All Hell Breaks Loose

by belladonna78

Sequel to Highway To Hell. Beth O'Malley was taken in by John Winchester following the death of her hunter father. This story follows Dean & Sam Winchester and Beth's story as they battle demons and other supernatural creatures in the aftermath of recent tragic events. Dean/OC-Beth. Rated M for occasional smut. See the first chapter for more info. Please read & review. Rated MA.

14. Born Under A Bad Sign

Author's Note: I apologise in advance. I highly recommend chocolate (and/or bourbon) to get through the end of this one.

---

An ache
So deep
That I
Can hardly breathe
This pain
Can't be imagined
Will it ever heal?
Ooh... ooh...

Is anyone there?

I wanna scream
Is this a dream?
How could this happen,
Happen to me?
This isn't fair
This nightmare
This kind of torture
I just can't bear
I want you here
I want you here

Ooh... ooh...

---

BORN UNDER A BAD SIGN

---

Mason City, Iowa

Cars raced over the top of us as we leaned against the Impala, parked beneath an underpass. Dean was on his cell.

"Ellen, it's me again. Any chance you've heard from him?" Dean said, I watched his face anxiously. Sam had been missing for a week, we had been searching high and low for him.

"I swear it's like looking for our dad all over again, we're losing our minds here," Dean muttered into the phone. He paused and listened to something Ellen was saying.

"No, we've called him a thousand times, there's nothing but voicemail. I don't know where he went, or why. Sam's just gone."

My phone started to ring and I looked down at the caller ID … gaping. I answered it as quick as my fingers would allow, glancing frantically at Dean.

"Sammy? Where the hell are you? Are you ok?" I asked before he even had a chance to get a word out.

Dean startled at what I said, hanging up with Ellen and looking over at me expectantly. "Where is he?"

I listened to Sam rambling away on the phone. "Hey, hey, hey! Calm down Sam. Where are you?" He gave me the name of a motel and I nodded at Dean. "All right, ok, don't move, we're on our way." I hung up and moved toward the passenger seat of the car, Dean was already climbing into the driver's side.

"Is he ok?" Dean asked, as he started up the Impala.

"I don't know, he sounds upset, gave me an address to find him." I said to him and he nodded, putting the car into gear and roaring back toward the highway.

---

Twin Lakes, Minnesota

We were at the hotel within an hour and a half. Dean was out the door of the car before he'd even shut off the car. He reached back in, turning the key and I jumped out after him. Without checking at reception we headed straight to the room number Sam had given us. Dean was frantic, eyes looking at each of the numbers on the doors until we reached the right one.

"Sam!" He said, knocking at room 109. "Sam it's me. Sam!"

There was a pause and Dean exchanged a look with me, frustrated. He tried the door handle and it opened. Shrugging, he stepped inside. I looked into the room to see Sam sitting on the end of the bed, unmoving.

Dean and I came around to face him, perplexed. "Sam?" I asked, smiling when he looked up at me. "Hey," I said.

"Hey, Beth." He smiled weakly at me. Dean frowned and knelt beside the bed.

"Are you bleeding?" He asked, a concerned look on his face as he indicated the blood that was on Sam's hands.

"I tried to wash it off," Sam said, looking numb. Dean was pawing at Sam's jacket, pulling it back, his shirt was soaked in blood. Dean ran his hands over Sam's abs, looking for a wound.

"Oh my god," I said softly, worried.

"I don't think it's my blood," Sam said, looking at us confused.

"Well whose is it?!" Dean said sharply, looking at Sam, pulling his hand back.

"I don't know." Sam whispered, his brow creased in a worried look.

"Sam, what happened?" I asked, laying my palm against his cheek.

"Beth. I don't remember anything," he said, looking scared. I exchanged a worried look with Dean and bit my lip.

Half an hour later I'd gotten Sam cleaned up. He was freshly showered, dressed in clean clothes, and I'd sent Dean out for food. I was watching Sam out of the corner of my eye as he wandered over to the coffee and poured himself a cup.

The door to the room opened and Dean came striding in carrying a take out bag of fast food. He put it on the table and turned to look at Sam.

"What'd you find out?" Sam asked, looking at Dean.

"You checked in two days ago under the name Richard Sambora," Dean said, he paused and then smirked. "Of course I think the scariest part about this whole thing is the fact that you're a Bon Jovi fan..."

"Hey I like Bon Jovi!" I chimed in and Dean raised his eyebrow at me.

"I rest my case..." he grinned at me and I frowned at him.

"Dean!" Sam said, shaking his head at us.

"Oh yeah, so your room's been quiet, nobody's noticed anything unusual." Dean finished, shrugging.

Sam looked shocked. "You mean no one saw me walking around covered in blood?"

"Yeah. That's what I mean," Dean said.

"Then how the hell did I get here, Dean? What happened to me?" Sam asked, throwing his arms in the air, a perplexed look on his face.

"I don't know. But you're, you're ok, and that's what matters." Dean said, looking at me. I nodded enthusiastically.

"Yeah, yeah, everything else we can deal with Sam," I said, tossing him an encouraging smile.

"Oh really?" Sam asked, looking sceptical. "Because what if I hurt someone? Or worse?"

"Sam..." Dean said cutting him off, giving him a stern look.

"What if this is what Dad warned you guys about?" Sam asked quietly, his shoulders slumping.

Dean looked up sharply and frowned. "Hey, whoa. Whoa, come on man, let's not jump the gun here, we don't know what happened. We've just got to treat this like any other job." He looked at Sam, who was still shaking his head sceptically.

"What's the last thing you remember?" I asked Sam, starting to rummage through the food bag Dean had put on the table, pulling out a bag of fries.

Sam leaned back against the bench along the wall, his brow furrowed in deep thought. "Just us, in that motel room in West Texas, going out to grab some burgers, and..."

"West Texas?" Dean asked, looking at him sharply.

"That was over a week ago," I said looking at Dean, he nodded, thinking hard.

"That's it," Sam said with a shrug. I was stunned. That was before Sam had even gone missing.

"Next thing I knew I was sitting here. Bloody. Felt like I'd been asleep for a month," Sam said, looking at his hands, no doubt seeing the blood that had been on them earlier.

"OK. Retrace your steps. The manager said you left yesterday afternoon and he never saw you come back, so..." Dean was walking around the room, he went over to the window, glancing out at the road. He paused, his eye catching something else.

"Hey," he said, glancing back at us and pulling back the curtain. "Look at this." There was a bloody fingerprint on the window. Dean raised an eyebrow and Sam just shrugged, well it was something at least.

---

Outside it was drizzling, I pulled the collar of my jacket up against the wind chill and cursed the Winter weather.

"Recognise anything?" Dean asked Sam, spinning around to look at our perimeter.

"Not really," Sam said with a frown. We walked randomly toward a parking garage out the back and Sam hesitated. "Wait..."

"What?" Dean asked him.

"I think I was here," Sam said, peering around at our surroundings.

"You remember?" I asked, curious.

"Not really, it just feels familiar, you know?" Sam said. Dean shrugged and headed for the nearest garage. Sam looked at the one next to him and pointed.

"Try that one," he said, nodding.

Dean moved over one door and tugged at the padlock on the handle. "Ok.."

"Wait," Sam said frowning, digging around in his pocket. He looked surprised and pulled a key out, handing it to Dean with a significant look. Dean frowned, but turned to the padlock, slipping the key into it. Perfect fit. He removed the lock and pulled the garage door up.

The only thing in the garage was a filthy, beat-up Volkswagon Beetle. Dean looked at it in disgust.

"Oh, please tell me you didn't steal this," he commented, looking appalled. Sam fidgeted next to him and I chuckled, he really wasn't anything like Dean and I, not really at all.

Dean stepped into the garage going to the passenger side, Sam took the driver side. Opening the doors they started looking around, I slipped in beside Dean, happy to be out of the rain.

Sam touched the wheel and held his finger up, it was stained in blood.

"More blood," Sam muttered. Dean pointed at the back seat.

"Sam," he said, nodding.

Sam reached down, picking up a blood-stained knife that pulled away from the seat with a sickening squelch. He held it up for us to see, gazing at it quietly.

"You think I used this on someone?" Sam asked, looking frightened.

Dean's expression was unreadable. "I'm not thinking anything," he said. Sam started rubbing the inside of the knife off with his jacket, removing his finger prints, his breathing getting erratic and panicked. Dean looked over at me, there was the briefest glimmer of concern that flashed across his face then it was back to the perfect hunter, cold and calculating.

"Ok now, this is disturbing," Dean said, picking up a pack of cigarettes. "Come on man, this couldn't have been you. Had to have been someone else, someone who..." he sniffed the packet he was holding. "...smokes menthols."

"Here," I said, pointing to the floor near Dean. "Gas receipt." He picked it up and nodded.

"It's a few towns over." Dean said, looking up.

---

Owatonna, Minnesota

We pulled up in front of the gas station, Dean read from the receipt we'd found.

"All right. Receipt's for ten gallons at pump number two. You getting any, uh, goosebumps yet? God, this looks familiar, deja vu vibes?" He asked, looking at Sam, who quietly shook his head.

"Well maybe someone will remember you inside," I offered and Dean nodded.

"Come on," Dean said, getting out of the car. We all went into the store and looked around. Upon seeing Sam, the clerk's expression looked freaked out.

"You!" He said, stepping back and looking at Sam. "Outta here now, or I'm calling the cops!"

I looked at him, surprised. "You talking to him?" I asked, hooking my thumb at Sam.

"Yeah I'm talking to him. Jerk comes in yesterday, stinking drunk, grabs a forty from the fridge, starts chugging it..." We all stared at the clerk, god-smacked.

"This guy?" Dean asked, raising an eyebrow and turning to Sam. "You're drinking malt liquor?"

"Not after he whipped the friggin' bottle at my head," the clerk said, dead serious.

"This guy?" I asked again, incredulous look on my face.

"What, am I speaking Urdu?" The clerk asked, looking at me like I was from out of space and couldn't speak English.

"Look," Sam said, "I'm really sorry if I did anything." He stepped one foot forward but the clerk held his hand up, the other bringing a phone to his ear.

"Tell your story walkin', pal. Po-po will be here in five," the clerk said, eyes flashing at Sam.

"Wait, wait, put the phone down," Dean said anxiously. I concurred, the last thing we needed was the cops being called down on us.

"Sam, go wait in the car," I said to our brother.

"But Beth..."

"Go wait in the car!" Dean ordered him, angrily. Sam sighed and left with a slump of his shoulders.

Dean turned back to the clerk after throwing a frustrated look at me. "Ok, look man. I just want to talk to you, that's it. Ok?"

The clerk hung up the phone and looked at us expectantly. Dean took a deep breath and nodded at me.

"Now, when he took off yesterday, where did he go?" Dean asked the man. He looked at both of us with a smirk.

"Why don't you ask him?"

Dean turned steely eyes to him, all humour falling from his face. "'Cause I'm asking you." He said, eyes narrowing.

I stepped forward and placed a hand on Dean's arm, urging him not to freak out on the clerk like Sam evidently had yesterday.

"Please, you'd be doing us a huge favour," I said to him.

"Oh, I'd be doing you a huge favour," the clerk said with a raised eyebrow. "Well that is what I live for. You know your boyfriend didn't pay for the booze, ok? Or the smokes, which he also illegally lit up!"

I frowned. "You saw him smoking?" Dean asked, surprised.

"Yeah. Guy's a chimney," the clerk said. Dean looked at me and cleared his throat, rolling his eyes. I looked out at the window at our clean-cut brother and shook my head, it was like he was describing a completely different guy.

Dean pulled out his wallet and I couldn't help but grin at him, parting with cold hard cash, usually earned via hustling pool was like pulling teeth to Dean. He grimaced, shaking his head. He pulled a couple of bills out and put them on the desk.

"This, uh, ought to cover it," Dean said with a pained expression.

The clerk looked at us smugly. "Hmmm. It's uh, it's coming back to me now. He took two packs," he said, raising an eyebrow.

Dean glared at him, removing a couple more bills from his wallet and putting them on the counter. "Of course he did." The clerk took the money, pocketing it.

"He went North. Route 35, straight out of town." Dean nodded and turned to guide me toward the door, he stopped and grabbed a couple of candy bars from the display shelf near him, nodding at the clerk with a smirk. I shook my head and walked out of the store, Dean chuckling all the way behind me.

---

Impala
Route 35

It had gotten dark quickly, but then it always did this time of year. We were driving down a dark two-lane road. Sam was in the back seat, and had been silently staring out the window for the last twenty minutes. Dean kept looking in the mirror at him every few minutes, and I could see him battling not to start on the lecture, to let it go, but eventually his impatience wore thin.

"What's going on with you Sam? Hm? 'Cause smoking, throwing bottles at people, I mean that sounds more like me than you," he said, and I snorted at the image. Dean had come a long way from that lifestyle in the last few years, but he was right – it was nothing like Sam.

"Dean, wait, right here. Turn down that road," Sam said suddenly.

"What?" Dean asked, confused at the change of topic.

"I don't know how I know, I just do," Sam said just as cryptically. Dean shrugged and did a U-turn, slowing down until he saw the road that Sam had indicated. It was a little back road to a private property.

A half mile down from the main road we saw a house, it was shut up and dark. When we got out of the car, sensor lights clicked on, lighting up the area out front. We took all this in with a curiosity.

"Whoever lives here, I'd say they don't like surprises," I said, nodding at the security camera mounted over the lights.

"Should we knock?" Dean asked with a grin. I tilted my head.

"Yeah, I guess we should," I said with a chuckle.

Dean and I stood out the front and knocked on the door while Sam wandered off to peer through a window.

"Hey guys," Sam said, shining his flash-light on the window ledge. The window was broken and shards of glass lay over the ledge.

"I'm surprised the cops didn't show. Place like this you'd think it'd have an alarm," Dean commented.

"Yeah you would," Sam said as he looked around the corner, finding the alarm box: it was disabled, and it looked like it'd been done by a pro.

The door was unlocked when we tried it, another ominous sign. We carefully made our way through the house, there was broken glass all over the floor and miscellaneous items scattered about. Dean entered a room and spotted a body on the floor.

"Get the lights," he said, and I flipped the switches near me at the door.

He knelt by the body, rolling it over to face us. A middle-aged man had a deep cut across his throat, he had been dead a few days at least. Dean covered his mouth with his hand and just stared at the body, I fought a rising nausea. Sam looked horrified and glanced over at me.

"Guys, I did this," Sam said, a certainty to his voice.

"We don't know that," Dean said, still looking down at the body.

Sam scoffed. "What else do you need? I mean, how else do you explain the car, the knife... the blood..."

"I don't know man, why don't you tell me?" Dean asked shortly, turning to face us.

"Look, Sam, even if you did do this, I'm sure you had a good reason; you know, self-defense or something," I said looking over at Sam.

Dean patted down the body and came up empty. "He doesn't have any ID."

"I need your lockpick," Sam said randomly, looking at me.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"Where's your lockpick?" He asked, holding out his hand. I sighed and reached into my jacket pocket. Sam took it and used the pick to gain entry to a double-door closet in the room.

He pushed the doors open and we gasped at the sight before us. An entire room filled with firearms, charts and newspaper clippings.

"Oh boy," I muttered under my breath.

Dean looked at me, face grim. "Either this guy's a Unabomber..."

"Or a hunter," Sam said, looking panicked. "Guys I think I killed a hunter."

I looked about the room, and caught sight of what had to be the fifth security camera I'd seen so far. "Well, let's find out," I said, nodding toward the camera in the corner.

We located the computer that contained the footage from the security cameras. I bit my lip to stop from showing any emotion when the murder scene unfolded. Sam was fighting with the exact same man who was dead before us. The fight moved off camera, and then Sam dragged the man back into the frame. He knelt down and then pulled the man up against his legs, slitting his throat.

Sam stared in shock at the footage, not believing it. Dean stood back from the desk and pulled his shoulders back.

"How do you erase this? Huh? Sam, come on, I need your help," Dean said, suddenly all business, he started fussing around the house, cleaning up where we had been, wiping prints and getting rid of any other evidence we'd been there.

Sam was sitting morosely at the computer.

"I killed him Dean. I just broke in and killed him," he said despairingly.

"Listen to me. Whoever this guy is, he's a hunter. Which means that other hunters are going to come looking for his killer, which means we've got to cover our tracks, ok?" Dean said, the fierce reality of what had just happened came crashing down on us.

"His name was Steve Wandell. This is a letter from his daughter." Sam was caught up in his own guilt, not listening to a word Dean had to say.

Dean looked from me to Sam, and then made a decision. He grabbed the computer, lifting it above his head, and smashed it to the floor. He began stomping on it, breaking the components apart to ensure that they couldn't be salvaged. Sam looked startled at the violence.

"Wipe your prints, both of you, then we go," he ordered us.

---

Motel Room
Faribault, Minnesota

Sam led the way into the motel room, I rubbed my eyes, the day starting to catch up with me. I was feeling sick to my stomach, and I frowned, it had been a while since I got any sickness related to my pregnancy.

I went into the bathroom and ran the water in the sink for a while. Dean paused in the doorway, a concerned look on his face.

"You ok?" He asked. I looked around at him and smiled.

"Yeah, just feeling a bit sick, but I'm sure it'll pass." I answered. "How's Sam?"

He frowned and shook his head at me, which was as much to say that he was worried, and didn't know what to do about it. I stood and sighed, I didn't know what to do either. It was times like this that all I wanted was for John to be around, to guide us.

Dean turned back to the main room and looked at Sam who was standing around, not moving.

"All right, we get a couple hours sleep and then we put this place in our rearview mirror." Dean declared, tossing his duffel bag against the wall near our bed. He glanced at Sam, who still hadn't moved.

"Look, I know this is bad, okay? You've gotta snap out of it." Dean said and Sam turned to stare at him.

"Sam, say something," I said from the bathroom door, eerily aware that he had slipped into brooding, and that never boded well.

"Just get some sleep and leave in the morning?" Sam asked, shaking his head and scoffing. "Murder, Dean. That's what I did."

"Maybe," Dean muttered, tossing my bag on the floor beside his.

Sam scoffed at the word and Dean frowned. "Okay? Hey, we don't know...maybe he was a bad guy, a shapeshifter?!" He was grasping at straws, trying to explain away what he'd seen on the video footage.

"Oh come on!" Sam said, shaking his head. "You know it wasn't, you saw the tape. There was no eye flare, no distortion."

"Yeah, but it wasn't you! All right? I mean, yeah it might have been you, but... it wasn't you." Dean said, I smiled at his not-so-well-formed argument.

"Well, I think it was," Sam said and the words chilled me to the bone. He sat down on the bed, and looked up as I joined them. "I think maybe more than you know." He said quietly.

"What are you talking about Sam?" I asked, confused.

"For the last few weeks I've been having... I've been having these feelings." Sam said to us, peering at our faces.

"What feelings?" Dean asked with a frown, moving to sit on the other bed opposite him.

"Rage. Hate." Sam said, his face starting to fall. "And I can't stop it. It just gets worse. Day by day it gets worse."

"You never told us this," I said softly, my face showing nothing but the concern I was feeling for Sam.

"I didn't want to scare you guys... you have the baby coming, you've got enough on your plate." He said to us.

Dean sighed and hit his knee, standing up and stalking past me. "Well bang-up job on that!" He exclaimed angrily.

"Dean, the yellow-eyed demon, you know he has plans for me. And we all know that he's turned other children into killers before, too." Sam argued with us, watching for a sign that he was starting to get through to either of us, that we were starting to see him for who he really was.

"No one can control you, but you." Dean said forcefully to Sam.

"It sure doesn't seem like that, Dean, it feels like no matter what I do, slowly but surely I'm, I'm just becoming.."

"What?" Dean asked shortly.

"Who I'm meant to be. I mean, you said it once yourself, Dean. I gotta face up to who I am." Sam said.

"I didn't mean this!" Dean said loudly.

"But it's still true!" Sam stood up to face off with his brother. "You know that. Dad knew that too, that's why he told you, if it ever came to this..."

"Shut up Sam," Dean muttered, shaking his head.

"Dean, you promised him. Beth... you promised me," Sam said, and I frowned.

"No," Dean said, turning to Sam and looking him in the eye. "Listen to me. We're going to figure this out. OK? I mean, there's got to be a way, right?" He looked at both of us, his eyes full of uncertainty.

"Yeah there is," Sam said quietly. He took a handgun from his duffel bag, and he shoved it in Dean's direction. Dean waved it off, walking across the room. Sam turned to me and grabbed my hand, placing it firmly in my grip.

"Beth, I don't want to hurt anyone else. I don't want to hurt you," he said quietly.

"You won't," I said to him, "Whatever this is, you can fight it Sam."

"No. I can't." Sam said, tears forming in his brown eyes. "Not forever. You gotta do it." His eyes were begging me to kill him, to put a stop to it. His face was contorted and pained at the decision, but there was a surety in his eyes.

I stared at Sam for a long time, his eyes watching mine, and then Dean moved behind me, reaching around and taking the gun from my hand. Sam looked his brother over and let out a half sob, half sigh.

"You know, we've tried so hard to keep you safe," Dean said from just behind me.

Sam nodded tearfully. "I know."

I closed my eyes, I couldn't watch this, I couldn't even be a part of it. I fought back a cry and pushed past Sam, heading for the door. I had to get outside into the fresh air. The walls of the room were closing in and the nausea was getting stronger. I swallowed hard and grabbed my jacket as I walked out, closing the door behind me.

---

Dean's POV
Motel Room

Beth left the room in a hurry and I felt secretly relieved to have her out of the room when Sammy was acting like this. He was being an idiot, what was he thinking, asking her to shoot him? If I wasn't going to do it, no way in Hell he was going to convince her to.

"I can't," I said to Sam after a long moment, holding the gun in my hand. "I'd rather die." I dropped the gun on the bed and shouldered past Sam toward the bathroom. Sam turned to me, not giving up.

"No. You'll live." He said quietly, and I turned to face him, confused. "You'll live to regret this." I didn't even see it coming, but I felt it, the cold hard metal of the pistol as it hit me in the face. Everything swum before me, and I fell to the ground passing out.

There was a loud insistent banging on the door and it woke me. I found myself on the floor, and it was daylight. How long had I been out? The door to the room opened and I sat up, looking around.

"Hey. It's past your checkout," the Manager of the motel room said to me. I shook my head and then noticed Beth on the bed. I ignored the manager and crawled over to her. She looked alive, unharmed. I grabbed her shoulders and gently shook her.

"Beth, Beth!" I said urgently. She moaned and tentatively moved her head from side to side.

"Dean?" She asked, licking her lips.

"Yeah, yeah it's me, are you ok?" I asked, helping her to sit up. She ran her hands over her belly and along her thighs and nodded.

"You can't stay here!" The manager said again from the doorway. "It's past checkout and I've got a couple here needs your room."

I looked past him to see a man in a business suit with what looked to be a cheap hooker from the corner standing there.

"Yeah I bet they do," I muttered at him and Beth smirked.

"Let's go," I said to her and she nodded, grimacing at the pain in her head.

"What time is it?" She asked, as I slipped my arm around her waist, helping her toward the door.

"Twelve thirty," the Manager said to us, rolling his eyes.

"That guy who was with us, have you seen him?" I asked as Beth stepped away from me, checking her balance. She seemed ok.

"Yeah, he left before dawn in your car, and you should have gone with him, because now I'm going to have to charge you extra," the man said to me.

"Son of a …." I muttered, thinking about the car being gone.

"It's just policy sir," the manager said, thinking I was cursing about him.

"We need to use your computer," Beth said from behind me, she looked at me with a plan in her eyes, and I felt better already.

"Now why would I let you use my computer?" The manager said. I smirked at him and cocked an eyebrow. Same reason everyone lets us use their computers when we needed it. I thought, cold hard cash.

I left the manager counting a stack of cash and went to join Beth. She was on the phone, sitting on a stool in front of the reception computer. I slid my arms around her waist, resting my hands on her stomach, taking a moment to just relax before everything hit the fan.

"Hi, yes, I'm sorry to bother you, but my son snuck out of the house last night and, uh, went to a Justin Timberlake concert." Beth said, smiling at me. She paused and listened to the person speaking on the other side.

"What? Oh yeah, Justin is quite the triple threat. But anyway, he's not back yet, and, and I'm just starting to worry," she continued with her best trust me voice available.

"Right," she said in reply to whatever the operator had said. "Yes, boys will be boys. But see, Sammy is a diabetic, and uh, if he doesn't get his insulin..." her voice dropped off momentarily. "I just have to find him. Please, I'm begging you... Yeah, no, no, I'm on the website right now, I just need to activate the GPS in his cell phone." She hovered her hand over the number pad and then entered a code when it was read to her.

"Yeah, right there. Duluth, Minnesota." She looked at me, still listening to the person on the other end. "Yeah," she said, "that is a long way to go for a concert. Well I appreciate your help." She hung up and turned to look at me, there was a worry in her eyes which I couldn't read.

"What?" I asked.

"I know where he's gone," she said to me. I looked at her blankly, shrugging.

"That's where Cole is," she said and I gaped. I knew Cole had kind of disappeared after Christmas, moving on like she always did. She hadn't really been coping since Dad's death, and I just didn't want to look at that, didn't want to touch it with a ten foot pole. She was a year old than me and to think that she and my Dad... well, I shuddered. He was a sly dog my Dad, but really, something about that whole relationship there seemed oh so wrong.

She'd rocked up to her father's for Christmas a month ago and she'd been fairly far along in a pregnancy. In fact she'd been ready to drop. I didn't want to look at that one either. Cole had always been a bit of a flirt, so who knew who the father was, Dad certainly had never said anything about any baby. I'd questioned Beth, but she either didn't know or she was keeping it from me, because she'd been tight lipped on the subject.

I grimaced and nodded, leading Beth out toward the door. Next step was to get another ride to Duluth, it was going to be at least a three hour drive, and Sammy had one hell of a head start on us. I just hoped Cole had been smart enough to keep her head in the game all these years, and didn't fall for Sam's sweet routine.

---

Cole's POV

Duluth, Minnesota
Cole's House

JJ was finishing up nursing and I put him down in his bassinette, watching the tiny little person before me drift off into a milk-induced sleep. There was a knock at the front door downstairs and I covered myself up with a frown. Who the hell would be calling at this hour?

I went to the door, ready to curse out whoever it was, and got the shock of my life.

"Sam!" I said, surprised to see him standing on my doorstep without a call to let me know he was coming. "Well you're about the last person I'd expected to see."

"Well, I guess I'm full of surprises." Sam said with a smile. "Can I come in?"

"Sure, you want a beer?" I asked, I think I had some left in the fridge from when I'd had a few work colleagues back for pre-Christmas drinks last year.

"Yeah, that'd be good, thanks Cole," Sam said to me, entering the house. I led him into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle from the fridge, sitting it down in front of him on the island bench.

"So how'd you find me?" I asked, curious. There was only one person who knew where I was, and she'd never tell a soul, that much I knew.

"Well, uh, it's kind of what we do, you know?" Sam said, looking at me smugly.

"Speaking of we... where are Dean and Beth?" I asked, wary of the fact that two of the terrible trio were missing.

"Oh they're holed up in a motel going at it like a pair of rabbits," Sam said with a smirk. I looked him over with an appraising eye. He was so much older than I remembered. It had been a long time since my Dad had sent us all packing over my relationship with John. Sam was grown to man now, even if he did seem a little anxious tonight.

"So what are you doing here, Sam?" I asked, cocking my head to the side.

"Um, just thought I'd check up on you, wanted to square things away with you" he said, his eyes running over me. "You had the baby!" He said, shocked, and I nodded carefully. I'd been due any day after Christmas, the baby had ended arriving New Years Eve.

"Boy or girl?" Sam asked, taking off his jacket.

"Boy," I said quietly. I noticed a circular burn mark with a short line through it on his forearm, and I grabbed it, the nurse in me coming out immediately.

"That looks like it hurts," I said, frowning.

"No. No, just, just had a run-in with a hot stove," Sam explained, pulling away from me.

He got up, walking into the living room. "What's his name?" Sam asked, and I drew in a sharp breath. This wasn't really how I wanted to tell them. I didn't know how you tell someone that their family just got bigger when they weren't looking.

"John," I said quietly, waiting for him to connect the dots.

Sam turned to me and shook his head. "Boy, you're really carrying a torch for him, aren't you?" Sam said. I looked at him, eyes steady. Sam had always seemed a little uncomfortable around John and I, but I didn't expect him to get nasty about it.

"I'll take that as a yes," Sam said when I said nothing. "It's too bad, you see. Cause Dad, he liked you, sure, it would never have been anything more than sex. He was too obsessed, consumed with hunting to be able to offer anything of real value in a relationship. I mean, look at my mom, he could have done something about that demon, but instead he was all about rescuing me from the fire. And...look at that chupacabra... where was he then? He wasn't protecting you. He was just trying to save me, like always." I frowned and walked to the other side of the room. Something in his tone was making me feel very uncomfortable.

"He..." Sam smirked. "He thought you were a schoolgirl Cole, you know? Just one of us kids. He took advantage of you." His eyes softened at my hard expression. "I'm not trying to hurt you Cole, I'm telling you because I care," he continued, looking over at me.

"Well that's real kind of you Sam," I said to him, crossing my arms over my chest.

"I mean it," Sam said, his eyes bleeding through to concern. He came up to me and laid a hand on my shoulder possessively. "I care about you a lot."

"Sam, what are you talking about?" I asked, frowning at him.

"I can be more to you Cole," Sam whispered to me, leaning in to me, a darkness in his eyes that I had never seen before. This was not the same teenaged boy I'd grown up with.

"Maybe you should leave," I said to him levelly.

He stared at me for a long moment and then he dropped his hand from my shoulder. "OK." He said, nodding. He turned to leave and I followed him into the hallway that ran between the kitchen and living room to the front door.

Suddenly he spun and grabbed me, pinning my arms to my side, his face pressed against mine. He shoved me up against the wall, leaning in to my body.

"Sam, get off me!" I said, trying to break his hold. "Sam, get off me! Sam!"

I broke free with one hand and grabbed a lamp off the table next to me. Sam intercepted my wrist, slamming it against the wall, forcing me to drop it. He wrenched my head to one side, kissing along my neck, working his way up to my ear.

"Cole, Cole, Cole..." Sam whispered as he reached my face. He spun me, shoving me face first against the wall, his body pressed against the length of me.

I gasped, and felt the telltale signs of a panic attack blanketing me. "Sam, no, no!" I said a little pitchy. Sam thrust his hips against my back, grunting as he pushed me harder into the wall, shocking the breath out of me. "Please! Please!" I begged, squeezing my eyes shut. God, this is a never ending fucking cycle with me, not again! I struggled against him, battling the demons within, as he ran a hand down my front, cupping my breast and massaging it. He groaned into my neck and then pulled the collar of my shirt back, biting me hard causing me to hiss from the pain.

"Sam, Sam... please don't do this." I said, a sob breaking from my lips. Sam turned me again, knocking me to the wall as he forced his lips over mine. He twisted my arms above my head, pinning my wrists with one hand, the other sliding under my buttocks, lifting me higher against the wall, because I was so much shorter than him. He held me, pressed firmly against him, and thrust his tongue into my mouth, probing me urgently and without permission. His mouth bruised mine and I fought him but I simply wasn't strong enough.

He broke away from me, staring into my eyes. All I could see was darkness there. "Sam... let me go, you don't want to do this..." I said, willing him to come to his senses. He smirked, looking across at me. He'd lifted me so high I was level with his own face. I grimaced at what was to come, and then I threw my head forward, head butting him in the nose, I connected with a disturbing crack.

Sam roared back from me, releasing his hold and dropping me to the floor. He reacted quickly however, grabbing an arm and twisting it behind my back, pushing me against the wall again before I could retaliate.

"It didn't have to be this way," he muttered in my ear, then he grabbed a fistful of hair. "Or maybe it did..." he said pulling my head back before ramming it into the wall. I felt myself slip from consciousness.

---

Cole's POV

Everything around me was hazy, I shook my head but it only amplified the ringing in between my ears. I was tied to a chair, and when I looked up I found myself staring into the deep brown eyes of Sam again.

"What the hell is going on? Why are you doing this Sam?" I frowned, looking at the man who was like a little brother to me.

He was different, not the same quiet and comfortable boy I'd grown up with. Sam would never look at me as if he wanted to eat me up."You're not Sam," I said, looking at him.

"Don't be so sure about that." He said to me, eyes glittering.

"What exactly did Beth tell you about Dad's death?" He asked, looking me over, changing the subject.

I closed my mouth, and stared at him. Sam sighed and pulled a chair over so that he could sit right in front of me. He leaned into my face, his expression changed and he looked concerned. Something glittered in the street light and I realised he was holding a knife, he looked at it, pricking his fingertip and smiling at the blood that welled there. He took the blade and ran it down my face, not cutting, just brushing it against my skin.

"Come on Cole. It's me. You can tell me anything, you know that. Answer the question." It was an order, and I looked at him warily, conscious of the knife playing at my throat.

"Fine," I growled through gritted teeth at him.

"Fine," Sam smirked back at me, leaning away to sit back in his chair.

"She said it was quick, that he didn't suffer, and that all he wanted was for his children to be safe." I ventured, watching him.

Sam snorted. "That's just like Dad, playing the sacrificial lamb. He's so selfish, he doesn't do anything unless it suits him."

"He did what he had to do for Dean," I said, and I knew without a doubt that was not a lie.

"Hmmm... not quite," Sam said to me, tilting his head to the side and leaning in to me.

"The thing got too greedy, wanted more, wanted Beth." He said, staring at me. "John could have gotten away with just handing over the colt, but the stupid idiot got Beth involved. Let her find him. And so to ensure the demon wouldn't harm her, Dad gave up his soul."

"You're lying," I said to him, eyes narrowing.

"I'm not, it's true," Sam said. "Daddy gave up his soul for little Beth," he said it in sing song, smiling at me.

"How could you know that?" I asked. From what Beth had told me, John had been alone when the deal went down. Sam couldn't know.

"I hear things," Sam said with a twisted smile.

"Why are you doing this Sam?" I questioned him, and his mouth twisted into a smile. He ran a hand along my leg, brushing along my inner thigh. I jerked at the touch, and fought to breathe. Sam's eyes glittered at me, and he took out a rag and shoved it into my mouth.

"I like it better when you're silent," he whispered in my ear. "Did Dad? Or did he like to make you scream?" He turned to stare at me. "I can do things to you that he never could have dreamed," his hands returned and slid along my sides, coming up to grasp my face. I fought him, defiant eyes glaring at him. "That's my girl..." He said to me, turning me to face him.

"You never figured it out, you were always too obsessed with my selfish son of a bitch father. Never saw what was right in front of you." Sam said to me, angry eyes searching mine. "I would never have left you," he muttered at me.

The look in his eyes was terrifying. He was going to hurt me and there was nothing I could do about it. I struggled against the gag, fighting back the panic attack that was edging all around me, still present from earlier. I coughed, and groaned into it, breathing quickly through my nose, but I couldn't get enough air.

Sam stood and looked down at me, hatred in his eyes. He watched me as I started to black out from the lack of oxygen getting to my lungs. There was a sound outside, someone coming up the steps. He smiled and I screamed through the gag, fighting to free myself of the bonds. I felt the sharp stinging of broken skin as he hit me across the cheek, and I fell silent, refusing to give in to the urge to whimper. I would not show him how weak I was.

There was the sound of breaking wood as my door was kicked in, and Sam plastered himself against the wall closest to where they would enter from the doorway. Dean rounded the corner first, gun at the ready. His eyes widened when he saw me tied to the chair and he moved toward me. I tried to draw his attention to Sam, but he ignored me.

Beth wasn't far behind him, and I yelled into the gag as Sam grabbed her from behind. She broke his hold and swung at him, spinning with a kick to try and get some distance between them. It wasn't quick enough, he knew her fighting style too well, and she was encumbered by the baby. He grabbed her wrist, twisting it behind her and rammed her hard against the wall. I gasped, watching in horror – what the fuck was Sam thinking?!

Beth groaned and slumped against the wall. Sam didn't hesitate, pulling her against him and holding a knife to her throat, using her as a living shield once Dean spun on him with the gun.

"Sam!" Dean shouted at him, his eyes full of fury.

"I begged you to stop me, Dean," Sam said desperately.

"Put the knife down, dammit!" Dean ordered him, his eyes assessing all his options, of which there were not enough. We were in a very dangerous predicament, and at the moment, Sam held all the cards in front of him.

"I told you I can't fight it! My head feels like it's on fire, all right?! Dean. Kill me, or I'm going to kill her." He tightened the blade against Beth's neck, drawing blood. She flinched, closing her eyes and sagged weakly back against him, trying to pull away from the knife.

"Please Dean. You'd be doing me a favour! Shoot me," he said to his brother. Dean hesitated, looking from Beth to Sam, shaking his head.

Sam growled with frustration, pushing Beth to the floor and landing a kick to her stomach. She collapsed and Dean struggled to pull the trigger. Sam picked her up again and flung Beth across the room to collide with the wall. There was the sickening sound of plaster cracking as she hit, and crumpled to the ground. Dean looked as shocked as I felt, his grip on his gun tightened, his knuckles turning white.

"Shoot me!" Sam screamed at Dean, advancing on him, arms out like a target.

Dean looked between Beth and Sam, rage in his eyes, tempered only by his need to save his brother, to protect him. "No, Sammy, come on." Dean said, lowering his gun and turning away from his brother, moving toward Beth, to help her.

"What the hell's wrong with you Dean? Are you so hung up on Dad's orders to protect me that you'd let me kill Beth? Your own baby?!" Sam yelled, his eyes full of contempt and anger.

Dean turned on his heel, a spray of water flinging out from the flask he had pulled from his jacket. It hit Sam and it hissed and steamed.

"That's holy water, you demonic son of a bitch!" Dean yelled at him.

Sam raised his head to look at us, but this time his eyes were solid black. I took a sharp breath and watched. Dean flung more holy water at Sam, who growled, looking around at us all before turning to run and smash through one of the living room windows, fleeing into the night.

Dean rushed over to me, picking up the knife that Sam had dropped when he threw Beth across the room. He cut the ropes at my wrists free, turning to Beth once I could undo the binds at my ankles on my own.

"Holy shit, he was possessed?!" I said, after pulling the gag out of my mouth. Dean looked back at me and nodded.

Beth was looking pale, and breathing shallowly by the wall. She hadn't moved since she hit it, but she tried to sit up as Dean crouched in front of her, looking at her assessing.

"Go," Beth said weakly him as I reached their side. Dean shook his head.

"Dean that's our brother out there, I'm ok, you have to go," Beth argued and Dean's eyes turned to me, conflicted.

"Go, I'll take care of her," I said simply, and reached for the phone. I was half way through dialling 911 when Dean kissed Beth quickly, nodding at her before jumping out the window.

"Dammit," I muttered, looking at her. She wasn't good, and she'd just lied through her teeth at Dean. There was the tell tale signs that she was going into shock as her eyes started to dilate right in front of me. I had to get her to a hospital, and I had to get here there now.

---

Dean's POV

Warehouse

There was a warehouse three houses down from Cole's house, I followed the trail the demon had left me, entering into the crowded warehouse. It was as if it wanted me to find it. Gun in hand, I had the safety off and finger on the trigger. I didn't know if I could use it, if it came down to it – this was Sam out there, but I was fast coming up empty handed with other options.

I'd just left Beth at the house, and I had no idea what shape she was in, but I had to do my duty, I had to get this demon out of my brother. A footstep fell ahead of me, echoing in the warehouse and I caught a glimpse of Sam's white shirt in the dark. I crept after him, but he was moving quickly.

"So who are you?" I asked loudly, my voice echoed back in the darkness.

"I got lots of names," Sam's voice said to me, but it wasn't Sam, it was a demon.

"You've been in Sam since he disappeared, haven't you?" I asked, starting to piece it all together. I had to keep him talking, so I could track the sound of his voice.

Sam's laughter rolled across the darkness to me. "You should have seen your face when you thought he murdered that guy. Pathetic!" It said back to me.

I backed against a low wall, looking out ahead of me, but I couldn't see anything. "Why didn't you kill me? You had a dozen chances," I asked it. It was baffling, but then I didn't pretend to try and understand the motives of demons, they were hardly on a level playing field when it came to sanity levels.

Something smashed to the floor on my left and I turned to look, then heard the scurrying feet of Sam move in the other direction.

"No, that would have been too easy. Where's the fun in that?" Sam's voice was speaking, but it sure as hell wasn't his words coming out of his mouth. " See, this was a test. I wanted to see if I could push you far enough to waste Sam. Should have known you wouldn't have the sac. That baby has made you weak." There was another pause and I ducked behind a table. "Anyway," Sam's voice echoed to me. "Fun's over now."

"Well I hope you got your kicks," I said to it, "because you're gonna pay hell for this, I'm gonna make sure of that."

"How? You can't hurt me. Not without hurting your little brother," the demon said back to me. "You see, I think you're gonna die Dean. You, and every other hunter I can find... one look at Sam's dewy, sensitive eyes? They'll let me right in their door." I paused, looking down at my gun and put it away in my jacket, pulling out the flask of holy water instead.

"And then I'm gonna come back and take care of those sisters of yours, and that bastard baby too – pity your father is already in Hell, would have liked to make him watch while he could do nothing to protect his children." I frowned, what the hell did this have to do with Dad?

A door swung open and I heard it leave the building, taking the flask I jogged after it, the door led to an open-air dock. I followed cautiously, not knowing what to expect, so expecting the unexpected like Dad had always taught us. I plastered myself against the wall of the warehouse, peeking around the corner. Sam was nowhere to be seen. There was only one way off the dock, and that was the way I'd come, unless you wanted to take a moonlit swim.

I frowned, contemplating. He was gone, vanished. I walked over to the side of the dock, looking down into the water. When I turned around Sam was standing a good ten feet away. He raised his gun at me and fired. The bullet pierced my right shoulder, and the force of the bullet tore through me, pushing me backwards into the water. I felt myself sink into the darkness, and all I could think was I had to move, I had to move, but I couldn't, my arm was useless. All this time, and I was going to die drowning, how ironic was that?

---

Cole's POV

Docks

Dean's phone was still ringing out to voicemail, I hit redial and clutched my phone to my ear. "This is Dean. Leave a message." It was the tenth time I had heard him say that and I was starting to freak out. Where was he? My fingers just went automatically to redial as I walked along the pier, my eyes searching for anything that might lead me to him. Faintly I heard it, Eye of the Tiger and I started to run.

The ringing was coming from the bottom of a ramp that led out to the water. Dean was lying at the bottom of it, unconscious. I shoved my phone back into my pocket and backtracked to the ramp entrance.

"Dean!" I called out, reaching him, grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking him hard. "Dean!" He woke up when I turned him over, grimacing as he clutched at his shoulder and groaned. "Take it easy," I said, looking him over. This was going to be another one of those stitch him up moments – all too common between Dean and I.

He was soaking wet and shivering from the cold, groaning in pain as I shifted him into a seated position. "Where's Sam?" He asked, looking at me.

"I don't know, I've been looking for you. Come on, get up," I said, helping him to stand. He leaned on me heavily, clutching his shoulder to his side. "Where's Beth? You left her on her own?!" He said angrily, limping beside me.

I slipped my arm around his waist to support him and rolled my eyes. "Easy lover boy, she's fine, my neighbour is with her and the ambulance is on its way," I explained.

"Ambulance?!" He frowned at me.

"Yeah..." I said quietly, my voice fading. He looked over at me, reading my expression and his eyes hardened at what he saw there. Picking up the pace, he struggled to move through the warehouse faster, suddenly all thoughts of Sam were out the window.

The ambulance was pulling away as we got there. Dean was panting from the pain in his shoulder and I opened the Impala's door for him, pushing him into the passenger side. I looked up at my neighbour, standing on the front porch and she waved at me with a smile, JJ in her arms. I nodded and waved back before getting into the car, I knew she would take care of things in my absence.

We weren't far behind the ambulance by the time we got to the hospital, Dean's face was set in a grimace and he was grinding his teeth. I wasn't sure if it was from the cold, the pain or the worry – but I figured it was probably a case of all three. Dean was eerily silent on the ride to the hospital, I knew the way by heart, I drove it almost every day. Even with the short cut I always took, we didn't beat the ambulance. I saw Beth being wheeled in to the emergency room at the same time as I drove by looking for a park.

"Come on, come on!" Dean muttered impatiently as I pulled into an empty car spot. I cut the engine and jumped out, coming to help Dean out of the car. He pushed me away, and shook his head.

---

Dean's POV

Hospital

"Get off me!" I growled at Cole, pushing her back impatiently. "I'm not a freaking invalid!"

"Shut up Dean, you've been shot you moron, you've lost a lot of blood." Cole said, shoving me toward the ER entrance. "We need to get you patched up, pronto."

"Not before I see Beth, where would they be taking her?" I said, nodding in the direction of the now empty ambulance as we walked slowly into the ER. I stopped for a moment, fighting off a headspin. Cole slipped her arm around me and I gave in, letting her support me a bit as I moved further into the building.

Suddenly we were surrounded by a team of nurses and doctors, people pulling at me and fussing. Cole was talking to some of them, she knew them from work. My shoulder was throbbing and I was chilled to my bones, I was starting to reel from blood loss, but I wasn't going to admit it to anyone.

I pushed past a few nurses, holding my shoulder close to ease the pain. This was hardly a priority, I would live.

"Cole!" I yelled back at the mousy blonde short-ass who was speaking animatedly with a doctor. She looked at me, panic in her eyes. I sure didn't like the look of that.

"This way," she said to me, nodding toward a room. I gritted my teeth and moved forward, opening the door to the emergency treatment room.

"Sir! Sir you can't go in there!" A nurse tried to stop me.

"Like hell I can't!" I muttered, pushing past the tiny waif. I heard Cole exclaim in surprise behind me and a lot of cries going up as I pushed into the room.

There was a blood-curdling scream that echoed through the room and I felt my blood run cold, I was sure I turned about three shades whiter.

Blood was everywhere, the bed, floor, and down her legs. I'd never seen anything like it, how the hell was she even still alive? A doctor was sitting at the end of the treatment bed, doing an internal procedure, a nurse was attaching an IV to her wrist. Beth thrashed in agony against the bed and I froze.

"Oh shit!" Cole exclaimed from behind, stopping short of running into me. "Beth!" She looked up the sound of Cole's voice and whimpered, slumping back into the pillow behind her.

"Dean..." it was barely a whisper and it stilled my heart.

"What's happening?" I asked the doctor, moving to her side, watching in alarm as more blood spilled from between her legs. Beth clutched my hand and trembled.

"Oh god, I'm losing him..." Beth whimpered, and I shook my head, brushing the hair out of her eyes.

"No you're not, it'll be ok." I looked at the doctor who returned my gaze and she shook her head slightly. Cole took in a short breath and there were tears in her eyes.

"Yes I am..." Beth whispered, turning her face into my shoulder. I flinched at the contact, but didn't pull back.

"Beth," the doctor said gently, looking up at us. "You're hemorrhaging, and I can't stop the bleeding, your uterus has sustained some damage and it's not contracting like it should. I need to do a D&C to remove the remainder of the placenta."

"Wait, the remainder?" I said, looking over with a frown. The doctor looked at us compassionately and nodded.

"I'm afraid she's already passed the child," the doctor said. Beth sobbed into my shoulder and Cole looked faint.

"Are you ready Beth?" The doctor asked and she nodded, a look of slight terror in her eyes.

One of the nurses laid her back and she closed her eyes, biting her lip. After a moment she hissed, squeezing my hand for all it was worth. "Ahhhhhh," she whimpered, struggling for breath. I watched helplessly as her back arched off the bed and she screamed, bashing the headboard with her free hand. "God!" She cried out, screaming again. I'd never heard anything like it come out of her mouth, it was primal, guttural, and heart stopping to listen to.

Cole was at Beth's other side her eyes on Beth's monitors. "Doc, her O2 sat is dropping and so are her respirations. I'm gonna put some Oxygen on her at five litres per minute." The doctor simply grunted an affirmative.

Cole grabbed the mask from the wall behind her and clamped it over Beth's mouth and nose, flipping a few dials next to the tubing. "Breathe!" She ordered Beth, and I heard her gasp for breath as the gas started to fill the mask. Beth relaxed a little, until the doctor moved again, doing whatever it was I didn't want to know about.

"Almost done Beth," the doctor said encouragingly.

"Fuuuuck!" Beth groaned pulling the mask back, squeezing her eyelids tight against the pain. "Oh god make it stop!"

"Keep breathing Beth, put the mask back on," Cole said, guiding it over her nose and glaring at one of the other nurses with a shake of her head. "Might have been useful ten minutes ago..." Cole muttered under her breath at me. I raised my eyebrow. Beth took some deep breaths, shuddering with each release. The doctor was explaining something about what she was doing but I wasn't listening, there was a roaring in my ears and I felt a rage seeping into my bones.

The doctor finished up and Beth sank into the pillow, eyes shut, her chin tucked down into her chest, her breathing starting to even out now the pain was over. I stroked her forehead and leaned in to kiss her. She reached out a hand to touch my cheek, pulling my face in to hers. "Don't leave me," she whispered, a tear squeezed out from behind her eyelid.

"I'm not going anywhere," I said, running my cheek along hers, kissing her cheek again. She smiled and closed her eyes again, I watched her, hand resting gently on her head, stroking her forehead as her breathing slowed and within ten minutes she was fast asleep, still holding on to my hand. I panicked a little, seeing all the blood and wondered if she should be allowed to sleep.

"Is she ok?" I asked the doctor and she nodded.

"She's been through an ordeal, we gave her a sedative, we'll monitor her closely because she's lost a lot of blood. But it's best to let her rest right now," she frowned at me, and for the first time I realised what a mess I must look.

Cole was tugging at my clothes in a mother hen manner, and I pulled back, batting her hands away. "Leave me alone Cole," I said and she tutted at me.

"Don't argue with me Dean, you're bleeding, you need stitches, and you're sopping wet!" Cole snapped. "Stand up!" I gave up, feeling light headed and heart broken, letting Cole call the shots until I felt my pants getting yanked to my ankles.

"What the hell Cole?" I asked, looking furtively around. The nurses in the room were looking at me appreciatively and I realised that somehow between Beth's procedure and now, Cole had managed to strip me down to my boxers.

She was rubbing furiously at me with a towel and I shifted uncomfortably. She held out the towel and raised an eyebrow.

"Lose 'em," she said, and I looked down at my boxers.

"Hell no!" I exclaimed.

"Here," she said, tossing me some clothing, I grimaced. Scrubs. I hated these damn things. But I did have to concede, they were dry. I stared down the nurses who were trying to look like they had something to do in the room. Cole followed my gaze and growled at them.

"Get out! What are you ten?" She said angrily and shooed the nurses out, receiving some glares for her efforts. "Sorry," she muttered, turning her back to me.

I sighed and dropped the rest of my wet clothing, drying off with the towel and then slipping into the scrub pants – guess I was going commando until I could get to my duffel bag in the car. I left my chest bare for the stitches, grimacing at the pain whenever I flexed my shoulder or moved my arm.

"OK," I said, sitting with a sigh. I ran my hands over my face and drew in a haggard breath while I watched Beth with an assessing eye. Cole turned back to me and nodded approval.

"Better," she said softly. She took the tray she'd been fiddling with on the bench and put it on a wheeling table, coming over to me.

Ten minutes later she was digging around in my shoulder for the bullet. She'd given me a shot of something but the sensation of the movement was making me groan just the same.

"Don't be a baby!" Cole chastised.

"Bloody Hell..." I muttered back at her, taking the flask with the whiskey in it and chugging down a few mouthfuls.

"Almost. All right, got it. Got it," Cole muttered from in front of me. She dropped the bullet into a little stainless steel kidney dish and I groaned.

"God, you're a butcher." I said to her, smiling just the same.

"You're welcome," Cole said sarcastically, raising an eyebrow at me.

"All right, are we done?" I asked, anxious to get a few more clothes on and just close my eyes for a few.

"Would you give me two minutes to patch you up? You're no good to anyone if you're bleeding to death," Cole snapped at me. She finished off the stitches she was making, and laid some gauze and tape over the wound.

There was a crew in the room mopping up all the blood. I stared at it, my eyes trailing up over the blood-soaked sheet on the bed, over Beth's legs. I sighed, looking at her, she was for the moment peaceful, but I doubted it was going to last. Her screams from earlier echoed in my mind and I shook my head to clear it.

"We need to clean her up," I said to Cole and she nodded.

"Yeah, I'll take care of it, don't worry" she said, standing to leave the room. She paused near the door and looked back at me.

"How did you know?" Cole asked. "That he was possessed?"

"Uh, I didn't." I said, over at her. "I just knew it couldn't have been him." She looked at me thoughtfully.

"Dean?" Cole asked, watching me.

"Yeah?"

"I know demons lie, but do they ever tell the truth too?" Cole asked, looking troubled.

"Uh, um yeah, sometimes I guess." I said with a shrug. I hissed at the pain from that movement and made a mental note not to do it again for a while. "Especially if they know it'll mess with your head. Why do you ask?"

Cole considered something and then shook her head, looking over at Beth. "Nothing. Doesn't matter. So do you have any idea where he's headed next?"

"Well, so far he's been going after the nearest hunter, so..." I waited for her to think it through, for the location to sink in. Cole's eyes widened in horror when she realised.

"Let's go," she said quickly, looking at me.

"Yeah. No you're not coming." I said to her with a shake of my head.

"The hell I'm not, that's my dad you're talking about!"

"I can't say it more plain than this. Bobby and I will handle it. You need to stay here and deal with things, you have a new baby, and I need to you watch over Beth." I said, glancing down at Beth, who was starting to move in her sleep.

Cole nodded, resigned to what I was saying. She had responsibilities here, I knew that, she knew that – but I understood. I understood the need to drop all that and just chase vengeance.

"Here," she said, holding out a bottle of pills to me. "These will help with the pain." I nodded.

"Thanks," I muttered.

"I'll be back in a bit with clean sheets, do not leave her alone," Cole instructed me, looking down at Beth. I rolled my eyes and snorted, taking a seat again. Hellhounds couldn't have dragged me from this room.

I tapped a few pills into my hand and washed them down with a glass of water from the bedside table. I settled in to wait for Beth to wake up, scrolling through my cell phone. I dialled Bobby's number, and just hoped I had enough time for him to get prepared for what could be coming.

---

Beth's POV

Hospital

Fresh sheets. Clean floor. Broken heart. I sobbed as soon as I woke up, everything coming back, crashing in around me. Dean startled awake next to me and reached out to run his hand along my back. I felt the mattress shift as he climbed on to the bed, settling in behind me and wrapping his arm around my waist..

"I'm so sorry baby," he whispered in my ear. I stared at the wall, my breathing coming in short gasps as I struggled to come to grips with what had just happened.

"I can't believe it..." I sobbed, burying my head in his shoulder, needing to feel that pulse beating in the crook of his neck. I rolled to face him, moving so he had more room on the bed. The faint smell of leather, pine and sandalwood hit me as I nuzzled into the bare skin at Dean's neck, it was earthy, grounding, and pulled me back into my senses. I inhaled deeply, savouring the contact.

It was then, as soon as I felt reconnected to my body that I felt the loss. The empty hole inside of me where just a day ago there had been kicks and playful movement. Heart wrenching sobs fell from my soul, and I buried myself into Dean again, he wrapped his arms around me, holding me tight and just let me cry.

"How much more do we have to give?" I asked forlornly, sitting up to look back at Dean. He shifted, moving up against the headboard, grimacing as he moved his shoulder. For the first time I realised he was injured.

"You're hurt?" I whispered, seeing him coddle his left shoulder a little.

"Don't worry about it, I'm ok," he said quietly, using his right arm to guide me on to his lap. I curled up into him, resting my head against his collarbone, burying my nose in the crook of his neck again, breathing deeply.

Hot tears formed as I felt my stomach spasm a little and a gush of liquid spill between my legs. I shuddered as I relived that kick to my stomach, Sam's boot connecting with me, the air expelled from my lungs. Dean's arms wrapped instinctively around me.

"You're right... there is no one looking out for us... there's nothing but evil." I whimpered into Dean's shoulder, biting my lip. He murmured at me in a comforting way, his hand tracing soft circles at my back. I felt like a child who was being rocked to sleep on her mother's lap, only I wasn't being rocked, and it wasn't my mom, but I still felt safe and protected.

Cole came into the room, stopping short when she saw us curled up on the bed. She looked at me sadly and walked to the side of the bed, peering over at me. Reaching a hand out she tucked my hair behind my ear as I stayed leaning against Dean's chest, eyes watching her, full of tears.

"I'm sorry baby girl," she said gently, biting her lip. I let out a shuddering sigh and nodded, she didn't have to say it, we were all feeling it.

Cole turned to look at Dean, their eyes met and I felt him tense up.

"Dad called," she said to him, I closed my eyes and only half listened to them, my mind on the empty feeling inside me. "It's done." I felt Dean nod and shift just a little with me still on his lap. His heart beat started to pick up under my ear and I frowned at the sudden change in his physiology.

Sitting up a little I turned a cautious eye to Dean. "What's going on?"

He sighed and pressed his forehead into me. "Nothing you need to worry about, ok?"

"Yeah we got this Beth, you need to rest," Cole said, frowning at me.

"Got what?" I asked, "what's going on?" My voice was pitchy and I suddenly found it hard to breathe, short gasps pulling the air agonisingly into my lungs, piece by piece.

"Shhh, don't Beth, don't upset yourself," Dean said quietly, his hand changing to run up and down my back instead of in circles.

"Don't upset myself! You're the ones not telling me something!" I frowned, sitting up and glaring at them. Dean's eyes looked sadly at me, then he glanced at Cole who was looking contemplative. She nodded, almost indistinguishably at him, and he returned the nod.

"We have Sam, at Dad's in a devil's trap." Cole said quietly. I felt my blood run cold. Sam. I hadn't even considered what was happening with him until now.

"We need to go..." I said, suddenly feeling panicked, thinking of my little brother trapped inside his own body.

"You're not going anywhere for a few days apple-pie," Dean said to me, turning my face to look at him. He searched my eyes, looking for something to tell him I was ok. I didn't feel anything right now except panic, and emptiness. I saw the resignation in his eyes however, and I chewed on my lip, torn.

"You have to go..." I whimpered, tears coming to my eyes again. It was the same old choice, what came first? Our duty to each other, or our duty to Sam, to Dad?

"How much do we have to give?" I whispered again, and Dean's eyes faded to anguish. He pulled me in to him again, and settled me against his chest.

"I'll stay," he said quietly, holding me. I believed him. I heard it in his voice, the determination, the choice that just for once he was putting our own needs above anyone else's. Sam's words echoed in my mind: "I begged you to stop me Dean." Tears fell from my eyes again, streaming down my face and I let out an excruciating sob.

"No..." I said, the word barely a whisper. "It's Sam," I said looking up at him. "It's Sam!" I chewed on my lip.

"He can bloody well wait!" Cole said forcefully, anger in her eyes. "Fuck it Beth, it can wait!" She started to pace beside the bed, looking at the two of us. "He's not going anywhere, leave it for a day or two... hell leave it a good damn week, it won't matter."

"You don't know what it's like," I said to her, my eyes suddenly drying up. "And this is Sam..."

Cole came to a stop in front of me, shaking her head from side to side, her light brown curls bobbing around her face. "I don't care," she said angrily. Same old impetuous Cole, tough exterior, but only to hide the pain housed within.

"I do," I said gently, looking up at Dean.

Someone cleared their through in the doorway and the three of us turned to see the doctor standing there, watching us with a concerned look.

"How are you feeling Beth?" She asked, crossing to look at my charts.

I leaned into Dean and sighed. I felt like curling up somewhere and dying, that's how I felt. I felt like my whole world had been ripped apart overnight, and the pieces left in tattered ruin upon the cold hard earth. I felt abandoned, as if just one more thing that was good in my life had been ripped from my arms. I shook my head, tears welling in my eyes again.

"Bit of a loaded question there Doc," Dean said for me, his hand sliding up under my hair and softly stroking the back of my neck as he placed a kiss on my forehead.

"I'm sorry, I know this must be very difficult for you," she said, replacing my chart and moving around to stand next to Cole, watching me.

"I have a few more things I need to cover with you, if you're up for it?" She looked at me questioningly and I nodded solemnly.

The doctor took a deep breath and there was a sadness hidden behind that tough, professional exterior. If we hadn't been trained to read people, we might have missed it, but it was there.

"Because you were 21 weeks along, we need to register the child as a stillbirth." she said, I blinked, I hadn't even considered the logistics of what had happened. Dean's arms tensed around me and he watched my face anxiously.

"Uh, what does that exactly mean Doc?" He asked, frowning, his hand resting lightly at the back of my neck, warm and comforting.

"Well, we will report the birth to the registry, you will have the choice of whether or not to name your baby, and you can request a birth certificate from the hospital for your own records. Many parents find this a natural, helpful part of the grieving process." She told us all this by rote, as if she'd said it a thousand times before. "You also need to decide if you would like to bury or cremate the remains." I felt my stomach sink at that thought, and soundless tears ran down my face, unstopped.

"Think about it, you don't have to make any decisions right now, but you will need to complete the paperwork before you leave the hospital," she said. I nodded, silent. Dean was speechless.

Cole watched us and the doctor excused herself. I wiped at my nose and eyes with some tissues that Cole had placed near me.

"Did you have a name picked out?" She asked, curious. I shook my head, chewing at my lower lip. We'd thought about John, but then Cole had told me she had named her baby John. John Jnr... Dean didn't know yet, he was still really uncomfortable with the whole idea of Cole and John having had any sort of romantic encounter.

"Patrick," Dean said quietly, brushing his lips across my temple. I looked at him in surprise. He smiled sadly. "After your dad, if you want..." he offered tentatively.

"Yeah" I nodded, happy with the choice. "Patrick Dean?" I asked softly and he leaned in to me with a kiss, nodding. I smiled at him and felt the tears start to fall again, deep, nerve-wracking sobs as I gave into the grief.

"Oh baby," Dean said, pulling me a little closer. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry," he whispered into my hair. Cole left the room quietly, giving us some space. There just didn't seem like enough space in the world that was going to help us get over this loss.

---

Dean's POV

Bobby's House
Sioux Falls, South Dakota

Bobby had Sam tied to a chair under the same devil's trap we'd use in the past, located in the library. He'd lit the open fire, it was providing a little light, and then there was the light from the windows. I looked at my brother, passed out before me and I brought my hand back, slapping him hard.

"Hey!" I said, waking him.

Sam looked up and saw the devil's trap painted on the ceiling.

"Dean, back from the dead." He smirked. "Getting to be a regular thing for you, isn't it? Like a cockroach," It was Sam's voice, but it wasn't Sam's words. "Tell me, how's Beth faring?" He raised an eyebrow and I reacted, punching him square in the jaw, drawing blood.

"How about I smack that smartass right out of your mouth?" I asked, looking over at Bobby.

"Oh, careful, now. Wouldn't want to bruise this fine packaging," the demon smirked at me.

"Oh don't worry, this isn't gonna hurt Sam much." I said as Bobby handed me a bucket of holy water. "You on the other hand..." I left the sentence unspoken, and poured the water over his head. The demon sizzled and screamed, still wearing Sam's meatsuit.

"Feel like talking now?" I asked him.

"Sam's still my meat puppet. I'll make him bite off his tongue." It threatened me from behind black eyes.

"No, you won't be in him long enough." I said, turning to the man next to me. "Bobby..."

Bobby started reading in Latin from an ancient book of his. "Exorcisamus te, omnes in mundus spiritus. omnes satanica potestas, omnes incursio ..." I spoke over the top of it as he worked.

"See, whatever bitch-boy master plan you demons are cooking up? You're not getting Sam. You understand me? Because I'm gonna kill every one of you first." I threatened it, fury in my eyes. I was seething on the inside, wanting nothing more than to string it up and make it suffer for what it had taken from us.

The demon struggled painfully against its binds, finally it threw its head back and cackled loudly in a voice like we'd never heard from Sam before. Bobby stopped reading in surprise.

"You really think that's what this is about? The master plan? I don't give a rat's ass about the master plan." Sam said to me, and I frowned.

"Humiliares sub potente magnu dei..." Bobby read out and nothing happened.

"Oops. Doesn't seem to be working. See, I learned a few new tricks..." Sam dropped his head and began growling in Latin. "Spiritus in mundus un glorum suarum umitite palatum iram domine ..."

The fire behind Sam flared up and the room started to shake.

"This isn't going like I pictured! What's going on, Bobby?" I yelled, looking at the older man while things started flying off the walls around the room.

Sam laughed at me, Bobby shrugged and then his eyes widened as he looked behind me. I turned, and saw Cole standing in the doorway, fuming. I was at her in an instant.

"What are you doing here?" I asked her urgently. I glanced back at Sam, who was still muttering in Latin, a wind had picked up in the room, the fire still flaring. I pulled her into the kitchen, away from Sam. "Where's Beth?"

"You didn't pick up your cell," she said, "and the phones are down..." I reached for my cell. The battery was dead.

"You shouldn't be here." I said sternly, but she ignored me. Her eyes fell to Sam in the chair and they were murderous. She walked over and the demon smiled cruelly at her as it continued speaking Latin. Cole took one look at him and backhanded him across the face, then she hit him again for good measure, breathing hard.

"Oh you fucking bastard," she muttered angrily. She roughly shoved the sleeve back on Sam's shirt, looking at Bobby. "Dad, what is this?!" We were looking at a burn mark on Sam's arm. Bobby paled when he saw it.

"It's a binding link! It's like a lock. He's locked himself inside Sam's body!" Bobby said, looking panicked. The demon laughed and started its incantation again, I felt my stomach go hard as a rock, things were about to get ugly.

"What the hell do we do?" I asked Bobby.

"I don't know!" He cried back.

"You need to get out of here," I said to Cole, things just seemed all kinds of wrong all of a sudden.

Sam threw his head back and screamed, the walls shook and the ceiling cracked, breaking the devil's trap.

Sam's eyes were ringed in red as he lowered his head.

"There, that's better," Sam muttered, looking at us with an evil smile.

He jerked his head and all three of us were thrown against the Bobby and Cole looked like they had been knocked out.

Ripping free of his restraints now that the trap was broken, Sam stalked up to me.

"You know when people want to describe the worse possible thing? They say it's like Hell?" He said, coming to kneel in front of me. He grabbed me by the shirt and then punched me.

"You know there's a reason for that. Hell is like, um," he hit again, breathing hard. "Well, it's like hell. Even for demons." He screamed at me. I was starting to feel light headed and he punched me again. "It's a prison, made of bone and flesh and blood and fear;" once more he hit me, and no one could do anything about it. The demon grabbed my head, holding it steady before looking me in the eye. "And you sent me back there."

I frowned, thinking, and then it dawned on me. "Meg?"

The demon looked at me and smiled. "No, not any more. Now I'm Sam." She hit me again, the metallic taste of my own blood filled my mouth and I groaned as she dug her thumb into the bullet wound in my shoulder. Sharp, agonising pain shot through me as I gasped for a breath.

"By the way, I saw your Dad there – he says 'howdy'," She dug further, and spots appeared before my eyes, I grasped Sam's wrist, trying to pull the hand away but the pain was debilitating.

"All I had to hold onto was that I would climb out one day, and that I was going to torture the pair of you, nice and slow. Like pulling the wings off an insect..." He glanced over at Cole, who was still unconscious on the floor and I saw red, struggling to break free of the super-human strength holding me down.

Sam easily held me down, and I felt my head spin, I was losing it. "But … whatever I do to you, it's nothing compared to what you'll do to yourself, is it?" Sam's face was smiling down at me.

"I can see it in your eyes, Dean. You're worthless. You couldn't save your Dad," her eyes widened and she laughed, reading my mind. "You couldn't save your baby, and deep down you know you'll never be able to protect Beth, or save your brother. They'd all have been better off without you."

Sam's body reared back to hit me again, his fist in the air. Suddenly Bobby and Cole appeared out of nowhere, grabbing his arm, as Cole pressed a hot poker from the fire to the mark on Sam's forearm. He screamed in pain and I flinched at the sound of sizzling skin. Black smoke billowed out from Sam's mouth and blew out the chimney. She was gone, leaving us with Sam, who was scrabbling on the floor, looking around in confusion.

"Sammy?" I asked, looking at him, slumped against the desk.

Sam's eyes looked around frantically. "Did I miss anything?"

Something about what he said snapped inside of me and I didn't even realise I'd punched him until the pain in my knuckles started to sting. Sam grabbed his cheek in confusion and I looked around the room, slumping against the wall. Bobby helped Sam to his feet and took him into the kitchen so he could dress the burn wound.

---

Cole was fussing over me, checking out the bullet wound that she'd so methodically patched up earlier.

"I thought I told you to stay with Beth," I muttered at her with a grimace.

"Shut up Dean, you're not the oldest, I am – I can do what I want." She snapped back at me. She turned conflicted eyes to me.

"She's in the gym... with JJ." I growled at her when I heard it, and pushed her off me.

"What the hell were you thinking?!" Cole sighed and let me go. I stumbled out the front door into the car yard, rounding the side of the house. What the hell was Cole thinking, leaving her alone with the baby? When there was a god damn demon floating around!

The gym was an old half-garage tucked away at the back of the property, we'd all used it for training as kids, Dad and Bobby teaching us how to fight, how to wield weapons. It was lit up with the rising sun now, the open side of the training area faced east, and beams of light were shining in to flood the open sparring area with golden light.

I needn't have worried. Beth was curled up on the old couch that was against the far wall, holding the baby in her arms, her head bowed over him. She was sobbing and I felt a little piece of my armour, the wall I had put up to hold it all together, chip away at the sight. She was clutching at that old rosary of her dad's, and I remembered the amulet and breathed easier. She was fine.

I crossed the room, falling to my knees in front of them both, staring at this little baby, only a month old. He was sleeping in Beth's arms, oblivious to the fact that she was having a meltdown.

"Hey," I said, reaching a pained arm out to brush my hand across her face.

"It's not fair..." she sobbed, turning red-ringed eyes toward me. I swallowed hard, fighting back my emotions. I had to be strong.

"I know baby, I'm sorry," I said for what seemed like the thousandth time in a twenty-four hour period. There just wasn't anything else I could think of that might help, I was useless, I couldn't even keep her safe during the most critical of times. Meg had been right, I was worthless.

I bit back a grimace and stood up, holding my arm at my side. Beth was looking at the sleeping infant in her arms again.

"He's beautiful, isn't he?" She whispered, her sobs stopping for the moment.

I inched her forward a little so I could slide between her and the armrest, using my good arm to lift her back on to my lap. She leaned gratefully into me and I wrapped the same arm around them both, staring down at the boy.

"Yeah, he is... " I said quietly, swallowing hard.

"I'm sorry..." Beth whispered to me, leaning her forehead against mine.

"Sorry for what?" I asked confused.

"I wasn't strong enough, I couldn't protect us," she said, tears welling in her eyes again.

"No, no, no, no, no. Don't you do that. Don't you dare blame yourself." I said, touching her face, looking urgently into her eyes.

She chewed on her bottom lip and the tears started to fall again. I sighed, pulling her against me again.

"It'll be ok Beth," I said the words, but I didn't really feel them.

Cole rounded the corner looking for us and stopped short when she caught sight of the three of us on the couch. She approached cautiously until she saw me nod. Beth had her face buried in my neck, pouring heart-wrenching sobs into my shoulder.

The baby woke with a little yawn, gurgling at us and Beth froze, her cries fading to a whimper. She touched him gently on the face and for the first time in a day I saw just the hint of a smile. It was gone almost instantly, but it had been there, and it gave me hope. Hope that we could get past this.

She saw Cole standing over us, silently watching, and shifted to offer the baby back to her. Cole took him with a tentative smile.

The look Cole gave the baby was familiar and it tugged at my heart, I'd seen it before. "The baby's his, isn't it?" I asked her, it all falling into place. The name. The bastard comment from the demon. "Dad?"

Cole turned sad eyes to me and nodded. I took a deep breath and frowned. I sure didn't know how I felt about that, especially now we'd lost our own little boy. I felt a bit apprehensive because I had enough bloody trouble with one brother, let alone having to think about being around to protect another one. I shook the idea from my head and dismissed it, I couldn't think about that right now, I might never want to cross that damn bridge.

I settled for saying nothing. Beth had fallen quiet in my arms and I watched her cautiously.

---

Beth's POV

I didn't want to look at the baby any longer, it was too heart breaking. I buried my face into Dean's shoulder and prayed Cole would just leave us alone.

There was a sharp intake of breath and I looked up to see what Cole had gasped at. Sam was standing across the room, looking at us, his eyes full of conflict and anguish.

"Sammy..." I whispered, and he tried to smile, but it didn't reach his eyes.

Dean tensed beneath me and I felt him hold his breath. He struggled to control his emotions, a whole range of thoughts flicking through his eyes.

I moved to get up, nothing but my little brother in my head now. He took a few tentative steps toward me, an agonising look on his face.

"I'm sorry," he said to me, and tears started to stream down his cheeks. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." I shook my head and ran to him, wrapping my arms around him. He fell to his knees in front of me, looking up and blinking through tears.

"It's not your fault Sammy," I said to him, biting my lip as I brushed his hair out of his eyes.

Big brown eyes, shaggy brown hair that needed a cut. All I could see in front of me was the little thirteen year old brother I'd loved all these years kneeling at my feet. I took my promise seriously, to protect him just as Dean did. My heart ached as I looked at him. He was blaming himself for what he'd done to me, yet deeper still was the overwhelming fear that we were losing him, that we'd failed him again.

"Forgive me," he said quietly, I shook my head, tears falling down my face now.

"There's nothing to forgive Sammy," I said, falling to my knees before him, searching his eyes.

Dean came up behind me, standing over us, and when I looked up at him there was a hesitation. He hadn't known how I'd react. All these years and I still managed to surprise him. There was nothing to it, it was Sam, little Sam who we had sworn to protect. More than anyone, I knew what it was to hold that burden, to take the life of someone you loved while being able to do nothing about it. More than anyone, I knew what Sam was going through, the emptiness you carried, the worthlessness.

"There's nothing to forgive Sam," I said again, looking at him solemnly. The anguish he was feeling would be with him forever, and I knew that. I pulled him to me, reaching up to hold Dean's hand. He watched us cautiously.

"I'm sorry Sammy," I said to him. "But you don't get rid of us that easy." I smiled a tentative smile at him when he looked surprised. Maybe we would get over it all, one day, maybe. But for now, we had to stick together, we had to stay strong. There was a war coming, if we didn't, we wouldn't make it. That much I knew was true.

Bobby came wandering into the gym, a troubled look on his face. He tossed an ice pack to Dean, who accepted it with a grateful smile, holding it over his swollen eye. I got back to my feet, pulling Sam up beside me. We all looked over at the only father we had left.

"What is it Dad?" Cole asked, seeing the look on her father's face.

"You guys ever hear of a hunter named Steve Wandell?" Bobby asked, looking at Dean and Sam in particular. We all stiffened at the name.

"Why do you ask?" Dean questioned, avoiding giving a direct answer.

"Just heard from a friend. Wandell's dead. Murdered in his own house. You wouldn't know anything about that?" Bobby said, crossing his arms.

"No, sir, never heard of the guy," Dean lied, and Sam startled.

"Dean..." Sam said, doing his usual need to be honest number.

"Good." Bobby said in response to Dean's lie. "Keep it that way. Wandell's buddies are looking for someone or something to string up, and they're not going to slow down to listen to reason. You understand what I'm saying?"

We all exchanged knowing looks and nodded, nothing further was said.

"Well, we'd better hit the road," Dean said, "Get away from here for a bit." He looked over at Sam. "That's if you can remember where you parked the car." Dean's serious face smirked at Sam, who looked chagrined.

"Here, take these," Bobby said, handing over a couple of amulets to the boys. I glanced at them, and pulled my rosary out – they were the same as the pendant Dean had hung off my cross last year.

"What are they?" Sam asked, he'd never been privy to the conversation Dean and I had.

"Charms. They'll fend off possession," Bobby said, and he handed one to Cole too. "That demon's still out there; this'll stop it from getting back up in you."

Dean smirked, and it was good to see him smile. "That sounds vaguely dirty, but uh, thanks." Dean said, nodding.

"You're welcome. You kids be careful now," Bobby said, nodding at us.

"You too," I said quietly, and Bobby gave me a sad look. I braved a smile for him, plastering it across my face, even though it was the last thing on earth I felt like doing. I could cry later.

---

Impala

I was lying down on the back seat, using Dean's leather jacket as a pillow – I loved the smell, of the leather, and the faint scent of his deodorant, fresh like the air after a good rain fall. My eyes were closed, and yet I could still feel Sam's gaze on me as I lay there, pretending to be asleep.

"You ok?" Dean asked Sam, and there was no answer. "Sam? Is that you in there?" Dean asked jokingly, bringing everything back to humour. I had to stop from smiling because I was meant to be asleep, and I was feeling a little awkward with Sam's staring, but I smiled internally at his silly comments.

"I was awake for some of it Dean," Sam said quietly. "I watched myself kill Wandell with my own two hands; I watched myself attack Cole, and … I watched myself throw Beth across that room like she was nothing more than a ragdoll Dean."

Dean said nothing at first, and there was the steady hum of the road beneath us.

"That must have been awful," Dean said eventually.

Sam sighed. "That's not my point. Dean, I almost carved up Beth. Even then, you wouldn't shoot."

"It was the right move, Sam, it wasn't you," Dean said, and I agreed with him. No matter what the situation, it was at least one thing we would always agreed on.

"God why aren't you angry? I killed the baby Dean!" Sam said, distraught. "If you'd just shot me then Beth would be ok, and so would the baby."

"Yeah, well you said the same thing about Dad too – you could have shot him." Dean said back at him.

"Yeah, and I made a mistake! Look at what it's done to us Dean, to our family! I should have shot him when I had the chance, this yellow-eyed demon would be dead, and Beth would be ok, the baby... you would be ok."

"I'm fine Sam," Dean said levelly at him, but his voice was too steady for that to be true, he was covering up his real feelings big time.

"Yeah right," Sam muttered.

"And what about next time?" He asked after a pause.

"Sam, when Dad told us that we might have to kill you, it was only if we couldn't save you. Now, if it's the thing we do, we're going to save you."

There was a pause, and I heard Dean chuckle.

"What?" Sam asked him, confusion in his voice.

"Nothing," Dean said dismissively.

"Dean, what?!" Sam pushed.

I peeked through one eye to see Dean shift a little to glance back at me. I closed my eyes and continued to pretend I was asleep.

He snickered after a moment, something obviously making him laugh.

"Dude," Dean said finally. "You... you like full-on had a girl inside you for like a whole week." He laughed quietly, probably trying not to wake me. "That's pretty naughty."

There was pause and I opened my eyes long enough to see Sam's frown crumble at the comment, and then they both laughed. I smiled briefly, forgetting the last few days, I could almost pretend they hadn't happened when I was in the back of the car like this, on the road to nowhere. Almost, but not quite. I closed my eyes for real this time and let sleep come, tomorrow was another day and we'd get through it just like we did any other day.

---

AUTHOR'S NOTES

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Dedicated to my beautiful little niece Ella Faith, born sleeping June 2012. And to my niece (2011) and nephew (2013), also lost but unnamed. RIP.

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Big thanks to EarthhAngel for all her help proofreading, beta reading, and just being a sounding board for ideas :) You're the best! xoxo

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The song for this chapter is: I want you here by Plumb

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Please don't hate me! I have been agonising over this chapter for weeks now – I didn't want it to go down like this, but it's just the way the story is leaning to. Sometimes the stories write themselves, I don't always plan them to come out the way they do. This whole pregnancy storyline is one of those things. I promise, they do get a baby later on! It's just not their time right now :(

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Next up, I'm going to try my hand at Tall Tales but I have no idea how it's going to go down yet!

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Don't forget, if you're confused as to who Cole is, check out EarthhAngel's story How to save a life , also here on Fan Fiction. We're hoping to have a new update for it very soon.

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P.S. Pretty please don't hate me! I'll make it up to you, I swear!

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P.P.S. Thank you to everyone who left reviews or PM'ed me over the last chapter - I apologise I haven't had a chance to respond to everyone individually at the moment, but I will get around to it at some point! I always welcome your thoughts and contributions :) Mahalo :)