Chapter 11~ Crash and Burn

Then I crashed into you,

And I went up in flames.

Could've been the death of me,

But then you breathed your breath in me.

And I crashed into you,

Like a runaway train.

You will consume me,

But I can't walk away.

Crashed~ Daughtry

~Edward~

"Come the fuck on, Edward! You've been in there for like a half hour…I gotta shower too, man!"

His fist hit my door repeatedly until I screamed, "Fuck off asshole, I'm done… Goddamn it." One final slam and the banging ceased. Can't a guy jerk off in peace in his own bathroom?

1.6 million dollars for a house with four bathrooms and none of the showers could be used simultaneously, otherwise the water pressure diminished to a meager trickle. Forget about flushing the goddamn toilets, or running the washing machine at the same time either.

Nice investment there, mom and dad.

I toweled off, running my fingers through my wet hair a few times before I crossed the room into the walk in closet. I scanned the green section of my shirts, before settling on a thin, dark green v-neck sweater, which was close to the shade of the hoodie, so I knew Bella would like it. And frankly, her liking it was all that was important at the moment.

My gaze darted to the Box-o-Bella stashed on the bottom shelf, and I knelt to lift the top. The smell of chocolate was pretty potent, and my dick hardened at the first whiff that hit my nose.

I was officially turned on by M&M's.

What. The. Fuck.

I had a shit load of time to kill before I had to be at Bella's and not a thing to do. On my dresser sat a little red-fringed toothpick that came spearing the pickle on my plate that afternoon. The same plate that shared the fries I fed Bella.

I fed her food. God, that was beautiful.

I tossed the toothpick in the box and made my way to my nightstand, pulling out Bella's Heaven lotion, quickly locking my door.

Twice in one night, and I was still unsatisfied.

I need to get laid.

After I washed my hands, I finished getting dressed, standing in the full length mirror for inspection. Was the sweater too much? Trying too hard? It's an outdoor party, for god sake. But everyone was coming from the dance, so I'd look underdressed if I put on a hoodie or something more casual.

This is what girls feel like before dates.

Completely nervous and anxious, I really wanted to ask Dad for a Xanax or a Valium, but he knew I would be drinking tonight and he would never agree to give me prescription drugs under those conditions. I even thought about delving into the bottle of Zoloft I still had in my top drawer, but it was outdated and likely expired by now. I was so fucking nervous.

And this wasn't even a date.

I was picking her up on foot to go to an after party for a dance that neither of us attended. It was not a date. Then why the hell was I so goddamn nervous? The whole day had me on edge, really. When we got to the game, I saved the row in front of us for her and her girls, knowing from past experience that seats filled up quickly, and I wanted her to sit near me and not some belligerent overzealous douchebags. I literally prayed that she would want to sit by me and my parents, and then when the Skank Squad showed up, I knew it was slim to none that she, or Alice in particular, would want to be around those bitches. It had to be gut wrenching for Alice to watch my brother dick around with sweet, but incredibly dimwitted Makenna.

But Bella came up anyway, nearly losing her pretty front teeth in the process as she climbed the bleachers with a smile. She looked adorable in her blue sweater and Converse, which I had never seen on her before. Usually she had on little girlie shoes or sexy heels. Not to say I didn't absolutely love the stiletto boots, but it proved that she could look just as hot casually dressed.

She sat directly in front of me, letting my knees touch her back and allowing the occasional foot brush against her thigh, which is probably the closest I would ever get to actually touching her. I gave her my hat, and God she smelled amazing, like chocolate and Heaven and girl. And hell if I wasn't noticing things like shoes, and girlie smells and highlights and natural beauty.

Strike me dead now… maybe I am gay after all.

I fed her fries and stole her ice cream. She was beautiful when she laughed, the two of us watching the mayhem that surrounded us at that table. I swear it was like we were the only ones who weren't about to explode. Well let me rephrase that. I was always about to explode, but for entirely different reason all together.

But if I had any doubts, they were laid to rest this afternoon. Bella reciprocated my feelings for her. She blew me another kiss as she left. She could barely speak when I asked her if she wanted to walk over to Paul's with me. My mother said she was smitten with me and while all this made me ecstatic…it made me want to puke my guts out. How was I going to tell her?

So Bella, um, I like you, and you like me, but we can't be together until June 20th…of next fucking year, so let's just be friends for the next twenty one months. And I won't be telling you why. Oh, and I would appreciate it if you didn't talk to, look at or touch any other guys until then, because I will break their faces. Kthanx…

Fuck.

I was stressing over it big time. The one thing I wanted, to have her feel what I felt, and it was making me nauseated. She hadn't even confirmed it yet, but my mom said she knew just by the way Bella looked at me. Bella had it as bad as I did. Why did I not see it?

Opening the bag to take a deep whiff first, I then stashed the Ziplock full of weed in my inside coat pocket, and put three already perfectly rolled joints into a pack of Marlboro's, replacing three cigarettes. I desperately needed to get out of the house before my brothers left and my mother began embarking on her school event picture taking ritual. Standing there observing would just make me feel stupid and more ashamed than I already did, for not being able to participate in the night as it were. For not being able to be what I should be for Bella. For myself.

I could already hear the music blaring and banter between their bedrooms. I debated what I should do. It wasn't raining and I could probably hang out outside in my car, or just drive around aimlessly like a loser.

The song on Emmett's stereo reminded me that I hadn't used my guitar since we'd left Chicago. I just didn't have the desire to play until recently, and even then I was hesitant about bringing something out from my past, fearing it would conjure up a resurrection of Eddie Masen.

Hesitantly, I slid the black case from under the bed, opening the lid to make sure it was still intact from the move. The case was dusted off at least once a week, but had never ventured inside until tonight. Grandma and grandpa had given one to each us a few Christmases back, always looking to nurture our cultural potential. Em and Jazz still played theirs regularly. Gram and Gramps would be thoroughly disappointed knowing that I'd given up on that too. I made a mental note to call them tomorrow afternoon to say hello.

I clicked the light off in my room, leaving the balcony doors unlocked so I could get back in easily later on. Looping the pants hanger around my fingers, I grabbed my coat and the guitar case, stopping at Jasper's room. He was in his boxer briefs, shaking his ass to an entirely overplayed Black Eyed Peas song while finger combing his hair and making kissie faces at himself in the mirror.

"Bro…thank you," he said genuinely, as he held out his hands to my never worn Armani pants like they were an old friend. I was feeling oddly generous, maybe because I was grateful that he wasn't taking Bella with him.

"I swear to God, if you get Jazzy Jizz on my Armani's I will cut you. Get them dry cleaned before you return them to me please," I snapped. He rolled his eyes.

"Hey, you're coming to Paul's around what, ten?" he asked. I just nodded, turning to walk out the door. I sat on the top step of the stairs laughing and lacing up my boots as Jazz and Em began to insult each other again.

"Yo Em, you got any Trojan's I could use, bro? I'm out." Dad looked at me from the bottom of the stairs, shaking his head. I couldn't tell if he was proud that at least two of his boys were getting some, or if was entirely disgusted at the blatant lack of discretion. Jasper cackled, knowing that he was only taking this girl out to get in her pants. He was a slob. And part of me was jealous, I wouldn't lie. He had all these options, freedoms, choices that he completely took advantage of and I don't think he appreciated any of it.

I slipped on my gray pea coat and sprinted down the stairs. Dad patted my shoulder, handing me a handful of twenties and said, "Be good tonight." I nodded, thanking him, heading toward the kitchen exit. Mom was at the island, fiddling with her digital camera. She whispered that I looked handsome and told me she loved me as I bent to kiss her cheek.

The moon was huge and full; ghostly white slipping in and out of the clouds while casting long, luminescent shadows over the trees. I headed out to the driveway thinking that maybe I'd walk down to the river in back for some inspiration. The light of the moon reflecting over the water would be beautiful. As I took the path down, I stopped suddenly, changing directions, realizing the only inspiration I really wanted would need to come straight from the source. At the tree house, I could see Bella's room much closer than I could from my balcony, though when I got there, her window was dark.

The tree house looked eerie in the glowing light, almost intimidating. I planted my ass on Bella's yellow swing, unlocking the case, and lifting the guitar to my lap. I strummed a bit, tuning the instrument as it had not been touched in more than a year.

There was a song in my head that had been lingering for a week, and I knew I wanted to get it out. It was so goddamn Bella and me that it wasn't even funny. I sang the lyrics to Iris soft and low, engulfed by the meaning and the relevance to my own emotions, as the thrums of the strings against my fingers filled my body with peace. I found myself forgetting the anxiety and the nervousness, and calming down, almost melting into the music.

Until I heard the sudden odd sound of rattling and a thud followed by a distinctly female, "Oh shit!" which all of, by the way, made me jump and drop my guitar off of my lap. My heart was thudding loudly in my chest.

"Jesus, Bella!" I snapped, sharper than I should have as I righted the instrument back on my knees. She was visibly taken back from the expression on her face, and I softened my voice, "You scared the shit out of me."

"I'm sorry. I came back here to drop off provisions, and I heard you. I didn't want to interrupt." She leaned timidly against a tree with the strap of her purse hanging around her arm as she clutched a blanket and the culprit of the offensive rattling and thud. In her arms was the motherload of M&M's. The smile on my face actually hurt, it was so damn big. It was partially for her unexpected presence, and partly for the snacks she came bearing.

I nodded toward her arms. "Whatcha got there?"

Her face lit up, as she possessively clutched the bag to her chest, grinning smugly. "Treats." With my finger I motioned for her to come over. She sat on the swing next to me, laying the blanket and bag down on her lap, putting her purse in the grass beside her. She looked so pretty in the moonlight with the bluish haze casting a halo effect on her hair. She had on skin tight jeans and knee high boots that looked very uncomfortable.

"Nice coat," she said giggling.

"Thanks. When you told me you had a gray pea coat I thought it was funny."

"You can borrow my matching hat and gloves any time." I rolled my eyes.

"I had no idea you played the guitar. Can you play something else?" she asked. I wasn't prepared for an audience, and truthfully, I was so out of practice, I didn't really want her to hear me play until I was fine tuned.

I shuffled my feet, pushing the swing back slightly. "Uh…I'm really rusty….haven't played in a long time."

She shrugged her shoulders. "You sounded amazing to me. Your voice is beautiful." She looked down at the ground almost embarrassed by her admission.

"Alright…but I'll have to charge you," I said, averting my gaze downward as I began to strum.

"Charge me?" she screeched, drawing her head back. "Like in dollars?"

"No, like in treats." She chuckled, opening the bag. I took a small handful, popping a few at a time into my mouth.

"Any requests?"

"I dunno. Something current?" Her face scrunched up as she thought about it. I began to strum one of the few current songs that I knew I could pull off easily. I had always been able to take a tune and translate it straight onto the keyboard of the piano, and I had pretty much the same ability with the guitar. I was sort of embarrassed singing in front of Bella, but she seemed so eager and enthusiastic about the whole thing, I really couldn't tell her no. I never wanted to tell her no to anything, ever.

The first few words came out rough after the chocolate, so I stopped and cleared my throat, restarting.

Well I was moving at the speed of sound.

Head-spinning, couldn't find my way around, and

Didn't know that I was going down.

Yeah, yeah.

Her smile was huge and I tried not to make eye contact with her while I focused on the lyrics. I fucked up twice, but she and I laughed over it. My fingers were trembling, though playing was still comforting enough. When I finished she clapped and threw a handful of candy at me as I slid the guitar back in its case.

"What am I a fucking seal? You're rewarding me?" I asked playfully as I caught a few candies in my hand. I pulled out the pack of smokes in my pocket, slipping out the joint.

"You wanna smoke?"

She nodded her head ardently, clapping her hands to together. "Oh, wait I have something for you!" Bella turned, grabbing her purse from the ground as she rifled through it. She produced a small object with a tiny red bow sitting on top. She held it out to me, patiently waiting for me to retrieve it from her. I took it from her hesitantly, wondering what the hell it was, and why she would be giving me a present. Turning it in my hands, I couldn't really make out what it was. Her cell phone light blinked on as she held it over my palm. Her perfume was completely distracting as was her hair brushing my arm and I tried to pay attention to everything but her.

"It's a lighter and a game." She plucked the red bow off the top, pointing to the plastic cartridge. "See… you press the red button and the balls shoot out. You have to get them in the matching color grooves." She smiled proudly, moving her swing back a foot. My look on my face must have confused her, because her smile fell.

"You are always playing with your lighter. I thought you would like it."

"This is really great. Thank you," I said, truly meaning it. I pushed the button, watching the balls fly into the fluid, mesmerized not only by the novelty of the lighter, but her thoughtfulness. She giggled, happy that I liked it, I guess. I looked up at her, meeting her gaze, which she held for just a moment before her hand flew to her mouth chewing her nails.

I used my new lighter to ignite the joint. We passed it back and forth a few times until Bella announced she was good, at which point I snuffed it out the dirt. Bella and I were quiet for a while, enjoying the numbness and the buzz when she began to absently sing the Daughtry song I played for her.

"You sing really well," I said seriously. Her voice was sweet and high. She looked up at me rolling her eyes. "Your voice is pretty."

As is the rest of you.

"I can't sing for shit, E." She laughed. It was entirely possibly that she couldn't sing but I was blinded by what I felt for her. "I saw Emmett leaving before. He looked handsome. Rosalie is going to be out of her mind tonight. So is Alice, now that I think about it. Should be a fun dance," she snickered. I quirked an irritated eyebrow at the fact that she had said Em looked handsome. I mean, yeah, he was a good looking guy, but she didn't have to bring it up. I sucked the comment up, realizing that I was being stupid.

"Yeah, after today's fiasco, I'm almost sorry I'm missing all the action. But I'll give you a full run down on the outcome from the guys perspective tomorrow."

"So, does Jasper really like Makenna, or is he just hanging out with her for her intellect?"

"Uh…what do you think? Jazz is a dickhead when it comes to girls, but I'm pretty sure that's all a kind of defense mechanism to not get hurt. He had a serious girlfriend back in Chicago…"

"Jasper told me all about her. I was surprised. I mean Jasper doesn't seem like a one girl kind of guy. Alice doesn't have a shot in hell after her, does she?"

I exhaled, shrugging my shoulders. "I don't know." She nodded, twirling her swing around. "You don't have water in your giant purse, do you? I have the worst cotton mouth." My tongue and mouth were so parched I was cursing myself for not planning ahead.

She stopped twirling her swing to search the bag. "Nope, curling iron, cover up…boob tape…no water. Here's some gum, though." I took the stick from her, sliding it onto my mouth. Much better.

I asked with an eyebrow quirked, "Boob tape? Do I even want to know?"

"I helped Alice get ready…thought she might need to strap those bad boys in."

Jesus, it must suck to be a girl.

"E," she says cautiously, "where's Jasper and Emmett's mom? He was talking about his mom the other day, and I'm never sure if he means his birth mother or your mom. I mean, it's none of my business, so you don't have to tell me, I just felt awkward asking him." I debated for a second telling her, because I wasn't sure if I was my place. It wasn't a big deal, and I knew that if she asked Jasper, he would tell her without question. They were so little when it happened that neither of them hardly remembered her.

"Their mom, Elizabeth, died a long time ago. Jasper was like two years old and Em was maybe three and a half, I think." I tried to remember their exact ages. I had heard the story only a few times, as Elizabeth wasn't often mentioned around the house.

"Wow, they were just babies."

"Yeah, she was out in the yard with them and she just collapsed one afternoon. She had a brain aneurism and died like, right there. Thank God a neighbor saw it happen, otherwise Em and Jasper…well who knows what would have happened to them. Dad was working odd shifts at the hospital so he wasn't supposed to be home until the following night. Can you imagine two little kids all alone for that much time?" I shuddered thinking about it. Bella's hand was over her mouth, as she sat stunned.

"Oh my God. Carlisle had two little boys to take care of all by himself?"

I pursed my lips, holding back a smirk. "Well, not by himself...my mom… was sort of their nanny."

"Noooo…your dad was doing the nanny?" she scoffed, seeming very surprised. "Oh sorry, I didn't mean…I didn't realize that's how they met."

"He met Esme right after Elizabeth passed away. It's actually a funny story. Um…" I turned in the swing to face her. "Do you want to hear this or…" I asked timidly, not knowing if she even gave a shit about how my parents met. When she nodded enthusiastically, I continued.

"I had gotten really sick…the flu, and it eventually turned into pneumonia. Mom brought me to the Emergency room, and because she had no insurance, they were trying to make her go to another hospital all the way across town. But Carlisle was a resident there, and wouldn't let her leave. He basically saved my life."

"How old were you?" she asked.

"A year and a half?"

"God, you were so little," she said with wide eyes.

"Well, my mom was on her own, working and trying to go to school with a toddler and barely making it. She had no idea how to take care of a baby, and she was doing the best that she could. Her family sort of kicked her out so…"

"Wait, her own family kicked her out? I thought that only happened in the movies."

I chuckled darkly. "No, it's real life too, B. Her family owned a restaurant on the coast of Maine…tourist town. They expected her to take it over, you know keep the business in the family, and she wanted no part of it. Obviously, I mean her cooking skills are for shit. When she went off to art school in Chicago, they wouldn't help her pay for it so, you know, she had to work her ass off just to get by. She came home that summer and was working at the restaurant and that's where she met my father. Edward."

Bella's eyes widened and her lip sucked into her teeth, obviously captivated by the story. It was surprisingly not hard to talk about my history to Bella. I wanted her to know about me. As much as I could give her, anyway.

"According to my mom, he was like this rich trust fund, country club type guy. My mom and her friends were hanging out at the beach one night and they met there. She and Edward spent a weekend together, and a month later she found out she was pregnant. When she contacted him, he told her basically that he wanted nothing to do with her or me or…" I checked Bella's expression. I had never told the story before out loud actually, and only a handful of people knew the tale of my paternity as it was. "He didn't even believe that the baby was his, the prick. I mean, mom said she had no intention of marrying him, she barely even knew him, but he mailed her a check and told her to get rid of the problem." Bella gasped.

"It doesn't bother me, because truthfully, I know who my father is, and it isn't Edward Masen. I just wish she wouldn't have given me his name. I think she regrets it too, but maybe she thought that he would change his mind if he knew I was his namesake or some shit." Bella sat there with her mouth hanging open. I pulled out my pack of cigarettes, lit two and handed one to her.

"So what happened?" she asked, taking a puff. I exhaled a blast of thick gray smoke, and when it dissipated I saw that her gaze was locked intently on my face. I was glad none of this affected me, because the last thing I wanted was to appear weak with emotion. I was spilling my whole life to a girl I knew for less than two weeks but for some reason, I felt I could trust her implicitly. The look in her eyes, and what she did to my heart told me it was alright, that she wouldn't betray my secrets.

"Well, my mom kept me, obviously, and when her family found out she was pregnant by him, they were furious. Practically disowned her. They were hardworking blue collar Irish Catholic, and you don't go getting knocked up by the son of a half Italian half -who knows what -shady businessman and stuck up socialite from New York. She shamed them. Mom left to go back to school, gave birth to me seven months later and struggled hard. The few times she was in contact with them, her parents never even offered her their help, or even asked her about me."

"I'm so sorry, E," she said softly; full of compassion and sorrow. Her eyes, even in the moonlight were filled with sadness. I didn't want my girl to be sad, especially over me.

"Honestly, it doesn't bother me. I mean, I never met any of them, and I have Carlisle's family, anyway. He's all I've ever known, so it doesn't make much difference to me. He is my father, his family is my family. What bothers me is how that dickhead, Edward, could do that to my mom. I get that he barely knew her, but he knew she kept the baby and never even bothered to contact her."

"So you've never met him then?"

I shook my head. I debated telling her about the little trip I took to New York last year, but I knew it would involve a lot more detailed information than I was ready to divulge. Baby steps. "Well, when I was in the hospital, they needed to know family history and shit…my mother had no idea about my paternal side. I mean, his name is on my birth certificate but he never even saw me. She got in touch with Edward after he dodged her calls for two days, and after a whole shit load of back and forth, he got his lawyer to order a DNA test, which evidently confirmed I was his son."

"But he never came to see you? Not even once?" Bella's voice was filled with incredulity. "How could you not want to see your kid?" In the near distance, the sound of heavy bass beats permeated the air indicating that the after party had started. I hadn't realized how long we had been talking.

"She sent him a picture when I was a few months old, but the piece of shit didn't respond to it. I'm the spitting image of him. The only thing I got from my mom was her hair color. It was so fucking obvious… Anyway, after the paternity test, he started sending these huge child support checks once a year. My mother thinks it's just a sort of payment in exchange for leaving him out of it, and part of it is guilt. But he'd heard she married Carlisle, and she thinks he's afraid that she finally had the finances to ensure a good lawyer who could wrangle even more out of him. He's a douche no matter what. I almost don't want to take the money, but I figure he owes her for letting her struggle all those years."

"So tell me how your mom ended up being the nanny?"

"Oh, right. Um well, Carlisle paid the hospital bill, and my mom refused to take charity. So in exchange, he offered her a place to live and a job as Jasper and Emmett's nanny. She finished up school eventually, and I guess whatever happens between two people happened between them. They got married when I was five. My mother says it was fate that I brought them together, and they are soul mates or some stupid shit." I shrugged my shoulders, cursing myself for looking so down upon the idea of fate. I don't know that I necessarily believed in all the bullshit about destiny and whatnot, but I definitely held a strong belief in otherworldly forces working for and against us.

"Wow that was…wow. So your mom was young when she had you?"

"Nineteen." Fucking nineteen with a kid and no money, no family, nothing.

"My mom was eighteen. She was pregnant with me at the prom," she said, nodding. "I believe the story is, that they got so wasted on New Year's Eve that they forgot to use a condom. And the so the epic story of Bella began. Nice, right?"

I chuckled. "Funny how parents are supposed to be role models. If they ever complain about us doing bad shit, you know it was their own reckless faults." My phone buzzed in my pocket. It was Jasper.

"Yo." I could hear music and giggling in the background, and the slight slur of Jasper's voice.

"Bro, you on your way? I left my weed home." He was already wasted.

I looked over at Bella who was back to twirling her swing around. She mostly behaved, spoke and dressed like an young adult woman, but I loved the little girl that came peeking out to play every once in a while.

"Yeah, we're on our way now." I hung up with Jasper and grabbed my guitar case. "You ready to head over?" She stood, climbing the rope ladder to the tree house then dumping all her stuff inside.

I handed her the guitar case, which she pretended to lose a grip on, and scowled at her as she slid it in carefully.

The sound of Bella's heels rhythmically clicked on the pavement as we walked side by side down the dimly lit street. I had to slow my pace to meet hers when she complained that her legs were half the size of mine and her heels were three times as high. Every inch of me struggled to resist putting my arm around her waist, or to slip my hand into hers. I wanted to kiss her so badly, to feel her body pressed against mine in the worst way.

I hated not being able to do what felt natural.

I fucking hated Charlotte for taking this away from me.

We were less than a block away and neither of us had said a word. I was afraid our talk had inadvertently put a damper on her spirits, or that she was letting any of it bother her. "You okay? You're quiet…for a change." I smirked.

She grinned, stickling out her tongue. "I'm fine. That conversation about your parents was just a little heavy." Yeah, I knew it was weighing on her. She was sweet, and good and I shouldn't have burdened her innocence with my pathetically sad tale.

"Yeah, I know. Sorry. I didn't mean to kill your buzz."

"No, it's fine. I'm actually honored that you told me such personal stuff," she said as she breathed heavily. "E, could you slow down please? My calves are killing me."

I slowed my pace again. I hadn't had a girl walk next to me in ages. "Sorry about that. Why do you wear those boots if they hurt you?"

"They only hurt when I'm running trying to keep up with your long ass legs. What's the rush?"

"No rush. You know, I am surprised you can even walk in them, considering your spazziness," I teased.

"Actually, I'm less spastic in heels. I have to pay attention better when I am wearing them, and something about the arch of my foot being so high makes it easier to walk. I dunno."

"You aren't really a spaz. You know I'm just teasing when I call you that, right?"

"Yeah, yeah, I know. And you know I'm just teasing when I call you a freak, right?"

"You call me a freak?" I asked.

"Behind your back, I do." I stopped dead in the middle of the street narrowing my eyes at her.

"I'm kidding!" she said, throwing her hands up in the air. "Jeez! Don't you think I have more interesting topics to discuss in my free time than Edward Cullen?" Bella rolled her eyes, smirking that playful little smile that told me she did in fact talk about me to her friends.

The block was packed bumper to bumper on either side of the road, kids holding blue and yellow plastic cups filled with what I assumed was shitty, warm keg beer. We walked along the grass, avoiding the cars that were speeding past in haste to get their partying on. One look through the living room window and a cursory glance at the sea of heads bobbing up over the fenced back yard told me the house was filled way beyond capacity. That meant wall-to-wall bodies pressed up against each other. Something I'd neglected to consider. Not exactly the ideal location for a person like myself. Besides that, without parental supervision in a neighborhood this tight knit, the cops would likely be here dismantling the celebration within the hour.

"Hey Bella!"… "Sup Cullen?" Ben and Angela were sitting on a picnic table at the entrance to the crowded yard. Bella and Angela hugged, then Bella stood back admiring and complimenting Angela's outfit. I told Angela she looked pretty, then Ben told me about how lame the dance was, and he informed me Emmett and Kim won homecoming king and queen. At that exact moment, Bella and I looked at each other, matching grimaces. There was a shit load of drama that was going to be the result of that outcome.

My eyes scoured the party looking for Jasper, so I could give him his weed and get drinks for us. Bella climbed atop the picnic table, peering over the yard of heads.

She pointed to the far side of the yard. "Jasper and Makenna, and…assorted skanks." Her finger moved the opposite direction toward the swing set. "Lots of football players and Emmett wearing a crown over by the keg…whoa…Alice and Alec… making out with his hands on her ass. Don't see Rose anywhere…" Bella jumped down off the table, and I would have loved to have held my hand out to her, helping her down, but I stood there lighting a cigarette instead like a big inconsiderate douche.

"I'm gonna go find Rose and see if she needs um, support or whatever. Are you going to stay here?" I nodded and smiled as Mike and Tyler came over. I barely heard anything they said. I was too lost in Bella and Angela weaving through the immense sea of people as they disappeared into the crowd. I was irrationally worried about her, though I knew I shouldn't be.

I finished my smoke and took a short walk with the guys over by the keg, discreetly attempting avoiding female contact in the process. Emmett was completely wasted, surrounded by his entire team who were also belligerently shit faced and shirtless. On Em's head was an enormous gold crown and he was wearing a shiny white sash proudly across his bare torso.

He threw an arm around my shoulder screaming, "My baby Bro! You know how much I fucking love this kid? God, this kid is the shit. Look at this pretty face." He squeezed my cheeks hard before he planted a big wet sloppy kiss on my cheek, which now not only exacerbated the rumors of me being gay, but added incest to it as well.

Emmett got really affectionate when he drank beer. Hard liquor, on the other hand was a whole other Emmett. I cringed, embarrassed over the attention, but grateful when someone handed me a cup of foam topped beer.

"Congrats, Em. You deserve it," I said, patting him on the back. The beer was ice cold, and I chugged it down.

"Where's Tink?" he asked, handing me another full cup of beer.

"Looking for Rosalie."

Emmett rolled his eyes and groaned. "She's not here yet." He patted his back pocket where his phone was stashed. "I got my spies working, and no sign of her. She's so, so pissed at me for kissing Kim and shit on the dance floor. In front of everyone."

I groaned, shaking my head at my dickhead brother. "You kissed her?"

"Ah, just a little one on the cheek. But she's still pissed. Serves her right for going with Jared."

I was feeling too good to deal with any of that. "Listen, if I don't see you, get home safe, okay?" I said to Emmet, turning to leave.

He grabbed my bicep, yanking me back toward him. "Hey, Edward," he slurred as he turned me to face him. His eyes were startlingly intense as he brought his face really close, the proximity awkward and uncomfortable. "I love you. Seriously. I can't wait to watch you finally be with that girl. I can't fucking wait." His voice was low enough, and no one was paying much attention to us, now that one of the guys was guzzling beers with unbridled enthusiasm from his audience.

I nodded. "You have fun Buddy. I'm gonna go find that girl." I got two more full cups of beer before the guys and I headed back to the picnic table, stopping a few times to talk with some people from the party. Pulling out my phone, I texted Bella.

Where are you?

On line 4 bathroom. U miss me already?

Maybe. Picnic table by gate.

Connor stopped me, hugging me and whispering in my ear to ask if I had any weed on me. I hesitantly gave him the joint in my Marlboro pack, letting him know that no one was to know where he got it from, I was not a dealer, and didn't want to be associated with supplying drugs to anyone.

By the time I made it over to the table, Jasper and Bella were there. She was drinking a beer and laughing hysterical about something, while Makenna looked on with a blank expression.

I greeted them all, placing the cup of beer on the table, motioning for Bella to take it. I inconspicuously slipped the bag of weed into Jasper's jacket pocket and then told Makenna she looked pretty in her red dress. Her face lit up and in my periphery, I observed Bella's own smile fall as she distantly looked away.

I was high and buzzed from the quick intake of the two ginormous cups of beer, but regardless, I knew something was wrong. Was she bothered by the fact that I told Makenna she looked pretty? I mean, I only said it because she was my brother's date. Jasper was expressionless, and clearly irritated about something. I quirked an eyebrow at him, but he shook his head minutely before looking away.

I sighed out loud, knowing that this was going to be a long fucking night.

I moved on the other side of Bella, inches away from her. Leaning to whisper in her ear, I asked, "Hey, everything okay?"

She looked up at me, a small smile on her lips. In the glare of the bright porch lights, her eyes were huge and so pretty. I noticed for the first time the little orange and gold triangular speckles that dotted her irises.

She didn't respond to my concerned question, but stared fixedly in my eyes until I had to smile to break the intensity. My fingers twitched at the suppression of the involuntary response to touch her cheek. I was willing to bet my fucking car that her skin would feel like silk underneath my fingers.

It was crazy how forcefully my heart pounded while a wave of stark heat washed over me. Not sexual, just raw unsettling emotion with the concentration of a tidal wave. My hearing was abruptly disconnected and as quick as a sneeze we were suddenly alone in the yard…the silence deafening.

Just Bella and I staring at each other.

That was the moment I should have kissed her for the first time.

In a way I was glad that I couldn't because I wanted our first kiss to be sweet, and special and not in the middle of a bunch of drunken assholes in someone's crowded backyard. She deserved much more than that. I licked my lips and exhaled, taking a huge gulp of beer, which made the noise turn back on with startling volume.

Bella, likely having the same bizarre reaction, inhaled a staggered breath and asked me for a cigarette, breaking the intense moment. It almost looked as if she were going to cry. I popped up onto the edge of the crowded picnic table, sliding back until I was leaning on my knees with my elbows. Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out two smokes, lit them with my new lighter, and gave one to her. She put it into her mouth, before she propped her boot onto the bench between my legs. Bella's knee was about a half a foot away from my crotch.

I just watched her intently, as she shimmied up her pant leg and unzipped the black leather boot to fix her slouching sock. The line of her body, stretched out like that was gorgeous. When both feet were placed steadily on the ground, she flicked her ash next to her, shifting from one foot to another. I opened my legs wide.

Fuck it.

"Sit."

Her eyes darted from my crotch, to my eyes, and then back to my crotch again. I wondered if she had any idea if I was hard, but likely not, because my jacket was covering up most of me. Bella sat between my legs, never touching me, just smoking her cigarette quietly. I noticed she was smiling at nothing and I laughed as I blew thick smoke rings over her pretty little head in perfect succession. If I couldn't give her anything physical than I could give her my heart...all the messed up pieces of it, anyway.

I leaned over close to her ear with the intent of telling her how pretty she was compared to all these girls, but when I got that close to her hair, I froze, chickening the out. As soon as I drew my head back up, Alec slipped through the crowd, clasping Alice's hand as he towed her tipsy body behind him. We bumped fists, while Jasper glared at Alice oddly, pulling Makenna tightly into his chest. Alice was

wrecked; her makeup smeared, her ponytail a mess. Alec said he was taking her home before she threw up on his shoes.

It was shortly after that, when someone yelled out that the cops had been called. The plan was for everyone to relocate to First Beach to resume the party. Bodies scattered, car engines started, and before long the yard was a sea of empty yellow and blue plastic cups.

Bella and I declined Jasper's offer for a ride, as we preferred to walk home. She was tipsy, giggling while attempting to walk in a straight line as people and cars passed us noisily. She almost tripped and I laughed at her when suddenly, on the lawn in a dark corner, I spotted a group of freshmen pushing a small kid around. I could hear them cursing and calling him a fag and a homo, and the whole scene just pissed me the fuck off.

"Shit. Bella, get out of the street and stay here," I ordered. She watched me with wide eyes as I stalked over to the group, gripping one of the aggressors by the scruff of his neck.

I growled, "Leave him the fuck alone." I took the kid, gently tossing him backward onto the grass. A taller kid, charged at me, but I flung him to my right, flipping him on his back. He groaned when his body made contact with the ground. I noticed a small crowd watching nearby, but as much as I didn't need the attention, I didn't let it distract me.

"Anyone else? Come on, that's all you pussies are gonna give me?" I spat, as the other guys backed up slowly, fear in their eyes at my semi-violent expression. I didn't like to fight, but I would do it if I had to defend someone who couldn't defend himself. The boy got up off the ground, stumbling back away from the other guys.

"What's your name?" I asked the kid, as I put my arm around his shoulder.

He whispered, "Amun," and I knew instantly that he was the exchange student from Egypt by his accent. He was small. Quiet. Barely spoke English, and these assholes were harassing him.

I directed by gaze to the assholes staring back at me. "If I ever see you fucking with Amun again, I will kill you. Do you understand?" Bodies scattered in fear. I smiled, patting the frightened kid on his back. "You okay?" I asked. He nodded, his dark eyes still huge and fearful. He thanked me quickly before bolting down the block like a bat out of hell.

I trotted over to Bella who stood there dumbfounded with her hand covering her mouth. She said how brave and sweet that was of me, but it was no big deal really. I liked that she thought I was some sort of a hero to that kid though, I won't lie.

I held the gate for her, as we took the path to the tree house to retrieve our belongings. Bella said she wasn't quite ready to home and truthfully I was happy about that, because I wasn't ready for the night to end either. We sat inside the dark little house, opening the shutters to allow the moonlight in. She looked pretty in any light, but the moonlight was by far the most radiant of them. Her skin glowed, and her hair looked eerie as a halo of blue skimmed the crown of her head. She looked like an angel.

We sat side by side, about a foot apart while Bella snuggled under the blanket. We talked, and I shivered as the night grew on. The moon rose higher in the sky, shifting the shadows overhead. Bella threw the blanket on top of my legs as she scooted closer to me. Her warmth, captured under the fabric enveloped my body and it was comforting and sweet and smelled amazing, like her.

She drew her knees up to her chin, resting her cheek on her knee as she wrapped her arms around her calves.

"Thank you for telling me about your mom tonight. I really feel honored." I nodded. She closed her eyes, lacing her fingers together as if in prayer. I stared at her cocking my head to the side.

"B, what are you…" Bella held her index finger up, telling me one minute. A minute or so later, she made the sign of the cross with her fingers, opening her eyes and laying her cheek back down on her knees.

"Were you just praying? I didn't realize you were religious," I remarked, quite surprised at the action.

"Oh, I'm not. It's…it's silly. Nighttime prayers are something I've done with my dad since I was little. When I left with my mom, it was the last thing he said to me." She deepened her voice to mimic Charlie. "'Bella, listen to your mom, and don't forget to brush your teeth and say your prayers at night.' It kept me feeling close to him." I smiled, trying to conjure up the image of a young Bella.

"What do you say?"

She laughed, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. "Oh, um…well, I always ask God to bless everyone I love, and I usually ask him to watch over people less fortunate than me. Tonight I asked him to save the little boy on the news that was hit with the fastball at that baseball game. Did you hear about that?" I nodded. "And then I usually thank him for the things I have and sometimes I ask for a favor." She shrugged her shoulders while I smiled at her dumbly. Just when I though I couldn't fall any harder…

"E?" she said. "Can I ask you something?" Taking a deep breath, I pulled my legs up, mimicking her position. I was really tired. The weed and beer had done its job well and I yawned, nodding yes to her question.

"Areyougay?" She blurted it out in one quick breath like she had been prepping herself to do it for weeks. I felt a smile creep on my mouth, and I suppressed the urge to laugh out loud. I don't know what I was expecting her to ask me, but it was most certainly not that. I suppose it was inevitable that she would ask, considering the rumors that surrounded my questionable sexuality. Though I figured her asking was out of sheer curiosity, part of me was hoping that she was asking because she wanted to know why I hadn't kissed her yet.

"Uh, no. I'm not gay."

She quirked an eyebrow. "Bi?"

"Not even a little bit. I like girls."

I like you. A lot.

Her lips quivered with an exhaled breath, which was clearly one of relief, but no smile made its way onto her lips. She was troubled. Her mouth opened to speak again, but she closed it, pressing her lips together as she thought a moment.

"They why haven't you…" Our eyes met when she paused. I hadn't taken mine off of hers, but her eyes darted away uncomfortably before they flashed into mine piercing my gaze. "Why don't you have a girlfriend?" Her tone sounded more like a plea than a question.

Swallowing thickly and inhaling, I braced myself to buy time to conjure up a decent answer that I thought would temporarily placate her.

Not now Bella, not tonight, sweetie.

I am too tired and I want to stare at your beautiful face in the moonlight just a little longer before you know the truth and run from me.

"It's complicated," I whispered flatly, hoping she would understand that I couldn't talk about it yet. She nodded her head with a defeated sigh, turning to rest her chin on her knee. "I know everyone thinks it, but I can't go around beating everyone up because they think something stupid about me." She looked like she wanted to ask something else, and god knows I wanted to tell her the truth, but her lips mashed into a tight line, and her head rested back on her knee. She was tired, too.

We sat quietly for a long time, neither of us speaking or moving. Eventually, her eyes made contact with mine and we stared at each other for a really long time. It was the kind of thing that should have been awkward, but wasn't. I think we both had so much we needed to say to one another, but were too afraid to speak what was in our hearts and minds.

We must have dozed off after that, because I woke with a start, before I realized I was still outside in the tree house. I was thirsty as hell, and groggy. My body was warm but my hands and face were frigid. Bella had her cheek pressed up against my shoulder. The top of her head was just under my chin if I turned toward her. I was appalled and panicked, and elated simultaneously.

I leaned in slightly. My lips brushed over the silken strands of her fine hair. She smelled like candy and I knew I would have to find out what made her smell so delicious. Her breathing was soft and steady on my arm. I debated whether I should wake her up, but I knew we couldn't stay out here all night because we would freeze.

"B…Bella," I whispered. She didn't move, nor did her breathing falter. "Bella, you need to wake up." Nothing. My fingers twitched again for the second time that night. Tentatively, I brought my fingers up to her cheek, holding them inches away for a brief minute. I brought them closer and closer until I was touching Bella's cheekbone. She was so warm and soft. I knew it was bad and it was wrong, but I thought that I wasn't hurting her…only myself.

I let my fingertips rest on the apple of her cheek for a moment, testing to see if she would wake at my touch. My hands were freezing and I was amazed that she hadn't even flinched. Obviously this girl was a heavy sleeper. Maybe it was because she had gotten high, I didn't know. I thought about poking her or even tossing M&M's at her, but I thought that would be mean. And wasteful.

I drew one fingertip up the slight arch of her cheekbone to her temple and back again. I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. My eyes closed, taking in her innocence and her beauty as her sleeping face glowed luminescent in the moonlight peeking through the window.

I tried one more time. "Bella, wake up."

And then I tilted her chin up toward my face. I gazed at her for a few minutes, reverently taking her in, before I brought my lips as close to her as I could without touching her. My mouth brushed her lips minutely, before I inhaled and pressed my lips softly into hers.

My whole body felt the stolen kiss- from the tip of my toes to the hair on the back of my neck. I knew at that moment I was doomed and really stupid for doing it. One taste and I was hers. The kiss was beautiful and sweet and I wanted to fucking cry. Cry out of joy and out of pain and frustration and elation. She was perfection and I could never have her.

As I pulled away, I felt the shame of tears prick my eyes and I bit my knuckle to thwart it away. It didn't work though. I swiped the escaped tear off my face, clearing my throat. I needed to get a goddamn grip.

"Bella…wake up." I said it much louder that time, but she only sighed. "Bella!" She bolted up with a startled screech looking around frantically. "It's okay. We fell asleep outside," I whispered.

We walked in silence to her front door. I took her purse from her as she yawned under the porch light while I found her keys in the depths of the black hole that was her bag. Once the door was opened, she leaned against the frame, looking sleepy and a bit disheveled and so very innocent.

I said goodbye and turned to leave while she whispered, "Thank you for tonight."

I stopped and smiled, walking back a few steps toward her. "Um, will I see you tomorrow?"

She yawned. "No, not tomorrow. I have to work until four and then I'm meeting my dad for dinner in Port Angeles."

"Oh right. Snow White?" I asked, disappointed. "Well, good luck and I guess I'll see you at school." I waved, turning to walk away. I stopped, realizing she was still in the doorway. "Hey, Bella…just so you know, all those girls with their hair done and their party dresses on and you still were the most beautiful girl there."

Her hand flew to her mouth to cover a shy smile that I could see reflected in her eyes even at the distance I was from her. My fingertips touched my lips, and before I knew it I held them out to her, blowing her a kiss. She giggled, caught the empty air, but instead of putting it in her pocket she brought her hand to her lips.

Bella didn't save my kiss.

She used it.

She waved and then her door clicked shut. I sauntered home slowly, smiling the entire way, with the guitar case weighing heavily in my arms. I knew I would miss her changing her clothes, but I figured since I'd stolen the kiss from her, that it was enough for tonight. In the brisk night air, I had her kiss to keep me warm.

###

"Hey, whatcha got...chips?" Jasper said excitedly, plopping himself on the couch next to me. I held out the bag, shaking it a bit, while he dug his hand in. "What the fuck is this?" he asked as held up a handful of bright orange and purple chips.

"Organic beet and carrot chips," I replied flatly. "They suck." I popped one in my mouth regardless of the suckage. Nothing could get my mood down this afternoon, not even a poor excuse for a snack. Jasper groaned, tasting a chip before mumbling how nasty they were and dumped the rest back in the bag. "How are my pants?"

"Same condition as you gave them to me. Makenna gave me a decent blowjob, but I couldn't even enjoy it."

Great.

"I noticed you were all pissy last night. What was up with you?"

"Nothing…just fucking…nothing." He pouted, running his hand through his hair.

"Nothing?"

Jasper huffed, clearly not wanting to talk about it, but desperate to tell someone something. "Fucking….Xanax. That girl pisses me off to no end."

I put another disgusting chip in my mouth. "What'd she do?"

"Well, for starters, I said hello to her and she didn't even acknowledge me. Then she was all over Alec, dancing and grinding on him. And her tits…fuck they are huge. And she had on these underwear…" Jasper groaned, rolling his eyes in frustration. I held back a smirk.

"Yeah? What about them?" I hedged.

"They were these black boy shorts, the kind where her ass cheeks were hanging out the bottom, and they had a kiss on her ass. Alec was rubbing on her, and the dress went up a little." He propped his chin in his hand.

"And…so?"

"I don't know...it just pissed me off." He sighed.

I widened my eyes and laughed. "Oh… I get it. I think Jazzy likes Xanax."

"No."

"Yes you do…you want to kiss her, don't you?" I teased, making kissing sounds while puckering my lips. "Kissy kissy…"

"Fuck no, stop it dick." He pushed my face away from his, irritated at my mocking.

"Jazzy and Alice sitting in a tree…" I sang. He pulled me into a chokehold, pressing noogies into the top of my head while I continued to sing, "k-i-s-s-i-n-g…"

"Shut the fuck up!" he screamed.

"You like her, you like her…you think she's pretty…and she has a great ass…and big titties." I taunted him like a sixth grader, and I fucking loved it.

Em came in, standing at the doorway with a glass of juice. "Who has big titties?"

"Alice Brandon," I said, as I threw Jasper to the ground, straddling his waist and pinning his arms underneath me. He was the same size as me, but I was definitely stronger. Emmett made sure of that when we were kids. I was scrawny up until high school, and Emmett made sure I knew how to defend myself. I think that's why the thing with that kid Amun last night bothered me so much.

"Say it…say I love Alice…say it!"

"Fuck. You."

I hovered over him as I gargled saliva noisily in my throat, pretending that I was going to spit on his face while he writhed underneath me. It was a lesson taught to me by the both of them growing up, that I found quite ironic to be using it one of them at sixteen years old. Emmett just laughed, drinking his juice and giving me pointers.

"E, you gotta work the clam up from the throat...make it nice and thick, and make sure you aim for his mouth!"

I followed his instructions, making the extra effort.

"Fine, fine, fine!" Jasper yelled. "I like her, I think...I don't know. Now get the fuck off of me!" I backed off a little resting my weight on his chest. He sat up on his elbows, and when I freed his arms fully he pushed me over into the television cabinet, making me smack my head into the wood.

Em said, "Alice Brandon does have a huge set of knockers for such a little girl."

"You know why?" I asked rubbing my head where the wood hit me. They both looked at me blankly. "Because of all the hormones in the milk and the meat. It makes their boobs grow bigger than they normally would."

"How the fuck do you know this shit?" Jasper asked, kneeling to stand.

"I do pointless research during the time I would normally be getting laid," I said tersely.

Emmett chuckled, turning to Jasper. "You want to talk about it?"

Jasper said, "What… tits?"

"No dickhead… Alice," Em said curtly.

"What… you think because you get the girl now you're a relationship expert? No, I definitely don't want to talk about her," Jasper said, grabbing the bag of chips on the couch. Emmett sat on the chair adjacent to him.

"Wait. You got the girl?" I asked incredulously. "What does that mean?"

"Oh man…you missed it," Jasper said smiling, his irritation at his own situation quickly dissipating. "Last night at the beach Rose shows up with Jared and she and Em are in like a fucking staring showdown."

Emmett turns to me. "Yeah, so I ask her to dance with me. And she says no, not until I put on my shirt first. But I had no idea where my shirt even was, so I told Jared to take off his shirt cause all the football players took theirs off and he wasn't showing any sense of solidarity with his still on." Emmett snickered at his cunning motives. "So he gives me his shirt, and I find Rose and I'm dancing with her and we just kiss. And the kiss is long and fucking deep and gooooood," he emphasized with a wink. "Well, Kim sees this and she flips out on me, and Jared rips his shirt right of my back, so Rose gets pissed and goes to leave saying she's done with me and my stupid bullshit."

I laughed, trying to imagine the whole thing in my head. Jasper cut in then, smacking his hand on his knee. "And Rose looked fucking slamming last night, too. So Everyone is watching this happen, and Em jumps on top of the picnic table, gets down on one knee like some pussy whipped fucker about to propose and yells at the top of his lungs, 'Rosalie Hale...will you be my girlfriend?'"

I looked to Em, who was nodding proudly with his eyes closed. "And she said, 'Fuck yes.'"

I smiled. "So you and her are like, together- together now?"

Emmett nodded his head. "Taking her out to a movie tonight. In public." He bumped my fist, and I nodded at him, smiling happily on the outside but shaking my head on the inside. He had no idea that she held the upper hand in their relationship. He only "got the girl" because the girl allowed it. I scoffed at the fact that the Cullen brother with the least amount of relationship knowledge or experience knew more than my playboy brothers about girls.

Jasper got up, angrily tossing the bag of chips aside. "These taste like ass. I'm getting real food."

"So where did you go last night?" Emmett asked, as I sat back on the couch.

I smirked, the memory of the kiss still lingering on my lips. "Nowhere…just back here. Bella had to work today."

He scowled. "Bullshit. You came in later than I did."

"Yeah, we were talking and we fell asleep in the tree house." I shrugged, tugging at my lip with my teeth. The smile was itching to come out, but I kept it at bay for the time being.

"You're hiding something. I can tell. Well, whatever. I meant what I said last night. You deserve to be happy, bro." I just smiled, changing the channel with the remote while thinking about my girl.

I am happy today, Em. For the first time in a long time.

I woke on Monday about as nervous and anxious as I was Saturday night. I was on pretty much on edge all day Sunday while she was out and even debated on calling her that night, but didn't because I was too out of sorts. In a good way, though.

It was basically out in the open, that Bella and I liked each other. I still had no idea how I was going to get around telling her about my past, though I had a feeling that Bella would cunningly drag the truth out of me some way or another. I just wasn't ready to talk to her about it, and I was most certainly not ready to lose her. Then there was the issue of me not touching her. But that was a whole other thing entirely. I tried to convince myself that I could get used to the idea of us just being friends and getting to know each other over the next twenty one months. I laughed in my own face at that notion.

Like she would wait for me.

During English, we shared playful smirks. It was awkward, but cute. She was wearing this ridiculously short pink skirt with a fuzzy pink button up sweater like a little school girl. Her hair was stick-straight and pulled back in the front, making her eyes look huge. She looked amazing.

In lunch she was engrossed in a lengthy discussion of the dance and the party recollections, and then in Bio, Banner made us take notes again all period, so we barely spoke. He reminded us that since we had the next two days off for the religious holiday that there would be a quiz on Thursday when we got back.

We walked to study hall together, sitting in our secluded little nook at the back near the reference section. We chatted about the party and what happened between Rose and Emmett, and laughed at the stupidity of them both.

It was almost the end of the period, and I knew it was now or never. I was sweating, rubbing circles into my palms under the table while under the guise of pretending to math homework. I took a deep breath shaking off the nerves.

"Do you have plans for Wednesday?"

She looked up from her book blankly. "No, why?"

"I was wondering if you wanted to go to Port Angeles for the day. Have lunch...see a movie maybe?" I sat back into the seat while anxiously waiting for her reply. If I had a stroke right now it would be no surprise to me.

"Just you and me?" she blinked.

"Um…yeah. I could ask Jasper to go if you want, or you could bring Alice but yeah…I thought just us." I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, disappointment crashing down on me.

"No, just the two of us is fine…it's great…yeah, I would love to go." She smiled widely, accidentally dropping her pen on the floor, and looked down at her notebook embarrassed.

I breathed a huge sigh of relief, grabbing her pen before standing and gathering up my books. I needed a cigarette to calm my nerves. I asked her to join, but she declined, saying she wanted to finish her Spanish homework so she didn't have to bother with it over the break. I waved goodbye, and said a quick hello to Makenna and the Skanks as I passed their table on my way out.

I slipped out the north exit by the gyms where the brick wall made smoking undetected the easiest. There were a few people that I knew out there bullshitting. I was buzzing with excitement as I made petty conversation with them, thinking about exactly where I should take Bella on our date. She did realize it was a date, right?

I was so relieved that she didn't want anyone else to accompany us because that would have completely sucked and defeated the purpose of the afternoon altogether. I spent the last two days sort of high on that illegal kiss, even though it wasn't willingly reciprocated. And part of me felt like such a dirty letch, watching her indecently in her window at night and now taking kisses unknowingly from her while she slept. But another part, the selfish hormonal part didn't fucking care. I liked this girl so much that it was completely irrational that I felt somewhat justified in doing what I did, though I knew without a trace of doubt it was wrong. Taking her out and showing her that I really cared about her was my rationalization at righting my misconduct.

I headed into gym, surprised and annoyed when the coach made us all sit on the bleachers for the whole period as he questioned us about the sports equipment that was discovered missing. I barely heard a word he said, as I watched Bella behaving almost giddy. That was an entirely bizarre demeanor for her during gym, but I thought maybe she was excited about me asking her out. I could only hope that was why.

She whaled the volleyball over the net actually scored. She smiled and waved at me from the court. I gave her a smirk, nodding back. She was so cute.

After the coach dismissed us, I headed outside to my car where I grabbed a cigarette and leaned against the bumper. Mike and Tyler sauntered over to Jasper and I. I smiled even when Mike annoyingly bummed a smoke off of me and playfully punched my arm.

"So Cullen, congrats man," Mike said, nodding in my direction with an all -knowing smirk plastered on his face.

"On what?" I asked. Across the lot I spotted Bella emerge from the exit doors with Angela next to her. She was practically skipping.

"On Bella Swan. You had us worried there for a while."

"What about Bella? Mike what the fuck are you talking about?"

"You and Bella…you know." He rolled his eyes and bumped his fists together indicating two people having sex. "You're hooking up. You had us all convinced you were into guys." Jasper looked at me with a panicked expression I took a deep breath and exhaled.

"Who did you hear that from?" I asked, thinking that the rumor probably started because Bella and I were seen most of the night at the party together.

"Uh, Royce and Sam."

"Why the fuck are Royce and Sam staring rumors about me?" I was pissed. I wanted to choke those rumor spreading motherfuckers and Mike for fueling the fire. Little girls that had nothing better to do than to talk about me and my nonexistent sex life.

"Sam said it's not a rumor. He heard it flat out that you and her were fucking…" His voice trailed off at the end as my eyes narrowed even further. Mike backed up a few steps, sensing my impending rage.

"Flat out?" I asked incredulously with gritted teeth, seething at the mess this was going to cause and the damage control I would have to deal with because of this bullshit. "From who?"

He looked like he was going to shit his pants any second. He took a drag of his cigarette, his hand shaking slightly as he blew the smoke out above my head.

"From Bella."

Dun dun dun…

Author's note: This was written in 2009-2010. Smart phones were just starting to become a thing, and the fashion was obviously different. And the songs chosen here are dated. I'm not updating any of that. Let's consider this vintage:)