"Where the hell am I," Zoro said as he stared up at the chain-link fence, with brick walls boxing him in on both sides. A dead end, that's where. His phone beeped pitifully on the last remains of its battery life, with a new message from Luffy:

Luffy: Zoro wer r u D:

Zoro looked around, hoping the answer could come jumping at him.

Luffy: Ur lost agen?

Zoro: ...no

Luffy: what's it called. u missplaced urself?

Zoro: who does that?

Luffy: zoro does

Zoro: shut up

Luffy: zoroooooo

Zoro: wat

Luffy: i miss you

Zoro: we were literally talking five minutes ago

Luffy: no, i was talking, and u were being a butthed

Zoro: Excuse me? If I'm a butthead, then what does that make Ace huh?

Luffy: ur both buttheds. mega buttheads. i don't get why u can't get a long.

Zoro had a notion why. And it started with an L.

Luffy: oh hey zoro you shud go back to ur aparmint. ace just texted me Sed he wanted to apolojizz

Zoro: jfc never say that again

Luffy: ?

Zoro: Nvm

Luffy: K. so u and ace go talky talk. then Zoro can nap and I can eat and then we can hang out agen?

Zoro grumbled. So Luffy had noticed that he was tired.

Zoro: How can you eat even more?

Luffy: There will never be enuff food for me.

Zoro: Well I'm not going back to my apartment just so Ace can start screaming at me again.

Luffy: But y not! He sownded really sorry.

Zoro: No.

Luffy: :(

Luffy: I know he wusn't really nice today. But he's my big bruther. He's not a bad persin.

Luffy: Pleese?

Luffy:

Zoro: Ugh. FINE.

Luffy: Yay! Thanks zoro I love you!

Zoro was not smiling. That did not making him happy. And he was definitely not curled around Monkey D. Luffy's little finger. No sir, nuh uh.

Zoro: I'll meet you back at your house when I'm done

Dracule Mihawk presses the flashing button on his intercom. "Yes?"

"Sir, your niece is here with a boy."

"Let them in," Mihawk said, hiding the surprise from his voice. He leaned back against his office chair and tried to wrap his mind around the idea. He supposed that Perona was at the age to be seeking relationships. But to be honest, he was more curious about what kind of boy could tolerate her personality.

"Uncle!" The doors slid open, with Perona calling out to him in a piercing voice. She yanked at the arm of a grinning boy. "Look what I found. He's Zoro's boyfriend."

Mihawk froze halfway out of his chair. That was even less conveivable.

"Nice to meetcha, Zoro's dad!"

Mihawk gathered himself, shaking the perky young man's hand. "Just call me Mihawk."

Luffy nods. "Mihawk, huh. Ok, Hawky!"

Mihawk twitched. There was only one person aggravating enough to call him that. "I am not Hawky."

"Oh?" The boy stared back with clear eyes, refusing to look away. "Well ok then, Hawky. I'm Monkey D. Luffy, nice to meetcha!"

Of course. Luffy was Shanks' little Anchor. Mihawk wondered if this was this fate's way of amusing itself.

"Rude, Uncle. You're making that face again." Perona said.

Mihawk sighed. She wouldn't understand the headache he was currently faced with.

"Well? What do you think?"

"Who? Him?" Mihawk gestured at Luffy, who had distracted himself with the scenery outside the window. "Zoro's old enough to make his own decisions. What do I have to do with it?"

"Ugh. Aren't you going to give him the talk? Say something like, 'hurt Zoro and I'll slice and dice you?'"

"Zoro can defend himself."

"Yeah!" Luffy looked up, winding his arm. "Besides, I'm not that easy to slice and dice!"

Mihawk raised an eyebrow. "Oh? How so?"

"Cuz I'm strong!"

Mihawk was not convinced, yet he couldn't help but wonder. He understood his son's few interests: swords, training, sword maintenance, training, alcohol, workout methods, training, and more training. Zoro wasn't one to deal with superfluous relationships, not when he was seeking to become an excellent swordsman. What was the reason for Zoro to take interest in this bundle of skinny limbs? Besides, the boy had been hanging around Shanks. Perhaps he'd picked up something useful. "Shall we put that to the test?"

With a sigh of relief, Zoro staggered into his apartment. Safe at last, he thought. He was toeing off his boots when he heard his toilet flush. He stuck his head outside to check the door number: yep, this was his apartment.

A blonde man came out of Zoro's bathroom, cinching black gloves over his hands. He looked up, surprised. "Who are you?"

Zoro started backing out the door. "Sorry, I must have gotten the wrong NO WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!"

The stranger didn't seen to understand the question, until his face cleared and he let out a full-bellied laugh. "Oh right, right! Sorry, I'm not usually around by the time the homeowner comes back. This is weird, isn't it?" He got distracted by the bokkens nearby, and reached his hand out.

Zoro slapped his hand away and stared the guy down. Or tried to. Damn him for being so tall. "Don't touch my stuff!"

The man held his hands up in surrender, his flippant laughter getting on Zoro's nerves. "Ouch. You're even worse than Ace with his lighters."

Zoro's stomach dropped. "You know Ace."

"He didn't mention me? Rude. You would think that would have came up in conversation." The man extended a gloved hand out. "The name's Sabo. I'm Luffy's other big brother."

When Zoro kept staring at the hand instead of shaking it, Sabo shrugged and slowly made his way around Zoro's apartment, suddenly talking wistfully to himself. "You know, I've never really cared for my parents. But if there's one thing I'm grateful about when we moved up to Vermont, it's being exposed to the wilderness." His fingers danced along the edge of Zoro's television, and he took in a deep breath. "It's beautiful, like nothing you've ever seen in around here. Nothing but trees and unharnessed nature for miles. The best part is that no one ever ventures out to the middle of the forest. It's the perfect place for burying dead bodies!"

Zoro flinched at the last part. "What?"

Sabo turned around, and Zoro got a full view of the scar on his right eye. "Don't you see? In the winter, the bodies naturally freeze, so there's no giveaway smell. The rest of the year, the scent brings the carnivores and the scavengers in, so you're left with nothing but a litter of bones. It's both effective and environmentally friendly corpse disposal!"

Zoro was mildly terrified.

"But enough about me. Tell me about yourself, Zoro. I want to know the man behind the 20K income, Japanese citizenship, and spotty police record."

Zoro didn't have time to respond have time to protest that. His instincts found him reaching for a bokken and blocking just before a pipe cracked his head open.

"Now, now, Zoro. No need to be so violent." Sabo clucked his tongue.

"You attacked me first!" Zoro tried an upper swing, only for Sabo to dance away.

"That's not what the official records will say."

"You're crazy." Zoro seethed, parrying away a series of blows. "And an asshole."

BAM. Sabo left a hole in the wall. "It runs in the family. Why so surprised?"

CRASH. There went that ugly vase from Perona. "OI!" Not that Zoro had really been attached; it was the principle of destroying his property. In the split second it took him to shout, Zoro almost didn't block in time. "You nearly caved my skull in!"

"I was sure you'd block in time. Maybe. Hey, no changing the subject. Now what's your history with law enforcement?"

Just an overzealous (pain-in-the-ass) officer, an old student of Mihawk's who was constantly trying to reform a 'delinquent' like himself. He would like to contest that he hadn't done anything, thank you very much. But that was information he didn't feel Sabo was entitled to, certainly not while fending off him and his disturbingly happy grin. "No comment."

"Hmm."

"It's the truth!"

"Guess so. I checked detective Tashigi's records anyway. I'm not entirely convinced there isn't some UST between you two."

"You did what and what?"

"Like I said, I want to know who "Roronoa Zoro" is. A snarly biker with a heart of gold? A criminal? Serial killer? Pedophile?"

"No, no, no, and hell no. Just what gives you the right to be interrogating me?"

"Excuse me? Concerned older brother, here."

"You," Zoro delivered a strike toward Sabo's shoulder, "are a shitty excuse of an older brother."

Sabo pushed back against the bokken, smile suddenly gone. "What?"

"You broke into my house, broke into my records, broke my vase!" Zoro could go on and on, but there was something about the look on Sabo's face that made him hesitate.

"You take that back."

Zoro paused, bokken still at the ready. "Don't want to."

Sabo's attacks suddenly became more aggressive. It took all of Zoro's concentration to keep up, when Sabo sweeped Zoro's legs from underneath. Zoro groaned, his head bursting with pain, and found one end of the pipe millimeters from his nose, Sabo looming over him in silent fury.

"You said I'm a shitty older brother."

"And I'm not gonna apologize." Sabo tightened his grip on his shaking pipe, probably holding the urge to do some irreparable damage "Listen, I get it. You and Ace and probably all the other crazies? You all care about Luffy , you probably don't want an outsider like me to get close. The thing is, I…I love him. He drives me crazy, but I'm not going back to my life before he was around. So I'm not gonna apologize, or play nice, or roll over in front of your so called Monkey Clan because to be honest? I don't trust you either. But I promise I'll look out for him in my own way."

Seconds passed in tense silence. Just when Zoro thought Sabo was really going to spray his brain across the wall, the blonde relaxed and stowed his pipe back wherever he was hiding it. "So we'll agree to disagree. Fair enough, I don't trust you either." Sabo tilted his head in wonder, giving a real smile. "But I like you. You've convinced me that I can leave Luffy in your hands."

Sabo brought something from behind the sofa. Zoro flinched, before he realized it was a hockey stick, with a red bow and tacky wrapping paper. "A bit of an apology present, I suppose. You'll need it in the winter, when Luffy starts his ice hockey tournaments."

Zoro took the package. "Thanks."

"No problem. Later!" Sabo said from the window, which he quickly fled from.

Zoro was left with a hockey stick and a wrecked apartment, glass remains and broken furniture in his wake. "Damn you…"

"Oryaaaaaah!" Luffy lunged forward with his bo staff, the closest thing Mihawk had to his strange request for a pipe. The blow was strong, judging from the loud smack it made on the mats, but Mihawk had dodged easily. After an hour of nonstop sparring, Luffy was panting in heavy bursts and slowly racking up bruises. Meanwhile, Mihawk had hardly broken a sweat. "Do you really think you have a chance of winning?"

Luffy snickered, without a trace of fear. "I won't know until I try!" He charged in with a too-wide swing, complete with a war cry. Mihawk easily batted away the attack, followed by a series of fierce blows. He saw a chance and sidestepped, striking Luffy in the lower back. Luffy fell forward in a tumble and ended up in a tangle of limbs, staring back with a growl.

"You're wide open."

Luffy just stuck his tongue out and scrambled up for his next assault. His body assume a relaxed, yet confident stance; his past failed attempts had done nothing to dishearten him. Another heavy thump against the boy's ribcage, not quite enough to crack bone. In a real fight, Mihawk would have killed him a thousand times over, but that would be a disservice to his son. Once again, Mihawk eventually held his bokken at Luffy's neck. "Yield."

Luffy weakly batted it away. "No!"

"This is unsightly for a swordsman. Accept your loss."

"M'not a swordsman. And I don't wanna."

"Are you truly this blinded by pride? You can't win against me."

"Probably. I know you're really, really strong. Maybe as strong as Zoro." This child; Mihawk valued his faith in Zoro, even though he was so very wrong. "But I'm never going to back down from a fight. Not when there's still a chance that I'll win."

"Then stop this farce. Go find yourself a fight in the real world."

Luffy pushed himself up, teetering onto his feet. "Nah. Not until I take you down first."

Mihawk smirked. "You're hopeless. Much like my son."

Luffy gave a tired smile. As time went by, his moves had gotten steadily less predictable. As a last-ditch attack, he leapt into the air and tried to smash Mihawk's skull in. Mihawk easily parried the blow, but felt something graze his cheekbone.

"I did it!" Luffy yelled as a lopsided pile on the floor, before he promptly passed out.

Mihawk marvelled, touching the soon-to-be bruise on his face. What was this boy, a human pretzel? He'd made a knee strike that would have required inhuman amounts of speed and flexibility, not mention hiding that intention from Mihawk. Or was the boy just acting from from sheer instinct? How interesting, Mihawk thought with a hint of a chuckle. His son and this boy…in a brawl, they would make a good team.

Just then, the intercom in his sparring room started flashing. He answered with, "What is it?"

"Sir, the red-haired drunk is here to see you."
"Again? Let him in." Mihawk pinched the bridge of his nose. Speak of the devil.

" …talk about coincidences, hahahaha!"

Luffy woke up with a groan, seeking the familiar voice. "Shanks?"

"Anchor! You're alright! I was worried that Hawky had beaten you up too far."

"Nah, I didn't feel a thing." Luffy slowly pushed himelf up from the sofa and stared at a nonplussed Mihawk, drinks scattered around his coffee table. He blinked. "Oh, you're THAT Hawky, the one that Shanks always complains about!"

Mihawk raises his perfectly groomed eyebrows. "What complaints?"

"Oh nothing," Shanks laughs nervously.

"Nuh uh! You said that Hawky's too serious and his goatee makes you look like ormgpgmm-" Luffy's mouth was covered by Shanks' hand.

"So Hawky! Who'd have thought we'd end up here!"

"Indeed. My son and the child you mentioned are going out."

"Brings a tear to my eye. They'll be getting married any day now! Who's going to be walking who down the aisle? I call Luffy. I mean, who knows what Dragon's up to these days, or if he'll even be there!"

Mihawk froze, his wineglass halfway to his lips. Dangerous opponents, threats to his life; those were old hat. But the thought of attending a wedding was enough to start planning a trip to some untrackable island.

"Plus I hear that Luffy put a scratch on you, Hawky. We've gotta celebrate! Let's go buy the kid a drink."

"WOOHOO!" Luffy cheered.

Mihawk regained his senses. "Shanks, the boy isn't of legal age."

"Like you're one to talk. You told me Zoro's been stealing from your stash since he was a teen!"

But Mihawk was adamant. "I refuse to explain to my son why his significant other ended up in jail, or worse."

"Fine, fine. Spoilsport. Sorry Luffy, looks like I'm buying you ice cream instead."

"Even better!"

Shanks shook his head in dismay. "Ah, poor kid. He doesn't understand the finer things in life."

Two cabs and four sets of directions later (they were nice strangers, even if their directions were completely off), Zoro cursed his way through the neighborhood, trying to remember what Luffy's place looked like last night. He vaguely remembered passing by that red-roofed house twice already; an old but improbably fit man looked up from where he was working on his car. "You lost, young man?"

Zoro bristled slightly; it was enough for Mihawk to keep calling him that, did he really look that young? "I'm trying to find this one house. Old, dark, said to be haunted."

The man flipped his oil-stained towel over his shoulder. You wouldn't happen to be Zoro-kun, would you?"

"What? How'd you… please tell me you're not Garp."

The man chuckled deeply. "No. I'm Rayleigh, the other old geezer. Actually, Ace-kun just called a while ago. Told me I should keep my eyes out for a suspicious green-haired man."

"Shit."

But Rayleigh just smiled kindly. "Don't worry. I won't be doing anything. I'm not looking for trouble."

Trouble, trouble… Zoro rolled the word around in his head. "Shit, you're the one with the," he snapped his fingers in frustration, "the ice cream truck!"

"Ah that." He chuckled again. "Not one of my proudest moments. I had to fill out a lot of paperwork for that stunt."

Zoro was about to ask more questions, when his phone chimed with a message from Luffy.

"Yo! I'm here with Shanks in Foosha Park! Were ru?"

"and just where the hell is foosha park?" Zoro muttered aloud.

Rayleigh pointed the way. "Go to the end of the street and turn right. You can't miss it."

"Thanks." Zoro gave a good-natured wave, and starting heading in the right direction. He was too busy staring at his phone to hear the quiet, "Doesn't seem like a bad one to me."

"Luffy." Shanks said.

"Hm?"

"That Zoro? The one walking toward the cul-de-sac?"

"Yeah, he is. Zoooooro!" Luffy jumped onto a bench and started waving his arm. "Over here, you idiot!"

"Who are you calling an idiot?!"

Luffy laughed, watching Zoro jog over. "I thought you were at home."

"I was. Shit happened; I'll tell you later." Zoro quickly glanced at the plastic ice cream wrappers littered around his feet, to the red-haired stranger, then back to Luffy. "I was trying to head back toward your house when I bumped into Rayleigh."

"Oh hey! How's he doing?" Luffy asked loudly.

The red-haired guy had a strained smile. "Didn't know he was still kicking."

"And who the hell are you?" Zoro glared.

Luffy gave the man an enthusiastic side-hug that had both of them swaying. "Shishishi! This is Shanks!"

"D'aww!" Shanks laughed out loud, hugging right back and nuzzling the top of Luffy's head.

Shit, Zoro thought. He'd wanted to thank the man, and just ended up insulting him to his face. "S-sorry. It's nice to meet you. I'm-"

Shanks let go of Luffy to stare intensely at Zoro. Then slapped his back hard and laughed. "Easy there, Zoro! You're like Hawky; too uptight!"

"Who?"

"Duh, Hawky's your dad!" Luffy laughed in an eerily similar manner to Shanks. It made sense where Luffy's personal tact came from. Zoro put that thought away for later, and looked at Shanks skeptically. "You know my dad?"

"What, he doesn't talk about me? Come on, I hang out with him all the time!"

Zoro searched his mind. "Oh yeah. You're the red-haired drunk." He cursed internally again. Shanks didn't seem to mind, because he and Luffy start laughing about it.

Luffy abruptly raiseed his head like a bloodhound on the hunt. Shanks didn't seem to find it strange, just dug a twenty out of his wallet. "Here. Go buy yourself some more ice cream."

Luffy snatched the money and started racing away toward, sure enough, a slowly approaching ice cream truck, chugging along with its bright tinny song. Zoro started to follow him, when Shanks got a firm grip on his shoulders. He noticed the abject despair that Zoro was exuding, before he promptly started laughing again.

"WOULD YOU SHUT UP?!"

"Dahahaha, you're just like Hawky!."

A few feet away, sandals slapping over the rain-soaked grass, Luffy barely noticed the several times he slipped, his thoughts stuck on ice cream ice cream food food food. He skidded to a stop in front of the truck, pushing his money in front of the resigned ice cream man's face. Luffy didn't get why; he was helping Mister's business with a second trip.

"FIVE KLONDIKE BARS!" Luffy got the weird feeling that his voice just echoed. He turned, meeting the gaze of an equally surprised customer.

"Luffy! What are you doing here?"

"… G-G-G-G-GRAAAAAAAAMPS?!"

It took a while for Shanks to stop laughing. "Stop looking like I'm going to evaporate you with my laser vision or something! If you're Hawky's son, you're automatically in my good books. Besides, I trust Anchor's judgment."

Zoro let out a sigh of relief. His current score with the Monkey Clan was two encounters that didn't have him worrying for his life (Rayleigh and Shanks), one that he did (Ace), and one undecided (Sabo). "So what's this about 'Anchor'?"

Shanks was just about to explain when he was interrupted by Luffy's scream. They turned their heads and noticed an old guy in a fancy general's uniform, gripping the back of Luffy's collar.

"Luffy!"

"Dammit Garp!"

They sprinted toward Luffy, with Zoro silently agreeing that King Kong was an apt description.

"Shanks! Zoro!" Luffy screamed in relief.

Garp pauses mid-tirade to stare at Zoro. "Who are you supposed to be?"

"That's Zoro. He's my…" Luffy pauses to share a silent debate with Zoro. What should I say?

Zoro made a tiny shrug. Just tell him the truth.

A panicked look. I can't! Zoro, you'll get hurt!

A tiny nod. I'll be fine. I'm not running

The panic morphed into a relieved smile. Thanks Zoro. Luffy then turned defiantly toward Garp. "He's my boyfriend."

"….WHAT?!"

"Yow!" Luffy rubbed at his tender head, recipient to a Fist of Love.

"You're too young to have a boyfriend!"

"I'm seventeen!"

"Yeah well…You can't go out with a guy!"

"Why not?!"

"Because I want grandchildren!"

"Then we'll adopt!"

"So adopt already!"

"Fine I will!"

Shanks changed the subject, while simultaneously trying to shake a dumbfounded Zoro. "What's that you got on your back, Garp?"

"Oh, this old thing?" Garp promptly forgot about his screaming grandson and started unpacking his shoulder case to reveal a grenade launcher. "Take a gander at this baby! I need to teach those new recruits at the base what a REAL weapon looks like."

Shanks made a move to cross his arms, grimaced when he remembers he only had one, and instead gripped his stump. "Aren't servicemen not allowed to carry loaded weapons around in public?"

"Loaded? Who said it was loaded?" Garp pulled the trigger. The disregarded warhead shot off, the ricochet setting Garp to a slight tilt. It spiraled through the air before hitting something in the neighborhood with an explosive boom. A dumbfounded Garp toggled the trigger a couple more times. "Well it's empty now, Bwahahaha!"

"NO SHIT IT'S EMPTY!"