Ace slammed his head onto the dining table of the fire station, his cell phone against his ear. "Sabo. Are you sure there's nothing you could dig up about this Roronoa?"

Sabo sighed into his phone, looking out the window of his dark, undisclosed location. "Nothing that gives me any reason to break the two apart."

"But what happened to our plan? I was going to distract Luffy, and you were going take the guy out of the picture!"

"Really, Ace? Whatever happened to 'giving this prospective boyfriend a look-over'."

"Well, that was before I realized he was an ex-convict."

"He only looks like one. He's a kendo practitioner; takes after his father, Dracule Mihawk."

"Shanks' drinking partner?"

"That's the one."

Ace grumbled. "I still don't trust him."

"Ace. Is there anyone you would trust with Luffy?"

Ace drew a blank, before decisively saying. "You."

"I'm flattered. But I'm not comfortable with incest, even if we aren't blood related. Anyway, this time around, I think you're worrying too much."

"So you support this…Zoro?" Ace ground out the name.

Sabo shrugged to himself. "He has a certain stoicism to him. Probably balances some of Luffy's sugar-induced insanity. But he's also a little spontaneous himself; reacts well to the unexpected. I think it'll work."

Sabo heard an explosion from outside. It seemed to come from somewhere westward, in the direction of Luffy's house. Explosions = Garp, he automatically concluded with dread. "Apologies. I'll have to call you back." He hung up to trace the GPS bug that he'd hidden once under Garp's medals. Shit. The park he was located was located close to Luffy's place. Sabo made a final check over the infiltrated apartment, before slipping out from the fire escape.

On the other side of town, Thatch knocked on the door to the mess hall. "Ace, you dying in here or what?"

Ace's face was hidden, smushed against the table. "Go away. I'm trying to figure out a solo plan of action to kill my brother's boyfriend, since my other brother has totally abandoned me."

"Sounds fun." Thatch started making gruesome suggestions, when the alarm went off in the entire station.

Ace wiped the mock despair off his face and went into professional mode. He suited up, slid down the station pole, made last minute equipment checks, and slammed the door to the driver's seat within six minutes. Huh. A new record.

"Where are we going, Thatch?" He drummed his fingers against the steering wheel.

Thatch was already typing the coordinates into the truck's GPS. "Foosha Park."

Ace stopped drumming. That was in Luffy's neighborhood. No wait, stop, he scolded himself. Sabo had just suggested he was being overprotective. He needed to calm down, deep breaths.

Thatch was still talking. "Police called in an explosion-"

Could be gas, could be gas, could be gas.

"-saying some old man-"

Could be an old man in his house with a faulty stovetop.

"-of all things, a grenade launcher-"

Explosion = Garp. Ace floored the accelerator, ignoring Thatch's shrieks as the acceleration trapped him in his seat.

"See what I told you, Luffy?" Ace muttered to himself, gritting his teeth. He could only hope he got there in time.

Luffy tried to run in the direction of the missile, driven by curiosity, but the entire top of his head was gripped by a muscular vice.

"We're not done talking yet!"

"Let him go, Garp!" Shanks started arguing with the old marine, their voices escalating. Meanwhile, Zoro was unsuccessfully trying to extricate Luffy from his Grandfather's grip. The four-way stalemate would have gone on forever, if it weren't for the horrible screeching sound that slowly reached their ears. Rayleigh came into view, dragging a shiny chrome bumper along the road. And Zoro had thought that a smiling Sabo looked scary. "Garp. I should have known it was you."

Garp stopped his yelling. "Rayleigh? What the hell's that sound?"

"This," Rayleigh says as he easily hoisted the bumper into the air," is all that's left of the Oro Jackson."

Shanks gaped. "Captain Roger's old car. You still had it?"

"Had, being the key word. It just went up in flames."

Garp released his chokehold on Luffy, who promptly scampered away. "Roger, huh. Almost forgot that the both of you ran around with him, playing mercenaries."

"Of course," Rayleigh replies with a deceptive calm. "Congo, '85."

"Garp-san, you should show more respect toward an artifact of the war. Seeing as you're almost one, yourself." Quiet fury emanated from Shanks' voice.

Garp grinned humorlessly. "Brat. If I kept a souvenir from every war I fought, I wouldn't have any space left in my office."

Rayleigh tapped the bumper against his palm. "Then maybe you should find yourself a new office."

"Or just retire altogether." Shanks brandished a hockey stick that had been conveniently nearby.

Luffy pulled on Zoro, who had been steadily grinning harder during the whole affair. "C'mon, we gotta go before Smokey gets here!"

"STRAWHAT!" A voice bellowed from a loudspeaker.

"Oops. Too late." During the scuffle, several police vehicles had pulled over, with men in SWAT uniforms pouring out.

"Freeze right where you are! Same to you, punk, Garp, Akagami! I'm getting tired of this shit, so just put your hands up, walk toward me, and- Oh shit; Portgas, you were on duty?"

"I am now!" Ace tumbled out of his fire truck from nearby, leaving a frazzled Thatch to deal with the car controls. "Stay away from Luffy! I don't care about the others!"

"Ace, you ungrateful brat!" Garp yelled, having grabbed hold of the hilt of the hockey stick. He was having trouble defending himself from both Rayleigh and Shanks, but he stood his ground with a furious bellow.

"Screw you old man!" Ace stumbled and fell, several officers dogpiling on top of him. "Dammit!"

"I'll save you, Luffy!" Sabo came out of a nearby police van, shedding his stolen uniform. He ignored the surprised voices around him, and started running toward his surprised little brother, before he suddenly couldn't move. "What the-"

Ace grabbed hold of Sabo's boot, refusing to let go. "If I'm not allowed to get in, then neither are you!"

"Why you!" With a frustrated scream, Sabo pulled Ace out of the dogpile by his leg, inch by inch until Ace popped out. Before the officers could regain their bearings, the both of them jumped over the yellow police tape, headed straight for Luffy.

Meanwhile, Thatch was screaming at the police officers, the joystick jabbing into his ribs, one hand on the steering wheel and the other trying to feel for the braking pedal. "A little help here?!" Now half the officers were scrambling to back away from the out-of-control fire engine, weeping as they watched their police cars get run over.

Smoker finally admitted that he'd lost control of the situation. "Does no one respect the fact that this is a CRIME SCENE?" No matter. He closed his eyes to consider his options on how to get those crazy bastards under control before this place turned into a warzone.

Couldn't use guns. Last time that happened, Rayleigh got mad and somehow the entire force ended up collapsing to the ground, foaming at the mouth.

Couldn't use tear gas. Just makes the old raging vice-admiral even angrier.

Couldn't use verbal threats. Then the youngest Monkey would say "Hi, Smokey," and run after him, with several other Monkeys chasing after him, bringing the chaos to smack him in the face.

"Call Five, and get out the elephant stun gun. We'll use the same plan as last time. Hold your fire until my say."

"But sir. It's Five's day off." Said a hapless officer. His next words died away at the sound of Smoker's growl.

"Then get me someone who can SHOOT the damned thing!"

Over at the playground, Rayleigh and Shanks were ganging up against Garp, while Ace had both Luffy and Zoro in a headlock. Sabo tried to pull Garp back, only to get elbowed in his blind eye by Shanks and shoved against the monkey bars. Ace had been yelling at everyone to stop gang up on Gramps, away from the violence. When he saw Sabo clutching his head in pain, he let go of Luffy and Zoro, then launched himself at Shanks with renewed fury.

Luffy also tried to launch into the fray, but was stopped by a wincing Sabo.

"Luffy, dammit, I'm fine. You get away, now!" Then Sabo went after Ace with his trusty pipe.

"Dammit." Luffy scratched his head, watching the mess of a fight in front of him.

"What should we do?" Zoro stared at him.

"Sabo can stop Ace. And Rayleigh and Shanks are mad at Gramps. So if I kick Gramps' ass, everyone'll stop screaming."

"You can do that?"

"Hell no. That's why you gotta help me, Zoro."

Zoro laughed softly. "Idiot." I'll always have your back, he silently promised.

Luffy grinned at Zoro and turned toward the fight, when he noticed a very intimidating gun being pointed at Garp. "Gramps!" Luffy sprinted forward.

"Hold your fire," Smoker said, until he saw Luffy running forward "Strawhat, NO!"

"Now?!" The amateur sniper panicked and fired. The fist-sized dart hit Luffy square in the chest. He immediately fell to his knees and collapsed onto the ground. The area went silent.

Sabo rushed to Luffy, flipping him onto his back. He yanked the dart out and felt under his neck for his carotid artery. "I can't feel a pulse."

"Take your damn gloves off, Sabo!" Ace yelled hysterically.

Sabo ripped them off, flinging them at his stock-still grandfather. "I still can't feel anything! His heart stopped!"

"I didn't want to do it…" The sniper started shivering. "This gun was made for wild game. I didn't even want to use this on an old man, let alone a small child!"

"DAMN YOU!" Ace launches himself at the sniper. Smoker stood in the way of the man with the fiery temper, defenseless to a furious Garp coming in from the side.

"HOW DARE YOU SHOOT MY GRANDSON!"

Smoker could feel his impending death creeping onto him. "Fuck you all."

Meanwhile, Zoro ran up to where Sabo was already doing CPR on Luffy, just in time to hear a cracking sound. "What was that?"

"His ribs," Sabo calmly stated.

Zoro stopped breathing for a moment.

"I don't have a choice. Bones can heal, but if I don't push strong enough for the heart to pump blood to the rest of his body, he's going to start dying." There was a faint wailing in the air. "The ambulances are coming. And always a second late. Here, Zoro, take over."

"How do I-"

Just push hard. The rhythm is 120 RPM, "Another one bites the dust" by Queen. You know that song, right?"

Zoro nodded with bewilderment, attempting at compressions.

"Good. If you'll excuse me…" Sabo cracked his fingers. "I've got a couple skulls to crush." Whose exactly, he wouldn't say, as he walked toward the fight.

It was only a few minutes before the ambulance arrives. Zoro didn't hear the screams.

Didn't hear the gruesome breaking of bones.

Didn't hear the explosions going off in the distance.

Didn't hear the chaotic wave of shouting voices.

He just tried to clumsily hum the Queen song. The only part he can remember was the chorus: "Another one bites the dust. Another one bites the dust. And another one down, and another one down. Another one bites the dust." He pressed mercilessly on Luffy's unmoving chest. By the time the EMT arrived, Zoro decided that he would never listen to another Queen song for the rest of his life.