A/N: This is Part 2 of the first story, TEN HOURS (If you haven't read it, I highly advise you to do so! I know for a fact there are going to be more parts, so stay tuned for that. Thank you so much for the love that has been shown, and don't forget to leave a review! :)
Cover cred: (at sign) CleverDreams on Wattpad
ROLES:
John Laurens (bold) — IG handle : (at sign) _ever_yours_turtle_
Peggy Schuyler (italic) — IG handle : (at sign) a . dot .ham_ilton (Me) {WITHOUT THE SPACES IN BETWEEN BC FANFICTION WON'T LET MY TYPE IT WHOOPS
John waited at the train station, his head in his hands. His hair tightly slick back and his facial hair slightly running loose. He rubbed his eye that dug massive bags below. They were so close... so damn close. "James you ass." John cursed under his breath, tears seemed now foreign to John. When his best friend died... and now his brother... John shook his head. Standing as a large freight train pulled into the station with an echoing halt. He stepped inside and took his seat in a first class booth. His sisters... and all but one of his brothers. Had waved him off. He held the faded picture. worn and torn. in his hand.
Peggy Schuyler was watching and waiting for the train from inside the station. Trains made her nervous, and having a panic attack wasn't something she relished going through today. Finding the ring on a chair around her neck, her fingers close around it, her thumb making small circular motions over it to calm herself. It's habit now, so she doesn't even think twice about it now. Seeing the train from inside the station chug in, she takes her things and stands outside.
John leaned against the window of his seat before something caught his eye. A bright yellow coat. He sat up quickly, his eyes flashing across the platform. He stood quickly and basically ran to get to her. He pushed past women and men, his heart accelerating... When he came to stand in front of her, by this time they were both on the train, she had not yet seen him. He stared at her, unknowing exactly what he should do.
Oblivious to the situation, she bites her lip as people swarm around, all boarding the train. Closing her eyes for a moment to take a breath, she finds a car to sit in that isn't completely packed, and struggles to fit all her luggage in the compartment.
John blinks quickly, the spitting image intense and entangled with emotion. He finally wills himself to come to her side and ease his hand over hers. "C-can I help you miss?" he asked
She snatches her hand away instantly, "N-no actually-" her where dies in her lips when she looks up at the stranger who offered to help her. Her eyes widen as all the color drains from her face, going through a range of emotions in seconds. Shock, utter disbelief, excitement, rage, before settling on a neutral face, "J-John?" She whispers, barely audible.
John nods dryly. Noticing she was looking rather sickly suddenly. "H-hello Peggy."
Subconsciously, her hand goes to be neck, for her 'necklace'. "Y-you're here." She states the obvious
"Yes... I am going 'home'" he says, rather irritated with the statement. "And you are here..." He states the obvious right back.
"Right. Home. New York. The city." She has the ring in her fist, and holds it to her chest, sitting down. "H-how are you?"
"Seriously?" he says impulsively. Out of utter rage that had festered sense she had not made return of his writing. He stared at her. "You can spend two years ignoring me but the least you could do is skip the pleasantries." He bites
Her eyes flash in anger, "Two years of ignoring you? What are you talking about?! Everyday for 365 days I waited to hear from you, God, did I. But you dropped me like a sack of potatoes almost instantly!"
"Ignored you?! I sent you a letter everyday for the first year! I did not drop you! You dropped me..." John had grown quieter. People were staring at them.
Peggy loud whispers, "I never received any letters from you. Do you know what that's like? You think you mean something to somebody, and then they fall off the face of the planet, never to be heard from again."
"You think I did not feel the same? It is torture to wait for word that never comes. I thought something outrageous must have happened. I thought you must have died. Something!" He is closer now. Leaning down to settle the height difference.
"No, I didn't die." She says sarcastically, "Wish I had, though" she mutters to herself. A bit louder, "Instead I had about the worst 2 years you could imagine."
"Tell me all about how you went to school, how you found love in someone else, how your life did not go as planned." He mutters. leaning closer to her with interest and inquiry
"Well you're semi-correct in your assumption" she frowns. "You make it sound like a good thing, though... What about you? I want to now all about how successful you are in New York, how you have a beautiful girl waiting at home for you right now. And how close your are to bringing your family with you, if they're not there already."
"New York is... amazing. My best friend and co-worker died. I rose swiftly in business then. My family is all here... other than my brother who... he..." John could not keep going. He had not talked about why he was on the train. Even people who knew why knew better than to ask.
Peggy feels her old flame for him flicker, and she tried to tamper it down. "That's- that's great. I'm so happy for you..." softening her voice, "May I ask about your brother?"
"No... you may not." He answers plainly. Anger and sorrow mixing in his facial expression
That stings, and Peggy hopes the hurt doesn't show on her face. "O-oh, okay." She stares at her hands
John blinks, shaking his head. "I-I mean, no no, I meant that my brother... he..." Johns eyes welled with tears
She tentatively places her hand on his shoulder, "What happened, John, you can tell me" she says gently
John might have moved away had he been more able minded. Instead, he looked to her. Tears in his eyes. "He is dead..." He mumbled, almost inaudibly. His voice hoarse and full of sorrow
"Oh John" she exhales, feeling her heart sink to her stomach. "I'm so sorry..." She wants to hug him, but knows she can't
John shook his head. Tears streaming down his face with silence. He had not yet said the words. It made it real. "It is o-ok..." He nods.
No, John, it is not. You lost somebody very dear to you" she says sympathetically
"That d-does not mean I can't be okay..." He whispers now.
"It takes a long time to recover from losing somebody. Let yourself mourn" she soothes.
"I just wish..." His tears fell down his cheeks. "I wish I would have j-just been there... He worked himself to death. W-we were so close Pegs..." He closes his eyes tight
"I know, I know..." she hasn't been called 'Pegs' in so long, and she feels tears start to prick her own eyes.
"Peggy... I wrote to you... every. Day." He stares at her intently
She shrinks under his gaze, and whispers, "I swear to you that I never received a letter from you"
"I wrote my first letter on the second train. After... I wrote everyday sense. I m-mean... I stopped eventually. I thought something happened..."
"I wish I'd received them. I have—" she blushes as what she's about to say, "— have a box filled with letters I wrote to you, but never sent..."
"I sent everything. Every thought, every event, everything that happened... Peggy, being away from you was like the torture of hell." He grabs her hand, unknowing how she would respond.
She flinches at his touch, her hand tensing in his "I wish I'd been able to read them" she says quietly.
"Where did they go?" He asked curiously, like she would know the answer
"I honestly have no idea!" She takes his hand out of his, and places it in her lap, and looks down at it, whispering, "I'm sorry"
He stands awkwardly over her shoulder. "You... you still have not told me about school... about the south."
She grimaces, and laughs humorlessly, "To put it lightly, the South wasn't kind to me" she plops down in the seat.
"How so?" He asks, shifting on his feet so he is not sitting but he is facing her.
She smiles weakly at him, "You did sure you wanna know...?
John nods assured, getting pushed by passing people.
She closes her eyes, "WellIDidn'tFinishSchool" it comes out all in one word as she exhales.
"Y-you didn't?" His eyebrows raise in surprise. "Peggy, why?"
She sighs, "You see, that story branches into another story, and I'm afraid the other story will upset you very much..."
"Do not worry about me other than my inquiry. Just tell me." He says.
Peggy starts slowly, "I was... stressed after I began school. Every day not hearing from you made it worse... I started eating less, and sleeping more..." She squeezes her eyes shut as if to block out memories
John nodded, for the first time sense their encounter actually analyzing what she looked like. He noticed how skinny and frail she looked, how tired. Her eyes were still like bright stars, but they were worn even deeper than the first time they had met. John laid his hand over hers, bending down to look at her in the eyes. ¨Please continue...¨ He whispered
"I couldn't keep up. Everything was just so... overwhelming. I-I couldn't even leave my room, it got so bad at times"
"Peggy, that is okay." He eases with a steady nod. "Everything will be okay."
She doesn't look at him, "Apparently I'd made one friend while at school, though... he'd come visit me, and we'd talk, it was nice." She faintly smiles at that. "I ended up in the hospital, once... and he visited me to make sure I was okay"
"T-that is wonderful. I suppose you make each other happy." He smiles, hiding pain in his eyes.
"We did. He asked me to marry him... We broke off the engagement 2 months ago" There are tears in her eyes
"O-oh... may I ask why, miss?" He cringes at his words. "I mean- Peggy."
She ignores his mistake, "H-he wanted to have a family" she's whispering so only he can hear what she's saying. "I-I couldn't John... when he asked why not, I told him my past" her voice has turned squeaky.
"and he..." John sighed, shaking his head. "I am so s-sorry Peggy." He whispered
"He said he didn't want the mother of his children to be a slu-" she buries her face in her hands to hide her tears
"But you are not. Are you?" John asked stably. Like a steel fist wrapped in velvet.
"NO! Oh God, no no no"
"I know, Peggy Schuyler. You are not a mistress, that just is not you. If that man believes you are, we both know he is wrong. A man who is much too incompetent, does not deserve someone like you. No matter what he did for you, how he made you feel, if he visited you in a hospital. He does not deserve you." John stared at her. giving her truth. ¨I am sorry." he gave her this sheepishly.
"You have nothing to be sorry for" She looks at him, "It's my fault... I don't think it's in the cards for me to find permanent love"
John sighed, turning his head. Quickly noticing something around her neck. Without giving her fair warning, he reached out and lifted it between his fingers lightly. Staring at it, his breathing shaky as his hands became clammy and his eyes widened.
Surprised at first by his sudden movement, "Wha— Oh" she unclasps the necklace and wordlessly hands it to him
He runs his hand over it. Tears in his eyes, once more. He breathed shakily. His hands trembling. His eyes flashed between the ring and her. "Y-you still wear it?" He whispered.
"This is the first time it's been off my neck since you gave it to me" already her neck feels bare without it, her hand touch where it would lay against her skin.
He was shaking. Thinking. "What if I needed this?" He whispered
"I-I don't know..." she whispers helplessly, not knowing how to answer his question
"Because... I promised something to a girl a while ago... it is for someone special." He wants her to catch on.
Peggy bites down hard on her lip to keep her from wailing, "Oh-Oh of course. How selfish of me. It-it never was mine anyways, you- you can keep chain it's on, too. I won't be needing it anymore." She fumbles for words
He rolls his eyes impulsively, his boyish smile flashes on his face. His eyebrows raise, motioning for her to continue. Silence with a touch of hilarity creeped between the two of them.
Peggy looks at him really confused... "What? I gave you back the ring; what you wanted, right?"
John rolls his eyes again. "Peggy." He states. "Think a little."
"You DON'T... want the ring back...?" She says slowly
"My God," John laughs. "I want to use it. I want to propose to someone. Someone who promised to say yes, what? Two years ago. In a place not much different from here." He motions around the train, looking around. "Gettin' it?"
Suddenly it dawns upon her, "Me?!" She squeaks out
"Ding ding ding." He says plainly. Smiling down at her.
"Are you serious? Y-you want to propose to me?" She starts crying
He nods slowly "My feelings, no matter how rejected they feel, have yet to change... Even if you wanted them to change. They just can't. I fell in love. I am sorry..." He whispers, his impression was she was angry with this extreme notion.
"Even after all this time?"
John nodded. Watching her intensely.
With tears streaming down her face she throws herself into his arms.
John holds her. Actually twirling around slightly at the momentum. Looking about as clique romance as it gets. He kissed the side of her cheek, her forehead, all over her face. "I love you, Peggy." He whispers
"I love you too" she clings to him, never wanting to let go if him again, "H-how though? I thought you'd hate me by now"
"I always just had... hope." He whispered with the faint traces of a smile.
"I can't believe you've held out for me all this time" she whispers in his ear, "I didn't deserve you then, and i most certainly don't deserve you now"
John just stared at her, then rolled his eyes again. "Just... stop it okay, stop talk like I am above you" He mocked her previous words. a smile gracing his face and then reached down and tilted her chin to look her in the eyes. Then he leaned in and kissed her lips softly to quiet her.
Peggy's about to protest when his mouth is on hers, and she kisses him back. "I've missed this so much" she mumbles, wrapping her arms around his neck
"I actually thought...¨"He started. Pulling away slightly. "I actually thought I lost you, just like everyone else. I thought... I was just letting you go. I thought it was what you wanted..." He leans his forehead against hers
"What I wanted?" She breathes his scent in, and takes his hand, pulling him down into the seat next to her so she can sit in his lap.
"Mhm... I had written you about a years worth of letters when I decided you must have met someone else. I included in every letter, if you ever read them, what I hoped you were happy with. I hoped maybe you had worked something out with your family, that school was well, and your health... I guess that my hopes did not work. I—" John looked to her. "I am so sorry, it is my fault you are out of school, my fault you got sick, my fault, my fault, my fault." He hangs his head sadly
"It's not your fault" Peggy says firmly, "During that time, the only thing I ever wanted was you. I once told you that I was selfish, well I still am. I've kept your heart all this time, and I'm going to continue holding it forever, okay?"
John nodded with a very naïve looking smile. "Yeah, I would like that a lot." He laughs happily, forgetting exactly why he was on the train.
Peggy thinks for a moment, "Am I going to get the ring back..?" She laughs
"O-oh! Oh yeah!" he pulls it from his pocket and frees it from the chain. He lightly, moves her so she is sitting next to him. He holds her hand lightly, bending down on one knee. "Peggy Schuyler, do you think I could maybe hold you to the whole... being selfish thing? Like forever? I told my brother I would spend the rest of my life with the person I love. That person is you, even before I knew you I loved you. Both times I have ridden a train in my life. Fate has brought you closer to me than any man deserves. This is my mom's." He motions to the ring. "I know she would have loved you. You are charming and beautiful. My exact perfect other half." He rubs her soft knuckles with his rough thumb. "Fancy how fate works. Our romance must be tied to trains," he laughs. "Will you marry me?" he asks
"John Laurens, two years ago, in a situation not much different from where we are now, we planned our future. I promised you then, that if you proposed, I'd say yes in a heartbeat." She smiles warmly at him, "A lot has changed since then, but my feelings for you haven't. 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder', I see how true that statement is everyday. So yes, of course I will marry you"
He slips the ring over her finger and wraps his arms around her tightly. "I never want to let go." He whispers
"You'll never have to" Peggy rests her head on his shoulder, "You're stuck with me now"
"Finally." he smiles, breathing steadily
"I had a ring for a constant reminder... H-how did you keep hope?" She queries, looking at him
"I wrote... and I did not have much else to put hope in." His face becomes grim
"Thank you" she whispers in his ear, "for letting me keep your heart"
"I could not trust anyone else with it..." He notes. "I lost so much hope..."
"I wish I'd been able to read the letters you'd written..." Peggy says remorsefully, shaking her head
John nods, slightly lost in thought.
"What is it?" She asks him, knowing when he has something on his mind
"Just thinking..." He says, rubbing her hand and the metal band.
"About what?" Peggy fiddles with ring on her finger, still amazing that she's actually engaged right now
"About my mom... and dad, my brother, and best friend..." He says quietly
"I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you for your best friend and brother" she takes his hands in hers. "I should've been, and I wasn't. I'm sorry"
"You did not know... And if my brother—... I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be engaged. And Alex..." John trails off.
"Fate is cruel sometimes..." She kisses the side of his face
"Fate knows what it is doing... Alex liked you a lot... Not like t-that, but he liked how I described you. He thought I should stop writing you though..." John reminiscences
"You told him about me?" She smiles a little at that, "But why did he tell you to stop writing?"
"He said I was driving myself crazy... that even if you were a goodhearted girl, it wasn't safe to keep writing to someone who never responded." He said, the stifled tears. "I have written him a letter everyday sense I learned... but I haven't sent them. I don't know where to send them."
She feels her own wave of tears coming on, "H-how long has he been...?"
"A few months..." He admits hesitantly. Then he sits up with utter hurt. Quickly deciding now might not be the time, he shakes his head.
Peggy nods her head in understanding, her hand is on his back, massaging in circular motions, "I'm here whenever you feel ready to talk, okay?" She tells him
"Y-yeah. Yeah, okay... you would of liked him. He was smart as hell. Ambitious, pure fire basically. He loved to read and damn could he write." John chuckled, hugging Peggy closer.
Peggy sighs in content, pure happiness just to be in his arms again, "He sounds wonderful... Oh!" Peggy jumps up and reaches for a hatbox which she's brought, and brings I over to him. "Every letter I've written you for 2 years"
John takes the box from her silently. Taking the lid off slowly. Looking in there were more letters then he could count in an instant. He reads a few from the top. Smiling and laughing, his face becoming grim and even some anger met his face when necessary. "These are wonderful Peggy." He laughs, she did like to joke of him. Her situations. "Why, dear, would you not send these?" he asks
Peggy watched anxiously as he reads a couple, and sighs in relief when he reacts, "I hadn't gotten any word from you..." She shrugs, "I-I assumed you'd moved on, found somebody else, maybe, maybe not. I wasn't going to send you letter after letter if you were trying to forget me, and out me in the past"
"Hahahaha yeah, that would be c-crazy." He chuckles nervously
She laughs, "What? I'm right"
"No... you are right... haha.." He rubs the back of his neck
Peggy looks at him with question in her eyes, "You sure there nothing bothering you?"
"I sent every letter..." He admits quietly. "Someone has just... a giant stack of letters..."
She nods at the thought, "Where did they go. Who has them, and why would they care to return them to the correct address when they had my name on then... " she muses
"I am not sure miss..." He looks up at her
"Peggy" she automatically corrects, "Sorry," She mumbles, blushing.
"Let me call you 'Miss', okay?¨ He laughs. "It makes me feel good."
Peggy giggles, "Okay fine... I just don't like that it sounds like you think I'm a stranger to you."
"Shall I call you my dearest charmer, stealer of my affections, and love of my life? Does that cause you less distress?" He smiles boyishly at her
"You may call me whatever you'd like," She looks at him with pure admiration in her eyes, "I love you so much John Laurens"
"I love you too." He holds her hand lightly
"I can't wait to get back to New York, now" she rests her head back. "I want to introduce you to my family"
"O-oh..." John whispers shakily
"What is it? Aren't you excited about the future?" She asks him quietly
"Y-yes! Yes of course I am, b-but... will your parents... will you..." He does not wish to speak his thoughts. That does not mean they are not there.
"Tell me..." she whispers, "Will I what? What about my parents?"
"Will they like me?..." He asks quietly
She's quiet for a moment, "I-I don't know" she admits honestly. "I'd like to think so... eventually"
"W-what if they d-don't approve?" He asks shakily, surprised he can muster the words
"I don't know. There's nothing I can do about that, I love you. I'm not going to lose you again"
"You don't think maybe... Who were you living with again?"He asked, curious
His question is unexpected, but she answers anyways, "Cousins of my mother's. Why?"
"Just... no, that is crazy to assume... never mind." He sighs
She stares at him, slightly irritated, "If I'm going to be your wife, then you better break that habit." She warns, "I WANT to hear about what you're thinking"
"That is not yet possible my dear." He smiles up at her
She scowls, "Well at least try"
"It is conspiring against your family Pegs, I do not wish to share that." He shrugs
Conspiring against my-" her hand goes to her mouth, "What do you think they did?!"
"I did not mean to! I will not say!" He glares, crossing his arms slowly
"I can think of several way to get you to talk..." she says with a certain look in her eye
"Go ahead. I know whatever you hang over my head is a bribe you would not dare convey." He smiles devilishly
Her scowl deepens, brows furrowed, "Wanna bet?"
"You are acting like a child." he grumbles. "Let it go."
"I'M the one acting like a child?" Her voice squeaks
"Yes, Peggy... it does not matter. Stop worrying."
Peggy huffs, "fine" and crosses her arms, leaning back against the seat
John rolls his eyes, then leans over so he is facing her. Real close. "You're cute when you're agitated... not that you are not a cutie all the time." He shrugs with his signature grin
"Augh" she groans... "Why do you make is so hard to stay upset with you?"
"When you are love with someone... it is really easy to ignore anger. Example: Your smile makes me calm. If I am enraged or hurt, I can just look at you and I am not angry, or upset. Just happy that you are." He kisses her nose
She cracks a smile and lightly laughs, "You're a hopeless romantic, you know that, right?"
"It is really easy to be hopeless and helpless and all the good things when you around someone like you." He sighed and leaned back. Holding her with one arm
Peggy runs her hair through her short curls, "I make you feel helpless?" She cracks a smile
"I look into your eyes and the sky is the limit. I am down for the count and I am drownin' in 'em." He crinkles his nose. placing his hand at the side of her face. "I am helpless." He concludes
"You're adorable" She laughs at him, shaking her head
"Do you think I have changed? Sense we met?" He asked, tilting his head
Peggy looks him over slowly, thinking. "I think you've changed as in you have more of an idea what you want, you're more sure of yourself, if that makes any sense..?"
"I guess so..." He smiles. Then it falters a bit. "U-uh Pegs... do you think we still want the same things we did?"
"I-I don't know..." She frowns, then smiles again, "Do you wanna figure it out?" She cuddles next to him
"Yes. Ok, lets think..." He plays with her hair absentmindedly. "We obviously want to get married. Do you still want a family?" He asks. Hope in his eyes.
"Yeah, I have the ring to prove it" she holds her hand up to look at it again. Turning serious again, she says, "John, I once made you a promise, which I intend to keep. Do you remember it? It was along the lines, 'I promise you'd get the chance to be a _'. What was it?"
"A father..." He smiles again. Pure joy in his soul. "Yes. I remember. I am just... I want to ensure you want this..." He whispers "I want you to think I will be the father you want for your kids."
His reaction is all she ever could've hoped for, "If one thing hasn't changed at all, in these 2 years, is that I completely, wholeheartedly trust you..." she looks him dead in the eyes, "I want this with YOU. YOU'RE the only person I've ever wanted to be the father of my children."
"I just love you... so much." He whispers in her ear.
"The fact you can love me after you thought I was just ignoring you..." She shakes her head, "just he's to show me how special you are"
"I want you to be mine... forever... did you love that man?" He asks quietly
"It's done. I'm yours." She tenses, hearing his question, "W-what do you mean?"
"The man you met... The one who you..." John closed his eyes tight. "Y-you said yes though... I mean, you did love him..." John whispers painfully
She nods her head sadly, "Yes— yes I did love him..."
"What was his name? What was he like?" He asked quietly, his heart breaking, but that was masterfully masked by John. Who had grown up hiding what he felt.
"Thomas. H-his name was Thomas" she whispers, "I really did think he loved me, too..."
John sighed. "You think he didn't? He never did?"
"I think he did, in his own way. But obviously the love want deep enough to stay" she laughs bitterly.
"I-I..." Instead of feeling happy. He felt the same sorrow she felt for her. It was wrapped in every word. "Peggy, I am so sorry... I didn't think... d-do you think some part of you wishes it was Thomas holding you... that ring belonged to him and with it, the idea. Do you wish you were his?" He asks
"No," Peggy says with positivity, "The relationship I had with him was very different. Not bad, but different. Even while we were together, I continued to write you no longer, and wore your ring around my neck. Looking back, I-I don't think it would've been fair to him to be with somebody who's already given her heart away..." she says the last part hesitantly, noticing quieter
"Well... I suppose..."He did not want to admit. Admit what he had done.
"Y-you suppose... What?"
"I- I am not so... I was not... I was not in love with her, I was hurt Pegs... I was not..." He rubs his head.
Peggy's head snaps up to looks at him, pure shock on her face, "I-in love with wHO?..."
"I wasn't in love Peggy! I was mourning! I couldn't- all I wanted was... r-relief." he whispers
"John, you're scaring me" her voice shakes, "W-what are you talking about?"
"On the night Alex died... I got drunk, angry, depressed. It was bad" He admits "Like... sitting at a bar sobbing bad... and this woman... she-" John didn't want to say it
All the color drains from Peggy's face, and she suddenly looks terrified, "What. Happened. John?" Her voice halting on every word
"J-just... It meant n-nothing." The two had parted from their touch. Staring at her. "It was a way for me to find... some thing good. I have lost s-so much... please understand." He falters the last phrase. Does he deserve to be understood?
"What did you do with this woman, John?" Peggy' starts hyperventilating, and she closes her eyes to focus on breathing, her knuckles white from gripping the seat to keep her from sliding off onto the floor
John was shaking, his hair in his face. His eyes were full of sorrow. begging for forgiveness. "P-please... j-just..."
"No no no no no" she mutters it herself, rocking back and forth
"Peggy... I love you, and only you. She meant nothing them, and especially not now. You know I love y-you." He reached out to rub her shoulder.
She shies away from his touch, moving farther down on the seat. "I-it must've meant something if you didn't tell me about her sooner"
John backs away. "You know the feeling. You know exactly what this feels like. Do you remember the day we met? You did not look me dead in the eyes and say. "I was involved in a major scandal"... it is something I regret more than words can describe. I am so sorry."
"That's a whole different story, John Laurens" Peggy's voice is dull. "I was forced into the situation against my will, and Goddamn it, I hated every second of it"
"Dammit Peggy! How many people in your life have you lost? Your best friend? Your brother? Your parents?" John was on the verge of hysterics "I thought the love of my life hated me! Wanted nothing to do with me!" John's shoulders rose and fell heavily, uneven. His breathing hitched a million times a minute. He began to choke. Coughing, but his glare remained.
"You were hurting, I get it, I do! Okay, I know you've lost some of the most important people min your life. But what am I supposed to do?! Pat your head and say 'its okay that you had a one night stand with a woman you'd only just met in a bar!?" Peggy's voice is pitchy and she's waving her hands while she's talking.
"I don't need you to be happy about it! I don't want you to! I am not. If I could go back, I would." He nods viciously. "I love you. I always did, always will, I can't lose you again." He grabs her hand, without a need for consent. "P-please, I can't do it again. I won't be able to-..."John has tears in his burning eyes. "J-just..." He whispers. "P-please." He closes his eyes tight.
She closes her eyes for a long minutes and exhales slowly, "okay" she says in a small voice
"I know I don't deser-... w-what?" He asked, surprised
Peggy clears her throat and repeats herself, "Okay..." She returns to his arms, and hugs him, her face on his shoulder so he can't see her tears.
John is almost full fledged sobbing. Dry heaving. His shoulders flinching up and down in absolute hysterics. "T-thank y-you M-margarita." He sobs. So overwhelmed with relief and happiness and regret.
Seeing how much this has been paining John, Peggy's heart breaks for him. "Oh John" she whispers, embracing him, letting his get everything out. "I love you"
John nods, finding her hand. Rubbing his hand over the rock. "I wish I was enough." He stated after he had calmed down. "I wish I would have just..." His tears continue to roll down his cheeks, but his breathing had settled
"You are enough" Peggy reassures him, "But..." She hesitates, "I do have one question for you..."
"W-what?"He whispers
She flushes with embarrassment even before asking, "I know it's none of my business, but... D-did you enjoy it?
John blushes, like a bashful boy. Tear streams stained his face but he wasn't crying anymore. "I uh-... It was really fake. I was angry... she was so..." He thinks for a moment. "She had this fire that seemed to be just... fueled with lust." He admits quietly. Describing it was odd. It made him blush harder. "I am sorry, you didn't probably w-want to know that..."
"I did. As long-as long as there was nothing there between you two afterwards... I-I can let it go. I have no right to be angry, anyways..."Peggy shrugs, "I have my own past to be upset about" she kisses him long and hard
John holds her, moving his lips rhythmically against hers. They pressed to each other tightly. Before John pulled away, his face sad. "W-will you reconsider your decision now?" He asks. Finding her hand and rubbing his thumb over the ring
"What decision?"
"You know... Do you still wish to marry a poor, impure man?" He musters.
Oh" she wipes her eyes with her hands, "Don't you know who I am? I'm not any more pure than you are. And as much as it hurts, I'll get over it. I just want you so badly, John, all to myself" she whispers
"I don't know why..." He whispers.
Peggy hugs him tighter, "I also apologize for my reaction... I realize now I could've been , uh— more... Understanding..? You were right. I hadn't told you outright that I'd been apart of a scandal, and I had no right for the reaction I had" She hangs her head
"No, don't apologize. Your reaction was fair. My actions weren't." Is all he says. Averting his glance from her.
Peggy takes his hand and plays with his fingers, "Our future: What do you think about our wedding now?" She asks timidly
"I don't have a best man anymore," He shrugs.
"I never even had a maid of honor..."
I have a crazy i-idea..." John whispers
"Hmm?" Peggy looks at him, "What is it?"
"W-what if... as soon as we get to New York...I just take you to the court house... we eloped quietly." He presses his forehead to hers. Staring up at her.
Her eyes widen, "A-are you serious?"
"Yes." He answers with stability
"We'd be married so soon..." she whispers, the thought making her smile
"Is that good or bad Pegs?" He laughs, looking at her admiration
"Its definitely good" she states, "Let's do it, I want to be your wife as soon as I can"
He smiles genuinely at her. "I just want to be yours." He say
Peggy squeals in delight, And throws her arms around him, "This time, I can't wait for this train to stop"
John's eyes widen, "My God— that's a full circle right there..."He laughs lightly
Peggy laughs, "I know, right? Funny how fate works... I don't know how I feel about train rides anymore"
"Me neither..." He smiled
Peggy kisses him, "What're we going to do afterwards? Where are we going to live?" She asks sweetly
"I love the city a lot more than I thought I would... but if you can't go back there. If you can't live there happily, then we will find somewhere where you can be happy." He rubs her cheek with his thumb, laying a light kiss on her nose.
She smiles at him, "I-I want to live in the city. I've missed New York, and I know I can be happy there if you're with me."
You sure?" He asked, cocking his head to the side
No..." She bites her lip, "But I'm willing to try"
"That's great." He says. Pushing hair from her neck and laying his lips there. Kissing quietly. Breathing her in what he had lost for years.
She sighs in content, John's closeness makes her feel safe. A safety she hasn't felt since her last train ride, and forgot existed. "John?"
"Mhm?" He whispers with a smile
"What about your family? W-what will they think of me?"
"They loved you... for a long time... but then they just..."He shakes his head. "They'll love you as soon as they understand the situation, I promise. They'll love you because I love you." He smiles and rubs her sides.
"Loved? Why— Oh..." Peggy nods her head absently. "They hate me for what I did to you, don't they?" She asks in a small voice
"They don't hate you..." He whispered, "They weren't happy I kept writing is all."
"I want them to like me," she says decisively, "I want to prove to them that I deserve you."
You don't have to do that." He said soothingly
Peggy looks at him, "I do, though... I have no idea what they've read about me, or my family, or anything..."
"Everything they could since they knew..." He shrugs. "You made the paper a few times..." He admits
She pales a little at that, "S-so they know, about...?"
"I am not sure about that. I wouldn't think so." He says looking at her
Peggy clears her throat, "Anywho, I can't wait to meet them" she smiles at him
"Even if they don't ..." He pauses. "It doesn't change anything for me Pegs." He smiles.
"It will though" she contradicts
"No it won't." He answers, slight confused why she would contradict and doubt his affections.
Peggy tries explaining, "your family is... different than mine. You're close, and value each others opinions. Your family is extremely dear to you, John. I wouldn't want to be a reason why that changed..."
John thought for a moment then sighed. "My family will understand." He says
"I hope so" is all she says, mindlessly twirling the ends of her hair
John begins to feel absolutely ecstatic about getting off this train. "When we get off... where should we go first? It will be the first time we go anywhere together that is not a train." He laughs loosely. The train begins to slow and John looked around. "Better choose quick."
His excitement is infectious and she grins broadly, "The court house...? I mean, only if you still want to right away..."
John thinks for a moment. "Do you want me to carry you?" He asks with a scrunched nose as the train comes to a complete halt. He stands and holds his hand out for her
Peggy giggles, "If you'd like, but don't forget our stuff!" She stands up as well
"I can carry it all." He nods like a child. His head bobbing, he looks down at her. Utterly distracted by how beautiful and fast of the current situation they were in. He stared at her with wide eyes.
She kisses him, "how about I let you carry me into our 'wedding'?" Picking up her luggage, as well as the hatbox of letters she looks around to make sure she hasn't forgotten anything
John picked up his one case, the same one he had his whole life. "You are sure you don't want a ceremony? I know it can be a lot to just have you 'wedding'" He quotes with a plain smile.
"If we do it the 'proper' way, then we'll have to wait up to another 2 years. I've waited long enough, John" she takes his arm, "I'm ready"
"Good." His eyes widen in realization. "Let's walk away together." He says, real tears in his eyes. As he walks with her along past the countless people. To the court house.