A/N: The song is called "The Grace" by Neverending White Lights (feat. Dallas Green)
Disclaimer: If you recognize it, I don't own it.
~Angels say they can make you suffer
Give and take like a vicious lover~
Dean had no idea where he was. All he knew was that there were two angels on the other side of that door, fucking torturing him, to find where Castiel had hidden himself. They must have been Raphael's lapdogs or something.
And Dean didn't know. He didn't know why they took him. He didn't know why he had to be the one to endure the torture again. He didn't know where he was. He didn't know where Cas was. Hell, he didn't even know if anyone missed him.
He and Sam had split up when they'd taken him. Sam had been worried about Castiel. Sam had always been the worrier of the two, Dean supposed. But not Dean, Dean had faith in Castiel. Even when he hadn't answered his calls anymore. Even when he had yelled and screamed and thrown every swear word he knew at the sky, Dean had had faith that Castiel was fine.
He wasn't about to admit to Sam that he was worried about Castiel. He had to endure enough sassy comments from Sam about the 'special bond' and the sometimes (completely innocent, he told himself) lingering looks.
So they had split up, Dean to chase some rogue angel that seemed to be leaving a trail of used-up 'vessels'. And Sam to try and find Cas.
And boy, was he regretting it now. Because of course he was worried about Castiel. Cas always came when he called. Sometimes it took him a while, but he never let them down. And hell, if Cas didn't answer his pleas in the middle of the night over the last 3 months, chances were slim he'd show up as some knight in shining armor (Oh my God, I did not just think that about Cas) to save him now.
And he was tired. And beat up. And broken. And he didn't want to fight anymore, because why should he? The situation was hopeless. And he couldn't even sleep, his body (or his mind) wouldn't let him. If only he could get out of this nightmare for just a little while and dream of getting saved. Dream of the angel who was meant to save him.
~When all this loses meaning
You'll never want it back somehow
Awake, but still I'm dreaming
And never waking up~
They had cut him, branded him, beat him. They had done unspeakable things to him. It wasn't as bad as when Alistair had had a hold on him in hell, but there, he knew he had no hope of ever coming out of there, even though, against all odds, he did.
Now he actually had hope. Hope he so desperately didn't want to have. Hope for the angel that had already saved him more times than he could count. The angel he had taken for granted. And the worst part of it all, was slowly, day by day, losing that hope.
And his mind was playing tricks on him, telling him that Cas, the most beautiful thing he had ever laid his eyes upon (but he would deny ever thinking that to anyone who asked) would come for him. Would somehow know he was missing and make some kind of grand entrance with Sammy in tow. Saving Dean. But that small voice in the back of his head was starting to win the battle. The small voice that said that Castiel had ignored his calls for a reason. That he was in hiding, because of these two assholes and that there was no way in hell, or well.. heaven, that he would put himself in jeopardy for Dean.
~You're not coming back for me
These things, they will never be
I'm so used to being wrong
So put me where I belong~
After almost three weeks had passed, Dean had gone through the first stage of loss (denial and isolation) and went on to the stage of anger. He wasn't going to give in, it just wasn't going to happen. If he was gonna go down, he'd go down fighting.
Granted, he had no weapons to kill these angels. He barely had the strength to stand upright by himself. But damned if he was going to go out by the hands of two fucking lapdogs who wanted to fight dirty.
He was going to get out of this Goddamn place and when he did, he was personally going to track down Castiel to kick his ass. He had nothing to do with this raging war in Heaven. And damn those who put him smack dab in the middle. He wasn't gonna have it. He'd get out of here, if it was the last thing he'd do.
~I'll get back to you
God knows I try
But I still lose~