Chapter. 3
Noise filled my head and my eyes shot open, taking in the dim lighting and my glowing phone screen. I rose, scrambling to get out of my sheets and stand. Mags was right, the nightmares were heightening. I swallowed, eyeing the clothes pre-picked out -several hours going into it- and I stoically walked into the bathroom, forcing my thoughts to stay numb. I stood underneath the shower, the probably-too-hot water making my sagging face brighten and the bags underneath my eyes temporarily vanish. I got out, careful that I didn't let the water touch my hair, and I stood in front of the mirror. I couldn't do this. I needed to tell my aunt that I was going back to bed and we'd try again tomorrow. But I said that yesterday... I promised her I would today. I closed my eyes, grabbing the sink and breathed. This was the deal. I had too. Yesterday my aunt could have called my mother and told on me, but she spared my ass and calmed me down, agreeing to let me stay home the first day of school and binge Nexflix. She had called into work and stayed with me in fuzzy pajamas. It was nice. Nice spending so much time with her lately. I couldn't admit that to her face and I hoped she liked spending time with me as well. Breath. I shook off the rising panic in my head and went into my room. Firstly, I made my bed, using that as a distraction and told myself school was just like making a bed. I couldn't find the reasoning in that but it gave me comfort. I reached for the black skinny jeans, they had the perfect amount of stretch and had spots that made them look worn. I put on a burgundy swooped neck top on, the material like bunny fur and it fell off my shoulders a tad, admittedly I didn't mind it. The color was my all time favorite which made me decide to wear it. It was the little things that gave me the biggest comfort. I grabbed the boots my aunt saw me drooling over at the store and added a pair of soft boot socks to go with it. I grabbed a jacket just in case it rained, putting it in my messenger bag and lastly put on a simple bronze necklace with flat pea-sized medallions on it and matching metallic earrings. I sat in front of the vanity and took my time with my make-up, hesitating as I added foundation and blush. I wasn't going to give into stupid social pressures and just wear my usual mascara and eyeliner but the longer I stared at my face -the slight uneven skin tone and the four or five acne blemishes- I gave in, hating myself. I pinned back my bangs and let my hair hang loose in curls down my back. I looked at myself, the anxiety pouring out of my green and dark caramel eyes. I ripped my stuck legs off the floor, forcing one foot in front of the other. My aunt was already up, in the kitchen, busying herself with breakfast. She grinned as I became known, her voice "awww"-ing as if it was my first day of the second grade. I felt like I was going to puke. My mouth opened into a plea and she held up a spatula, raw eggs splattering and her face didn't even flinch.
"Charlotte, you're going to march into that school, find all your classes and rock it in your new outfit and sexy face." She stated, her face serious with eyebrows arched.
"O...Okay." I hung my head and she came around the kitchen table, her face softening with a smile.
"You'll do great baby. Are you ready?" She looked into my face until the tears slowly went back into their hiding places and I nodded. She handed me the keys and I eyed her, my eyebrows raising.
"I asked my friend to pick me up in the mornings," she darted over to the stove, swearing. "You don't need a crazy old lady driving you to school. You got this."
Before I let my mind rush up and stop my sudden impulsive action, I ran over and put my arms around her quickly, barely putting any pressure but long enough to hear her gasp and smell her shampoo. I jumped away half a second later, my body shocked and I booked it out the front door. I started the Durango and carefully drove to the hellhole.
I felt my heart wheeze like an old bagpipe in my chest, my palms were sweaty and red sirens flashed in my head, telling me to abort. A massive group of kids passed me, the energy radiating from them nauseating. I watched them cross the street and into the high school. The music I had playing in the vehicle was just a bunch of fuzz in my screaming thoughts. I put my hand on the door handle, my fingers shaking and my nails chewed up like a dog bone. The school was bigger than the last time I saw it -a quick drive by late at night- filled with light and the doors swinging back and forth. I reached over, grabbing my bag and finally climbed out. I squeezed the strap, feeling the tender tips of my fingers shoot sharp pain up my arm. I walked slowly, in my mind's eye, the school growing further and I shrunk, feeling like a ant drowning in an ocean. More teenagers came up from behind me, ignoring my awkward scuttle to the left, and kept my head down. They hurried in front of me, talking about classes and laughed loudly. I knew I would have to get a map from the office, it would save me the embarrassment from asking every teacher I see. I eyed my schedule, seeing I only had one elective this trimester and that was photography. I thought of the upcoming fall season and found comfort in that, my mind tantalized by taking a camera to the trees.
I felt the doors become closer, the crowd thickening and I made myself as little as possible. I waited impatiently at the doors, the breath and body heat from the other students crushing me. I saw my chance and took it, speed walking into the commons area.
It was definitely nicer than my old school. Metal beams painted a deep red crossed the ceiling and the skylight beyond that showed the clear sky. An off-gold color was painted on cement pillars that connected to the metal above and the stairs leading up to the upper part were metal as well, slightly worn. The commons parted into two massive hallways on either side -I imagined myself zooming in and out of them- and straight ahead was the cafeteria, kids lining up for breakfast with some benches and tables pulled out. The school colors were burgundy and gold, the only good thing about this place. And the school mascot was a knight. I already knew all of the dances and activities were probably going to be medieval themed and if they weren't planned by a shitty student council, I would have been more excited. On the walls were stuff about the Founding Fathers and the pride of Berkley High. Another group of kids came in and I shuffled myself to the office, seeing a couple parents and several kids waiting in chairs. I fought back the panic and slowly approached an office lady who looked decently calm.
"Um," I began and she looked up, her eyes examining me. "Uh. I'm new and I was wondering-" she held up a hand, cutting me off and I bit back the temper that inflamed from her rudeness.
"Sit, please. We'll get to you in a moment." Was all she said and looked back down.
"Thanks." I muttered and took a sit awkwardly next to a girl with a similar bored/pissed expression. I didn't know how long it took for the ladies to call us up, but it was enough time to bore the stress right out of me. I watched the teachers and staff run in and out, papers being made up and questions being half-shouted. I jumped as the bell for school started and I looked down at my first class. Rasmussen for government. I sighed and the girl next to me -who I had totally forgot because she had the energy of a dying turtle- sighed heavily after me and I looked at her from the corner of my eye. Please don't.
"New?" she said half a second later, taking my sign of acknowledgment as a conversation starter instead of surprise. My heart fell and I gave an internal groan.
"Yeah, you?" I forced, trying not to be crabby.
"Yeeup. It's ridiculous they make us wait for escorts. They do it to be nice but we're old enough to find a couple damn classes. Ya know?"
I paused and right on cue student council members came from the backroom, getting done with the morning announcements that had gone into one ear and out the other.
"What? Can I just get a map?" Panic made my voice thin. She looked over at me with question.
"Dude no, were you not here yesterday? It's the first three days you'll get picked up and dropped off." She stood, a finger being curled at her. "Good luck, maybe I'll see ya around." She shrugged coolly and my stomach dropped. Someone dressed in an obvious student council cardigan -school initials, graduating year, shield embroidered on the back- went with her, friendly and upbeat. I shook my head, getting up and walked over to the same lady.
"Ma'am, can I just get a map please? I'm fine without an escort." I said a tad louder and she looked up at me again, processing my words.
"Sorry, dear. It's something Berkley High likes to do; the student council has been doing it for over a decade. We like to give new knights a warm welcome by the spirit and heart of our school," she sounded like a recording system. "Have a good day and we'll see you here again tomorrow morning." She dismissed me and I stared at her for a tad to long, letting her bullshit speech sink in. What the hell was this place?
"Charlotte?" I flinched, turning around and seeing an expectant teenager girl eye me awkwardly. "I'll be escorting you to your first hour, if you'll follow me please." She smiled, having a print out of my classes in her hand. I swallowed dryly and nodded, to shy and to cowardly to say no. I followed her into the deserted commons area, keeping a step behind her. On her cardigan it stated she was the vice president, she seemed nice, waving to everyone she saw in the halls and didn't put any pressure to talk to me. We stopped at the end of the hall, looking in, people were still out of their chairs, the teacher getting the material ready from his desk. I exhaled heavily and we entered.
"Dayumm Katie!" someone from the back said and my eyes widened, the girl rolled her eyes but smiled, turning to me.
"Don't talk to Shrek, he'll try to smell your hair and give you awkward demeaning compliments." She said sweetly but for the entire class to hear. Shouts and laughs erupted and "Shrek" gave her a shake of his head, shutting up and chuckling.
"Alright, alright, settle." Rasmussen came around, seemingly light-hearted about it, and my face deepened in color as he extended his hand. I took it silently and endured the polite exchange.
"Charlotte, right?" He looked at me and I nodded. "Nice to have you here. I'm Mr. Ras, don't bother with the whole name. Glad you could show up." He teased and I was lost for a response. Katie smiled at me, explaining someone else would be here to pick me up and to have a nice day. I shied away from the front of the room, taking a step back while the teacher looked at a seating chart.
"Alrighty, Charlotte, we'll put you right here." He pointed to the third row and I nodded, making my way past backpacks and tried not to trip. I sat down tensely, feeling the looks from everyone else. I didn't breath until Ras spoke, his boisterous voice capturing the room. I relaxed a tad, trying to focus.
"Psst... hey girl... hey curls!" I slowly turned, my hand coming up to my hair. A big cheesy grin was looking back at me, a massive tree of a guy leaned over the desk, his lips smacking together.
"How you doin'?" He gave me another up-and-down look and indignation filled my face with red hot coals. I flipped around, looking straight ahead. I couldn't believe asshole's like that still existed. I couldn't think of a witty comeback to say to him, like Katie did, and I boiled instead the rest of the hour.
The bell rung and relief flooded through me, the group of guys got up, laughing and talking about things I tried to zone out. I put my notebook away -notes had turned into doodles- and I got up, thinking about my next class when another student member popped in as promised.
"What's up baby?" Shrek said in another voice and I flinched at how loud he was.
"Shreky baby!" The guy came over, giving him a slap on the back. I wanted to puke. I stood up, looking at the guy with impatience. They talked about how both of their summers went and all the parties they were excited about. I awkwardly cleared my throat and the guy -Zack or something- shook hands with the mammoth and we walked outside. I got a quick catcall from the bastard and I kept my eyes forward, my hands shaking.
"Sorry about that," he smiled, his thoughts were still on their conversation. "I'm Curtis by the way, one of the Homeroom Rep's." He gave me a friendly I'm-calm-now smile.
"I'm Charlotte," I choked out. "We're going to Mrs. Richards." I added, and he nodded, changing directions. We headed up the stairs, seeing another member drop off a newbie.
"Yo! Saunders! Wait up suga'!" the guy catcalled him and he gave me a short wave. I ignored them and walked into the class, seeing everyone much more calmer and less involved with each other. The girl from the front office was here and she gave me a smile. I gave a polite one back and went to the teacher. We went through the same spill and told me to sit in the front row. I quietly took my seat, pulling out a different notebook for my financial literature class. Math was by far my worst class and I tried my best with keeping up with the material. I liked the teacher too, she seemed very caring and sweet, easily calming down the students when the few got rowdy. I felt the stares of a few, everyone curious about the new girl. I was pretty sure the girl on the other end of the room was getting the same vague looks. I made my shoulders relax, making the gawks irrelevant and my mind wondered, melancholy memories of my old school and friends tugged at the back of my mind. The different person I was back then and the drastic change. I wondered what my senior year would be like, if I had decided to stay with Mom and finish my schooling there. I would be around similar faces for sure. The school memorized in my head and knowing all the in and outs with each teacher. But I would be treated like a China doll, everyone slow and careful with me. I would just be equally alienated here as I would there. With the exception of my change being accepted here because no one knew me and what happened. I dropped my pen, my thinking going to far and I quickly picked it up, getting several glances. My face quickly brightened and I stayed extra-sensitive of my movements for the rest of class.
"Alright, alright," Richards cooed, shutting off the PowerPoint she had up. "You guys can talk for the last ten minutes." I visibly deflated. In cases like this, I came prepared. I pulled out my book I started reading during the weekend, clearly giving all the curious eyes a "Uh nothaxkbyee" banter over my head and dug into the page. I couldn't truly focus, too much was racing in my mind but I was content on reading the same three sentences over and over again until the bell rang. I put it away, a curtain of hair falling in my eyes.
"Charlotte right? That's a name I haven't heard in a while." I perked up, realizing the teacher was standing by me. I flushed and pulled my hair out of my eyelashes and mouth.
"Y-yeah. It's pretty archaic I suppose."
Mrs. Richards laughed, giving a what-can-ya-do shrug. She was full-bodied with a crazy mane of blonde hair and a loud but contagious laugh. She adjusted her glasses, looking up and smiling at the person who entered.
"Well, how ya doin' Mr. President?" She grinned, coming around and I peeked my head over my shoulder, momentarily caught off guard as I recognized the face.
"Oh, not to bad. The office is in a frenzy but nothing we can't handle." I heard the confidence in his voice and a giggle-something response from the teacher. Ugh. I shivered, standing up and adjusting my bag over my shoulder. The rest of the students were gone and the quietness made it more awkward.
"Oh, before you leave, lets go over the rubric I handed out yesterday. I do things differently than most teachers," she paused and glanced at the president. "I'll write you both an excuse." She added for the tardy we both would have.
"Oh no worries, Hyde will understand." More confidence. I stayed silent, waiting impatiently by her desk. Papers and a dimmed laptop sat on a metal desk, pictures of her family and friend decorated it with a "Welcome back, Dawn!" plant with signatures around the card. Probably from the student council and I secretly found that endearing. Why couldn't the new students just get a plant with a map tucked in the dirt? In fact, ditch the pant. Just the freaking map. I rolled my shoulders, telling myself to stay chill. Richards came around and a zap went up my spine as she put a hand on my shoulder. I let out a noise of surprise and she blinked, casually letting it go. I went to give a shitty excuse like, "Oww. Sowrry! Shoulder, hurt!" but she let it drop. She opened a cabinet, pulling out a disclosure and I took another glance at the other teenager in the room. His hair was styled differently than what I saw in the photos, remembering them on Dustin's mantel. It was an faux-hawk with a tail; a medium fade on both sides, allowing the top part and his back to be a couple inches longer, the black waves nicely styled like a modern softer Mohawk. It was near punkish. His face remained the same, the mature structure; filled with cheekbones, a wide jaw and strong eyebrows and a nicely cut nose. But his eyelashes remained sooty and long, the lips damn near pouty in fullness. Ugh. I was doing the same thing even a forty-something year old teacher couldn't help but to do. Ogling him. I refused to be apart of it and I tore my eyes away from his face. He looked like a model sitting down; acting moody and perfect for a secret camera. I rolled my eyes and focused on the paper in front of me.
"But, the tests are eighty-percent of your grade," that was the crusher right there. She must have saw my face drain of blood because she nervously chuckled. "You'll do fine. I give you two chances to come back in and retake the tests."
"But only if I have all of my assignments in, all of them higher than a C." I murmured, and she blinked at me, caught off guard by the graveness in my voice.
"You'll do great. If you feel like you need extra help, we have an amazing tutoring system. Before and after school; our student council even helps run it." She shot the last part to what-his-face and I prickled, indignation making a knot between my shoulders.
"I'll pass." I hissed between my teeth and she missed the venom in my voice. Thankfully. I didn't want to be a bitch to the teacher that practically held my diploma in her hands. I would bust balls at this class. I made it solidify mentally in my brain, taking it in. I nodded, sighing and neatly folded up the paper and put it in the front pocket of my bag.
"Um, thank you for going over that with me. Sorry for missing class yesterday." I said a tad louder, making sure she heard me and she beamed back at me.
"You're so welcome, Charlotte. Don't hesitate to ask any questions, we have a pretty calm class this tri and it'll make the one-on-one learning process a lot easier." She was a wise lady; obviously I reeked worry and she tried her best to reassure me. I gave a strong nod, knowing I'd take advantage of help during class. But not the after/before class bullshit. She gave me another grin and then turned to a piece of paper.
"What's your class, hun?" She asked me and I stumbled out my next teachers name.
"And you, Don?" I remembered Dustin, his uncle, calling him Donnie. I assumed that was short for Donovan.
"Same, we're both going to Hyde." He stood, a full foot taller than me and walked over. She handed him the note, telling us to have a good day and he gave back a cheery response and I offered a shy wave. He ran a hand through his hair, the barely-gelled piece's of hair so drastic against his fair knuckles and fingers. He had to have some Sweden in him; his entire family had the light eyes/dark hair combo the world lost their shit over. I thought of his uncle; they really could be father and son. Both had the jaw and forehead. The lighter skin and more feminine features had to be from the mother. I wondered which sister that was, my mind going through the family pictures. I shook my head, looking over the railing and focusing on the posters and flyers hung up on the walls as we descended the stairs. I used the railing, not trusting myself to put my hands in my pockets and look like a overrated badass like a certain someone did. I blinked, taken off guard by the bitterness I had for him. He hadn't even said a word to me. Why was I so nasty? I was pissed off with the school and projected my emotions. I forced the bitch-knot between my shoulders to relax, calming down and letting out a deep breath quietly. Some students who were in the halls paused half a step, their eyes brightening when they looked at him. He casually stopped, angling his body towards me.
"This is Charlotte. She's new; from Colorado correct?" It was the first time he had addressed me and the two students looked over at me, waiting and looking friendly.
"Um, yes. Moved here during the summer." I spitted out and they smiled, nodding.
"Well, we're (so-and-so). It's great to have so many new students. How are your classes so far?"
All eyes on me. My brain immediately went to the crowded hallways, cat calling assholes, the shitty grading system and the overall irritation people gave me. "It's going great, lovely building and pretty chill people." They smiled and seemed pleased. Donovan's eyes -a stark color of dark blue- were flat though when I looked at him. I swallowed back the look I wanted to give him and we parted ways. Hyde's class seemed further down, made sense since it wasn't a core class, and the longer we walked the more the tension built. What was up with the sudden attitude from earlier? Jeez. I saw students stare as we walked by, the girls faces lit up as they looked at him -taking in his medium athletic build and the black hole-in-one-knee fitted jeans and the student council cardigan that looked better on him than it should- and I made a face unknowingly, looking at the floor. Maybe it was just because he was pretty that I didn't like him. I wasn't necessarily jealous -maybe his perfect anime-nose got to me compared to my wide one but I brushed it off- but I think it was because that two years ago I was exactly the same way. Worshipping the pretty people. He reminded me of my past shallowness and the things I would do to get attention from them. I hated it that I had to admit he was even prettier of the pretties. I shook off my edge, feeling the crease between my eyebrows and checked my phone while we walked across the other side of the school. Our feet echoing in the empty halls and thumbing my screen, seeing two missed calls from Mom. Whoops. I went to call her out of panic and then realized I was with someone and already late for class. Dammit. I put it back in my butt pocket and we turned finally into a little classroom. New computers were laid out against a wall, desk filling the rest but in the back -leading to a thankfully bigger space- had different machines and devices for the photo process. The cameras, big chunky things that professionals used, were laid out like offering to a god on a desk with cubbies for them. The students were bent over, the chatting to a minimum and the teacher sat behind his own desk, eyeing us.
"Saunders!" Someone barked from the back and he drifted away from me, leaving me with the grumpy-faced teacher.
"Glad you could join us, Ms. Mecham," he gave me the stink eye and I flinched. "I expect perfect attendance from now on, understood?"
I swallowed. "Yes, sir." I said like a small child.
"And you Saunders," he pointed a gnarled finger at him. "Don't think you can get away with being so late. Three are all you get before I dock your citizenship." He narrowed his sharp brown eyes and I followed his finger, seeing Donovan stand up with the get-out-of-jail card in his hands.
"We were with Richards." He stated, holding his eye. "Won't happen again." He murmured and I felt instantly soothed by his voice. His jeweled blue eyes that blazed were a different story. I could sense the history between the two, I wondered what happened but kept my curiosity to myself. Hyde was older, looking like an old crow with his dark eyes and graying black hair and a tall hunched body. But sharp and intelligent looking nonetheless.
"Class, this is Charlotte Mecham, I expect everyone to treat her with the respect we give everyone at Berkley High," his eyes narrowed and thought I saw him glaring at Donovan. "Would you like to introduce yourself? Tell us some things?" He looked at me expectedly and even though it was put into a question, I knew I couldn't say no.
My mind went utterly blank and I felt my heartbeat rise, humming in the back of my mind. I rattled off the first three things that came to mind, "I moved here from Colorado, I live with my aunt and I hate pineapple." I froze, mouth snapping together and my knees locked. Everyone just kind of nodded, some probably giving me weird looks like, "Who hates pineapple?" and I turned my head away, begging the teacher with my eyes to let me sit. He seemed satisfied with my obvious discomfort and flipped open his seating chart.
"Since you and Pres are so chummy, let's have you sit behind him for now." He gave me a bitter smile and I robotically turned and shuffled past the students. I plopped down behind him, him completely uninterested and I put my head in my hands, staring at the wood pattern on the desk. What an ass! my temper flew and I had to take more breaths. He did that to punish me for being late and missing tomorrow. I glared, my eyebrows roping together and I had to count to fifty before I could look up and focus. He was ranting about something that was completely irrelevant to camera's and the class has glazed over. I looked around, seeing the new faces. I saw another student council member, Katie, and her eyes kept flicking over. At first it made me uncomfortable and then I realized who was sitting in front of me and rolled my eyes. Several other people kept glancing over as well and it was going to get on my nerves. I pulled out my notebook, getting lost in the doodles again. I heard the chair in front of me creak and suddenly a low voice was demanding my attention. I blinked, looking up and a pair of startling blue eyes -to close for comfort- made me shoot backwards and I dropped my pen, again. I swore and Donovan gave me a look. I glared harder, feeling my cheeks flame and I bent over to retrieve it.
"What?" I asked, trying to cool my features.
"I said, "look over there". Do you recognize him?" He gestured coolly with his shoulder and I followed the direction. Sitting in the front row, body craned entirely around was a familiar face I had made myself forget about. I saw him bend over and pull off his shoe, and then smack his face with it and pretend to fall over. I had to cover my mouth, an unexpected laugh bubbling out and several of the students -smiling and confused- looked around to see who the hell he was talking too. I felt a weird feeling crawl up my skin and a warm blush covered my face as Nick bowed his head like a puppy and let the teacher yell at him for being a class clown. I shuffled, snapping out of it when several people eyed me suspiciously and Donovan's perplexed face wanted to grill me a thousand questions with what just happened. I was still in shock he actually went out of his way to get my attention; I didn't even see him. I couldn't help but to stare the rest of the hour, he kept his head down and pouted from being scorned. He wore a long sleeve shirt and I think the same pair of khaki skinny jeans from the mall when we had our "interesting" encounter. I recalled the bruise I had on my temple from the damn shoe being thrown at me. His hair was cut, maybe as a back-to-school thing, and he had the sides short, the front spiked and pulled up into a styled fohawk.
Nervousness thrummed in the back of my head as the class continued, I assumed he wanted to talk to me after it was over, after putting on such an interesting little skit about the mall. Oddly, I still had that fuzzy feeling. I rehearsed several ways of greeting him, my mind coming up with little scenarios and I began twisting the ring on my finger. I did breathing exercises, trying to cool my warm face. Dammit, Charlotte get your shit together. I gave myself a small pep talk, looking straight a head and found Donovan's head in the way. He absentmindedly hummed, a low sound from the back of his throat and he stared at the brick wall next to us, searching it as if it held the meaning to life. Wierdo. I thought about Dustin's mantel, filled with pictures of him and his assumed-sister. I vaguely wondered if she went here as well and if she had people fawning over her just like her sibling did. I craned my head around his, finding a spot between his shoulder and head that I could see the board. He had a rubric up, going over each of the terms we were going to begin learning. He was actually teaching now. I pulled out my notebook after he announced we would be turning these in at the end of the week and began jotting them down. I focused, Nick being pushed back to the side of my brain and I continued with my routine of stretching my neck over Donovan's head and shoulder, getting an eyeful, writing it down and continuing. I was thankful to be in the back, no one could see the weird up and down thing I was doing and plus I didn't have to put up with annoying people in the middle. The very front was preferred, because I focused more directly but this time I was thankful. I had a feeling Hyde didn't like me, even though it was only the first day in class, I felt like he put a target on my back. He snapped several times at students for talking, at a couple of idiots in the middle and I respected he didn't put up with shit. Maybe I'd fade into the background as the trimester went on, more fitting kids taking up my slot as a bad student.
I knew only last year I was that student, the one acting out and getting sent out to the hall for laughing and talking. I was never an ass to the teacher directly but my socialness was a problem; I needed attention from all of my peers. The acceptance and affection I didn't get at home driving me to get it from my friends. I eyed Donovan, recalling my thoughts earlier about him. I'd definitely make it a goal to win someone like him over. I was glad I wasn't that way anymore, granted it wasn't a willing transition full of self-reflection, but ripped out and tossed away. Like the other good qualities I had. My care-free attitude stripped and my general ambition and strong character weathered. I was a pile of skin and crippling insecurities and self-hatred. My mind began to fade, my hand slowly put the pen down and I stared at the corner of the desk, the familiar weight settling on my shoulders. A cold companion that traveled with me since I woke up in the hospital. Oh god, those haunting walls.
My brain went into overdrive and I was suddenly aware of the tears on my cheek, my trembling hands and sound rushed back in.
"Hey," the whisper smacked my eardrums and my hand came up to my cheek. "You okay?" it was the student across from me, her eyes full of confusion. She awkwardly handed me tissue and I batted it away, humiliation and indignation filling me up.
"No, no thanks." I cleared my throat and turned my face to the brick wall, folding my arms and going into myself. Fucking hell, Mecham. I gently patted the tears away, shyly trying to look at my phone to clear up any make-up smudges. Suddenly deft fingers were on my phone, angling it down.
"There," our eyes collided, my hot hazel mess against his collected and smarted cobalt. "Got some mascara or some shit." He muttered. I pulled my phone away and glared but still let my fingers rise and wipe it away. He looked at me for a second longer, his eyes flickering over my face before turning back around. I glowered at the back of his head for the remaining couple minutes of class, hating it that he helped me. I didn't need his help. Or anyone's.
The bel rung and my heart raced, Nick invading my thoughts and I began packing up my stuff. I gave myself one last check, pretending I was checking something and it was like crying in the middle of class was just some vague dream I had. For now, I'd let myself think that. I refocused, aware of the people starting to hover over by Donovan's desk; Katie came over, her eyes honed on him and a couple other girls playing it cool though you could see in their eyes they were aware of the competition.
"You're new, right?" One of them piped up and I reddened.
"She's from Colorado dumbass," another one said and everyone chuckled. "You don't listen."
"No, you're fine," I made my voice clear, looking at the embarrassed girl. "I didn't speak very loud anyways." I offered a small smile.
Abruptly, the sound of metal against metal broke out and a mouth full swear words followed. Donovan shot up, like a mother watching her child fall off the swings at a park.
"What the hell, Nick?" Someone laughed from the back and I perked up, seeing him in the middle of the two desks that were toppled over. He blinked, sitting up and I looked away, seeing his shirt rise up, the skin and muscle underneath his shirt was unsettling... and impressive. I swallowed.
"I tried to jump from desk to desk and then I just kinda," he made crashing noises and his facial expressions made everyone laugh, even Donovan. "I was a rush to get over here." I felt his eyes on me as he stood, grabbing Donovan's hand.
"Thanks, Donnie." He smiled, patting his friends shoulder. Donnie, that's what Dustin had called him. I awkwardly stood, knowing it was lunch. I remembered the sack lunch I had brought with me and wondered if I should attempt to eat it at all.
"Um, hey," Nick came around and I froze in place. He grinned at me and my eyes -still puckered from crying though unnoticeable- searched his tanned and light face. The Indian in him showed in the simple high-raised planes on his face, the barely-visible scruff and his almond eyes, the eyelashes fine and hooded. I breathed, smiling back and fiddled with the strap on my bag. His smile was the crowing feature, well maintained and oh-so contagious and massive. I cleared my throat, clearing my thoughts. I was sexualizing him. He was a human being, filled with thoughts that went deeper than his fine face. He didn't need to be ogled at.
"Hey, I was hoping I'd run into you." It tumbled out and I blanched. I watched his expressions dance across his face like liquid. He looked shocked then pleased. Then shameful? I raised an eyebrow at him, wondering the sudden look of disappointment. Oh no. He didn't like it. I quickly opened my mouth, to somehow correct that.
"About the mall... I'm so sorry that happened. I know I was kidding about it earlier," he gestured back to his seat and I gave a humored smile. So much smiling. "But I'm just an ass and it really wasn't funny. Um, I had hoped you were going to come here, it seemed like you were going to say Berkley but then the whole shoe thing happened and I kinda darted off to get some damn ice. But you were gone and no one had asked for your number and then-" he must have seen my stunned face because he flushed and quit rambling. "Sorry. I promise I'm not a creep.
"You went to get some ice?" I asked, incredulous and he looked over my face, trying to tell if that was a good or bad expression. "I-I mean, I thought you were embarrassed. And so we just kind of left." I shrugged but my head was flipping on it's axis.
"Ha!" he snorted and I jumped a little from the noise. "No, of course not. I totally beat my friend's ass afterwards," he winked, flexing and my eyes widened. "I work out." He said in a faux-jock voice and I gave an unsure laugh, trying to avoid the bulge underneath his sleeve.
"Hey!" someone barked and a pencil smacked his face. "Let's go, put your arm down, we're all tired of watching you trying to be macho." It was Katie, her humor witty and dry. She meant it lightly though, her face in a half-smirk. She had a halo of soft red hair -more of a darker strawberry blonde- a pixie-like body and about my height. Pretty and petite, her eyes a wicked brown and a charming amount of freckles over her button-nose and soft cheeks. I admired her winged-eyeliner and perfect eyebrows.
My face colored further, and Nick's smile grew. "Alright, alright. Sorry, my ego get's the best of me." He dropped another wink and I rolled my eyes at him, knowing it typically would have turned me off. But he did it in such a light-hearted and joking way... he didn't pop his muscle to intimidate me or do it to have him fawn over his body. He liked the attention but he also enjoyed being a goof and getting laughs out of people.
"I'll see ya later." I quickly added, biting my lip back as soon as I said it. He seemed thrilled nonetheless and walked out with his friends, grabbing Katie's face and mimicked her earlier statement. Her hand came up and he jumped away, laughing like a maniac. I listened to the commotion they made going down the hall until it faded. I was surprised to see the desks put back into order, and even more so to see all of them realigned. I grunted, grabbing my books and headed down the hallway, my head spinning from so much. The cold weight on my shoulder was forgotten about as I made myself a mouse, melting through the gaps between each bunching of teenagers until I made it to the commons area and in the semi-sunny outside. I watched dumbass teenagers peeling out of the parking lot, horrified as I saw a car barely miss Mag's and mine beloved Bronco while trying to escape the parking lot. I quickly got in and re-parked back further. I then sat, listening to my music and eating my sandwich like a loser. Except instead of locking myself in the bathroom stall, I had a dandy car I could sit in contentment. I pushed back the seat, looking up at the ceiling and processing my day. Thinking about the light episode I had in class, being so embarrassed about that I flinched and mentally changed the subject, out loud calling myself stupid. Naturally they landed on Nick and I ruefully smiled with a mouthful of peanut butter and jelly.