A/N: No ownership or rights to the television show "Chuck" in stated or implied

Canon influence: S1 E10 Chuck Versus the Nemesis and AU from there.

Fanon influence: Probably every fan-fiction I've ever read has influenced this story (all my stories, really) in some shape or form.

Song influence: "Hurricane" by MsMr

Big thanks! to yeahokaycool for all the beta work. All mistakes are mine. This chapter we get a little more information on Chuck's situation since Sarah left. Considering canon characters, this might be the most AU part of the story ;)

A Shot in the Dark

January 2010

Ostensibly, she was in Paris to intercept some intel on the Ring. They seemed to be filling the gap left behind by the rapidly evaporating Fulcrum. Some analysts believed that Fulcrum had somehow been associated with the Ring. Some believed for all intensive purposes there was only a non-functioning remnant left. It was still a mystery as to the reason for Fulcrum's decline but a win was a win in Sarah's book.

Sarah hated Paris. Maybe hate was too strong a word but ever since her Red Test she felt uncomfortable and edgy when she was in the City of Light. Guilt would descend on her, then self doubt. How could such a beautiful city cause so much pain? Oh yeah… a young brunette woman bleeding out on the street because you shot her... in cold blood.

She had visited this city so many times in her nightmares since then. She wondered if Chuck felt that way about someplace or some city. Had he felt part of himself die inside when he killed someone for the first time too?

Sarah sighed to herself. She needed to push these thoughts down. They wouldn't help her and she had a secret side mission to accomplish.

The intel was on Compact Disc's (sort of a dated form of data storage, she thought absently, which then reminded her of Chuck. Dammit!). They were in a container to be transported to the United States hidden in a coffin.

Sarah located the deceased and the mortuary where the body was. She then gained a private viewing with the body, posing as the gentleman's mistress. She was young enough to be the man's granddaughter, but it was France after all. The Mortician gave her an odd look but acquiesced after she explained that she did not want to upset the man's family with her presence at the scheduled viewing.

She retrieved the storage container and was on her way out of the funeral home when a woman claiming to be a relative of the deceased showed up. A petite woman with blue eyes. Her blond hair was pulled into a ponytail that gave a youthful appearance from a distance.

Granddaughter? Real mistress? It really wasn't important. Sarah quickly took the side exit where she was stopped by a mountain of a man. As she turned she noticed the woman had followed her and had pulled a gun.

"Hand over the disks Agent Walker." How does she know my name?

Sarah briefly had a flashback to her Red test again before she threw the container to the ground on her left, launching herself to her right. The pair were distracted by the dropped container allowing Sarah to draw her weapon and put two center mass shots in the woman before the man grabbed her and put her in a bear hug.

As her breath was rapidly being squeezed out of her, she reached one her knives and viciously started stabbing him in his upper left thigh and hip. She was quickly released and fell to the ground. Gasping for breath, she saw the fists coming. She rolled, picked up her gun and put one shot through the head. She grabbed the container and headed back to her hotel as steam from the bodies of her would-be assassins rose into the air and disappeared into the night.

Technically her part of the operation was over but she had other things on her mind. She left the container at the prearranged drop site after checking in with her Agent In Charge. He was a wooden man, a little older than her.

They had built a rapport working together against this new foe but he made her uncomfortable. She was unable to read him and he kept her on a need to know basis concerning operations.

Sarah was sure some considered him desirable in a Superman kind of way (she had heard the gossip) but honestly his single minded passion for destroying the Ring sort of diminished his attractiveness. She certainly wasn't interested. Her tastes ran more to Clark Kent anyway. Or maybe the man that seemed to dominate her thoughts lately was more like Peter Parker.

Her AIC wanted her back in Washington DC tonight for a full debrief, but had to wait until tomorrow due to transportation logistics. By her calculations she had about twelve hours left in the City of Light.

Sarah had noticed a pattern with Chuck's movements. The reports never mentioned Chuck by name but she noticed a rash of European incursions against Alexei Volkoff or his interests "by an unknown operative or clandestine operation, motive unknown". With a little profiling (Chuck had mentioned seeing the Eiffel Tower was on his bucket list) including her gut instinct and some contacts she had in the DCRI in Paris, she was confident she had discovered his latest safe house.

It was an apartment in an older building that was a sublet from a woman in the IT trade. The fact that she was young and brunette rankled Sarah more than she cared to admit. Her concern was allayed by the fact that the woman's employer had her travelling so much she was never in Paris and didn't need the space but didn't want to give up the lease.

The building had multiple escape routes and no in house surveillance except for his. With a little CIA magic she bypassed it but she still found herself impressed with his tradecraft. She thought it curious from a security standpoint, that there was no surveillance on the inside of the apartment. It could be pride in his exterior surveillance but rather suspected it was a reflection of his hatred for the surveillance he had been exposed to as the Intersect.

Her heart warmed at the sight of the interior of the apartment. It was kept neat but not sterile. It was small with a galley kitchen that opened into a modest living room, one bedroom and one bath. The muted colors of reds, browns and yellow giving an Old World comfortable appearance. It even had a view of the Eiffel Tower. It was unmistakably Chuck.

Sarah waited in his apartment on pins and needles for about thirty minutes before he returned. Turnarounds being fair play, she surprised him. She knew she had surprised him when her "Hi Chuck" was answered with a knife in the chair where she had been sitting seconds before. She had expected that and prepared. He had said the he had studied her. Well, she had studied him too.

After the shock and quite frankly the grief over his actions in Milan she felt like she knew him better. He was like her. An over achiever thrown into an unknown, abhorrent world.

Unable to not be the best they could be at any task set before them. Of course he would be good. She had had nine years to adjust with college and training. He had one day before his anchor was gone and the full weight of the Intersect and intelligence community had been thrust upon him.

He immediately set a defensive stance. "Chuck...Chuck...It's me. Sarah. We need to...I need to talk to you. I'm not here for any other reason. I promise."

"No good conversation starts with the phrase 'we need to talk' Sarah." She wanted to cry and laugh at the same time. She was happy to see Chuck relax his stance. "and by the way, fair is fair. How did you find me?"

"A little profiling, a little luck. I bypassed your perimeter surveillance and let myself in. I noticed that you used the same perimeter alerts you used in Milan….. " Sarah sighed and took a calming breath. She needed to stop procrastinating.

"...But I'm not here to talk shop. Chuck, I need you to let me explain myself. I need you to know some things and I feel so awful it's taken me so long for me to do it."

This was going to be tough but she had promised herself she would try to make things right. That she would tell him the truth. It would be a fight but Sarah Walker didn't back down from a fight. This was too important.

"Chuck…" she started slowly. "I didn't leave with Bryce. I started to; he offered something that I was used to. A situation I could control. But I soon realized that he was just an excuse."

She grew quiet for a moment. " I was compromised.. with you."

"Sarah..I.."

"Chuck, let me finish or I'll never get this out."

"There were all these emotions that I had worked so hard to suppress just clawing their way to the surface. I was confused and it scared me. I didn't know what to do so I grasped at the first thing that was familiar. I rationalized that it was the best way to protect you, that you still had Casey to look out for you but it really was me running away, unable to confront myself. Chuck... I...I'm so sorry."

Her eyes watered and tears threatened but she continued. "Chuck, I never wanted to hurt you. You have to know that. I fell in love with a good man and I didn't know what to do about it so I ran. It was a mistake. One that I have regretted everyday since. My fear and my reaction to that fear, it hurt you badly. I know that now. I guess I've really always known that."

Sarah tapered off. She saw only a stoic face in response to her declaration. An awkward silence ensued as Chuck was processing. Deflated, Sarah finished "Anyhow, I guess what I'm trying to say is...I...I would...I would understand if you hated me…but I needed you to know".

Chuck seemed to snap to alacrity. "I don't! I don't. Sarah...not at all. That was all I ever wanted. I...I can't. I can't believe...this is not how it was supposed to be…not now...I...I…" He seemed to collapse on himself and wept. Sarah instinctively approached him and held him close. With a gasp, Chuck pulled himself together. He wiped his eyes. His eyes were once again an open book to her.

She waited as long as she could before speaking "Chuck? Chuck, it's okay. It's okay."

"Sarah, I really don't know what to say. God...why does this have to be so hard. I...I have loved you since the first time I saw you. When you left, my world collapsed. Usually, I would have Ellie and Morgan help me until I recovered. And they tried, they really did but they didn't know the truth. And the CIA they just wanted the Intersect to continue on like I was some kind of machine."

"What happened Chuck? I know that they brought you in but I have to know….. How did you become this cold, calculating assassin? How did you become ….me?" she said in a whisper. "What did they do to you?" She knew a lot but she wanted to hear it from him.

His shoulders slumped and he lowered himself to a nearby chair. He was vulnerable. She stayed still. "You'll kill me yet." he muttered to himself. He waited half a breath to see what she would do.

"Casey…" Chuck's eyes narrowed. "Casey was a good agent and I think he did his best to protect me. I still think that...even after I found out that he had a pending termination order for me. I really don't think he would have pulled the trigger."

That revelation surprised her. It shouldn't have, she had training. She had cleaned operations before. Hell, Graham had ordered to kill Chuck if had ran that first night. Sarah's stomach churned realizing that she didn't even consider that when she decided to leave. That she was leaving him in the hands of his potential executioner. All because she had been so anxious to escape from her situation.

"The Intersect stopped functioning after you left. It became sporadic at best. I was assigned a new handler from the CIA, Agent Alex Forrest." Sarah's nose wrinkled at the name. She had crossed paths with her once and she wasn't impressed.

"I think Beckman and Graham were looking for an excuse to bring me in. A Fulcrum agent discovered me at the Buy More and they moved to bring me into protective custody. There was a confrontation on a rooftop landing pad where the Fulcrum agent almost captured me before Agent Forrest killed her. Casey had been tracking the agent but was too late. He was re-assigned and I haven't seen him since."

"Alex..." Sarah fought down her concern that Chuck referred to Forrest on a first name basis. "... remained my handler in the bunker they put me in. Since it seemed that my emotions interfered with the intersect I was treated with a antidepressant medication called Laudenol. It worked...too well."

"I didn't have any emotions. I didn't even feel anything when Graham was killed. Granted I didn't particularly care for the man but to be so numb to the tragedy... Sarah there were five agents in there with him that were killed and two technicians monitoring the download. It was horrible and I felt nothing. I just wanted to know if I still had to go to Washington."

"I could flash again, though. I started training to be an agent and eventually downloaded Intersect updates."

"The last update knocked me out physically but it seemed to enhance my training ten fold. Alex was then partnered with me. We worked well together considering my mental state. During one of our field assignments, we were taken captive by a Fulcrum cell."

"Fulcrum had been experimenting with making their own Intersect. They captured us gathering intel in a development in the suburbs called Meadow Branch." Sarah recalled the name from her research into Charles Carmichael.

"Security was so tight we didn't have an opportunity for escape. With all that information in my head and the training I had been given, I was unable to do anything. I was useless. I often think back to that day and feel a guilt that I will have for the rest of my life."

"They didn't know anything about us other than we were CIA, so the lead Fulcrum agent decided to experiment on us. First they uploaded me with their intersect. When I survived, they tried it on Alex and made me watch. I snapped after she convulsed and died. I killed three Fulcrum agents without a second thought and left the others to die in the intersect room."

"I killed them Sarah...and I didn't care. No emotion at all. It was like I was watching a first person shooter game. The extraction team found me passed out on the floor. After that, killing wasn't that hard." Sarah again thought of her Red test and how she changed after that. Each kill after that became easier.

"I read the record." Chuck looked at her with puzzlement. "You may not believe me but I tried to keep up with you after I left but my clearance was downgraded. It wasn't until after Moscow it was elevated again so I could see your file. It was obviously whitewashed and redacted. What happened after the mission with the MI 6 agent?"

"Cole Barker...a nice guy really but he had a James Bond complex.' He laughed.

"Agent Barker and I were on a mission for the retrieval of a Fulcrum asset named Howard Busgang. He had been involved with the original Intersect project and apparently he was developing Fulcrum's intersect program."

" We had traced him to a lab in downtown Los Angeles. After we had him in our custody, we were attacked by Fulcrum agents. Barker and I kept them at bay but one of the agents got into the lab. He was about to kill Barker and I shot and killed him. By this time I was weaning myself off the Laudenol. I almost puked."

"I used the emotion of the situation to interrogate Busgang. During the interrogation I asked him why he needed to experiment on humans since he had built an Intersect before. He replied that he had just worked on the project and that the main scientist was an asset referred to as Orion."

"At that point both the Fulcrum and CIA Intersects flashed and I collapsed. When the flash ended I had two sets of information sitting in my memory. The bottom line was that the government had a program back in the 80's similar to the Omaha Project. The lead scientist was Stephen Bartowski codenamed Orion. The project security chief and his handler was a woman, Agent Mary Gunter. Codenamed Frost, my mother Mary Bartowski."

Sarah's mind boggled. Frost was Chuck's mother!

"They, along with my dad's friend, another scientist, Hartley Winterbottom, ran an off the books op that went pear shape on them. After that my mom disappeared hunting down an up-and-coming arms dealer in the Soviet Union named Alexei Volkoff. My dad disappeared a few years later"

Now things were starting to make sense to Sarah. The break-in in Moscow. The stealing of the prototype weapon.

"It struck me that since this information was in both intersects, that both databases were US intelligence. That meant the government knew. They knew what happened to my parents Sarah. They knew from the start what the Intersect was and what it could do. They played me Sarah, and I played along with them until I didn't need to anymore. But before I left, the Intersect had another surprise for me."

"I was sent to work and gather intel at Roark instruments using my real last name. Apparently Charles Bartowski was missing not dead and records had been changed to cover me in a background check. It came up during the briefing that Ted and my dad had been friends in college. That and my Stanford degree (which thanks to the CIA showed up five years after Stanford expelled me) would be a credible cover that may increase my access at RI.

Ted Roark did recognize my name just as mission planners had hoped. One day he called me into his office before he left for one of his charity events. He wanted to tell me the he knew my dad and asked about him."

"I'm not sure if it was his voice or not but he had barely started talking when both intersects flashed. I fell to my knees. Not only had Ted Roark known my dad but had worked on an early intersect prototype with him and Hartley Winterbottom. The CIA/NSA Intersect implicated Ted Roark and Alexei Volkoff with the disappearance of my father, and the Fulcrum intersect confirmed it."

"Ted recognized the flash and tried to pull a gun on me but I disarmed him and knocked him out. That's when Ted had that horrible helicopter accident." There was the darkness back in Chuck's eyes.

"I'd like to blame the Laudenol, Sarah, but it was all me." His eyes dropped to the floor. "It was all me…." The bosses recalled me. I uploaded the 2.0 Intersect, destroyed the computer and sent a virus that targeted the Intersect plans and any reference to it to try and eliminate or least hinder the Intersect being rebuilt... They had underestimated the Intersect host." he spat the last word out with a bitterness she could feel. "And I knew I had to find Alexei Volkoff for answers."

Sarah rather suspected he knew what those answers were. Sarah also wasn't so sure the government knew anything about Chuck. With her twelve years with the Agency, she thought she had seen it all. She hadn't, obviously. They no idea who they were dealing with.

"Ch...Chuck, I... I...You need to know I never wanted this for you."

"It's okay Sarah; you didn't know what would happen to me. You couldn't know what decisions I would make. It's just how it is. There are always consequences to our decisions Sarah."

"But it was my job to protect you."

He smiled a small sad smile. "I lost you and I became who I needed to be. That's all. Simple"

It was hardly simple to Sarah. She felt that now familiar constriction in her chest and dryness in her throat. He was a reflection of her and her profession and it made her ill.

"What are you going to do now?".

"That depends. Are you going to turn me in? Report me to the Deputy Director?"

"No, Chuck. This is just between you and me."

"Then, please, allow me the honor of ….buying you dinner"

"Thanks, that sounds great" she replied as the weight on her chest became less heavy with his request. "But I have to leave in a few hours to return to Washington."

"Plenty of time. I would rather go out but if you're okay with it, I know this great Asian place that delivers and we can catch up here. I have a bottle of Pinot Gris from one of the local vineyards just waiting for the right company. Just let me chill it."

Dinner was delicious and the conversation was light. They enjoyed themselves and Sarah was almost convinced this was what normal was like. It didn't go unnoticed when she thought about it later, but it was the happiest night she had had in the last two years.

As she gathered herself to leave, though, she was still unsure of where they stood. Chuck gave no indication as he gave her a hug and a chaste kiss on the cheek. When he called for a cab, Sarah pressed him. She needed to know.

"Chuck… what happens next? What happens...to us?"

She barely saw him cringe but it was there. "Was there ever an "us", really? Sarah I've been yours since the day I met you and I think I always will be but I think the window for us has passed."

Sarah felt a sharp pain in her chest, but she ignored it. She was tired of regret and tired of this heartache. This was going to stop. They could have something and she was going to do her best to make it happen. Chuck may think that too much time had passed, but he needed to know that wasn't true.

"Don't say that, Chuck. There was an us then. It's what scared me and why I left, but I'm here now and I know how I feel. I'm not afraid anymore. I made a mistake but it can be fixed...together."

"I don't know Sarah. I don't see a way back for me."

Or for us she thought.

"You have your career. You're respected and from what I've been reading on the CIA servers, soon to be co-leading a task force on The Ring. And I...I'm just not that guy. That guy you remember. That was so long ago. I'm just a rogue spy with nothing but blood in my future."

"Chuck…"

"No, it's okay Sarah. You found your way out. You've worked hard and you deserve it.. I know you won't believe me but… and don't get me wrong. You're the most capable agent I know but I always thought your heart was too big for this life. You've tamped it down and tried to hide it but I always knew it. I need to know you will try to be happy. Please be happy."

Sarah never thought she would hear someone say that about her. When she finally shook off the shock of his statement, she realized what was happening and she couldn't stand it. This sounded too much like a goodbye.

Sarah swallows the lump in her throat and pushes a piece of paper toward Chuck.

"I know you don't believe me but I love you Chuck Bartowski. You, all of you, even right now you. Listen...you can't…uggh. Don't say goodbye because I'm not going to, and I'm not allowing you to either."

Chuck smiled a soft crooked smile as he brushed a hand through his hair.

"Take this. It's my secure email account. The CIA doesn't know about it. I check it weekly. You can get a hold of me with it...if..if you want. I'll leave messages for you there too."

"Sarah…"

"No ...check it out yourself. It's secure. Chuck, I don't want this to be the last time between us. Just check it. Okay? You just told me to be happy. I can't imagine that without you in my life. Don't say no and don't say goodbye."

"Okay."

Sarah didn't know if she believed him or not. And with that he escorted her to a waiting cab. Softly saying "stay safe" before the car started through the streets of Paris on it's way to Charles De Gaulle Airport.

Sarah thought about returning to see him when she next had some leave, but she knew the apartment would be empty. Hell, he was probably leaving right now she thought. Their reunion had been bittersweet but she was left with a new resolve. She was going to be with him and she was going to help him.

A/N: So that e-mail communication system was a "homage" to a plot device in Arya's prayers amazing story "Becoming". There was a lot going on in this chapter. I know I took some liberties (AU?) with the Intersect. Of course Orion's real identity wasn't in the Intersect in canon (or was it?) but what if it had been? What kind of betrayal did Chuck feel to find out that the NSA knew about Orion and did nothing but keep Chuck in the dark (sorry no pun intended)? It made for an interesting back half of season 2. I mentioned "iconic" in the last chapter's authors notes. Certain cities fall into that category with this show with Prague being mentioned first (the pilot, I believe) and then significantly in Pink Slip but Paris seemed to have the most emotional impact in season 3. I wonder what the story was with that?