The Honeymoon, Part 1
"Scurgy-wurgy, I just can't believe you took me to Venice for our honeymoon!" Nightcloud gushed, pushing through the glass doors of the airport. The black she-cat was wearing a pink 'I Luv Italy' t-shirt, pink sunglasses, and had a pink camera hanging around her neck. "You are just soooo sweet! This is going to be the best honeymoon in the history of honeymoons!"
Scourge rolled his eyes. "You know I'd do anything for you, honey." Looking away from his new bride, he muttered, "I have to do better than Ashfur. He's taking Tansy backpacking through Europe and they aren't even married yet! He'll probably give her the best honeymoon in the history of honeymoons."
"What was that, Sweetheart?" Nightcloud mewed, snapping a picture of a historic building with Gothic architecture.
"Nothing, dear. I was just hoping you'll like the five-star hotel I booked for us," the small tom replied.
The she-cat's green eyes widened. "We're staying at a five-star hotel? Oh, Scurgy!" She grabbed him and squeezed him tightly in a massive hug. "You are the best mate EVER!"
"Nighty, darling, I can't breathe!" Scourge mewed, pulling away from the WindClan cat's grasp. "Let's take a taxi to our hotel and get settled in. Then we can decide what we want for dinner."
Nightcloud nodded. "Oh, I just know this is going to be the best vacation I've ever been on!"
"Scurgykins, this hotel is beee-utiful! Oh, just look at the fancy satin red bedspread! Look at the golden table and matching chairs! Look at this view! We can see the whole city from here!"
Scourge sighed. "Yep, this sure is a nice hotel. Staying here totally drained my bank account, but I had to take you somewhere nice."
Nightcloud nodded. "If you had booked us a room at Motel 6, I'd had divorced you on the spot! That's totally not romantic!"
"Whatever. So what do you want to do tonight?"
The she-cat looked out the window, down at the waterways beneath the hotel. "I want a fancy Italian dinner and a romantic ride on a gondola!"
"Gondola?" Scourge swallowed nervously. "One of those little boats?"
"Yes! It will be sooooo romantic!" Nightcloud mewed. "Please? Pretty please with dog teeth on top?"
The groom swallowed. "Well…if you put it that way, I guess it'll be alright." I guess she'll have to learn I get seasick sooner or later.
"Wasn't that spaghetti just to die for?" Nightcloud meowed, staring up at the starlit sky. "The noodles were so tender and buttery and the sauce was so flavorful! Mmmmm….I wish I could eat there every night!"
"Well, we can't," Scourge growled, nervously eyeing the rippling water beneath the small boat. "I can't afford to buy you dinners that cost one hundred mice every night. We'd have to live in a cardboard box. Being evil doesn't exactly pay well."
Nightcloud narrowed her green eyes. "You have to ask Brokenstar for a promotion. You've worked at Brokenstar's House of Villains for three years! It's about time he promotes you from bully busboy to horrible henchman. You'd earn twenty thousand mice more every year if you get the promotion."
The villain rolled his eyes. "Can we not talk about this now? It's our honeymoon, for StarClan's sake! We can talk about work when we get back home."
"Fine," Nightcloud growled. "If you want to let Brokenstar walk all over you for the rest of your life, that's your problem, but you've got a wife to support now. I expect a high standard of living. I am not going to get a job just because you're too scared to stand up to your boss!"
Scourge, forgetting about his seasickness, whipped his head toward his new bride. "Who do you think you are? A princess?" he spat. "I work hard at Brokenstar's House of Villains! If it wasn't for me, we wouldn't have been able to visit Europe for our honeymoon! I had to work overtime for eight moons to pay for this trip! If you expect to spend the rest of your days lounging around my den and spending my money, forget about it!"
"I'll do whatever I want!" the black she-cat howled, unsheathing her claws. "You can't force me to work! I am your wife so your money is my money! I can spend it all on nail polish and tutus if I want and there's nothing you can do to stop me!"
Just then a jet-ski sped past the tiny gondola, rocking it violently. Scourge grabbed the edge of the boat and dug his claws into the wooden surface, squeezing his eyes shut and shaking with fright.
"What a baby!" Nightcloud laughed coldly. "It's just a little wavy. The gondola won't tip over. Wimp."
The black tom slowly eased his grip on the boat, opening his eyes a sliver. His stomach sloshed uncomfortably inside him, the spaghetti not agreeing with the rocking gondola. Quickly, the tom leaned over the edge, staring at the water and hoping he wouldn't lose his dinner.
"I married a kit!" the she-cat cried. "He won't share his money, he gets seasick, and he complains about his job…what's a she-cat to do?"
The boat driver, a brown tabby tom with a black handlebar mustache stared down at the unhappy couple. "Do not-a fret, little lady," he meowed with a thick Italian accent. "Your tom just doesn't know how to treat a lovely she-cat like you. Love takes time."
"But he won't share his money!"
The tabby stopped rowing and sat down next to Nightcloud. "Young tom, you cannot expect a lovely lady to work for the rest of her life. You must take care of your mate."
Scourge narrowed his eyes. "You're taking her side?! She acts like she's the queen of WindClan!"
"All she-cats think they're a queen," the Italian cat mewed calmly. "It's your job to treat them like one. Ask for that promotion. How terrifying can your boss be?"
"Well…he's killed kits," Scourge meowed weakly.
Nightcloud threw her paws in the air with an exasperated sigh. "And you've killed thousands of cats in the twoleg place! You're both evil! Just ask for a promotion already!"
The tom heaved a heavy sigh. "Alright. You're right, like always. I deserve a raise, and you shouldn't have to work because I'm a scaredy-cat. I'm sorry for fighting with you on our honeymoon. Will you forgive me?"
The she-cat's eyes brightened. "Of course I will, Scurgy-wurgy! I love you sooooo much!" She stepped forward and wrapped her paws around the tom in a massive, smothering hug. Her movement, however, caused the gondola and rock back and forth.
"Darling," Scourge mewed weakly, feeling a familiar pain in his stomach, "I love you too, but promise me one thing."
"I'll promise you anything!" Nightcloud gushed. "I love you so much, my evil little love-muffin!"
"Never make me ride on a gondola again!"