Author's Notes: Written by prompts based on angst-related Soulmate AU. I hope you enjoy it!
Ianto had heard stories about it before - how sometimes, there were... malfunctions where one's soulmate was involved. Of course, there were people who didn't get them at all - he'd learnt all about it in first grade and, just like nearly every other person in the world, had remembered every bit of information the specialist their teacher had invited had told them.
There were as many differences in the soulmate ritual as there were differences in people - no one could really predict when the name would show up, if it would show up at all or what happened after you found the person you were supposedly meant to be with. Ianto had watched the documentaries, too - most of the people had said that they just knew. He found the idea of that slightly unsettling - how come there was no mechanism whatsoever about it? Ianto was all about functionality and didn't really like the thought that it was all so chaotic. How did they all know when it happened and, more importantly, how could he?
It didn't make sense; he'd told his helpless sister when she'd done her best to comfort him about it. There was a pattern to everything around them - to life and nature and human relationships - so why not to this as well? Finding and identifying your soulmate was quite possibly the most important thing that could happen to a person and it was a turning point in their life, and it was only sensible to think that it had to be preceded by some kind of warning.
No one else seemed to have the same problem. Ianto's friends were all ecstatic at the thought of meeting the person they were to spend their life with and, no matter how hard he tried, he could never join them in their excitement. His first girlfriend - unmarked as of then, just like him - had presented him with the theory that the only warning you could possibly get beforehand was falling in love. Perhaps, she'd said, the system would only start working once you got comfortable with someone and actually knew them, because what would be the point of having some sort of higher power matchmaking random people and then leaving them to handle the consequences by themselves? There was so much evil in the world, after all, and it wouldn't do to set someone up with the wrong person - especially if it was someone who could ruin their life.
They'd broken up on rather amicable terms months later and Ianto had accepted her theory for a lack of a better one. It did make sense and it made him feel slightly better about it all and he found himself waiting for the same thing that everyone else had been anticipating for years.
The matter was finally settled in his mind, so moving away from Newport after his father's death was the best thing he could think of - London was full of people, full of possibilities, and Ianto was ready to try it all. He'd watched and read about the strange, varying mechanisms of soulmates so much that he was prepared for just about any scenario. All he knew was that once whatever celestial being took care of that decided that he'd met the person he was made for, he'd be the first one to know. Some people woke up with the realisation one morning, other got the name of their soulmate written somewhere on their body (and, much to Ianto's relief, more often than not it was a name that they already knew - the name of a friend or a lover or even a co-worker), and others just got random glimpses that they had to piece together to get the full picture. There was still the possibility of him never getting a soulmate - it was rare, but it did happen - but he was somehow convinced that that wouldn't be the case.
Ianto was the first to admit that falling in love was just about as easy as breathing for him. It just happened - he didn't know how or why, but he didn't worry about it much - almost every infatuation passed eventually, and he did his best to think of it all as preparation - once he met the Person (he didn't have a name yet, so it was always capitalised in his mind), he would know what to do.
So of course by the time he met Lisa, he had absolutely no idea how he was supposed to act.
He was certain, this time around. There had been a few significant others before her that he'd suspected of being the one he was looking her, but this time it just had to be her. Ianto wasn't sure how he could tell, but he knew that she felt it too, and took it as a sign - maybe he'd get to tell everyone what he'd always been told until now - that he'd just felt it at first and only realised it later, because it was exactly like that. The sensation his body was overcome with every time he met her was somewhere between the sinking feeling before hearing bad news and the rush he got from doing anything even remotely risky, and it was a torment to not get any more definite sign that yes, this is it, this is the one, time to calm down.
And then, a few months into his relationship with Lisa, when he'd been almost ready to bring up the soulmate matter, Torchwood Tower fell.
It made sense, later, that he'd always felt like that. Everyone before Lisa had been lovely and amazing and Ianto had loved every single one of them, but it was just that - love. With Lisa, every kiss had felt like taking your very first breath and dying at the same time and he'd given a little bit of himself to her every day. For the first time in years, he yearns for the warning he'd wanted before – it might not allow him the pleasure of wondering just who it might be, but it will save him from watching another lover die.
Joining Torchwood Three seemed to be the only sensible decision - and also pretty much the only choice - Ianto had if he didn't want to end up either insane or employed by UNIT, neither of which looked like the best opportunity. There was always Torchwood Two and Torchwood House, respectively in Glasgow and somewhere deep in the Scottish countryside, but he really didn't feel like picking either of them for several reasons. First, as far as he knew, Archie in Glasgow wasn't the best boss he could wish for, and second, he rather felt like going home.
It was childish, Ianto supposed - it was what little kids did - but he was upset and lost and confused and didn't think he could ever adapt to the actual world ever again, so Cardiff suited him just fine. The team was small and led by a man who apparently didn't like sharing much about himself (if the spectacularly short biography Ianto had stumbled upon while still working in research was anything to go by), so no one would ask questions he didn't want to answer.
Later, Ianto thought that even thought he'd asked for their indifference, he'd have presumed that getting in there would be easier in the first place.
Once Captain Harkness had allowed him to insert himself into his team of four, Ianto did his level best to remain unnoticed. It didn't work as well as he'd hoped - it was a very small office, after all - but they all seemed to be damaged by Torchwood in one way or another, which brought him a selfish kind of relief. Owen, their resident medic, had a jarred, ugly scar on his forearm that read 'Katie' if you leant in close enough and Ianto hated him a little less because of it. There was no doubt that the man was a complete arse, but he could at least justify most of it - Ianto knew better than anyone what it felt like to be exactly on the verge of finding everything you're looking for in life and then realising that you've lost it all. And the fact that Owen had a name made it all the worse - he'd been even closer than Ianto himself.
Tosh didn't show any signs of having a soulmate or even expecting one, and neither did Suzie. Tosh seemed to hope for one - and, if Ianto was right, it seemed to be Owen, despite everything - but Suzie didn't look the type to believe in the entire ordeal at all. There were people like that, too - people who were capable of finding their soulmate but actively worked against it. There was a subtle difference between people like her and the people who knew that they weren't destined for a soulmate; a thin line between protest and utter indifference.
Ianto was afraid to admit even to himself that he understood that, too. He didn't want to hear anything about soulmates any time soon - or ever - and made sure to keep firmly away from any suggestions of it. He remembered with the slightest bit of nostalgia the way he'd easily fallen in love before; throwing himself headfirst into any new person not because he thought that they might be the only one for him but solely because he could hardly think of anything better than getting to know someone from the inside out. Now the idea very nearly scared him - knowing someone meant getting attached, and that meant that he had already lost.
His refusal to deal with anything like that was part of why he chose Captain Jack Harkness as his bed partner and why he was so relieved when the man seemed more than eager to oblige him - there would be no fear, no doubt, no hesitation. He'd heard rumours that Harkness was a traveller in time; someone who had come from the future, which automatically excluded him as a possibility and made him all the easier to deal with. It was the best thing Ianto could imagine - every other time and with almost every other person, he'd tried to get ready just in case his lover turned out to be the person he was looking for and that, despite the excitement, made him a little uneasy and tense. The Captain could provide him with the exact kind of distraction he needed.
Things got better before they got worse and before he knew it, months had passed. A lot had changed - Suzie had died and Gwen had taken her place and then the Rift opened and everything went upside down, and Jack disappeared.
Ianto had missed him more than he'd thought he would, and was happier that he'd expected when the man showed up again. He was also the most forgiving one of the lot, apparently, because when they all ended up in a hotel, he was the one Jack came to first.
"I have to talk to you," he started and there was an unfamiliar edge of urgency in his voice. Ianto tried to stifle a yawn.
"Can it wait until tomorrow?" he asked through it and saw Jack think about it for a second before shaking his head. Resigned to his fate, Ianto sighed and moved away from the door to let him in. "Come in, then. What is it?"
"I was gone for..." This hesitation again; as if he wasn't sure how much he could get away with saying. Ianto had never seen Jack fiddle and yet he was witnessing it right now, and it was draining his patience even faster than usual. "...quite a while."
"Yes, I noticed," Ianto assured him with a tight smile. "Now, Jack, unless someone is dying or the planet is about to implode, I would really like to go to sleep." There was no response and he tried to elaborate. "I don't know where you've been all that time, but I had one hell of a day and need to-"
His voice died in his throat as Jack neared him briskly and looked him in the eye before turning him to the mirror on one of the hotel room's walls. Ianto raised an eyebrow but didn't protest and let the Captain position him in front of it.
"Take off your suit jacket and your shirt."
"Jack, this is really not the time-"
"Just do it."
Now he seemed almost panicked so Ianto did as he was told. It was usually easier to do as Jack told and ask questions later, so he hung his jacket, his tie and finally his shirt on the wardrobe's door.
"What is it?" He asked, well beyond irritated, and Jack wordlessly pointed at his reflection in the mirror.
Just as Ianto was trying to think of a polite way to ask the Captain if he'd gone entirely around the bend, he saw it.
It was just under the base of his skull; high enough for him to not have noticed it in the mirror before. It was short and blunt and impossible to misinterpret – 'Jack' was written there in the man's neat cursive handwriting and Ianto's eyes darted towards his, only to find them directed at the floor.
"How did you know?" he demanded sharply, because there was no way in hell that had been there before Jack's departure.
There was a small, miserable shrug. "I told you," Jack spoke again. "I've been gone for longer than you can imagine. It was a– let's say it was a parallel reality. Or a possible future, if you'd like. I was imprisoned and you were brought to me, because the Mas– the man who was responsible for it all thought that it'd be entertaining to bring my soulmate to me."
Ianto wasn't sure if he could proceed all that information quickly enough – there were definitely too many questions fighting for attention in his head – but he did his best. Now wasn't the time to try and dissect what exactly had happened too Jack; not when the unthinkable had happened.
He'd been fine with never getting a soulmate. He'd had Lisa, after all, and he'd lost her, and he genuinely didn't want to get into a similar mess again. He could stay in denial for at least a little longer, but what would be the point? Jack was right there and he was clearly waiting for Ianto to say something first.
"So," he sighed and turned to face him again, "you're the unfortunate soul stuck with me."
Jack frowned; confusion passing through his features for a brief moment. "I wasn't really–"
"No, Jack, you need to know something," Ianto interrupted him. It would be better, he thought, if they got over the basics quickly; it would be slightly less painful. "I'm not very good with commitment, or soulmates, or love. The last time I tried this, it all went down in flames, literally."
"Ianto–"
"And you can see what Owen's like, can't you? And it's all because his soulmate is gone. It would be easier for both of us if we could just pretend–"
"Ianto!"
Ianto fell silent mid-sentence, stunned into it by the sudden outburst. It only now occurred to him what a ridiculous picture they made – Jack, still in his boots and coat and Ianto, half-naked and red-faced with anger and something that approached panic, staring at one another in the middle of a hotel room. "What is it?"
"There's nothing we can do about it now," Jack started and gave a short, rather sad laugh. "And, honestly? Even if there was, I wouldn't change a thing."
"Don't be ridiculous," Ianto scoffed. "Jack, we're the worst possible thing that can happen to either of us."
"Listen to me," Jack said, a little more forcefully this time, and one of his hands reached out. Ianto watched its progress doubtfully as it wrapped around his wrist, but didn't do anything to free himself from Jack' hold. "You're afraid and I can understand that. But I can help you. I can," he empathised when Ianto tried to protest. "And I will. Think about it – you were afraid of losing your soulmate again and somehow met the only immortal person on Earth. And just when I thought that I'd have to live for hundreds of yours before I met mine, here you are. I would say we're both luckier than we think, don't you?"
Ianto gave it a second's thought and carefully disentangled himself from Jack's grip and caught his hand in his own. "I do," he said simply and, for the first time in years, he felt lighter than ever.