Chapter 12

Harry sat at the kitchen table with Remus and Sirius, clearing away the remains of his dinner and pulling out his books. It had been a few days since his first proper kiss with Sirius, the pivotal moment in their relationship. Neither of them had tried to define what their relationship was now, but they were both happy to ignore that fact for the moment. It was nice just to enjoy each other's company and be physically close to each other, as this was something that both Harry and Sirius desperately needed in their lives. Harry couldn't word exactly how he felt, but he knew he was comfortable and contented, and the happiest he had ever felt in his life.

Besides his changing relationship with Sirius, Harry had also been thinking a lot about his Animagus training. He was fascinated by it already, and after his first lesson with Sirius he had begun reading up on the theory of the transfiguration. It seemed complex, but he was determined to wrap his mind around it so he could prove himself to Sirius, and show that he was strong and powerful. He knew perfectly well that Sirius didn't expect him to master it overnight, but he couldn't help the thirst he felt to prove his abilities.

Alongside his Animagus training, Harry had got round to ordering the school books he would have needed for Hogwarts. Today they had arrived, and he was now obligated to start learning some of the spells that he should have been learning at school. He really hoped that he would manage to find History of Magic a hell of a lot more interesting than Professor Binns had made it seem. Defence was the subject Harry was most looking forward to, especially considering he wouldn't have been learning any Defensive magic if he was at Hogwarts at the moment. With the return of Voldemort looming over them and the Order frequently holding serious meetings at the Headquarters, it seemed more and more important to learn to defend himself properly.

"Okay, Harry, are you ready to start?" Remus asked him seriously. Harry could tell that he meant business with this tutoring.

"Yeah, I'm ready," Harry said, placing all of his books on the table, "what subject are we starting with?"

"Well, Minerva informed me that she's beginning to teach the fifth years the Vanishing spell, so I thought we might try that today." Remus pulled out a small white mouse from his pocket and placed it on the table, where it immediately tried to run away. Harry quickly grabbed it and held it in his hand, secretly thinking it was quite cute. He heard a small noise of dissent from the doorway and smiled as he saw Sirius walking in.

"Vanishing? You couldn't have picked something more interesting, Moony?" Sirius said as he sat down at the table next to Harry.

"You know perfectly well that Harry has to learn everything that he would have learnt at Hogwarts. Just because you're lazy, it doesn't mean you should let it rub off on Harry." Remus gave Sirius an amused look, which Sirius ignored in favour of nudging Harry and winking at him. Harry blushed and looked determinedly at the table so that he wouldn't give anything away.

"Anyway," Remus went on, "the Vanishing spell is a difficult one which gets more complicated on bigger animals. Professor McGonagall is planning on starting with snails, but I think you'll be fine starting with a mouse. It's a lot easier when you have one on one tutoring to get the hang of the spell."

Harry listened carefully, absent-mindedly stroking the mouse that he was holding in his hand.

"The incantation is Evanesco. Make sure you concentrate extremely hard on the vanishing of the object, this is not a spell you can accomplish if you're thinking about your dinner." Harry saw Sirius roll his eyes at the tone Remus was using, and he grinned but looked away. He couldn't afford to get distracted by him at the moment. Pulling out his wand, Harry pointed it at the mouse and cleared his throat nervously.

"Evanesco!" Harry looked hopefully at the mouse but of course nothing had happened. He frowned and tried again, concentrating as much as possible on the spell. "Evanesco!" The mouse looked back at him, determinedly still there in his hand. He glanced at Remus and Sirius, embarrassed at his lack of skill.

"Hey, don't expect to do it first time," Sirius smiled at him. "Try waving your wand a little more, and tap the mouse gently as you say the incantation." Sirius placed his hand on top of Harry's and showed him the wand movement. Harry smiled at him gratefully and tried again, determined to master the spell.

"Evanesco!" He said forcefully, concentrating as hard as he could and waving his wand like Sirius had shown him. The mouse squeaked loudly as its tail suddenly disappeared. "Ooh, look at that!" Harry said excitedly, looking proudly up at Sirius, who grinned at him in return.

"Nice one Harry! You're getting the hang of it already!" Sirius complimented him and Harry positively glowed. After about an hour of trying, with varying results, Harry finally managed to completely Vanish the mouse. It was almost a shame, as he was starting to like the cute little rodent, but he was immensely proud of himself for mastering the spell properly. As Harry was relaxing for a moment, a thought crossed his mind.

"Remus, how often do you think you'll be able to teach me? I've noticed you're away doing things for the Order quite often…" Harry said, trying subtly to find out where Remus was going, because he was extremely curious.

"Well, I can't say for sure Harry. I'm sure Sirius will be more than happy to help you out when I'm not here," Remus replied vaguely, although he looked slightly unconvinced. Sirius narrowed his eyes at him.

"Where is it that you go?" Harry asked bluntly, giving up on the subtle approach.

"I can't tell you that," Remus said stiffly. "You said you wanted to teach him something more interesting, Sirius? Go right ahead," he continued, obviously trying to deflect attention from himself. Harry let it go for now, but he really wanted to know what was going on. It was frustrating, living here and seeing all the Order members coming in and out, and not having any idea of what they were discussing. He felt like he had no input or information on what Voldemort was up to, and it seemed unfair.

"Yeah, I have a great idea of something to show you!" Sirius said enthusiastically, and Harry couldn't help but smile at him and get drawn in. It was impossible not to be enthused when Sirius was excited about something. "It's a type of shield, but it's more powerful and more useful in battle that the normal Protego."

"That sounds fascinating!" Harry said, his mouth hanging open. He had really been looking forward to Defence, and now he was going to learn something that could be really useful!

"It's a great spell to have in your arsenal, especially in a duel. You can cast it non-verbally, and it forms an invisible shield around you which stays in place and allows you to use your wand to perform other spells at the same time. The most important thing is to keep practising until you can make a very powerful shield, because you won't be able to concentrate on keeping it up while you're in the middle of a battle."

Sirius had gone into teacher mode now, and Harry loved the way his eyes had a serious and passionate look to them. He listened to everything Sirius told him extremely carefully, this was his favourite subject and he was determined to do well in it.

"You said its non-verbal, is there still an incantation I have to say in my mind?" Harry asked attentively.

"The incantation is Visarma. You just need to think it really clearly in your mind, concentrate on it fully."

"Okay," Harry said nervously. He'd never tried any non-verbal spells before.

"You'll be fine! I know you wouldn't usually do non-verbal spells in fifth year, but you've shown that you're extremely capable at Defence so I have complete faith in you." Sirius playfully ruffled Harry's hair, and he felt more confident with Sirius' words.

"Thanks Padfoot," Harry smiled warmly at him and Sirius' smile widened at the use of his nickname. An evil glint appeared in his eye a moment later, however, and Harry narrowed his eyes at him, immediately on edge.

"Okay, to be able to cast the shield properly, I'm afraid we're going to have to recreate a battle situation…" Sirius said to him, a smirk appearing on his face. Harry gulped.

"You mean you're going to try to curse me?" He asked, panicked.

"You know I wouldn't hurt you! I'll just try to disarm you, and you try your best to cast the shield and keep it around you while you try to disarm me in return. It's the sort of spell that's best practiced in the situation it would be used in." Sirius reassured him somewhat, and Harry tried his best to ready himself. Sirius suggested that it would be best to have more space, so they moved into the Drawing room and banished the furniture to the side of the room. Remus stood at the side of the room, watching them amusedly but leaving them to it.

"Alright, you stand there Harry, and I'll try to disarm you. Ready?" Sirius stood a few metres away from him and raised his wand. Harry nervously took out his own wand, repeating the incantation over and over in his mind. Visarma, Visarma, Visarma…As Harry thought the word over and over again, he felt a sort of warmth form around him, and he could swear he almost felt a force of some kind surrounding him. He relaxed slightly, more confident that he was going to be able to do it. He thought the incantation again, stronger this time, and he felt the shield around him strengthen.

"I'm ready," he called to Sirius, trying not to give away his confidence. Sirius wouldn't know what was coming to him…

"On three! One…two…three! Expelliarmus!" Sirius shouted the spell, and Harry concentrated on the feeling of the shield around him. Sirius' spell bounced off it harmlessly and Harry quickly shouted "Expelliarmus!" in return, Sirius' wand spinning out of his hand before he had gotten over the shock of Harry's shield working first time.

Harry smirked at the look on Sirius' face. He bent down and picked up the older man's wand, striding over and handing it back to him. Sirius frowned at him and took his wand back, getting over his surprise quickly.

"Wow. You weren't kidding when you said you were good at Defence!" Sirius said with a grin, patting Harry on the back. "I'm not letting you get away that easily though. Let's try again!" Sirius moved back to his place and Harry tried to ready himself, worried about how competitive his godfather was. He was confident that he could beat him, however, and he grit his teeth, holding out his wand and preparing himself for whatever Sirius was about to throw at him.

"On three!" Sirius said again, and Harry tried to use what he'd learnt so far in his Animagus lesson to help him. He cleared his mind, and tried to focus only on his shield, repeating the incantation in his mind. "One…two…three!"

Before Sirius had a chance to hit him, Harry yelled "Expelliarmus!" The spell bounced off Sirius' shield, and Harry ducked quickly to avoid it. They shot a few spells at each other, neither of them managing to break the other's shield, until Harry eventually managed to get Sirius with an unexpected Impedimenta. Sirius staggered backwards, his shield taking the brunt of the spell but collapsing and letting it through. It gave Harry enough time to disarm his godfather, and he watched Sirius' wand spin into the air and land on the floor behind him. He grinned at the disgruntled look on Sirius' face.

"Better luck next time, old man," he teased. Sirius growled and pounced at him, tackling him to the ground. Harry laughed, trying to push the older man off but he was pretty strong when he wanted to be.

"Say that again!" Sirius growled at him, his warm breath tickling Harry's ear, and Harry suddenly didn't want to push him off any more.

"I said…" he whispered seductively, "that you're an old man…good thing I like older men," he whispered even quieter. Sirius smiled and nuzzled Harry's neck, kissing him softly. He kissed a trail up to his jaw, then kissed him passionately on the mouth. Harry was getting very into it, when they were suddenly brought back to reality by the sound of an enraged Remus Lupin striding towards them.

"What the hell is going on here?" He shouted at them, he looked furious. "Sirius, he's your godson! What…I don't even know what to say!" Remus sat down heavily on a chair, pointing at the ones next to him and wordlessly commanding them to take a seat too. Harry walked guiltily forwards. How had he forgotten that Remus was in the room? Sirius looked worried too, and they sat down at the table cautiously.

"Sirius. Spill." Remus spoke bluntly, and Harry had never seen him look so disappointed.

"Look, Remus, I don't expect you to understand. I don't even understand myself why this happened between us…" Sirius began, sounding uncertain. Harry looked at him, hurt. Sirius' eyes widened and he hastened to correct himself. "I don't mean that I regret it, not at all! I just didn't expect to fall for my godson, that's all." Harry smiled at him, understanding what he meant. He had no idea how this had happened either, to be fair, but he wouldn't change it for the world.

"I don't know how or why this happened, Remus. I can't even pinpoint when I started feeling differently about Sirius. All I know is that we both have extremely strong feelings for each other, and I for one wouldn't change a thing." Harry spoke up nervously, speaking to the floor. He couldn't bring himself to look at Remus' face. He heard a sigh, and looked up tentatively. Remus looked troubled.

"I just don't get it. Harry, you had a chance at having a proper family. I thought you saw Sirius as a father figure!" He looked distressed, and Harry understood that it must have been very confusing to see Sirius kissing the son of their dead best friend. He sighed. This had been the exact problem Sirius had had to start with, and he really didn't want him having any more doubts. He glanced around to see Sirius' reaction to this, and he was relieved to see that there was no sign of regret on his face.

"Remus, listen to me. I know our relationship doesn't make sense, it isn't remotely normal, but since when have Harry or me ever been normal? If I can get over the issues between us, and you know how stubborn I am, then surely you can get over it too." He looked defiantly at Remus, and put an arm around Harry's shoulders. Harry melted into the embrace automatically, immediately feeling more at ease. Remus watched their interaction carefully, and his expression softened minutely.

"I can't promise that I'll ever agree with you two, but I'll at least give it some time. Is that a fair deal?" Remus asked, sounding strained.

"Okay, sure," Harry said eagerly, "I understand. It took Sirius a while to come around, so I can't expect you to understand this straight away when it's been shoved in your face like this." He looked away, ashamed at the knowledge that he'd been making out with Sirius right in front of Remus. He blushed, wishing he could just Obliviate him, but he sadly knew that it wasn't the answer. It was important to him, and even more important to Sirius that Remus was okay with their relationship. They watched silently as Remus gave them one last troubled look, and wandered from the room. Harry looked at Sirius, biting his lip anxiously.

"I really hope Moony comes to terms with this. I couldn't stand it if he left because of me," Harry said desperately.

"He won't leave, Harry, and it definitely wouldn't be because of you." Sirius hugged him tighter and Harry felt some of his concerns slip away. "He'll get used to the idea, or I'll just have to make him…" Harry smiled at this, happy that Sirius was determined to keep their relationship, despite Remus reacting exactly how they'd expected him to. Even though he'd known Remus would react like this, it hadn't made it any easier. He'd imagined them at least sitting down and telling him gently, not accidentally starting a make-out session right in front of him…Harry groaned and cringed at the memory.

Pulling back from Sirius, Harry yawned widely. It had been a long evening, and he really needed to get some sleep. Practicing those spells had really drained him, and now he was worried about Remus. A good night's sleep was what he needed at the moment. Sirius saw him yawning and smiled softly at him.

"Tired?"

"Yeah, really tired actually."

"Let's head to bed then, and I'll see you in the morning. I'm sure Remus will be fine after sleeping on it…" Sirius said gently, standing up stiffly and walking upstairs. Harry followed him, kissing Sirius goodnight and fondly watching him walk up the stairs to his own bedroom as had become their routine. He climbed into bed, his limbs feeling heavy and his mind foggy with fatigue. It only took a few minutes for him to drift off into a deep sleep.

Harry tossed and turned, his body drenched in sweat. He was plagued by the same nightmares as always, visions of running down endless corridors that ended in locked doors, and frustratingly vague images of random objects which exuded dark magic. He recognised the book with the fang-hole in it as the diary he had destroyed in his second year, but whenever he woke up he forgot the details of this dreams and only remembered the feeling of dread that always filled his mind. This feeling was all over him at the moment, surrounding him, and he felt as if he would never break out of this nightmare.

Suddenly, he felt a reassuringly cool hand pressed against his forehead, someone was shaking him gently as he slowly surfaced from the nightmares holding him under. He slowly realised that he could hear a familiar voice talking to him urgently.

"Harry? Harry, wake up!" As Harry returned to consciousness he recognised the voice of Sirius and he opened his eyes blearily.

"Sirius?" he whispered hoarsely, the horrible feeling of fear still clinging onto him as it always did for a while after he woke up from one of those dreams.

"It's me, Harry. Are you okay?" Sirius sounded concerned.

"I'll be fine. I have these dreams all the time…" Harry whispered. Sirius stood up as if to leave and Harry was suddenly, inexplicably, on the verge of tears. "No! Don't leave, please don't leave Sirius. I don't want to be by myself, I hate how weak I feel after these nightmares…" Harry confessed, unsure why he was saying this now. He preferred to keep these dreams to himself usually, because he hated showing a sign of weakness. Perhaps it was because Sirius was here, now, while he was still feeling the after effects of the nightmare.

"Of course I won't leave, Harry, not if you don't want me to." Sirius stroked his hair gently, calming him, and then climbed into the bed next to him. Harry instinctively cuddled closer to him and smiled at how warm Sirius felt. Sirius kissed him softly on the cheek, and put his arms around him protectively.

"Don't worry, I'm here now." Sirius whispered soothingly in Harry's ear, and slowly they both drifted off to sleep again.

Hope you enjoyed that chapter! Sorry it's short, but it would have been ridiculously long if I hadn't split it. Also, sorry for the wait, I've been on holiday and also just gone back to work so I may have less time to write but I promise I will still update as often as I can! Please please review, it makes my day :)