Most of Smoker's division ended up on paid leave for injuries, Smoker himself fumbling with a broken arm. Didn't change a thing, he still had a job to do. So after the hell of Foosha Park, he ended up in Strawhat's hospital to interview the green-haired guy in the middle of it all. "You were at the scene. Why?"

"Zoro's my boyfriend." Luffy smiled weakly.

Smokey massaged at his forehead, like he was trying to peel his skin off. "Shit. You're part of the Monkey CLAN too, aren't you?"

"What?" Zoro said.

"Oh, you never heard of it?"

"No, I did. But I thought that was all a joke."

"Do I look like a stand-up comedian, Mr. Roronoa." Smoker gritted his teeth.

Zoro held back his sarcastic retort. "I just thought it was supposed to be a nickname. Fuck, what was it that Usopp said last night…a group of strong, charismatic men and they all know each other, or something?"

"Who the hell is Usopp? Never mind. That's not a bad description, but it's incomplete." Smoker pulled out a cigar, then growled, remembering he was in a hospital. "The Monkey CLAN is not a group of people. It's a thing, a set of directives. CLAN stands for Clandestine Lockdown and Assault Neutralization."

"Huh." Luffy and Zoro replied simultaneously.

"Why the hell," Smoker growled," do you sound so surprised, Monkey?"

"I forgot what it stands for."

"I'm not surprised. Anyway, The Monkey CLAN was a countermeasure for a group of people who seem to cause mayhem and make shit explode wherever they go. It seems that every time something major goes down, nearly all of the members are present."

Zoro raised his eyebrow. "Dragon wasn't there."

"Damage control. By tomorrow, the local news will report a gas explosion or something. The playground will be back to its original condition within weeks."

"So that's what the NSA is capable of?"

"It's not supposed to. But aside from being the head of the NSA, Dragon's also got his figurative claws deep into every other sector of the government. Given enough motive, that man could probably destroy the United States."

"But Dragon won't do that, cuz he's awesome!"

Smoker stared down at the bedridden patient. "And I suppose you think so because he bought you food."

"And he takes me to the movies sometimes. He likes the action thrillers, though he always thinks he would make a much better villain."

"I wonder why."

Zoro tried to steer the conversation back. "So how come the government hasn't taken them," he glanced back at Luffy, "Some of them, and thrown them into a maximum security prison? Or a mental institute? Or, I don't know, some bottomless hole in the Amazon?"

"As much I would love to do the honors, we can't. Dragon, for obvious reasons, probably wouldn't willingly relinquish his position. More than that, we'd be screwing ourselves over. Those men have influenced, and will continued to influence this country more than you and I will ever want to know."

"Does the Congo have anything to do with it?"

Smoker looked put-out. "Looks like those old geezers can't keep their damn mouth shut."

Like you're one to talk, Zoro thought.

"Whatever. I just came here to check the situation out. We'll need to temporarily place you under 24-hour surveillance, Mr. Roronoa."

"What."

"Probably hire a new specialist for our team. You do kendo, right?"

"Howdidyou-"

"I'll get Tashigi, she's free right now."

"Gah!"

"I don't wanna hear about what you and Strawhat do behind closed doors, but I personally advise you to keep public displays of affection to a minimum. Especially when in close proximity to other Monkey members. It'll probably set threat level readings off the charts."

"Why-"

"Also I'll need to-"

"WOULD YOU JUST STOP!"

Smoker stopped counting off his fingers. "The hell are you carrying on about?"

Zoro's head was filled with so much new, overwhelming information, he just wanted to slam his head into the wall to knock it all out. "I'm not one of them!"

"Really? What would you do if I shot this kid in the head, right now, in front of you?" Smoker resisted the urge to roll his eyes. That flicker of protective bloodlust; typical Monkey. "Never mind. You two have a nice day."

"Wait-"

"Bye Smokey!" Luffy said loudly. Smoker didn't bother waving as he left the room. "Sorry. Usually, when something happens with my family, I manage to keep my friends out of it."

"So they don't know."

"Usopp heard me mention the Monkey clan once. He thought it was funny."

Funny. Yeah. The enormity of this situation was indeed almost laughable. Zoro turned around to realize that Luffy had stopped talking and was biting his lip. If there was anything Zoro had learned about Luffy in these past few days, it was that he was life and energy personified. The sight made him uneasy. "He said I was one of you guys."

Luffy flinched, before he made a poor effort at playing it off. "You shouldn't take it too seriously."

"I can't help it." Zoro laughed without humor. "It's only been three days, but I already feel like I've married into the family."

"Is that bad?"

"What do you think?"

Luffy giggled. "I think you're kinda crazy, so you'll fit right in."

Like you're one to talk, Zoro thought. He tried to smile, but the effort was too much. He couldn't keep up the farce anymore. "You almost died."

Luffy looked serious for once. "Yeah."

"I had your hand over your chest, but I couldn't feel your heartbeat. You were technically dead."

"Yeah. Wait'll the guys heard about this one."

"It's not funny," Zoro snapped at him.

"No. I guess it's not." Luffy gestured Zoro to come closer. He gently took Zoro's hand and placed it over his heart. Only the slightest twitch of his face revealed that his ribs still hurt. Zoro could feel a strong, steady beat. It makes him relax for the first time all day. "Seems like you're alive."

"Shishishi."

Zoro didn't remember falling asleep, but he woke up with a crick in his neck and an asleep Luffy lightly gnawing on his hand. There was a box of chocolates on the hospital bed.

"Hey Luffy…"

"Mrrph…?"

"Teach me how to search for wire taps?"