"Eww! Mommy, daddy! You're always kissing!" Chuck and Blair heard their small son exclaim as he approached them, interrupting their moment, with the dog yapping at his heels. "Does this mean you guys aren't fighting anymore?" Henry asked hopefully. The boy had been anxious for his father to return.
"Sorry, you guys," Serena appeared behind him, quickly apologizing before they even had a chance to answer Henry's question. "He saw you two kissing and got a little excited, rushing over here," she tried to explain. "And to be honest... I got a little excited too! Are you guys really back together now?!" she excitedly asked, anxious to hear the good news from them directly.
"It's... complicated," Blair finally spoke up after having a silent exchange with Chuck only for Serena to begin frowning. "Baby steps, S. Baby steps," she informed her. "Hey, what time is it? It's almost sundown which means Lily ought to be back from her afternoon shopping and dinner will be ready soon," she reminded everyone as Dan had now joined them too. "C'mon Hen, we need to go get changed," she instructed the boy as she began to lead him towards the house, Chuck walking right behind them.
"So wait, Blair's actually considering giving him yet another chance?" Chuck couldn't help overhearing Dan question his step-sister a few steps back, prompting him to listen in on the exchange.
"I hope so! Those two can't function without each other – I hate seeing them both miserable when the solution to their happiness is always so obvious," Serena casually stated.
"Yeah but do you really think he's changed? I mean... it's Chuck," Dan protested.
"He's changed before for her – remember his reputation BW?" Serena tried to remind him.
"BW?" Dan wondered, confused.
"Before Waldorf," Chuck finally spoke, turning around and addressing his brother-in-law himself, causing both Dan and Serena to stop in their tracks. "You do you know I'm not deaf, right? I can hear everything you're saying literally right behind my back."
"I... I..." Dan tried to speak only he was suffering a lack of words, not really knowing just how to respond to that.
"Sorry, Chuck – Dan's just being cautious," Serena attempted to smooth things over. She knew her husband and step-brother had almost never been fond of each other, aside from a very brief period of time years and years ago, and her and her mother both hated when things weren't civil between them. "You know we all care about Blair and just don't want to see her get hurt again."
"And I don't ever intend on hurting her again, sis," Chuck sneered, tired of everyone being so skeptical of him right off the bat. He hadn't even been back for an hour.
"Just like I'm sure you never intended on hurting her all those times before," Dan started only to pause when he realized that both Chuck AND Serena were now giving him death glares.
"Dan, just stop," Serena demanded. "Chuck, again – I'm sorry, just ignore him... you know he's just being defensive. We're all family, remember?" she attempted to remind them both, now standing right in the middle.
"Sure," Chuck growled, not really meaning it. He had never recognized Daniel Humphrey as part of his family. Nor would he ever.
"Fine, whatever," Dan agreed for Serena's sake. There was no point in trying to argue. He knew his mother-in-law considered her adoptive son to be just as much her son as Serena was her daughter.
They walked the rest of the way up to the Rhodes' Hamptons estate in silence and broke off in different directions. Chuck made himself at home in the front sitting room, Dan retreated to his and Serena's room to get changed while Serena followed after Blair to the room she had been staying in, dying to get all the gossip.
"So... B... tell me – what did he have to say?" Serena anxiously inquired as she sat on the edge of the bed while Blair tried to decide on what to change into for dinner. She had patiently waited while her best friend went into mother-mode, first making sure that Henry got cleaned up and dressed before tending to herself.
"Just the usual, S," Blair nonchalantly told her, not wanting to divulge too much information to her just yet. No one aside from Chuck knew yet that she was pregnant and for now she preferred to keep it that way if they could help it. "That he's serious about it this time, that he's really changed..."
"Did my eyes deceive me or did I actually see him on his knees out there, begging?" Serena couldn't help wondering. "I thought Chuck Bass begged for no one."
"No one but me," Blair grinned like the Cheshire Cat, confirming her best friend's suspicions.
"I don't even want to know when or for what else you've gotten him to beg you for," Serena quickly informed her before she learned more than she ever wanted to know about Chuck and Blair's sex life. True, it had been over ten years since they first got together and it wasn't a surprise to anyone that they had a very active sex life, yet it wasn't something she ever cared to know any details about. Blair was her best friend and well... Chuck was Chuck and her brother. "What changed your mind though? You seemed pretty set on not taking him back before your little romantic stroll on the beach with him," she continued to pry.
"I don't know, S... just... something about him – like you said, Chuck Bass begs for no one, yet there he was, on his knees, desperate just to have his family back, near tears... you know he almost never cries and I can't help myself when he does," Blair confessed as she slipped into a maxi sundress. "He also admitted he's an alcoholic."
"Really?" Serena asked, shocked. They all knew Chuck's biggest vices over the years were sex, drugs and alcohol and while he gave up the drugs years ago on his own accord and Blair was more than capable and willing to satisfy his every sexual need, the alcohol had been the one bad habit he had never been able to completely kick. Not even after his first stint in rehab. For Chuck Bass to actually realize he had a problem and accept it... it was a big deal.
"Yup," Blair nodded. "And he acknowledged that it's a struggle he has to face daily if he's to ever overcome it."
"Wow..." Serena spoke, completely surprised to hear that. "That's... that's really good for him!"
"It's a start. Something I haven't heard before," Blair shrugged as she had to give him that much at least.
"Be proud of him – I am. And I know mom will be too. It sounds like he's really trying this time," Serena pointed out to her.
"We'll see," Blair said as she checked her makeup once more.
"I saw you two kissing, B - I know you still love him-"
"I'll always love him, S – he's the father of my child. And love was never the problem," Blair interrupted her.
"Just please don't write him off completely yet," Serena pleaded.
"I... might have agreed to him moving back in with us," Blair hesitantly announced to her sister-in-law.
"Yay! That's a start, B!"
"But! Under the condition that he stay in one of the guest rooms for now – I'm not ready to "be" with him again just yet," Blair further explained.
"Still, B – that's a start towards rebuilding," Serena reminded her.
"Although I don't know... maybe he should stay here for a little while, over at our house... enjoy the peace and quiet before re-entering Manhattan Society..." Blair's voice trailed as she thought about what people would say if they were seen all together so soon back in NYC. Chuck's absence these last few months hadn't gone unnoticed and while the rumor had been floating around all summer that he had entered rehab at some undisclosed location, most people in their circles took it as truth.
"Well B, I can't tell you what to do as I know you have to do what you feel is best for you and Henry but I don't think it would hurt Hen too much to have his father back in his life regularly," Serena suggested. "There's still one more week before you two have to head back to the city..."
"Yeah, I guess we'll see how it goes between now and then," Blair agreed, taking one final look at her appearance in the mirror. "C'mon, S – let's go check in on our males," she decided as she stood, heading towards the doorway. As much as she'd like to just stay upstairs and delay having to face him again, she knew it was pointless to avoid the inevitable, which is what they were.
"It's really good to have you back," Eric spoke in awe as he sat on the couch beside his stepbrother while they watched the help finish setting the table for dinner. Blair, Serena, Dan and Henry had all retreated to their respective rooms to change and Lily was running late from her afternoon of shopping as usual.
"It's good to be back," Chuck said in relief, truly meaning it. While he knew he made the right decision to leave and to go so far as Europe to seek treatment, and he knew they all would have been supportive, leaving everyone behind to get help on his own was by far one of the toughest choices he ever made.
"While I know suicide and substance abuse are very different things to deal with... if you ever wanna talk about what it was like... how you felt going through treatment... I can relate on some level – I'm here for you, Chuck," Eric offered up.
"Thanks," Chuck simply responded, warmed by the offer. He made a note that Eric was available if he needed someone who could understand what the experience was like. "How's... Kent is it?" he questioned, trying to remember the name of the guy his step-brother had recently started seeing before he left. "Are you two still a thing?" he continued once Eric confirmed he had the name right.
"Yep – coming up on five months," Eric proudly announced with a smile. "He'll be up here for The White Party on Thursday."
"Sounds like things have gotten pretty serious," Chuck lightly teased him. "Do I need to sit down and have a talk with him?"
"Ha, no!" Eric chuckled at the idea of Chuck playing Big Brother. "Actually... Serena already did that..."
"Perhaps I'll have my PI do a little digging, just in case," Chuck winked over at him. God how he missed everyone, the little moments like this. He hated that his past behavior had cost him so much time he could have been enjoying times like these.
He was abruptly pulled from his thoughts by the sound of paws and a dog collar bell rushing towards him with the patter of little feet soon racing behind.
"Hi, daddy!" Henry greeted as he climbed up onto the couch in the space between his father and uncle, settling himself against Chuck as he patted the bench on his empty side, urging Monkey to join him.
"Hi, Hen," Chuck spoke in return as he casually pulled his son close to him. "I'd be careful if I were you – better make sure Grandma Lily doesn't catch him up on the furniture," he playfully warned with a raised eyebrow.
"He knows," Henry confidently assured him as he played with the dog's fur. "Wanna know a secret, daddy?"
"What's that?"
"I've been sneaking him into my room every night we've been here – he sleeps in bed with me," the boy happily boasted. "He knows to hide though whenever the doorknob starts to turn."
At that, Eric lost it in a fit of laughter – he could only imagine his mom's horror at finding all that dog hair in the bed.
"I'd say you've trained him well, son," Chuck stifled a laugh at the thought.
"What? You and mom let him sleep with me at our houses..." Henry continued, confused as to why they were both laughing. "I don't see what the problem is."
"The problem... is that this isn't one of our houses," Chuck tried to explain, still fighting back his own laughter. "This house and the furniture belongs to Grandma Lily and before that it belonged to your Great-Grandmother CeCe – it's been in the family for years and years."
"So?" Henry questioned, not quite following.
"So different people have different rules for their houses – when we're a guest in someone else's home we need to try and abide by their rules, Hen," Chuck continued, shaking his head in disbelief. He knew Henry knew better. Him and Blair had raised him well with manners.
"But Monkey gets lonely down here and the dog bed isn't nearly as comfy as my bed," Henry continued to protest. "And besides, I'm Henry Bass!" he proudly declared as Eric nearly choked on his water.
"That you are, kid. That you are..." Chuck said as he shook his head again in disbelief. His son really was something – he could only imagine the handful he was going to be for them as he grew older. "You have no idea how much I've missed you," he managed to tell him as he pulled him close enough to gently kiss him on the top of his head.
"I missed you too, daddy," Henry replied as he leaned into his father. "Are you coming home with us after the party or do you have to leave again?" he questioned as he turned to look at Chuck, sadness in his eyes as he was feared the answer he was going to get.
"I'm coming home, Hen," Chuck tried to assure him, causing the boy's face to light up like it was Christmas. "For good this time – I promise."
"Yay!" Henry exclaimed in excitement as he threw his little arms around his father's neck, holding on tightly. Chuck happily took him in his arms. "Can you take me to the first day of school?"
"Of course," Chuck answered without any hesitation. Aside from staying clean and sober, his family was now his top priority. He would always make the time to be there for them.
"What is all the excitement about?" Chuck turned his head and saw his wife making her way down the stairs, approaching.
"Daddy's coming home with us and he said he's going to take me to the first day of school!" Henry happily informed his mother.
She could merely smile that smile in return. Chuck knew the smile. It was fake and meant she wasn't too thrilled at what she was hearing.
"I meant I would be joining you in taking him to school," Chuck quickly clarified, hoping that would solve the problem.
"Alright," she simply spoke as she looked into the next room to see how the dinner preparations were coming along. "Has Lily not returned yet? I swear, Van der Woodsen's have no sense of time – no offense Eric, you're the exception."
"None taken," Eric assured her. "I know how my mom and sister can be... and well... my dad took how long before coming home?" he snarked. He had to admit, while Serena had been willing to make amends with their father over the years, Eric still hadn't fully warmed up to the idea of his mother remarrying him after everything that had happened. "Speaking of mom..." Eric tilted his head towards the foyer where familiar voices had gathered. Monkey quickly hopped down off the couch, Henry trailing not too far behind him.
"Grandma!" they all heard Henry exclaim from the other part of the house. "Did you pick me up any candy?" he wondered as he peered into the bags Lily was carrying as they walked into the room, joining the others.
"I believe I may have gotten a little something for my favorite grandson," Lily chuckled at the child's eagerness.
"You don't need any more sugar, Hen!" Blair called out in response, rolling her eyes in annoyance. "Chuck, tell him to at least wait til after dinner," she hissed. While she loved that Henry was close with his state-side grandparents, she hated how they all seemed to undermine her wishes when it came to spoiling her son.
Sensing her frustration, Chuck obliged.
"Hen, listen to your mother," he spoke up sternly. "Wait til after dinner."
"Okay, daddy..." Henry reluctantly agreed as he let go of one of the bags.
"Charles! What a pleasant surprise! I wasn't expecting you to be here yet!" Lily exclaimed in surprise as Chuck stood to greet her. "It's so good to see you," she continued as she pulled her stepson into a warm embrace, kissing him on the cheek as Chuck did likewise.
"It's good to see you too," he sighed in comfort. While she wasn't blood, Blair was right. Lily had been more of a mother to him than Elizabeth ever could have been. It was foolish of him to think or even want otherwise.
"I'm so sorry I couldn't make it to the last family day – I had a little emergency here at home and was unable to-"
"It's alright, I understand," Chuck assured her, not wanting her to stress about it now as it was already done and over with. "Serena came actually," he informed her as they parted their embrace.
Chuck sat in the waiting area on the plush white couch, fiddling his thumbs while absentmindedly looking around the silvery-grey painted room with big picturesque windows, one with a calming view of Lake Zurich not too far off, another of the peaceful greenery just outside the main facility. It was the third Saturday of the month, and while this time next week he would be checking out to go home, he was a bit anxious to see who had come to visit him for family day. While Lily had come both previous times, the last time with both his brother and son in tow, he hoped that perhaps he was lucky enough that she had talked her into coming this time.
"Chuck?" he heard a familiar voice nervously call over to him from the door that connected the waiting area to the visitor's lobby. Turning to see for himself, he stood with an awkward smile to see that it was Serena, by herself.
"Sis," he greeted her as she approached, accepting the sisterly hug from her that he had grown accustomed to over the years. "Just you?" he couldn't help wondering.
"Just me," she confirmed with a forced smile, trying to hide her own disappointment that no one else could make it.
"Is everything alright at home?" he had to ask, growing slightly concerned over Lily's apparent absence.
"Yeah, everything's fine – Eric had some prior engagement with his boyfriend that he had to attend, and mom sends her apologies as she really wanted to be here but something she couldn't give me any details about came up... and Blair..." she paused, looking into Chuck's eyes which were searching for answers, not sure if she even needed to continue. As much as it pained Serena to see her best friend just as distraught as her stepbrother clearly was over everything that had happened, they all knew why she refused to come.
"I know," Chuck spoke with a sad deep sigh, he didn't even realize he had been holding, he had unwillingly gotten his hopes up.
"I'm sorry, Chuck... she's just not ready..." she tried to comfort him, gently rubbing his upper arm. "But hey, you get out of here next week, right? We're all out at the Hampton's house – you are going to be joining us, right?" she thought, changing the subject somewhat.
"Finishing out the summer with my family at in the Hamptons? I couldn't think of anything better," he spoke with a slight smile, thinking it would be the perfect place to try and reconcile with his estranged love.
"Great! I'll let mom know! She'll be so excited!" Serena squealed with glee at the prospect – her mother loved hosting big family gatherings and her step-brother's arrival would definitely be reason enough for one. "This place is definitely different from Ostroff or any of the places I've been in," she couldn't help pointing out as they walked along the hall out onto a side patio.
"Considering it's one of the best in the world, I would hope so," he remarked with a slight chuckle. "It's similar in some ways I imagine – group therapy several times a week, daily meetings with either my doctor or a counselor... they encourage activities whether it be arts, crafts... something physical... meditation... but of course the facilities are much more luxerious..."
"Oh?" she questioned, curious.
"You get the option of having your own private villa," he informed her with a grin, much to her shock and amazement. "Just along the edge of the property, overlooking the water... it's a beautiful view, spacious place actually too... but it gets lonely," he admitted with a sigh.
"I can imagine," she agreed, remembering her brief stints in rehab, as well as Eric's. "But! One more week!" she smiled as she tried to stay positive. "And might I just add, you look really good, Chuck! Better than you have in awhile," she complimented him, only to receive a suspicious look and a raised eyebrow from him.
"Why Serena... you do remember I am still married... as are you..." he couldn't help grinning at her accidental innuendo and taking full advantage of the moment. "I don't think Dan, Eric or Lily would approve and I'm pretty sure Blair would kill both of us," he laughed, only for her to playfully smack him in the arm in return.
"Oh c'mon! You know I didn't mean you look good in an incestuous way! I meant it... from a concerned sister to a troubled brother," she attempted to clarify, despite knowing he knew exactly how she had meant it.
"Thank you," he graciously accepted after having composed himself. "And for what it's worth... you look a lot better too," he carefully added, not wanting to stir up anything she may have locked away.
While she may not have gotten as messed up as he did in the aftermath of Nate's death, he did know she had been hurting almost as much him. Not wanting to worry Blair anymore than she already was, they had secretly met up regularly out at the bars, getting loaded like old times and reminiscing about Nate. While it may not have been best for Chuck, he knew it helped her as Dan just couldn't relate.
"Thanks... I've been... managing," her voice trailed. "Honestly, I try not to think about it and just keep myself busy... focusing on things with Dan... Blair... Henry..." Clearly she didn't want to talk about it.
"Come, it's almost time for my regular check-in with my doctor and he likes to meet his patient's visitors," Chuck told her with smirk.
The visit had been going fine, his doctor asking all the usual questions he asked his patient's family members and giving his usual spiel about the treatment Chuck had been receiving and the progress he had been making. Things began to take an unusual turn though when the doctor mentioned Nate's passing and how it was the cause of Chuck's unraveling this past time. He couldn't helping noticing how quiet Serena had gotten, the tears beginning to well in her eyes, despite her trying to look elsewhere.
"Hey," Chuck delicately spoke to her, carefully reaching for her hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. "Are you okay?"
"I... I..." Serena tried to speak, only for the tears to begin falling down her cheeks as she no sooner began to break into sobs.
"Chuck, I know this is a bit unorthodox, but would you mind stepping just outside for a moment while I speak with your sister?" his doctor questioned, his voice both curious as well as concerned. He knew from previous conversations with Chuck that his stepsister had struggled some also with the passing of their lifelong friend.
"Of course," Chuck complied, knowing it was probably for the best. While him and Serena had grown closer as siblings over the years, unless she came directly to him with her problems – like she had in the past with Georgina and more recently with Nate – he knew it was usually better not to pry. Prying into Serena's problems was more Blair's area of expertise, her being able to determine which of Serena's problems were really nothing and which ones needed their intervening, like in the past with Gabriel and Poppy and later with Juliet.
She had emerged from the office a short time later, drying her eyes as she thanked Chuck's doctor for his time, saying she would definitely keep certain things in mind.
"Everything alright?" he couldn't help wondering as he carefully watched her, trying to determine her current state of mind.
"I'll be okay," she confidently stated as she dropped her tissue into her purse. "You really have a good doctor," she commented as they began to walk along the hall.
"Yeah, he's not too bad of a shrink," Chuck nonchalantly agreed, his hands in his pockets as he walked with her.
"You're allowed off the grounds, right? Wanna go get something to eat?" she suggested, her mood returning to normal.
"I've heard there's an excellent, authentic Swiss cafe not too far down the road," he informed her as he led them back towards the waiting area. "As long as you agree to sign me out as my chaperone and have me back by eight,"he added with a playful smirk.
Despite it only being her that came to visit him this time, he had to admit, it had been quite the sibling bonding that they both needed.
"I'm glad to hear that," Lily proudly stated before looking around the room. "Speaking of my daughter... where is she? Dinner should be just about ready..."
"I'm coming, mom," Serena announced as she suddenly descended the stairs, Dan right behind her.
"Good – now, let's eat! After a hard day's shopping I am famish!" Lily decided at once as she began to usher everyone into the dining room.
Dinner had started out a little bit awkward, as while conversation had continued like normal, Chuck knew all eyes were carefully on him as he politely refused the wine the cater-waiter had started to pour for him. Deciding it best to just get it all out, Chuck stood at the next break in conversation to address the elephant in the room.
"I just wanted to take a moment to thank everyone here for all their support these past few months... I know this year has been hard for all of us but I do sincerely apologize for the way I behaved and my actions that followed," he began, pausing as everyone at the table nodded in appreciation at his words. "That being said... you all know I just returned from spending the last three months at one of the top rehabilitation centers in the world – again, I want to thank those of you that took the time to fly out and visit me on family days... I can't possibly stress how much that meant to me," he went on. "But the truth is... and I think we all knew it but never fully acknowledged it... I'm an alcoholic. Probably always have been... and I always will be."
Chuck glanced around the table to take in everyone's reactions. No one seemed too surprised by what he had said. They all had to admit though, it took a lot of courage to do what he was doing.
"I am three months sober today and I fully intend on staying clean this time," he informed them all. "That being said, if any of you here catch me starting to falter... I give you full permission to challenge me on it," he concluded as he retook his seat.
The room was silent for a moment as they all took in what he had just said, Blair reaching under the table and giving his knee a comforting squeeze. She had to admit, she was proud of him for saying all that. She was curious though as to whether or not he would go off on anyone who tried to question him drinking like he had the last time he got out of rehab and insisted one drink here and there was okay.
"So... how's this work? Are we allowed to drink in your presence or would you prefer it if we didn't...?" Dan spoke up first, a haughty tone in his voice. He didn't think it was fair for everyone else to have to alter their lifestyles just to appease the likes of Chuck Bass.
"Dan!" Serena quietly snapped at him in disbelief, lightly smacking him in the arm.
"What? It's a legitimate question! I've read some addicts have trouble being anywhere near their substance of choice-" Dan continued.
"It's so rude of you though!" Serena went on.
"No, sis – it's alright," Chuck interrupted their spat. "It's actually a good question and the answer is yes, you can – I'm fine being near it so you all don't need to worry about sneaking it behind my back or enjoying the glass sitting in front of you. I can handle it," he assured them all as a collective breath was heard being released by most everyone.
"Daddy?" Henry's small voice spoke up from his other side.
"Yes, son?" Chuck answered him, wondering as to what was on his mind.
"What's an... an al-co-hall-ic?" Henry questioned him, curious.
"That means... that means daddy shouldn't have certain beverages, Hen," he responded, not quite sure the best way to explain it to a five year old.
"Why is that?" Henry pressed for more information. "You're Chuck Bass – you can have anything."
"That I am, Hen... however just because you can have everything, it doesn't mean that you should. Some things aren't good for some people. Alcohol is something we've learned isn't good for daddy," Chuck tried to explain, glancing over at Blair for help on this one.
"Henry, remember that lotion Grandmere bought mommy in Paris? The one that smelled like roses?" Blair asked him, quickly thinking of a way that he could relate. Henry nodded as he recalled the item in question. "And remember how when you got into it, your skin turned all red and itchy?" she continued, jogging his memory as once again he nodded in recollection. "Okay – just like how that particular lotion is bad for you, alcohol is bad for daddy. Some people can drink alcohol or use the lotion just fine with no problems, but for others – like daddy and yourself – they have a bad reaction to it so it's best not to use it."
"Oh..." Henry simply responded as he proceeded to push his vegetables around his plate. "Daddy, does it make your skin turn red and itchy too?" he wondered as he continued to play around with his food.
"Not quite, Hen," Chuck lightly chuckled as did others at the table. He had to give it to Blair though, she knew what she was doing and handled that situation perfectly.
The rest of dinner seemed to go smoothly enough. At least, as much as one could expect from a Van der Woodsen/Bass/Waldorf/Humphrey dinner. Sure, the tension was there somewhat, however Serena seemed to have gotten Dan under control while Chuck did his best not to give into his ever-growing desire to egg his nemesis on, largely in part because of Blair. If only Serena knew the truth...
It was late evening now and Chuck had happily helped tuck an overly excited Henry into bed for the night before he decided to make his way out to the pool for a late night swim.
Diving right in, he didn't know why but for whatever reason swimming laps seemed to help him. It had been something he came to realize during his time in rehab as he attempted to find ways to cope and calm himself without a drink. Something about focusing straight ahead on where he was going, the water splashing against him as he went, challenging him to press onward.
It had been an eventful day, being reunited with his family most of all. Then of course the bombshell Blair had laid upon him of being pregnant but then revealing that it might not be his.
He had to admit, he had taken it quite well all things considered. The old Chuck would have lashed out verbally rather harshly before retreating to lick his wounds in private, however he loved her and needed her too much to let a momentarily lapse in judgment while intoxicated during their legal separation ruin everything. He had been willing to still love her and her child with another man once before, years ago, so of course he would still do the same. Especially when there was still the possibility that it really was his child anyways.
And sure, he had felt his heart sink when she told him, but he knew it wasn't entirely her fault. He was partially to blame. Had he not spiraled so badly after Nate's death they would have never been separated and she never would have sought solace elsewhere. He would have been there for her instead of... instead of him.
God, how he hated him so much right now.
While he had admired the man briefly for how he had managed to pull off being Gossip Girl undetected all those years, having all the power that went along with something of that feat and ultimately getting what he wanted – inclusion and some acceptance into the world of the Upper East Side - Chuck and Blair had never fully embraced him as one of their own. No matter how much Dan would try – even going so far as to finally marry Serena (again, something Chuck and Blair would never fully understand as they both believed she was destined for Nate) – Chuck refused to acknowledge him as family. They merely tolerated him for Serena's sake much like they had for years. Nate was the only one of their foursome who genuinely didn't mind him.
Nate... oh how he missed having Nate around... all the summers they'd spend here in the Hamptons together, getting into mischief as kids...
Don't think about it, he warned himself, pushing off against the wall of the pool as he went for another lap. You don't want to go there...
But it was too late.
His mind already started to think of the fact that there would be no more summers spent here with his best friend. The Non-Judging Breakfast Club was now reduced to a threesome and not the kind Chuck had once enjoyed. No matter how much he knew his sister would try, Dan would never be part of their group and there was no replacing Nate.
You still have her though... he reminded himself as he fought his way against the water. She's giving you another chance.
As he finished up, calming down enough for a cool down, he had no idea that he was being watched
Blair was making her way through the upstairs hallway, retreating to her room for the night from the kitchen downstairs with a cup of warm tea in tow when she heard a splash from outside. Curious, she wandered down to the end of the hall where the second floor balcony overlooked the patio and spied none other than her husband swimming laps.
"Interesting..." she muttered to herself as she stood back, just out of sight near one of the pillars, and watched. She wasn't aware of this new found activity Chuck must have recently taken up. Most likely at rehab, she figured, as she knew full well the main kind of physical activity her husband preferred.
As she watched him go back and forth across the pool, the soft patio lighting and the moonlight glistening off his wet skin, she couldn't helping agreeing with what Serena had stated earlier – he did look good. Very good. She absentmindedly found herself running her tongue along her lips as she stood there, watching him, wanting him.
Bad Blair! she reprimanded herself in her mind as she realized what was happening. She hated how he didn't even have to do anything for her to be suddenly turned on by him, just like that. Oh who are you kidding, your husband's hot! She found herself waring against her better judgment as she once again caught herself watching him, his somehow fit physique all wet and somewhat tanned...
"You have got to be kidding me!" she heard a familiar voice snap at her as she was quickly dragged from her thoughts and pulled out of sight around the corner. "You're seriously taking him back!?" Dan quietly exclaimed, anger in his voice. "What the hell are you thinking?!"
"It's a little bit more complicated than I would expect the likes of you to realize," she hissed as she yanked her arm out of his grasp.
"Complicated? After everything he's put you through over the years I would have thought-"
"You're one to speak – what about everything you've put Serena through over the years?!" she interrupted him immediately. He could be such a hypocrite.
"Things with Serena and I can be complicated, true – I realize that, but we come from different backgrounds..."
"Excuses, excuses," she called him out. "Quit holding Chuck to a different standard. It takes two to make a relationship work and sometimes you have to know when to let go of something and let a person be who they are – I've forgiven him of everything that's happened in the past and would rather move forward than beat character flaws over and over like a dead horse!"
"That's it? You're going to just excuse his behavior because that's just who he is?" Dan asked in amazement.
"Chuck is an alcoholic and probably always has been," she started to explain.
"I think we all knew that back in high school and again just wrote it off as Chuck being Chuck," Dan quipped.
"Exactly – it's who he is. And I've accepted that. It's not his fault and without him realizing that fact and accepting it it's no wonder he used to drink so much and rely on the scotch like he used to," she went on. "Now that he's aware of it and wants to get better he stands a chance at not falling into old habits."
"Somewhere I think I've heard that line before... him wanting to get better... didn't this happen like a year and a half ago?" Dan mocked surprise.
"Screw you," she retorted. She didn't know what Serena saw in him, let alone what she ever saw in him.
"You already did," he responded, only to hear the crack of a slap as her hand connected with his cheek almost immediately after he said it.
Before he could respond though Blair was nearly doubled over the nearest potted plant, hurling as the memory of her night with him mixed with the combination of "morning" sickness suddenly made her sick.
"Shit, Blair... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you relapse!" he exclaimed as he quickly rushed to her side, pulling her hair back.
"I'm not relapsing, you idiot!" she snapped as she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. Fortunately she had mostly dry-heaved. "And lower your voice!" she quietly demanded, afraid of who might see or overhear them.
"Then... then what is it?" he nervously wondered, confused.
"I'm pregnant," she reluctantly admitted with a sigh as Dan helped her to her feet.
"What?! Seriously?" he questioned, surprised by the news. "He just got out of rehab and you're having a baby with him?! That's gotta be one of the dumbest-"
"Nobody asked for your opinion and it's not like I planned for this to happen!" she quipped. "Besides, I may be having a baby... but I didn't necessarily say it was his," she hissed as she yanked her arm out of his grasp once more.
"What!? No!" Dan gasped, surprised by the news. "No! Don't you dare even try and say that it's mine. That's not possible!"
"Clearly it is possible, Dan... I know you're from Brooklyn but you received the same education as I did – you know these things can happen when one engages in sexual activity with another..."
"It can't be mine!"
"And just why is that? I'm roughly three months pregnant and I slept with you both during that cycle!"
"Because... because... haven't you wondered why Serena and I don't have any kids of our own yet?" he questioned her, trying to make her realize. "Believe me, it's not for a lack of trying!"
"You two can't have kids?" Blair gasped, surprised at the revelation.
"We don't know what the problem is but we've been trying for awhile... we've both taken the tests, the doctors say it is still possible but Serena has an inhospitable environment and I apparently have a low sperm count," Dan admitted to her.
"And here I am... Fertile Myrtle," Blair sadly spoke. "Why didn't Serena tell me?"
"Because of everything with Chuck and then Nate earlier... she didn't want to worry you when you already had your hands full," Dan informed her. "Maybe it's a sign though... that it's not our time..." his voice trailed as he thought about it all. His marriage with Serena hadn't exactly been as ideal as either of them would have wanted. "But seriously – you're really taking Chuck back? Again?! After everything you've told me?"
"For reasons I can't explain... I love him, okay? Chuck and I... it's complicated," Blair tried to explain but not really knowing how. Or why. She didn't owe Dan anything.
"You and Henry deserve better. I expected more from you, Blair," Dan spoke with disappointment.
"Of course you did! You still continue to put me on a goddamn pedestal, Dan! I am not, nor will I ever be Clair! The sooner you realize that, the better!" she snapped.
"But you still could be," Dan quietly spoke as he got a little too close for Blair's comfort. "We still could be..." he added as reached to caress the swell of her belly.
"Don't!" she furiously warned as she swatted his hand away. "This child is going to be Chuck's regardless – he's promised me that already."
"Of course he did," Dan muttered, not too surprised. "Wait, what?"
"And we will never be! Not ever again. That night was a mistake just like our entire short-lived relationship was years ago. It was one night, Dan, and it was clearly a mistake," she continued.
"No, wait... back up – Chuck knows it might not be his?" Dan frantically asked. "You... you didn't tell him about that night, did... did you?"
"Of course I did!" Blair spoke as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"What? Why would you tell him that?! And why wouldn't you tell me that sooner?! God, should I be sleeping with a knife or a gun under the pillow in case he sends someone to murder me in my sleep?!"
"Relax, he wouldn't do that. At least not here..." she stated as a slight smirk formed on her lips. "And of course I told him! I mean, okay originally I had told him as a means to try and hurt him back - a weird sort of defense mechanism to prevent myself from getting hurt by him again, if you will - but regardless... unlike you, Chuck and I don't keep secrets of the non-gift-giving nature from each other. It's how our marriage works. No wonder you and S have so many problems..." she murmured as her voice trailed.
"Oh my god... he's going to kill me," Dan muttered, still fixated on the fact that Chuck knew.
"No, he's not, although being an ass at dinner probably didn't win you any points," Blair rolled her eyes, trying to get Dan to calm down.
"Yeah well, some of us aren't convinced he's actually changed and don't see the point in being supportive when he's just likely going to relapse again sooner or later..."
"Believe whatever you want about him – it's not like your opinion matters to either of us anyway – but he understands what happened, we were legally separated at the time so he doesn't fault me completely," she pointed out. "But then there is the fact that it did happen at a time when I was pretty vulnerable... one of my oldest friends had recently passed away, my alcoholic husband was never around and suddenly disappeared after signing the legal documents..."
"Don't."
"My young son driving me nuts, asking for his father when I had no answer to give him..."
"Don't you dare try and blame this all on me! You were just as drunk as I was that night. Don't you dare even try and imply that I took advantage of you! You know that's not what happened! We were both upset that night!" Dan warned.
"You need to either forget that night ever happened, like I have, and work on your own marriage or be honest with Serena and tell her the truth," Blair informed him. "If you can't get over what we once never had and accept that it's over and move on then she needs to know. It's not fair to her. Not when she chose you for whatever reason I'll never understand."
"Blair-"
"Don't – those are are your only options. Goodnight, Dan," she spoke as she turned and walked away from him, refusing to let him see the tears that had started to well up in her eyes as she recalled that night in particular.
That night had been a mistake and she knew it.
At the time it happened she had been so distraught over everything that happened in the last few months... Henry had been more difficult than usual that night, crying and screaming for Chuck to tuck him in despite her having kicked him out over a week ago and then having up and disappeared without a word of where he was going. She had finally gotten him to bed, her resolve weakened, when she found herself full on sobbing and seeking an old friend she hadn't visited in years.
The cool tile floor of her ensuite and the porcelain of the toilet almost felt welcoming as she knelt down to its level.
She grew tired of Chuck constantly drunk – after the embarrassment he had caused her at the most recent charity gala she was hosting with Lily he assured her he was done, that he could stop. She believed him of course – blinded by her unconditional love for him and the desperate desire for things to return to some normalcy even though they never would be with Nate forever gone from their lives. The make-up sex had been wonderful as it usually was, however the next morning Chuck left for work and never returned home that night.
She had tracked him to Victrola, drunk as a skunk, citing work had been difficult that day and he merely lost track of time. Giving him the ultimatum to come home with her now or reap the consequences, Chuck chose the latter, never being one to do as he was told, and so she had the locksmith arrive first thing in the morning. While she reveled in amusement as she watched from their third story window the next night – him drunk and demanding to be let inside - it also pained her to acknowledge that things had come to this.
It couldn't continue.
At least not for her and definitely not for Henry. If this was how Chuck was going to choose to be, then she needed to let him know she wouldn't stand for it.
Tearfully, she sent Dorota to deal with Chuck while she distracted Henry with his nightly bath, messaging her lawyer to draw up separation papers immediately. Even though her heart ached beyond belief to do it, he needed more help than she could give him and now it was time for some tough love. She was putting the ball in his court – do something about yourself now or else the separation papers would be made into divorce papers in due time.
Kicking Chuck out had been a small victory in her battle for control, however she hadn't anticipated to be losing the war to her son who still championed for his father. She knew he didn't fully understand everything that was going on – despite his faults, Chuck tried to be a good father to Henry as he usually stuck around in the mornings to have breakfast with him and most of the time he waited til after Henry was in bed to hideaway in his office, spending some quality time with his favorite decanter of scotch or heading out to one of the many hotel bars they owned. Dealing with their son and his longing for his father had been harder than she expected though.
And right now, she needed some control, even if it was just a little.
She was just about to purge the contents of dinner into the bowl when a familiar voice stopped her.
Dan had stopped by to drop off a PR blurb Serena had written for Waldorf Designs' upcoming fall collection, citing Serena wasn't feeling well that evening yet the deadline for the blurb to be submitted was the next morning so it was imperative for Blair to sign off on it that night. He had known from having read Blair's diaries years ago as Gossip Girl about her past struggle yet he had never witnessed it first hand.
As he talked her out of it, she quickly revealed everything she had been feeling the past few months over a bottle of wine he had found in the kitchen to calm her nerves.
It had felt good unloading all the pent up emotions and frustrations she had been dealing with – Nate's death and how she felt she never fully got to grieve the way she needed to due to having to take care of both Chuck and Serena. Chuck falling – no, nearly running – off the wagon when it happened with no sign of him slowing down. The news that she had served him separation papers as a last resort and kicked him out. The feeling of hopelessness, abandonment and frustration when he had just disappeared from the face of the earth soon after...
Dan revealed that Serena hadn't been doing so well either lately. Nate's death hit her just as hard and he suspected that secretly, she had never fully gotten over her feelings for him, settling for himself as he was the safe choice instead. Blair couldn't help smiling at that though as she remembered always thinking that Nate was the safe choice and Chuck was the risk.
Hearing him say that though did spark memories in her from long ago that she had buried away, dead and gone. Dan had also been safe, right after everything that happened with Louis... it was a peaceful time in her life, pretending to be someone she wasn't, even if she knew deep down it was all wrong.
Curious... she began to wonder and toy with the idea of what it would have been like to have lived out the rest of her life as Clair instead of Blair had she not been brave enough to take the risk, ultimately choosing Chuck and instead stayed with Dan.
She couldn't recall at this point who kissed whom first that night as they both had had far too much to drink, but one thing did lead to another and she awoke the next morning, beside him in the second floor guest room, scrambling to sneak him out before Henry discovered them.
She regretted it almost instantly, no idea just what she had been thinking the night before. And what made the blow even worse was when she received a call from the credit card company later that morning, confirming a large charge on Chuck's black card for a down payment recently made to a rehabilitation center in Switzerland. Looking into it, it was confirmed that Chuck had indeed checked himself into rehab for a three month program starting earlier that week – a day or so after she knew he had been served the papers and signed them.
Her heart instantly sank.
He really was making an effort and this time he had checked himself in on his own accord.
And here she had just cheated on him.
Aside from when he had cornered her just now, she had only spoken to Dan in private once since that night, while thanking him for stopping her from relapsing, she made it clear that what transpired later that night had been a mistake – a huge one – and that it would never, ever happen again. She remembered how broken she had been after she found out Serena had slept with Nate while they were dating... fortunately she had Chuck to fall back on in the end, moving past it eventually – they had only been dating after all. She could only hope that if Serena ever did find out that she could convince her it was all just a drunken mistake, like Serena's affair with Nate had been. Yet she knew if Serena had ever slept with Chuck while they were together... she would never be able to forgive her.
Their best bet, she decided, was for them to just keep their distance and never speak of that night ever again. And after tonight, she was done with Dan Humphrey for good.
Blair had just finished applying her nightly face moisturizer, a movie playing on her laptop in the background, when she heard a light knock on the door.
"Come in," she called as she pulled the sash of her satin robe a little tighter. She could only hope Dan was smart enough to keep his distance after their earlier encounter.
"Hey," Chuck gently spoke as he opened the door and stood just inside the room. Blair quietly sighed in relief as she noted that it was him and not someone else. Watching him from the mirror in front of her, she noted that he was wearing a pair of his usual silk pajamas yet his hair was wet – a clear indication that he had just showered. "I just wanted to stop by and say goodnight before I went to bed... and thank you," he stated as he watched her watching him in the mirror.
"For what?" she curiously wondered as she turned around in her seat to face him directly.
"For giving me another chance," he sheepishly admitted as he leaned against the door frame, intensely watching his wife go through her familiar nighttime regime. He realized even little things like that he greatly missed this summer.
"Well you always said... I never give up on the ones I love," she sadly reminded him as she recalled his words from years ago. "Did you tell Henry goodnight?" she questioned, quickly changing the subject as she continued to brush through her thick curls, fully aware that Chuck was carefully watching her every move, almost as if he were studying her..
"I did – he's out like a light right now, but I stopped by earlier," Chuck proudly informed her, his gaze never wandering. "Can you believe the way he has that dog trained to scurry so Lily doesn't catch him on the furniture?" he couldn't help laughing, having witnessed it for himself tonight.
"He's really missed you, Chuck," Blair spoke after a brief silence had passed between them.
"I know..." he somberly confessed, averting his eyes momentarily as he was a little ashamed.
"We've all missed you," she added without thinking.
"I've missed everyone too," he responded as she sat the brush down and began making her way towards the bed. "What's this?" he questioned as he watched her climb into bed and noted the movie she had playing on her laptop.
"Penny Serenade... although I'm not really watching it, it's more just background noise," she told him as she pulled at the pillow, fluffing it just enough to her liking.
"I'm surprised - no Audrey?" he asked as he began to approach the bed as well.
"I've been trying to change things up a little," Blair stated as she laid comfortably on her side.
"Which one was this again?" he curiously wondered as he began to climb into his usual side of the bed, not recalling if he had seen this one with her before or not.
"The one with Cary Grant and Irene Dunne... about the married couple on the verge of divorce after being struck by tragedy after tragedy," she informed him only to suddenly prop herself up as she noticed him sitting beside her.
"Sounds like a documentary," he couldn't help remarking under his breath.
"What are you doing, Chuck?" she quickly gasped as he had no sooner gotten comfortable.
"What?" he questioned, confused as to what exactly she was referring to.
"You! Making yourself comfortable in my bed!" she exclaimed, a bit surprised by how bold he was being despite knowing she should know better.
"Well technically it's Lily's bed as this is her house now and I thought I'd try and get some sleep... beside my wife," he stated as if it were obvious.
"I'm not ready to be with you, Chuck..." she reminded him again. "I know I said you could come home and that I'd give you another chance... but this... I'm just not ready for yet," she confessed as honestly she wasn't completely one hundred percent sure she was at ease with letting him sleep beside her just yet.
"Sorry... habit," he quietly spoke as he got back to his feet, looking at the TV as if he were actually interested in it while secretly he was a little hurt by her reaction, given that his intentions had been purely innocent. He couldn't blame her though. Not with the way he had acted the last few times they saw each other before he left.
Truth was, sleeping alone, he couldn't recall the last time he slept well without her beside him. The rehabilitation center had been a bit lonely. Sure, there were others there for the same reasons as him, however he refused to let himself get too close to them – Chuck Bass didn't just open up to anyone and considering how not everyone is successful in overcoming their addictions once out of rehab, Chuck didn't want to risk getting close to anyone new only for them to be forever gone from his life.
While Lily made it to two of the family days – Henry tagging along for the second with Eric – and Serena showing up for the third and final family day, it had stung that Blair refused to show, especially when he knew she had been in France for part of the summer. Again, he couldn't blame her, however there were nights he really just needed to hear her voice. Of course she wouldn't answer his calls, but even just listening to her voicemail greeting was enough to get him through it. To remind him it was all for something.
"It's just... being alone this summer... it's been really-" he started to try and explain only for her to quickly cut him off.
"Chuck, I swear to God, you better choose your next words carefully because if you're about to say what I think you're going to say... you better damn well remember that you weren't the only one alone this summer," she snapped, as she held her brow in frustration, refusing to hear him make his usual excuse about how hard everything had been for him when in truth things had been just as hard if not harder for her and Henry.
"Fine," he grumbled as he carefully leaned over and placed a kiss on her forehead before starting to retreat towards the door. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"Oh and another thing, Chuck, school starts up again in a week or so... I was thinking of taking Henry back to the city soon after The White Party, give him a day or so to settle back and adjust to being home... why don't you stay here a little longer, over at our house - I've kept the staff on standby all summer... it'll be peaceful, quiet... you could finish out the summer here..." Blair suggested, having changed the subject. She knew it was a bitchy move to make, however she needed to make him understand that she had the upper hand here.
"I thought we agreed earlier today that I was coming home with you both... we told Henry I'd be there on his first day of school," he reminded her with narrowed eyes. There was no way he was going to let her win this one. "I need to be with my family, Blair. I really don't want to be alone anymore than I have to be..."
"I thought you said you were better?" she quickly began to question him.
"And I am doing better, but I've been away from everyone all summer... I just don't want to be alone right now, Blair," he bit back. There was no way she could change her mind about this now.
"Why? Are you suicidal now too?" she pressed him further.
"There might be days where I really don't like myself - actually hating myself, which is another thing I started to work on in recovery - for everything I put us through, put you through... but I would never – never! - do that to you. Or Henry," he firmly stated. He needed her to know that one hundred percent.
"Let's give it a couple days, okay, Chuck?" she suggested, trying to get him to at least agree to a compromise. "See how things go after The White Party?"
"We can see all you want, but I am coming home with you guys – we already discussed this," he reminded her once more, standing his ground. "Besides, Henry would be upset if I didn't."
"Always using the kid as an excuse," Blair playfully muttered under her breath as she watched Chuck slowly make his way towards the door.
"Goodnight, Blair," he solemnly stated as he reached the threshold, his back turned as he refused to look back, too hurt by the thought of her not allowing him to return home with them next weekend.
"Chuck, wait," she soon called to him, quickly jumping out of the bed after him, realizing that perhaps she was being a bit too harsh on him suddenly.
"What?" he impatiently asked, curious as he stopped and slowly turned around to see why she was calling him back this time.
"I'm sorry if I'm... if I'm being too harsh with you, okay?" she began to apologize as she now stood in front of him. He had simply come to her room to tell her goodnight and here she was, playing the Queen Bitch in order to keep her walls up, determined not to let him easily penetrate them. Noting how heartbroken and defeated he appeared before her now, she realized that he really hadn't come to her room tonight with an agenda. "You know after everything that happened after the last time... even if I am giving you another chance, you can't blame me for guarding myself and Henry."
"I know," he sadly acknowledged, fully aware that it was all his fault that she was acting this way.
"I love you, Chuck – I really do – but I just can't jump right back into things with you like I did before..." she quietly breathed as she wrapped her arms around him, resting her head into the crook of his neck.
"Because you're afraid that by letting me in too soon - before you know for sure that it's going to work this time – that you'll just end up getting hurt again in the end," he sighed regretfully, his eyes closed while he held her close, as he knew exactly what she meant. Her gentle nod against his chest only confirmed it. "I really don't deserve you," he softly stated, feeling horrible that yet again, he had caused her pain.
"Whether you do or don't... it doesn't matter as I still chose you regardless," she reminded him anyway.
"No matter what happens, Blair, just remember that I love you. Always," he confessed to her as he carefully kissed the top of her curls. Truth was, he couldn't make anymore promises. As determined as he was this time to do otherwise, he was just as scared as she was that he would fail again. "Goodnight, Blair," he told her once more as he gently reached up to unlock her arms around his neck, kissing the back of her hands as he held them in his own.
"Goodnight, Chuck," she spoke as well as they separated and Chuck turned once more to leave, closing the door behind him.
She slowly sunk to the floor, her back against the door as she tried to fight off the tears from falling. Every part of her – mind, soul, and body – wanted him desperately, yet she knew she had to remain strong and distance herself. At least for now.
Chuck closed his eyes as he pressed his forehead against her closed door, clenching his fist as he fought his own inner battle with himself. He knew it was all his fault, yet he had no idea how long it would take for her to see that he really was determined to do right by her this time and allow him back in.
AN: For those wondering, the place Chuck went to rehab is a fictional version of Kusnacht Practice in Switzerland, just near Lake Zurich. Visiting the website and seeing pictures of the place, you do have the option of staying in your own private villa while there and the place appears to be right on the lake, pictures showing it in the background. It appears to be very expensive but it also one of the top private rehabilitation centers in the world so it's no surprise that someone of Chuck's stature would go there for treatment.
Thank you to everyone for all the feedback on this one! I know it's a bit different from some of my other works, but I hope you still continue to enjoy it! Also, shoutout to M (scarlett2u) for Beta'ing and her suggestions - if you haven't, be sure to check out her most recent works as well - The Gilded Cage and One Secret I'll Never Tell - if you need your Chair fix =D