A/N: I'm so jetlagged. Damn this stupid time zone difference. My body is telling me I should be sleeping, but the sun just set outside! My sleep schedule is going to be messed up for days… 3_3 (This chapter will be revised eventually, sorry if it's a little choppy).
To the Guest who mentioned the messages of the last chapter: Hi, love. I know exactly what you mean. Growing up, I didn't particularly have any real role models or anyone who could help me understand my value, so a lot of my childhood and early tween years, I spent thinking I had no worth for various reasons. I had to self teach myself to love myself, but I too had one great music mentor/teacher once who made me see that what I lacked in my life had nothing to do with the value I should see in myself as a person. I agree that teachers should drive this point home for all children, especially when they get to the point where they start to question their own worth when they compare themselves to their peers. I'm sorry about the relationship you have with your father :/ I can definitely relate; it's because of that that I grew up having little confidence in myself. If you ever want to PM or chat, my inbox is always open, chérie :)
You guys have been such a comfort to me since I joined this site. I don't really know how to express my immense thanks and gratitude for you all. You're wonderful, special people to me and I just want you all to know that. :)
Disclaimer: I do not own Girl Meets World, but… eh I got nothing…
"Elliot, Suny, heads up! Maya's up at bat."
The two practicing catches in the outfield both took several steps back, but Maya didn't really pay attention to that, unconsciously tightening her grip on her bat and squatting a bit more to wait for the pitch.
Now that Maya knew with absolute certainty that Anna wasn't being honest about missing her mother, she'd decided to watch out for her more. She was a strong little girl, but Maya couldn't help but worry about her mental state. She didn't want to coddle Anna in any way—kids her age valued their independence and the chance to grow up and develop things on their own. But Maya knew what that kind of pining could do to her mentality and morale, and she wanted to help Anna avoid the painful and lonely childhood years she herself had had to experience.
Maya only hoped that by the Fall Fair that weekend, Anna's spirits would lift so she could enjoy herself more.
Tina tossed the pitch, and Maya swung hard on autopilot. The crack of the ball on her bat resounded through the air as it soared up and over all their heads, cascading past both outfielders before landing innocuously on the sidewalk nearby. It rolled a bit of a distance and then ended up falling in a large grate off the concrete that led to the sewers. Everyone groaned, turning to Maya with raised eyebrows.
"You know, I appreciate the effort you're putting in to kill it at the actual game, but do you mind toning your enthusiasm down a bit for now?" Tina walked over to her, wiping her brow of the sweat that had collected. "None of us are getting any real practice because you keep whacking the ball to different cities. You've been lost in thought the entire practice. What's up with you?"
"Sorry… class was just difficult today." Maya rubbed the back of her head.
"Well that was the last ball we brought to train with." Coach Morris walked over to where the other teachers were congregating. "The rest have disappeared to unknown locations."
Elise ran a hand through her hair. "Think we should just call it a night then? Fall fair is this weekend. At this rate, there's not really any more practicing we can do."
Maya sighed, smiling apologetically. "Sorry guys."
Maya felt bad. They hadn't collectively had that much time to practice since everyone's schedules couldn't line up to prepare for the parent versus teacher game. And when they could practice, it always had to be late at night in the park or at the community centre, provided that they weren't already occupied. This was their last day to practice—the first time they'd finally all been available for practice together too—and they'd barely gotten too much time in because of Maya's inability to focus.
"It's okay, Team Captain." Nina gave Maya a soft pat on her shoulder. "We all have those days. As long as we have fun at the game on Saturday, that's what counts. Make sure to keep that enthusiasm on Saturday though and knock 'em all out of the park."
"Any words for us, Cap'?"
"Right." Maya set her hands on her hips. "We may be underestimated because we're teachers, but those parents won't know what hit them. There's one hundred eighty dollars riding on this game. So have fun, but make sure we kick their butts."
They cheered and then dispersed to gather their belongings to head home for the day. Maya walked over to her bag by the park bench, sticking her bat in there and sighing in satisfaction as her back cracked as she bent over. Her body was a little sore, feeling unaccustomed to the strenuous work from the exercise, so it was a relief. One by one, each of the teachers left, saying their goodbyes and heading on their way home.
Maya couldn't lie that it felt good being on a team again after so many years off the field. There was just something exhilarating about the sport, something nostalgic that reminded Maya of her drive to succeed in her youth. The high energy of the game, the adrenaline pulsing through her veins, the team all working together to win. She'd given up softball after her Gammy died, and over time she'd forgotten what it was like to play.
It felt familiar. Like an old friend she'd lost contact with and finally reuniting after years of not talking.
"…are practicing at another field. Heard they've got some hot moms and dads on their team."
Tina's words drew her out of her daydream as she plopped on the bench beside her. Maya glanced at her curiously as she took off her sneakers to put on some flip flops. Maya preferred her heels to even out the height differences between her and pretty much everyone else, but her toes were kind of sore, and she would rather drag her feet around. It was a little chillier than she would have liked, but she pushed aside her slight displeasure in favour of comfort.
"Huh?"
"I said, the parent's team has some hot people on their team. They're practicing nearby here. Let's go spy on them."
Maya snorted, raising a brow. "Okay teenager. Don't you think we're kind of too grown for that?"
"We're not anywhere near thirty yet. Live a little."
"You're married, Tina."
"I'm married, not dead. Eye candy is eye candy." She laughed. "Besides, we won't bother them. Let's just go check out their skills to see what we're up against."
She did have a bit of time to kill before she had to take her subway home.
"Alright. But I'm only going for recon." Maya stood up with her bag, smiling when Tina pumped her fist in the air.
They walked to the other side of the park where indeed the parent's team was practicing for the game on Saturday. There were quite a few dads on the team, who'd probably grown up playing baseball when they were younger, judging by their technique. There were some moms on the team too, who definitely had a lot of experience in the game. They were all in perfect sync, playing like a team who had been together for months.
"Damn…" Tina muttered when the shortstop did some crazy tuck and roll move just to get the ball. Even Maya had to admit she was impressed. "We don't stand a chance, do we? It's like a bunch of kids playing against seasoned professionals."
Maya leaned against one of the trees nearby. "Don't psych yourself out before we play. They could have just had more time to practice than we did."
But even though she said that, she didn't necessarily believe her own words. While the parent's team probably had had more time to practice together, each person looked like they were chosen to play specific positions based on their experience. Their pitcher was pretty precise, looking like she knew exactly where to target her tosses to affect how the batter attempted to hit the pitch. They had Billy Ross as catcher, one of Maya's classroom moms from two years ago was playing left field, Lucas on first. Most positions seemed catered to by someone who probably knew how to play it well whereas most of the teacher's team was made up of a ragtag group of volunteers who had free time on their hands but never really played. Not to mention, the parents had their own comfortable equipment that they were probably used to using for years whereas the teachers had to borrow some bats and gloves from the affiliated high school in their district.
"Well, I just lost ten bucks. And we all just lost one eighty." Tina sighed as the parents finished their practice. It was a sentiment Maya definitely understood well. "Alright, Maya. I'm going home. My husband's making me dinner tonight and I have to make sure he doesn't confuse sugar for salt again."
Maya chuckled. "See you tomorrow."
They gathered their things from their practice, the parents also leaving to go about their evenings as the day began to draw to a close. Maya was fixing to leave too, but she was a little worried about Anna and since Lucas was here, she figured she might as well ask him before he left for home.
He was walking in her general direction, speaking with Billy Ross as they headed over. He looked kind of funny with his hair plastered to his forehead from sweat, part of it sticking up at odd angles. Then again, she didn't really want to know what she possibly looked like. Her hair was probably frizzy, maybe looking like a cat on her head even though she'd tried to tie it in as tight a ponytail as possible.
"If you're busy on Friday, I can pick Anna up with Amber after the Fall Fair," Billy said as they walked towards their own bags. "Amber wanted her to come over. I can bring her back on Saturday."
"I'd appreciate it. Thanks," Lucas said gratefully. "Anna wanted me to come, but I can't get time off work."
"Hey, no problem, man. I'll see you on Saturday." Billy grabbed his bag from the bench before clapping Lucas on the back and heading on his way. "We keep playing like that, and we'll definitely beat those teachers."
"Count on it." Lucas chuckled, waving as Billy left.
Maya waited until Lucas had gotten his sweatshirt on and gotten his glove and bat into his bag before she made her presence known.
"Don't underestimate us," she said, crossing her arms in front of her chest when Lucas spun around, caught off guard. "You'll be surprised."
Maya didn't make it a habit of sneaking up on people, but she couldn't resist the urge to freak him out a little. His initial surprise dwindled into a pleased smile as she walked over to where he stood.
"Spying on me, Maya?" he teased.
"Not one bit." Maya responded, a little flustered by the fact that she had to crane her head up to look directly at him. Without her heels, she didn't reach his shoulders, and it annoyed her. "I was doing recon on your entire team. Nothing more, nothing less."
"If you say so," Lucas said, though she could clearly tell from the small smirk on his face that he didn't take her comment seriously. Lucas grabbed his own gym bag, rucking it up on his shoulder. "It's getting late. Were you waiting for me to finish up?"
"Yeah. I was concerned about Anna. I wanted to know how she's doing since this afternoon took its toll on her."
"She's conked out at home. Mrs. Coleman is watching her until I get back." He looked a little worried. "Some of the other parents were saying she should be grounded from going to the fall fair. Do you think I'm spoiling her?"
"I don't think so. A stern warning should suffice for a first offense. Besides," Maya shook her head. She still couldn't get Anna's pain stricken face and red rimmed eyes out of her mind. "She's dealt with enough today."
"Okay, good to know." He cocked his head in the direction of the street. "Well, I'm headed in this direction. I parked my car near the subway entrance. Where are you going?"
"I'm going that way too."
"Great, we can walk together." He smiled, and Maya sighed, shaking her head but walking with him as they made their way towards the outskirts of the park.
Since that afternoon, she hadn't put much thought into what he'd said to her while at school, but now that she was with him again, she couldn't help but wonder if some of the things he'd said in the past were attempts to flirt. And she couldn't help but wonder if he was going to try to flirt with her now. The idea didn't make her uncomfortable per se. She just couldn't understand why or what his motivations were.
"I see you guys were also practicing today too," he remarked after the stretch of comfortable silence had worn thin. "What position are you playing?"
"Shortstop. It's been my position since high…"
Maya tapered off when Lucas sounded like he was laughing under his breath. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye and sure enough, there was an amused grin on his face. He clearly thought it was funny for some damn reason. And she knew why. It had been the running gag of her teammates since she was younger that the short girl was the shortstop.
"Oh, real mature." She gave him a dirty look. "Stop it. It's not a pun or some joke based off of my height. I just happen to have very accurate aim and a strong arm."
"And you're close to the ground," he added.
"I'm agile and quick on my feet for grounders," Maya asserted.
"Which definitely helps when you're close to the ground," he said playfully.
"Listen you." She stopped walking, turning to him with a raised eyebrow. "How would you like to feel just how strong my arm is?"
He laughed. "To be honest… I think I'd rather avoid getting punched by a five foot blonde menace."
"That's what I thought."
They continued crunching through the leaves, a soft breeze picking up as the sun set, painting the sky into a gorgeous mélange of orange and purple. It was a calming image, and Maya made a mental note to herself to perhaps paint a sun set for Aiden's baby wall one day.
Maya was broken out of her reverie when her phone rang, and she picked up without checking the caller ID, assuming it was Riley probably about to ask Maya to pick up some goodies on her way home.
"Hello?"
"Is this Ms. Maya Hart? This is Sasha Banks from Tiny Treasures Orphanage. Your mother called about the girl named Amanda and left your number for contact for the information."
Maya's breath hitched in her chest, her pulse racing as it always did whenever she was contacted regarding her inquiries.
"Uh, yes. This is she." She swallowed thickly, speaking a bit more lowly in the phone and trying to keep her voice from wavering. "Do… do you have anything for me?"
"She was adopted three years ago by a couple in Manhattan. It appears her date of birth is the fourteenth of July."
Her throat tightened dangerously, though she tried to maintain her composure. Another failure. Another one that pained her, a tight clenching in her heart from knowing that she could not be further from her goal.
"I see…" Maya nearly whispered.
"Will that be all you need, Ms. Hart?"
"Yes. Thank you. Have a good evening."
Maya ended the call and slowly slipped her phone back into her pocket, her hand trembling the slightest bit though she fought every part of her that wanted to cry. Now wasn't the time to break down over her heartache. She had to be strong at least until she reached the privacy of her bathroom so she could grieve in solitude.
"Everything okay?" Lucas asked softly beside her.
"I'm…" She cleared her throat when her voice cracked as it came out. "I'm fine."
Maya could only imagine how wrecked she probably looked. She smiled, trying to muster up a genuine neutral expression if only to divert any possible suspicions he might have had, but she wasn't entirely sure she was successful. It felt more like a grimace on her face than anything. Whatever Lucas saw in her expression, she knew couldn't be good because she could see the concern in his gaze.
"Are you sure? You look like you need someone to talk to," he offered. "It's the least I can do since you listened to me about Sophia."
She shook her head, working to put her guard back into place and replace whatever expression was on her face with her usual slight indifference. "It's nothing big. I've just been looking for something precious to me. Something my grandmother had always wanted me to keep…"
"Was it a priceless heirloom of your grandmother?"
"…Of sorts." She hesitated. The DNA had certainly been passed down through generations. "I um… I gave it to someone else when I was younger. But I'm trying to find it. It just hasn't been an easy process."
"Do you want any help looking for it?" he asked as they approached his car. He tossed his bag in his trunk. "Maybe if more people search, you might be able to find it more easily."
"I appreciate your offer, but I've got my mom helping me too." She smiled tightly, her mask firmly in place and emotions under control. "Don't worry about it. We're making good progress."
He watched her quietly, looking unconvinced by what she'd said. "Maya, I know we don't know each other that well, but if you ever do want to talk about anything, I'll listen."
"I'll uh… I'll keep that in mind."
"Okay." Lucas smiled warmly, and her heart skipped a beat as she stared up at him.
His eyes were dancing in the fading light, a slightly deeper shade of green than usual. A fleeting thought passed through Maya's mind. Lucas was pretty attractive. It was weird. She knew he was—or rather, she had recognized before that he was—but she didn't know why it hadn't clicked in her mind until just then.
She blinked in surprise when Lucas reached up and gently took a leaf out of her hair. "You've got twigs sticking out of your hair, you know?"
"And you didn't say anything until now?" She deadpanned.
"I thought it was funny."
He was goading her to respond. She could see it from the playful, teasing gleam in his gaze.
"…Ass."
"That's not a nice word, Ms. Hart." He tsked softly, stepping closer to her. "Is that really something you should be saying as an educator of young children?"
"I'm not in school right now." Maya's stomach fluttered from his proximity. "And you deserved it."
Lucas chuckled. "You know… you're really not what I expected when I first saw you."
"Why do you say that like it's a bad thing?" she muttered, averting her eyes and scratching her forearm nervously.
"It's not a bad thing," he responded. "Just surprising."
She remained unconvinced. Growing up, Maya had never been known for being pleasant by a lot of people. She'd been told before that her personality needed work. She wouldn't be surprised if that's what Lucas had been getting at with his comment.
"Well what exactly were you expecting?"
"I thought you'd be soft. Like just quiet or really girly," Lucas explained sincerely and she glanced up, her gaze locking with his. "I don't know. Gentler. And then you opened your mouth, and you were different. Not bad different. Just different."
She couldn't sense any condescension in his words or tone, and Lucas looked more intrigued than anything else. He had a look in his eyes that made her feel self-conscious and jittery, and suddenly, she felt the need to escape the conversation.
"It's getting late. I think I should head home," she said, breaking eye contact and turning towards the subway entrance nearby. "I look forward to beating you in softball on Saturday."
"We'll see about that," Lucas said.
"I guess we will, Huckleberry."
She waved over her shoulder to his laughing behind her, departing and heading down the steps of the station to catch her subway home. With each step through the bustling station, her fake smile slipped from her face as she recalled the phone call from earlier.
Maya sat at one of the benches, texting her mother about the failure, her mood effectively soured. She was getting nowhere in her plans, and the more she looked, the further away she kept feeling she was getting. Every step forward was several steps back. She hadn't made any advancements in her search, and Maya couldn't help but feel like she was going about this the wrong way. If there was one thing her mother was right about, it was that blindly searching every single orphanage wasn't going to do her any good. She needed to figure out a way to narrow down her search some more.
Maya sighed, leaning back against the tiled wall and wishing that she could discover something—anything at all—that could help her figure out where her baby could be.
~.~.~
When Maya walked into her apartment, she found Riley watching TV on the couch, trying to balance cards on her abdomen and create a small tower. She had a rosy glow on her cheeks, her expression especially cheerful.
Riley laughed. "You have twigs in your hair."
"Well aware," Maya said, setting her bags down beside the door as she headed to the kitchen to find something to eat. "How was dinner with Smackle?"
"It was great!" Riley exclaimed as Maya washed her hands to scrub off the dirt under her nails. "But she wouldn't let me order dessert because I'm not meeting my healthy pregnancy goals. Can we go to the bakery down the street and get cake? Aiden wants cake."
"You sure Aiden wants cake or you want cake?" Maya said, cutting off the water and rummaging through the fridge for some un-Rileyed leftovers.
Nowadays, the only things she could usually find were atrocious concoctions of Riley's to satisfy her wild cravings. Peanut butter, ketchup and mac and cheese. Fruit smoothies with pickle bits that were way too sour. And all the unbelievably sweet, cavity inducing foods she'd created that were lingering in the back. There was some untouched pasta thankfully and Maya pulled it out, reminding herself to buy more groceries.
"I'm just a lowly vessel carrying out the will of her precious baby boy. Please Maya?" she said in an adorable baby voice, batting her eyelashes and doing that puppy dog thing with her eyes. "It would make Aiden so very happy."
"Riley, you're actually evil, you know that right? I can't say no when you make that face."
"All the more reason to make it."
Maya sighed. "So what has you so chipper and energetic tonight?"
"Guess who Smackle and I ran into during dinner?" Riley giggled. "Charlie!"
"Oh…" Maya grimaced as she set the Tupperware in the microwave. "I'm sorry."
"No, it's fine." Riley waved off her apology. "It was good. He was having dinner with some work colleagues in his business office, and we both ended up going to the bathroom at the same time."
"Are you okay?" Maya knew Charlie abandoning her was a touchy topic.
"To be honest, not really." Riley stroked her belly absentmindedly. "It hurt to see him when the wounds are still fresh, but he didn't look okay either, so that made me feel better."
Maya rose a brow, glancing at Riley and giving her an incredulous look from how vindictive she sounded. Riley caught her look, and her eyes widened when she realized what the implication of her words sounded like.
"Oh no! Not like that." She hastened to explain. "I don't want him not to be okay. I want him to be okay. But what I mean is while talking to me, he seemed like he had something he needed to say and he kept looking regretful, like he messed up or something. I think he wants me back, Maya."
Maya hesitated, her brows furrowing in concern. It sounded a little farfetched to her, and it seemed like Riley was giving herself false hope. She didn't know how to tell Riley not to get her hopes up, because she didn't want to crush Riley's hope, but she didn't want her hurting if she'd completely misread the interaction. There was a good chance she wasn't thinking straight because she still was clouded by her love for Charlie.
"Just… keep an open mind, okay? Don't get too caught up on your conversation. Sometimes it's hard to tell what people are actually thinking behind their expressions."
Maya herself was a testament to that fact. She'd hidden her grief while searching for her baby from her friends and mother for years.
"I know, Maya," Riley said, though Maya didn't doubt that she'd already disregarded her warning. "So… where were you last week? You didn't come to our group dinner."
"I had practice with the other teachers, remember?" Maya lied, occupying herself with mixing the heated pasta so Riley couldn't see her face.
That had been the same evening she'd stayed at the Friars to take care of Anna when she'd gotten sick.
"Which is a total lie. I asked Elliot. You guys didn't have practice that night." Riley had a shrewd undertone in her voice. "Are you seeing someone you aren't telling me about? Smackle saw you leaving from her apartment complex that evening when she went to go get some more of her stuff. But she said that you didn't visit her at all or come see her. They all think that you ditched us because you had a date at someone's place. But I told them it isn't true. So which is it, Maya?"
This was not an ideal situation.
"Riley, I didn't ditch all of you for a secret date with someone." Maya could feel herself being backed into a corner.
"So then why were you at that apartment complex? We don't live anywhere near there. And you obviously didn't go there to meet Smackle. You can see why I'm suspicious, right? What were you doing that night? And why'd you lie to me?"
"…I was looking for a possible new apartment," Maya said slowly, feeling bad about lying. But she couldn't reveal the truth.
Riley looked alarmed. "What? Why? Do you not want to live with me anymore?"
"Well, first off, don't get crazy. I was just looking," Maya continued. "But still, you're due to have your baby in about a couple months. Did you think about living arrangements?"
Now that Maya thought about it, that was something that they had to start planning for, especially considering that Riley was due by the end of the year.
"Well no." Riley poked at her stomach, watching as some cards slid off the top. "Up until now, I've only thought that I was going to live with Charlie."
"Well now's the time to think about what your future plans are, because as much as I love you, it wouldn't work. I can't live with you while you're raising your baby." Maya grabbed her food and headed to the living room, shrugging apologetically.
"You're right." Riley groaned. "I didn't think that far ahead."
"Lucky for you, I'm pretty sure Smackle's lease doesn't end until the end of the year though. You could definitely rent her apartment… and move there…"
But Lucas lived there. And that could potentially pose a small problem. She didn't necessarily think Riley would run into him or anything, but Maya also didn't know if Smackle had walked past Lucas and Anna some times in the past. Smackle wasn't acquainted with the two, so she might have ignored them, but Riley knew them both. And if she somehow came to find out that Lucas lived there, Maya knew her chipper friend would know right off the bat where Maya had been that night. And then the never ending questions and insinuations would start.
"You're right! That's a really great idea! I'll ask her about it tomorrow."
"Oh yeah… Sure."
Only now, Maya was starting to think it was a really bad idea.