guess at where she'd been, smashing a hole in the wall. I broke into the walls and looked around. My light hit something metallic and I groaned, it was Beth's phone, lying abandoned on the floor. "Beth?" I called out, "Beth?!" There was no answer.
"Son of a bitch!" I said, grabbing the phone and running back up the hallway. I rounded a corner and ran into Jefferson.
"Whoa!" Jefferson said, reeling back to look at me.
"He's got Beth." I said, trying to keep my voice level.
"What? How'd that happen?" Jefferson asked, his eyes instantly worried.
"I wasn't with her, I left her alone. Dammit!" I cursed, stalking down the hallway toward the apartment.
"Hey, look, we'll find her, all right?" Jefferson reassured me, but I was shaking my head.
"Where?" I asked him, looking back.
"Inside the walls." Jefferson said, walking alongside me. I looked at him, all calm and collected, just like the British.
"We've been inside the walls all night. None of the other girls were there, she won't be either."
"Look, we've just got to take a moment and think about this. Maybe we got Holmes' M.O. wrong." Jefferson said entering the apartment and taking a look at the paperwork spread on the table.
"Yeah, well, we'd better friggin' think fast." I said, feeling a panic start to rise in my chest, if anything happened to her, it was going to be all my fault. Beth's phone started to ring and I answered it without thinking.
"Yeah." I said.
"Dean?" Dad's voice came over the phone and I grimaced, running a hand over my eyes.
"Why are you answering Beth's phone? Where is she?" Dad asked and I stood dead still, trying to think of a way to break this to him that wasn't going to get me shot.
"Uh, she's gonna have to call you back, she's taking care of, uh, feminine business." I said, wincing at the poor excuse.
"Yeah right. Where is she?" Dad's voice said, and when I didn't answer right away. "Dean, where is your sister?!"
I took a breath. "Look, Dad, we'll get her back." I said quietly,
"Get her back? Back from what?" He asked and I sighed.
"The spirit, it took her." I said.
"What?!" Dad's voice was pissed and I didn't blame him.
"Well... you wanted to use her as bait... it worked." I said, cringing.
"I also told you not to let her out of your sight!" Dad yelled at me and I took a shaky breath. "Put Jefferson on the phone." I looked over at Jefferson and he was watching the whole conversation, impassively.
"He wants to talk to you." I said, handing him the phone and kicking a chair clear across the room. It didn't make me feel any better.
"John, it's Jefferson," said the guy, walking slightly away from me. "Look, we'll get her back John, I promise...It won't, I won't let anything happen to her. I'm sorry John, I really am."
He looked over and hung up the phone, handing it back to me.
"Don't beat yourself up Dean. There's nothing you could have done." Jefferson said, walking back to the table.
"Tell me you've got an idea man," I said to him, anxious.
"Maybe. Look. You look at the layout of the Holmes murder castle, there's all the torture chambers inside the walls, right?" He was spreading the blueprints out for us to look at.
"Right," I said, nodding.
"But there's one we haven't considered yet. The one in this basement." He said, looking up with me with calm blue eyes.
"This building doesn't have a basement." I said, frowning.
"Yes, that's right, it doesn't. But, I just noticed this. Beneath the foundation, it looks like part of an old sewer system that hasn't been used for..." I interrupted him, already on my way to the door.
"Let's go." I said, leaving the older guy to follow. I had to get down there, and I had to get down there now.
Beth's POV
It was pitch black when I woke up in a small, dark place, lying on my back. I gasped, trying not to completely freak out. My flash-light was still with me and I turned it on. I felt a rising panic attack in my chest as I came face to face with a wooden wall. Above me were gouge marks from someone's fingernails, I touched them, imagining the countless other girls who had laid here before me, and felt tears well in my eyes.
I stifled a sob with my hand, rolling on to my side, trying to gather my wits around me. Dean would be looking for me, and Jefferson, and I knew they wouldn't stop until they found me. I just had to get through the next few moments alive, and try and figure out how to get out of here. There was some kind of metal plating where I was facing, it had a slot in it and I sat up to look through.
Outside of the chamber I was in was a larger room, all with similar looking metal doors with slots. I heard a noise like a door slamming closed and I startled, trying to listen for more.
"Hello?" I said hesitantly.
"Is – is anybody there?" A girl's voice asked, she sounded terrified.
"Your name's Teresa?" I asked, trying to see where she was.
"Yes," she sniffed, answering me. I closed my eyes, saying a little prayer that we could get out of here alive.
"This probably isn't going to make you feel any better, but... I'm here to rescue you." I rolled my eyes just saying it.
The girl whimpered. "Oh god. He's out there, he's going to kill us!" She cried.
"No, he won't. We're getting out. My brother is looking for us, he'll find us." I promised her, hoping that he found us sooner rather than later.
Quiet footsteps sounded nearby and I knew it was the spirit, it was coming toward us. I tried to control my breathing, I was already panicked enough with the enclosed space, it was starting to close in on me and I pulled my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around my knees as I rocked to try and calm myself.
"Oh god, it's him!" Teresa screamed.
"Shhh! Just be quiet!" I told her and sat still, watching.
She fell silent, and then there was a creepy black hand reaching through the slot toward me. It was elongated and withered, black and splotchy. I couldn't control it, a scream just rose from my mouth as the hand grabbed a chunk of hair and ripped it from my skull.
A mouth appeared at the opening, and I crawled back as far as I could, wrapping my rosary around my wrist, holding it to my forehead as I tried to calm myself.
"You're so pretty. So beautiful," his voice said through the slot.
"Go to Hell!" I muttered. His hand reached through the opening again, this time it wasn't rough. He reached out and ran his hand along my hair, down my shoulder and arm. I groaned in disgust, a shudder passing down my body. I turned quickly and I jammed my wrist with the rosary against his arm. He screamed and pulled it back, reacting to the iron findings that held all the beads in place.
"How do you like that?" I asked him, with a smile. "Pure iron, you creepy-ass son of a bitch!" I kissed my Dad's rosary and said a thank you to him for being who he was, and knowing what he did when he made this rosary.
Dean's POV
Jefferson and I were walking down the streets, he had the metal detector, I had the shovel. Jefferson nodded toward an open field nearby and ran the metal detector ahead of us. The detector whined over a patch of grass and he nodded at me.
"Here." Jefferson said, indicating I should dig. Within minutes I'd uncovered a metal trapdoor, it led underground. Jefferson reached down and pulled it open.
We had found a tunnel, but it was small and narrow. Jefferson went first, crawling on hands and knees, and I brought up the rear. All I could think about was getting to Beth in time, these tunnels were taking forever!
Finally we came out into a larger area and Jefferson nodded to me, handing me a small iron bar and moving into the antechamber.
"Is he gone?" I heard a girl ask, the question echoed through the tunnel toward us and we turned in it's direction. It wasn't Beth, maybe it was the other missing girl.
"I don't know." Beth answered her, and my heart almost stopped at the sound of her voice. I took a deep breath and fought from running down the tunnel to her right then and there, I had to keep my head in the game, my focus on the spirit.
Suddenly there was the sound of a scuffle and a few shrieks from one of the girls. Jefferson and I broke into a run, heading toward the sound. The spirit was in the room over and I saw it clear as day, reaching into a compartment that it was standing in front of.
"Hey!" I yelled, getting its attention. It turned to me and I swung the iron bar, the spirit disappeared.
"Beth?!" I called out, spinning in a circle.
"I'm here!" She replied, reaching through the slot in a metal door nearby.
I used the bar I was carrying to pry open the door, glancing over at Jefferson. He'd found the other girl in another compartment.
"We're going to get you out of here, all right?" Jefferson said to the terrified girl using his own bar to pry open the door in front of him.
"Hang on," I said to Beth, finally the door opened and I pulled her out into my arms, holding her tight. "Are you all right?" I asked. She clung to me just as tight, a few muffled sobs into my chest before she pulled herself together, looking up at me.
"I've been better," she said, and I shook my head at her tenacity. "Let's get the hell out of here before he comes back."
"Actually," I said, biting my lip. "I don't think you're leaving here just yet." I said to her.
"What?" She asked.
"Remember when I said you being bait was a bad plan?" She nodded at me, big brown eyes looking scared. "Now it's kind of the only one we got."
Jefferson had pulled the other girl out and had her in his arms, she looked shaken, but alive. I looked at him and he nodded, we had to go through with it, it was the only way.
Beth's POV
I was sitting in the middle of the same chamber that Jefferson and Dean had been in just moments before. I huddled with my knees up to my chest, arms wrapped tightly around them, trembling, fighting off the terror that was clutching at my heart. Dean was right nearby I told myself, and he wasn't going to let anything happen to me.
I heard him behind me, Holmes, as soon as he appeared and every part of my body screamed at me to get out of there, but I resisted. I took a deep, shaky breath, blinking hard, and I waited.
Suddenly Dean yelled "Now!" I sprang into action, diving forward away from the spirit. Gunshots echoed around me as Jefferson and Dean shot at the bags we'd tied to the wall. Salt fell by the pounds in a neat circle, enclosing the entire chamber.
I scrambled toward the exit and Dean swung it open, hands grabbing me and pulling me out of the reach of Holmes. I clung to him like a lifeline, the terror suddenly crashing down around me.
"Oh god Dean." I said, burying my face in his chest, shaking all over. He pulled me close and wrapped his arms around me, his heart was pounding under his chest, belying the calm exterior he was showing. I looked up and his eyes were staring at me, they washed from worry and concern to relief.
His face was just inches from mine and I felt his lips hovering over mine, conflict in his eyes. I swallowed, not daring to move, staring at him. I leaned up, brushing my lips across his, just barely touching him and he leaned into me, moving to kiss me.
The moment was broken by a keening noise behind us, I turned to see Holmes' spirit circling the chamber behind the door we'd shut.
"Yeah scream all you want, you son of a bitch, but there's no way you're getting over that salt!" Dean yelled at him through the grate on the door.
He looked at me a long moment and then sighed, wrapping an arm in the same old brotherly fashion he always did around my neck, pulling me with him. I wrapped my arm around his waist and let him lead me down to the way out.
A few hours later I was waiting with Jefferson at the manhole. Dean had disappeared on an errand and I was soaking up the sunlight, my horror of small spaces and night time having just had a really good run for their money.
"So, do you find this job to be as glamorous as you thought it would be three years ago?" Jefferson asked, smiling down at me.
"Well, except for all the pee-your-pants terror, yeah." I said looking up at him. "I never had any illusions about how risky it was, how terrifying it could be. But Teresa's going to live because of us. It kind of makes it all worth it, don't you think?" I said.
"Yes. Yes I suppose it does." Jefferson said with a smile.
"So what if some body finds that sewer down there, or a storm washes the salt away?" I asked, it suddenly occurring to me that the ring of salt wasn't going to last forever.
"Both very fine points," Jefferson said in his halting British accent. "Which is why we're waiting here."
I raised an eyebrow at him questioningly. "For what?"
There was the loud sound of a reversing truck heading toward us and I looked up. Jefferson looked over his shoulder and smiled. I looked to see a cement mixer backing into the field, stopping just over the sewer entrance. Dean was driving and he smiled at me in the mirror when he caught me looking.
"For that," Jefferson said with a chuckle, waving at Dean. "Whoa!" He held up his hand and Dean stopped the truck, getting out of the cab. I watched as he and Jefferson set up the little slide for the cement to run down.
"You ripped off a cement truck?" I asked Dean. He grinned and nodded.
"I'll give it back," he said with a wink. Jefferson flipped a lever on the mixer and cement started to pour into the entrance."Well that ought to keep him down there until Hell freezes over," Dean said with a chuckle and I smiled, nodding. Jefferson was looking pleased with himself, watching the cement disappear into the hole.
Impala
Cicero, Indiana
It had been a quiet ten hour drive back to John and Sam. I found myself incredibly confused about the past few days and all the little moments Dean and I had shared. That near-kiss had me reeling and I fought not to bring it up, scared of what it could mean.
Dean was equally as silent, staring ahead, eyes on the road. When we reached the motel, he shut off the car and turned to me.
"Look, Beth..." He said to me, turning to look over at me. "About before..."
"It's ok Dean, it was just... the heat of the moment, relief that we were both ok." I said, looking out the windshield.
He sighed, sitting back and I glanced over at him.
"Are you sure that was all? Because, I could have sworn there was something else going on there." He said, his eyes looking conflicted.
I fought back tears and sniffed, not daring to look at him.
"You're my brother Dean." I said quietly.
"Not really." He said softly. "Not if you don't want me to be."
I sighed and looked over at him, sadness in my eyes. "It's all I can give you Dean... I promised Dad. We promised Dad." His eyes darkened and he took a deep breath, suddenly he was poker-faced and I couldn't read anything into his face.
"I'm sorry Dean," I whispered, but he shook his head.
"No, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have … I'm sorry Beth. You're right. Dad's right. And I screwed up, I disobeyed one of Dad's orders this week and it nearly got you killed." He looked at me, pained, the fear of what might have happened bleeding through in his eyes.
"You saved me though," I said softly with a smile. "You came for me."
"I'll always come for you Beth," he said to me solemnly, a promise in his eyes. I had a moment to think about how it was the same look my dad used to give my mom, and it caught my breath. I blinked, and it was gone. He was back to being impassive, a small smile playing on his lips.
"Come on," he said, nodding toward the motel room. "Time to face the music." He meant John of course, who was still seething over Dean having let me get captured in the first place. I sighed, and gave him a worried look.
"I'll go first, maybe he won't go so hard on you if he sees me all right," I said quietly. He smiled and nodded, we both knew there was no getting out of whatever punishment John was going to put Dean through, but we could work together to lessen the impact of it.
Main Street
Cicero, Indiana
A few days later I stood in the shadows, watching as he walked along the pavement with his arm wrapped around the girl, she was pretty, petite, brunette... like me I noticed. They stopped to make out against the fence in front of her apartment building and I fought down all those feelings coming up in me, I had no right to be jealous, no right to expect that he deny himself of some kind of comfort when I couldn't give it.
I felt someone come up beside me, just standing comfortably next to me, I looked away from the scene in front of me, sighing.
"You know, John isn't always right on some things." Jefferson said, looking down at me. I bit my lip, saying nothing.
"It's clear as day to me that there's something between you both, and I only spent a few days with you." Jefferson nodded in the direction of Dean and the girl as they made their way up the stairs into the building.
"What are you doing here Jefferson?" I asked, turning to look up at him.
"Just wanted to check up on you, make sure you were ok after everything that happened." He smiled at me.
"You sure you want to keep going on like this? You're both old enough to tell John to stick it up his ass you know." Jefferson said, concern showing in his eyes – I gaped, it was the first time I'd heard this prim and proper Brit use such crude language.
"I can't, I made a promise." I said quietly.
"Beth," Jefferson said, turning to me and putting his hands on my shoulders. "I used to be a lawyer," he said with a smirk, and I raised my eyebrow. "I can tell you right now, that no contract signed by a fifteen year old girl would hold up in a court of law. That's what this is, it's an agreement you made way before you were old enough to understand what it would mean."
"Well this life is something we all fall into, most of us too young. Dean didn't ask for this either when his mom was killed, but this is where we are. Dad has rules for a reason, it's to keep us all safe." I said, reciting all the reasons I used every day to fight my growing feelings for Dean.
Jefferson dropped his hands and sighed. "You're a Winchester all right," he muttered, and I looked at him curious. "You're as stubborn as the rest of them."
I smiled, looking down at my hands. Well, there was that.
"He cares for you Beth." Jefferson said. "You should have seen him when you were missing." I looked up sharply at that.
"Well he has a funny way of showing it." I said, nodding to the building Dean had just gone inside.
Jefferson sighed. "You're still very young Beth, in many ways. Naive. I was Dean's age once you know." I smiled at that. "This is his way of fighting his feelings, working through them." I bit my lip and glanced back at the building.
"Take it from someone who knows – you can't have it both ways. If you harbour feelings for him, and expect him to wait for you, you'll only get hurt. You have to let him go. These feelings, they will eat you up inside and him too – you can't lead him on, you can't sit on the fence, it's not fair." He looked up at the building.
I sighed, he was right. It wasn't fair to Dean, to be hot and then cold all the time as we battled with John's mandate for us.
"It's not too late for you to get out Beth, find someone to love you as much as you care for Dean. Have a normal life." He looked down when he said that last part.
I sighed, staring up at the building. A normal life. What was that? I had nothing to say. Maybe it would be easier, but it hurt too much to think about moving on. More than it hurt to watch Dean go off with other women.
"Tell him you love him, or let him go." Jefferson said quietly. I sighed and nodded.
He put his arm around me in a big brotherly fashion and pulled me toward the bar across the street.
"Come on, let's get a drink, talk about more cheerful things. Did you know Sammy wants to go to college and become a doctor or something?" He laughed at that. "He should go into law, he'd be good at that." I laughed at the change of subject, obviously Jefferson had gotten caught talking to Sam for a while when he called in to see Dean and me.
"Well we could probably use a lawyer in the family..." I said with a laugh, and I glanced once more down toward the building before setting my resolve. I'd try harder, be a better daughter to John, a better sister to Dean and Sam. I'd try not to love him, even if it killed me. Not just for John, but for all of us, because the thought of leaving left an even bigger hole in my heart. Tomorrow would be a better day.
But if there's a pill to help me forget,
God knows I haven't found it yet
But I'm dying to, God I'm trying to
'Cause trying not to love you, only goes so far
And trying not to need you, is tearing me apart
Can't see the silver lining, from down here on the floor
And I just keep on trying, but I don't know what for
'Cause trying not to love you
Only makes me love you more
AUTHOR'S NOTES
Hope you enjoyed our little foray into pre-relationship Dean & Beth. This is set about three years before they get together, and is kind of the start of the build up until she admits her feelings for him in Kittanning.
Two songs because I couldn't decide which I like more and they're both so heart breakingly achy!
1st: Clarity, by Zedd
2nd : Trying not to love you by Nickelback
Trivia: Jefferson is one of the hunters' names mentioned at the start of Season 1 when they are all looking for John. As far as I know (and it's not in the Supernatural Wiki either) he's not mentioned again in the series – so I thought I might give him a personality, and this is what I came up with. I kind of pictured Paul Bethany in his part, love that guy – he's a brilliant actor!
OK I'm away for 3 days, then starting my job first day I get back, so time will be pressed for me unless I can get a little writing done while I'm on holidays. Likely there won't be an update for about 5 days :( I suggest chocolate, DVDs of Supernatural, and a re-read of Highway to Hell if you're missing Dean & Beth ;)
Please let me know what you thought of the chapter! I thought it was a lot better than annoying Jo ;) - ironically, I only just realised that Jo's middle name is Beth LOL Ellen calls her "Joanna Beth" in this episode.
Hmmm, which leads me to another question. Who wants to suggest a middle name for Beth? Keeping in mind that legally her first name is Elizabeth.