Disclaimer: I own neither the Underland Chronicles, nor any miscellaneous tidbits or references I may use in this piece.

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All proceeds go to no one, because there aren't any.

Chapter

2

"It is time to wake up, Gregor."

The voice was so familiar. So warm and loving. Something in it sent a stab of depression through Gregor's being. His eyes slid open, and what he saw astounded him.

He was riding on a golden bat through a dark cave with a strikingly white girl. Her piercing purple gaze seemed to burrow through his soul, cutting his heart on the way.

It was her; the one person Gregor most wanted to see. The one person who could make it all better with her mere presence. Luxa.

Gregor's eyes brimmed with tears, but not of joy. These were tears of agony.

"Why?" Gregor growled, fists clenching in anger. "Why are you doing this to me?" He spoke to no one but himself.

"Gregor, what is wrong?" Her eyes narrowed with concern. Her fingers brushed his, and he actually felt the warmth.

"Get out of my head," Gregor said softly. He could not bear this torment. "LEAVE ME ALONE!"

He swept his arm across her face, dispersing the illusion. His senses went wild, flashing lights, ringing noises, noxious smells. Finally, everything settled down and his vision cleared to the reveal the ceiling of a hospital room.

"Wha-," he began.

"Gregor!" A small girl landed on him, the embrace sending a wave of pain through his aching body.

"Lizzie?" he said. The girl pulled back and nodded. It was her. A painfully thin ten year old girl whose eyes, among other things, betrayed her meekness.

Gregor looked past his little sister to see the rest of his family. His mother, smiling and stroking the big purple scar that still hadn't gone away. His dad, who was staring at him intensely, presumably ready to call the nurse should his condition worsen. And Boots. His baby sister still looked uncertain, but managed a little grin.

"You okay now, Gregor?" she inquired.

He faked a lively expression, solely for his family's sake. "Yeah. I'm a lot better with you guys here," he lied.

"Come on, Liz," his dad said, "give him some space." Lizzie hopped off the bed and sidled back, not breaking her gaze from her big brother.

"Oh, my baby," his mother stepped forward as if she couldn't contain herself any longer and grabbed his hand.

"Hey, mom."

"Hey." She gave him a reassuring smile.

"So, what happened?" Gregor asked. He was itching to know exactly what had happened back there.

She exchanged nervous glances with his dad. "Gregor," she said. "The doctor… well, he… he said that…"

"Mom!" Gregor snapped. "Just tell me!"

She stared at him, somewhat stunned. "He said you had a nervous breakdown, but sweetie, this one was different."

Gregor looked at her with apprehension. "In what way?" He had had a few breakdowns before now. Mostly just a couple minutes of him blankly glaring at a spot on the wall, reliving the horrors of what had happened.

"He said," his dad began, "that he's only ever seen this kind of thing in veterans."

Gregor let that revelation sink in. A bitter taste filled his mouth. Then, not knowing how to express his emotions, he scoffed. "Pretty fitting, isn't it?"

His dad shot his mom a look, and she nodded. "Girls, how about we go get something to eat? Give Gregor a moment of peace."

She took his sisters' hands and began guiding them out of the room. Gregor heard Boots say "is daddy coming?"

"No, baby. He's gonna talk with Gregor," his mom replied.

The two sat in silence, Gregor staring down at his covers and his father watching him tentatively.

"Hey, kiddo," he said. "I know what you're feeling. I know that it hurts. Worst of all, it never gets any better. But I've learned that, with people to lean on, you can find the strength to get past it all. Learn to live with the hurt, confide in the people you love, things like that."

Every word made Gregor sicker and sicker. Sick of all the asinine emotions that rolled through his stomach, leaving essentially nothing behind. He wished he could make it all go away. Everything he saw reminded Gregor of the Underland. The clock on the wall, like the one he gave to Mrs. Cormaci. The glass of the window, like the windows of the palace hospital. And worst of all, his dad. The first time he fell, he had rescued his dad, witnessing horrible acts of betrayal and murder in the process.

Gregor caught himself wondering if his dad had been worth the trouble he caused. The instant after that, he panicked. What were those thoughts doing in his head? How could he possibly think his dad was worthless? Why would-

The hospital door opened, and Gregor's heart skipped a beat. He jumped, body seizing for a split second. A flash of fear crossed his dad's countenance. It was only the nurse.

"I came to check up on you. Oh, you're awake! Do either of you need anything?" she asked. The two shook their heads.

It was not until she had done her routine checks and left that Gregor noticed the catheter, as well as the saline drip, that was hooked up to him.

"How long was I asleep?" he asked.

"About four days," his dad said slowly.

Four days! How had that happened? "So," Gregor said calmly, "I was in a coma? Why? Was it all because of my breakdown?"

"That's what the doctor thinks. He said you'll probably need an antidepressant…" his dad said.

Gregor scowled. "Of all the stupid…" he started, but was interrupted by his father's hand on his shoulder. Gregor felt his body tense at the contact. He had the urge to draw the sword that was not there.

"You need to keep calm, Gregor. Now's not the time to fight. You know that."

The words only served to exacerbate Gregor's unease.

There was a long period of silence before his dad spoke up. "Your mother and I have been talking, but we wanted to ask you first." Gregor looked up at him. "Do you think… if you were to go back down there for a few days…" Gregor's eyes narrowed.

"I know what you're thinking," he said, "and no. It wouldn't help. Not unless you're willing to either come down there with me and stay, or just leave me forever. I could never leave twice. We both know that." A memory sparked to life in Gregor's head. Hamnet. Hadn't he said something similar to Luxa in the jungle?

A fresh wave of anxiety washed over him.

"So…" he began, "PTSD, huh?"

His dad's expression became pained. It was clear he did not want to reply – to confirm the fear that Gregor harbored – but he forced himself. "Yeah. But, Gregor, we can get through this. You know that."

The trouble was, he didn't. Gregor thought about all of the hurt that was already in his chest. He had found no good way to relieve that pressure, and it just kept building. He realized that it would be impossible to carry on like this, even with the support of his family. Maybe even because of his family. They were the most vivid reminders of the horror that had unfolded so far below New York.

But he could never say that outright to them. They wouldn't understand. They would freak out, at best.

The pain built further when he realized the magnitude of his family's torment. This was unbearable. He couldn't go on. He wanted it all to stop – needed it to stop. But how could he stop it?

A wild idea came to him from the depths of his desperation. An idea so preposterous, he rejected it out of hand. He could never leave his family like that. They would not forgive him for it.

But he had to do something about this. The question was, what?

An option presented itself to him that he had never considered, mostly because he did not think it was possible.

Buried beneath what seemed like miles of anxiety and fear, Gregor's rager sensation hummed quietly. With an unconscious sort of sentience, it offered him an out. A way of handling the pain so that he would never have to feel it again. Never have to feel anything again.

He bathed himself in the rage, letting it wash away all other emotions, and with them, the pain. Then, when all the hurt had been flushed away, the rage subsided as well, lying dormant until Gregor needed it.

In its wake, there was… nothing.

Sweet, silent nothing.

Well, there you go.

Still don't know what to do for the long haul.

I'll be looking for ideas in the reviews!

Have a good one.