Shit, Zoro was late. He could already imagine Luffy laughing about it. First time he cared about getting to the right place at the right time, and his cell phone alarm hadn't bothered ringing on time.

Skidding into the diner, his instincts tugged toward a booth with Luffy wolfing down a plate of breakfast. The comforting sight was disrupted by the person next to Luffy, a freckled face staring Zoro down with pure hatred. Was his fly down? Did he have weird stains on his shirt? Was it the green hair? He wanted to check his appearance, but breaking eye contact would leave him vulnerable and open himself to being eaten whole. Zoro tried to approach with a casual saunter. "Ace, right? I'm-"

"Late. Half an hour late. You know how many people die from household fires in half an hour?"

"Uh…"

"How many, Ace?" Luffy chipped in, to which Ace flung his hands into the air. "I don't know, a LOT."

"But Ace," Luffy whined with his mouth full of hash browns, "You're not a firefighter right now. It's your morning off!"

"I'm always a firefighter, Luffy….and you're not listening." Ace stopped watching Luffy shovel at his hashed browns to continue his staredown with Zoro. "Fine then, Roronoa. In the space of half an hour, while I was patiently WAITING for you, Luffy's eaten four breakfast platters. That's one more than I had planned for." Ace narrowed his eyes. "Who's going to pay for that?"

Zoro tried to stammer, "I can-"

"Oh what, you're one of those hyper-masculine guys who has to provide for everything? Haven't you ever heard of splitting the bill? You trying to make my little brother some kind of kept boy, you sicko?"

It was enough to make even the most hyper masculine guy want to cry.

Luffy saved Zoro the pain of having to answer, by sticking a piece of bacon into Ace's mouth. "Ace, what's wrong with you? Are you getting the hungry grumps again?"

"Sure, whatever you say." Ace chomped down on his bacon in a sing-song voice, then stabbed another piece, waving it in Zoro's face too close for comfort. "Here, Roronoa. Have some bacon too."

"You know what, I think I'm good."

"What? You're too good for bacon? Or, don't tell me, you have something against meat? If so, I don't think this relationship is going to work out."

"You don't like meat?!" Luffy, bless his dumb little head, was not helping.

Before Zoro could disagree that no, he loved meat, Ace went on. "And just what does a meat hater like you do for a living?"

"Zoro works at a gym! Ah, but not the Pokemon kind."

Zoro didn't expect Ace to laugh, or for his eyes to soften, at Luffy's words "Is that so?"

"Yep! He helps other people lift weights. Actually, that's how we-"

"Oh, he doesn't need to know that." Zoro quickly said.

Aaaaand bitchface ace was back. bitchfACE. Ha. Zoro was so not getting out of here alive. "No I think I do." So Luffy told his story, without leaving a single incriminating detail, which left Ace sighing and Zoro wondering if it was too late to escape through the window. "Are you an idiot?"

"Which one of us?" Luffy asked

"Both. But especially Zoro, since it was his fault."

Luffy stared at Zoro with widened eyes. "It was?"

"Well, you started it!" Zoro sputtered.

"Oh wow. Real mature." Ace leaned back and slammed his feet onto the table. "Speaking of which, just how old are you, shrubhead?"

Zoro grit his teeth. "Nineteen."

"Huh. And Luffy? What have I told you about dating older guys?"

"You haven't," Luffy mumbled through a mouth half full of pancakes.

"Ok then, new rule. You don't."

"What?!" Luffy sprayed most of his food toward Ace, who ducked from experience. "No way!"

"Yes way. I'm your older brother, so do what I say."

"I refuse!" Luffy yelled defiantly.

"Well I refuse your refusal."

"Well I refuse your refusal to refuse-"

"I didn't even say that. I decided to refuse-"

"Well I refuse to decide-"

"-can't even refuse to refuse a refuse a refusal-"

"La la la I REFUSE TO LISTEN TO YOU-"

"Oh god, you're being even worse than that time you got drunk and-"

"Alcohol? And you're saying I'M a bad influence?!" As soon as Zoro said it, the argument came to a screeching halt. Ace turned to Zoro, fire scorching in his eyes. "Excuse me?"

"Wubuh- well, he's not old enough to be drinking. Not that I have a problem with that. NOT that he should be, but I won't. Judge, that is-"

"Are you questioning my ability to take care of my little brother?" Ace balanced himself over the edge of the table to loom over Zoro. "Let me make this clear, you little punk. I've been taking care of his hyper little ass for nearly his whole life. You've been hanging around for ONE. WEEK. You don't know enough. You don't care enough. So cut the crap."

Zoro clenched his jaw so hard, he could feel the grinding of his teeth.

"Don't you dare try to tell me what to do, because Luffy is my problem. NOT yours."

Really, a guy could only put up with so much. Anyone else, and Zoro would have broken his face in. He'd tried to be civil for Luffy's sake, but Zoro slammed his hands against the table, plates and silverware clattering loudly. "You goddamn- "

Then Luffy shoved Ace out of the booth, Ace landing on his ass.

"We're going, Zoro." Luffy walked across the table and jumped down, latching onto Zoro's wrist with an iron grip.

"Wait, Luffy!" Ace yelled.

"You're a jerk!" Luffy yelled back.

"Ha?!"

Luffy kicked the door open on his way out, leaving behind splinters and broken glass. "And you're paying for my food!"

Luffy marched down the street in a huff. Zoro, however, already felt his anger disappearing, now that they were away from that unreasonable bastard. He tested Luffy's grip on his wrist; there was no budging. No surprise there; Zoro already knew how strong Luffy was. As they turned a corner, Zoro vaguely wondered if Luffy was strong enough to keep hauling him without an effort on his part. Maybe if he wore rollerskates. So then he could be napping while Luffy dragged him around town…

"Sorry about Ace. He just gets stupid in the head. I mean," Luffy made a frustrated noise, letting go of Zoro to run his hands through his hair, but he kept walking. "Why can't he see how awesome Zoro is? You guys are so alike! You're cool and awesome and strong, and you're my favoritest people in the world!"

Luffy's words warmed his heart like always. They were sunshine and campfires and being wrapped in a blanket for a nap and… Actually, a nap sounded good right about now. Zoro felt exhausted after that adrenaline-filled encounter. He usually wasn't up until noon, which was probably why he'd ended up late. Luffy would probably wouldn't mind, he was big on cuddling and naps and hugs and that just made Zoro feel warmer and drowsier. "Yo Luffy…"

"And why aren't you mad about this, Zoro? Be mad!" Luffy turned around. "Zoro?"

Zoro was nowhere to be found.

"Where did he go?" Luffy scratched his head. He was about to retrace his steps when he heard some yelling from across the street. A girl in a Lolita style outfit seemed to be getting harassed by a tattooed punk.

Luffy frowned. "That's not nice." He ran closer, only to watch as the girl kneed her assailant in the crotch, and was about to stab her heels into-

"Stop, you're gonna break him!" Luffy screamed, holding her back by the arms.

"So?! He grabbed my ass!"

"But if you do that, he won't be a guy anymore!" The blubbering guy took the opportunity to hobble away.

"Even better," the girl seethed. "You men are all pigs anyway!"

"Are not!" Luffy huffed.

"Are too!"

"Not!"

"Like who?!"

Luffy threw out the first name he could come up with. "Zoro!"

The girl jerked herself out of Luffy's slackened hold. "That doofus?! Who doesn't do anything but sleep and drink?"

"Nuh-uh! Zoro does way more than that!"

"Oh yeah? Well, what makes you a better authority than me about Zoro?"

"Cuz I'm his boyfriend, and I've known him for a week!"

"Yeah well, I'm his cousin, and I've known him for seven years!"

They blinked at each other.

"BOYFRIEND?!"

"COUSIN?

Ace paced back and forth in front of the diner, muttering into his cell phone, "Come on Luffy, come on…" The diner staff were nervously giving him a wide berth, waiting for the police to come. But Ace hadn't even noticed.

Finally Luffy picked up. "What."

Oh shit. Ace knew all of Luffy's moods and this flat voice of his meant the worst. "Hey Luffy," Ace said nervously.

"I'm still mad at you."

"Now wait a-"

*click*

"Son of a," Ace jabbed at his phone.

Luffy picked up again. "What."

"You hung up on me!"

"Well you were mean to Zoro."

"No I wasn't," Ace started. Then paused. Ok, so maybe he was a little harsh, a little hostile. But that was his right as a big brother.

Still.

He weighed his pride as a big brother, over the possibility that Luffy would start to ignore him. Just the thought of it, his chatty little brother giving him the cold shoulder, made his heart twinge. "I'm sorry."

There was silence, followed by a huff. "You hafta apologize to Zoro too."

"Of course." Ace gritted the words out.

"Great!" Just like that, all bad feelings were dispelled.

"Where are you guys now, luffy?"

"Well, Zoro kinda got lost."

"coughiIrresponsiblecough!"

"Bless you. And I'm off to meet his dad."

Ace made a squawk of protest. "How'd that happen?"

"Well, it's kind of a funny story-"

"No wait. I don't care. I'm coming too."

Luffy made a sound of outrage. "No! Ace, go back to work!"

"But-"

"I can handle it!"

Ace relented. He tried enough times today to use the direct approach on Luffy. "Call me if anything happens?"

"Kay."

"Or if Zoro 's dad tries to threaten you."

"Yeah."

"Or if Zoro hurts you."

"Ace."

"Or if Zoro-"

"Ace!"

"WHAT?"

"I'll be fine."

"Sure you will. And when something does goes wrong, which I just know it will, i won't be able to get there on time."

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaace. Nothing will go wrong."

"Sure, sure," Ace pretended to agree. After talking some more and giving one final warning (Aaaaaaaace!) Ace hung up, wishing that he'd ruffled Luffy's hair one last time before he left. Then he dialed a different number. "Sabo? It's your turn."