A/N: This isn't the secret. Stop asking!
Peyton: Nobody even commented that yet. You didn't even post this chapter yet!
Pyro: YOU LIE! The secret will be NEXT chapter. or will it...
Peyton: Shut up
"Today, on Ouran Highschool Ghost Club's Ghost Adventures, we have a very special guest." A second year said. He had slicked back, light blonde hair and bright turquoise eyes. He held a microphone and was being filmed by a first year. The cameraman had bright green, short hair that had bangs shagging over his also green eyes. The Second year passed the second microphone to the American news reporter.
"I'm a special guest? I guess you don't get much Americans around here. You should really change that, Americans are literally the best." She said
"Word," The cameraman said.
"Daisuke, I told you the camera man doesn't talk!" The second year said
Daisuke shrugged in response.
"So, anyway, I'm your host Izanagi Yoshida and this is our guest star, American Woman Who Reported On Deaths," Izanagi said
"Finally, someone gets my name correct." She mumbled sarcastically. "Wait, how could you tell I'm American?"
"Just a lucky guess," Izanagi replied, "Let's get on with this."
Izanagi, Daisuke, and the American news reporter were now standing in the back of the school. "Here was where we found the Hitachiin twins brutally murdered by an ax with 'STAY OFF MY GIRL' on their backs. If you watched my news report, 'MY GIRL' is referring to the best country in the world," the American news reporter said.
"No, it's not. Isn't referring to that guy Haruhi." Izanagi said. The American glared at him evilly for disgracing her country.
"But dude, Haruhi ain't a girl. Wait, is he..." Daisuke said.
"Didn't I tell you to shut up?" Izanagi asked rhetorically.
Daisuke shrugged again.
"But anyways, back here you could hear the ghosts of the twins. Listen..." Izanagi said.
After a moment of silence, Kaoru's voice was heard saying "You know... I don't think the Boss wanted to chop wood."
"Shut up, Kaoru," Hikaru said.
"I told you we shouldn't have come" Kaoru replied.
The forest went to silence again.
"That is one of the two things you could hear while you're here," Izanagi said
"The other one is kinky, gay, ghost, incest sex, AKA, The second best thing in the world. First being America, of course." The news reporter said.
"Whatever you say," Izanagi said, rolling his eyes.
Izanagi, Daisuke, and the American news reporter changed location again. They were now standing in the host club room.
"Here is where the short kid-" The American news reporter started.
"His name is Honey" Izanagi interrupted.
"Oh, I'm sorry! Who's the special guest here?!" The American news reporter interjected.
"I think you're the special guest!" Daisuke said.
"SHUT UP DAISUKE!"Izanagi yelled.
"I'm sorry" Daisuke replied.
"So, anyways, this room is where THE SHORT KID died. It was by arsenic." The American news reporter informed
"The big A-S. Number 3 3. The A.M. of about 74.92159," Daisuke said.
"A: You're talking again, and B: What the actual hell are you talking about?" Izanagi asked.
"Arisnik is the 33rd element on the periodic table. I was informing the viewers of some properties of the element," Daisuke answered.
"Haha, you're a nerd. You know American nerds sent the first man to space. What are Japanese nerds doing? That's right, NOTHING!" The American news reporter said.
"What about Nintendo?" Izanagi asked.
"Because Honey was poisoned his ghost is still in here too," The American news reporter said.
"Well... you're clearly ignoring me," Izanagi said, annoyed.
"If you listen closely, you will hear this." She continued, still ignoring Izanagi. The American news reporter put a finger to her lips to signal silence.
"It's kind of lonely, just the two of us. Right Usa-chan?" a far away sounding voice of Honey-senpai said. He laughed "You're right Usa-chan. Cake always does make us feel better. Let's go!" More of Honey's laughs were heard until it eventually dissipated.
"Spooky," Daisuke said after Honey couldn't be heard anymore.
"JESUS FREAKING CHRIST DAISUKE!" Izanagi yelled.
The Ghost club and their 'special' guest were now in front of the roof entrance door.
"Here was where the place where the tall one fell off and died," the American news reporter said.
Izanagi faked coughed "Mori" he mumbled.
The American news reporter ignored Izanagi again. "In recent developments, it's believed that it was, in fact, murder and not suicide. The murderer sure is smart for loving America enough to feel the need to involve it in the letter."
"Are you sure he didn't add it because of you?" Izanagi asked.
"I'm always sure. But adoring fans, you know how the other ones had voices left over? Well, if you go onto the roof, it is literally utter silence. Watch." She said. The three of them walked onto the roof. 'See' she mouthed
'what?' Izanagi mouthed.
Izanagi and the American news reporter looked at Daisuke behind the camera.
'Even in silence I have to shut you up, you idiot.' Izanagi mouthed in annoyance.
'I miss the sound of my voice. Let's go to the woods!' the American news reporter mouthed. (Yes, you can mouth exclamation marks)
The three of them were now in the woods in front of the ashes of a burned down log cabin. "Here is where the french annoying one and the sexy smart one died a horrible death of flames and anguish."
"The smart one is named Kyoya." Izanagi corrected. "But Renge you could still call 'the annoying french one'."
"You didn't mention Kyoya's sexiness. He's like a sexy hammerhead shark with glasses and a black squid placed on the top."
"Squids are sexy," Daisuke said.
"Yeah! The only good thing to come out of not-America! High five for hentai fam!" the American news reporter said and raised her hand for a high five.
"It hurts to live..." Izanagi mumbled.
The American stood there next to Izanagi with her hand still in the air waiting for a high five. Izanagi had his face buried in his hands because it hurt to exist at that moment. Daisuke was staring blankly at the reporter's hand as the camera rests on his shoulder. In their silence, Renge was heard yelling "KKKKKKKYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" quiet loudly, but all three of them were preoccupied so none of them cared.
"Renge, please stop yelling. It was bad enough when we were alive," the voice of Kyoya said.
"You don't mean that." Renge laughed.
"The best part of the afterlife was attending Tamaki's terrible wedding."
"Well, maybe Tamaki should have kept your ashes.
Renge argued.
"He should of," Kyoya said.
Angry teeth grinds of Renge were heard and faded away.
"They got the ghost noises, let's just leave," Izanagi said, barely removing his face from his hands.
"I'm not leaving until this turd high fives me!" The reporter said.
"What's a high five? Does it involve the Count from Sesame Street getting a hold of weed and sharing it with a five?" Daisuke asked. His question sounded sincere.
"T-the stupidity, i-it kills..." Izanagi said as he fell slowly to the floor.
The American news reporter was now standing in front of the commoner dwellings Haruhi used to live at. Izanagi was no longer standing there, but there was another boy in his place. This new boy was taller and a third year. He had brown eyes and curly, short, silver dyed hair. "Um, hi, I'm Kentaro Kawaguchi. The better half of the Kawaguchi triplets. Izanagi gave up on Daisuke, so I guess I'm the host now. Um, this is where Haruhi used to live. Her dad was killed here. He was a transvestite, so..." Kentaro said.
"You're doing great!" Daisuke said and gave him a thumbs up, covering the camera with his thumb.
"Lying's a sin you know." the American news reporter said to Daisuke.
"Mary Smith, you're being mean," Kentaro said, looking at the floor. He was obviously much less used to interacting with people than Izanagi.
"I prefer 'the American news reporter'. It suits me." She said (Mary Smith was the most American name ever according to 'this one website I looked on'. Mary is easier to write than 'the American news reporter'. If you don't like it, I honestly don't care. ).
"O-okay," Kentaro said
"So, he died here. Listen to the transvestite ghost," Mary commanded.
"Oh, it looks like you caught me, Haruhi. I followed you here so I can carry your shopping basket. You know, how daddy loves accessories. Now, why don't you just hand it over?" a far away sounding voice of Haruhi's dad said.
"He was a weird guy. or girl. Who knows?" Mary said
"Ranka was still considered a man when he was alive. He just liked to dress in woman's clothing." Kentaro said quietly, looking at the floor.
"Did I #$% ing ask you?" The American reporter asked rhetorically and glared at Kentaro.
"N-no sorry."
"Didn't she, like, ask you when she said 'who knows'?" Daisuke asked.
"We should go to the next location," Kentaro said.
"Alright, you not Americans, let's go!" the American reporter said and started walking away.
Kentaro, Daisuke, and the American news reporter were now standing outside the Suoh mansion number two.
"Listen to this one!" Mary said excitedly.
"HHAAAARRRUUHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" A far away voice of Tamaki was heard, but it was so loud it sounded like he was shouting in their ears.
"Tamaki isn't dead. He just never leaves his room," Kentaro said.
"Nobody cares about the maid that died," Daisuke said.
"Of course. Her death was scientifically imposable." The American reporter said.
"Hey!" a random servant said. "Hippity hoppity, get off Master Suoh's property!"
"Run!" The American reporter said and made a mad dash away. Kentaro looked nervously at the camera.
The video cut to inside music room #8 (the ghost club's room).
"So that's our ghost documentary for this week," Izanagi said. "I was your host,"
"And I was, um, host for a bit too," Kentaro said.
"Shut up Kentaro." a girl that looked like Kentaro but with longer golden hair said. She was Kentaro's twin Kyoko
"Listen to your sister." Izanagi said. "and this has been, Ghost Adventures number one-hundred fifty-three. See you next week. The Ouran Ghost Club will be waiting for you."
"We'll see you then." Izanagi, Daisuke, Kentaro, and Kyoko all said in unison.
A/N: My little brother looks like Honey-senpai, but he can't pronounce Usa-chan. It's sad. Isn't that right senpai.
Peyton: Yeah,... I guess?
Pyro: He says Usa-con. I cry. Woe is me. Review or Honey would come back to life and loose his cake, then die again. Nobody wants that. And If you like the ghost club, go check out my other fanfiction, Ouran High School Ghost Club.