(A/N: Here's the next installment of the Bizarre Life of Nightcloud and Scourge. I'm sure you were all waiting eagerly for it. :) Anyway, if you have any ideas on what strange things my even stranger couple could do, let me know! I have some ideas, but I'd love to hear what you think! Oh, and YES, I will probably let them have kits at some point, but not immediately. Maybe around Story #10 or something. I'm not going to name the kits Nightkit and Scourgekit because I want their names to be as strange as their parents, and their parents technically have normal names. If you have any ideas for names, feel free to let me know. Or how big the litter should be or how many of each gender they have. That works too. I do want them to have AT LEAST one she-cat...)

The Gym

Scourge stepped timidly on the white plastic bathroom scale. Glancing nervously down at the number that appeared in blood-red coloring on a small screen, the tiny tom shuddered. "Seriously, nine pounds?!"

A black she-cat, sitting at a pale pink vanity smiling at herself in the mirror, turned to glance at the frustrated tom. "Scurgy, you are looking rather pudgy around the edges."

"You're one to talk!" Scourge growled. "What are you up to now- twelve pounds? Thirteen? You aren't exactly thin!"

The she-cat glared at him. "Never talk about a she-cat's weight. We are beautiful no matter what we weigh. Toms, on the other paw, should never ever be over-weight. You need to lose some weight."

The tom rolled his eyes. "So she-cats can be over-weight, but toms can't? That doesn't seem fair."

"Whatever," Nightcloud meowed, pulling some green eyeliner out of the vanity drawer. "You should join a gym. Some exercise would peel that extra weight right off."

"A gym?!" Scourge hissed. "I would never join a gym! They're full of goody-goody Clan toms who are only there to impress the ladies. I don't want to have to listen to Hawkfrost talk about how all the she-cats love him to pieces."

"You're such a baby," his mate mewed.

The tom shook his head stubbornly. "I am not! And I have exercise induced asthma!"

Nightcloud sighed. "Stop making excuses. I already signed us up for Couple's Exercise Hour at Runningbrook and Sedgewhisker's Exercise Palace."

"You did WHAT?" Scourge cried. "Couple's Exercise Hour? That sounds horrible! And that place is run by she-cats!"

"Do you have a problem with she-cats?" Nightcloud asked, raising her eyes threateningly. "Runningbrook and Sedgewhisker are my friends. They gave me a discount."

Scourge shook his head, glaring at his mate. "I'm not going. That's final."

"You're going. Our first session is tomorrow at seven."

"In the morning?"

Nightcloud nodded, smiling evilly.

"Wow, this place looks great!" Nightcloud exclaimed, pushing through the doors of Runningbrook and Sedgewhisker's Exercise Palace. The black she-cat hurried to the front desk where two slim tabby she-cats were sitting. "Runningbrook! Sedgewhisker! It's good to see you!"

Scourge tiredly followed his mate to the desk, blinking sleep from his eyes. "How do you have so much energy?" he mumbled, glaring at Nightcloud. "I need a coffee- extra caffeine, extra sugar."

"Oh, no sugar for you!" Nightcloud scolded. She turned back to the tabbies. "Somebody's still a little grumpy about this."

"I can tell," the older tabby meowed. "Scourge, put a smile on your face and greet the day with a happy attitude!"

"Runningbrook, Scourge is never happy," Sedgewhisker joked, swatting the black tom with a flowery pen. "He just doesn't see the joy in life."

Nightcloud nodded. "That's why I married him. I'm going to make him see all the good and wonderful things in the world. Now where's the couple's exercise room?"

Runningbrook handed a map to the black she-cat. "Follow this hall down in the corner and turn left. The couple's room is the first room on the right. You're in a class with three other couples, and Whitetail is leading the class this morning."

"Thank you," Nightcloud meowed, turning to head down the hall. Turning back to Scourge, she jerked her head in the direction of the class. "Come on!"

Sighing miserably, the tom padded after his mate. "Do I have to?" he asked, hoping Nightcloud would change her mind.

"Yes," she answered, turning to the left.

"Oh, Nightcloud, Scourge, you made it!" a white she-cat meowed happily as the two entered the hallway.

"Whitetail!" Nightcloud meowed happily. "I'm so glad to hear you're teaching our class!"

The she-cat nodded. "It's going to be fun! Why don't you two go into the room and get settled. We'll start in about five minutes."

Nightcloud turned to the right and lead the way into the classroom, Scourge still following miserably. Six other cats were already in the room, doing some pre-class stretches.

"Come on Rowanstar, stretch out those hind legs!" Tawnypelt was meowing.

"Bramblestar- move, you lazy lump!" Squirrelflight was scolding.

"Lionblaze, put that Mountain Dew down this instant!" Cinderheart was ordering.

"This will be soooooo much fun," Scourge muttered sarcastically.

Nightcloud glared at her mate. "Fix your attitude, mister! This will be awesome!"

Tawnypelt spied the new couple and smiled brightly. "Nightcloud, how nice of you to join us!"

Rowanstar, Bramblestar, and Lionblaze all gave Scourge sympathetic glances. "Your mate dragged you into this, too?" the ShadowClan leader asked.

Scourge nodded. "Apparently I need to lose a pound or two, but she doesn't. I think she just came to laugh."

Bramblestar sighed. "I think that's what Squirrelflight wanted. She keeps telling me I'm more fat than anything else!"

"We toms have to stick together!" Lionblaze announced. Lowering his voice, he added, "And I have a cooler of Mountain Dew in my car if we need it after this torture!"

"I heard that!" Cinderheart called to her mate.

Whitetail entered the room, securing a hot pink head-band around her ears. "Okay, couples, are you ready for some exercise?"

"Yes!" chorused the she-cats.

"No!" chorused the toms.

The white she-cat laughed. "I expected as much. In the last session, I had to practically tie Graystripe to the treadmill! Why is it the toms always grumble so much here?"

"Because they're fat lazy lumps!" Cinderheart meowed.

"Maybe," Whitetail nodded. "Anyway, let's start with an easy brisk walk on our treadmills! The pink treadmills are for the ladies, the blue ones for the toms."

The four she-cats immediately got on a treadmill and began messing with the settings. Scourge watched the other toms slowly make their way to the blue treadmill that sat next to their mate's. The tiny tom followed suit, and after casting a furious glare at an excited Nightcloud, he pressed the button that said "leisure" before starting up the treadmill.

While five of the six cats began their brisk walk, Whitetail moved around the group, checking their treadmills. "Tawnypelt, you're doing great! Keep it up, Cinderheart! Good for- Scourge, what are you doing?"

"Walking," the tom meowed weakly.

"I said we were doing a brisk walk, not a leisurely stroll," the she-cat scolded. "Turn your speed up!"

Scourge shook his head. "I'm quite happy with this speed, thank you."

Whitetail sighed and reached for the settings button, but lost her footing and accidently pressed the "extreme" button.

The belt on Scourge's treadmill began moving faster and faster until his paws were barely skimming it. His paws began tripping over each other as the tom tried to keep up with the machine, but his heart was pounding and he suddenly couldn't breathe at all. Letting go of the handle to stop the treadmill, his other paw lost its grip and he tripped, his legs buckling beneath him. His face hit the metal handle before hitting the rough belt, which shoved him backwards and off of the machine entirely. His body, being fairly small, was shot off the machine so quickly that he crashed into the back wall, hitting his head, his side, and his bottom all at once.

Collapsing on the ground, the tom laid almost completely still. He was sore all over and couldn't feel one of his back paws. Still heaving for breath, his vision blurred and he couldn't make out his gym bag- not that he could have gotten to his inhaler if he had wanted to.

"Someone, call an ambulance!" a she-cat's voice cried.

"Where's his inhaler?" a tom's voice shouted.

"Is he okay?"

"Is anything broken?"

Scourge couldn't tell who was speaking- he was too dizzy, out of breathe, and sore to move. Closing his eyes, he was vaguely aware of being lift onto a gurney and pushed out of the room. As he was wheeled toward an ambulance, he heard a she-cat ask loudly, "If he dies, how soon can I collect his life insurance?"