Chapter Eight

Nagisa woke to find that her kidnapper had the decency to put a blanket over her and untie her at least. Gakushuu was there now, sitting at the end of the bed with his head in his hands. She knew she should be more resentful, but she pitied the boy.

On the bright side, her head had finally cleared. On the down side, she was now fogged with not only the physical pain but the shame of her act as well.

The girl sat up slowly. She was no longer tied to the bed at least. He had pulled up her underwear, but other than that she was completely naked. Her clinging hands held her thin cover over her shoulders that were surprisingly clean of any teeth marks or love bites.

That was a first.

"N-Nagisa!" Gakushuu started from his sleep, looking at the girl's figure and becoming more like himself when he had the decency to look away, standing from the bed nervously.

"Your clothes are beside you. I-If you want to use the shower you should follow me - after you change of course."

Truthfully, her clothes were beside her, coat hung up over the storage boxes while everything else was folded neatly. There would be no games with that.

Above it, he even had her socks and the watch she had been wearing treated respectfully in a very much gentlemanly way.

In all honesty, if she could sit still and stay where she was, she would. But there was nothing pleasant about being in a dark room that constantly reminded her of something so disgusting.

Attempting to put her clothes on quickly, she stood, only to be shocked by the sudden jolt of pain from between her hips. "Mhm!" Gakushuu caught her quickly and their faces were brought close. She flinched away out of habit, causing a guilt stricken look of pain to appear in his eyes.

"I-I'm sorry."

He was gone like that, disappearing out of the door and leaving her.

She hadn't expected it to be daytime once she left her temporary disconnection with the outside world. Only now did the severity of what had happened dawn on her.

"You can take the day off of school if you want. I-I think you should."

He shut the door behind him. For the first time, she was standing on the front path of the Asano's huge home. At first she was worried about neighbours, but it was clear now that they wouldn't be a problem.

"I can't. Karma will get suspicious."

It seemed like he hadn't thought things through either, because his eyes widened, and his teeth clenched. "Shit. You can't tell Karma about this."

His eyes met hers sternly. He wasn't usually so assertive, yet today she didn't seem to have a choice. Her eyes sunk from his, sick of being commanded by someone who was usually so polite. It was like her status to him had been lowered over night, like she had lost some worth.

"Why can't I?"

"You want to tell him you cheated on him?" He accused. "What do you think he'll say, that he feels bad for you?"

"Gakushuu you dragged me off of the street into a-"

"That was the men I hired, not me." He said as if it were any better.

"You paid men money to take me to your house so you could tie me up and ra-"

"I'm sorry okay." His voice wavered. Before she could finish her sentence he had wrapped his arms around her and held their bodies close together in his arms. Nagisa tried to back away, feeling uncomfortable with his skin against hers, but as hard as she pushed, she wouldn't be released. He was holding tightly. He cradled her for a long time.

She knew she wouldn't have been able to admit it out loud anyway.

"Nagisa, I'm so sorry. It felt amazing for me, but it hurt you, I let myself get carried away...again."

"Stop it. It didn't hurt, not physically anyway." She spoke softly, her hands slipping down so they were at her sides. "I won't tell Karma and you won't tell anyone about this."

"Are we going to act like it never happened?" The fact that he sounded shocked was irritating her.

"What's the alternative?"

"No...you're right." He pulled away,"The next time I won't make the same mistake. I'll have been there before so I won't lose control."

Her eyes scanned his face for some clue that he was joking, some possible room for him to explain that his words hadn't sounded like what he had truly meant. There was nothing.

"There won't be a next time!" She exclaimed, pulling herself away from him. His shock and confusion as if he were innocent angered her. "Don't you understand what you did to me Gakushuu?" Tears were threatening to spill from her eyes. "I thought... I never thought you would do something like that..."

He took a step towards her, she skidded back. "If you touch me again I'll tell someone worse than Karma - if I so much as think you might be a threat to me I'll-"

Her voice cut off, eyes shielding in that enigma of thoughts that mad Nagisa so special.

"Nagisa-"

"Forget it. I'm going back to mine before I go to school. You go in so they don't think it's suspicious."

He nodded obediently, following her and closing up his front gates before they left in separate directions.

The house was cold when Nagisa stepped into it. Seeing her home in the broad daylight somehow felt bitter sweet - she had a feeling she would remember that walk, especially when her fear that she would never see her home again yesterday had been so real.

She felt like she had an obligation to be nostalgic and upset, yet upon arriving, not a single tear came even close to slipping from her eyes. Why would it? She was safe. She was in one piece. Nothing that bad had really happened. She didn't have reason to cry and be upset.

"Dad?" She called out but there wasn't a response. Although, that was to be expected in the late morning. Usually, this would mean for Nagisa that he would be away and she would have the home to herself, however instinct reminded her that he had been out late last night. She wondered briefly if he had spent the night out; if the colleagues he had mentioned were in truth, a woman he had been seeing.

That was the last thing she needed in her life right now, a woman coming into her life claiming to be her mother. Forcing reasons to forget her own biological parent who had fought hard until every last penny left from the divorce was spent trying to get custody down Nagisa's throat, as if being told she wasn't good enough as a girl wasn't enough.

Her momentary concern died down at the sight of her father lying soundly in his own bed. There was no sign of alcohol or struggle or clumsiness in him as he lay in his bed, half below his covers. From this angle, she could easily see his relaxed expression.

Why would he be stressed? It wasn't like his only child had called him sounded panicked last night? It wasn't like he had returned from whatever business to find his home cold and empty and without the teen that he should care for enough to at least try and call her.

Nagi could look after himself. Nagi was strong.

Thats what he would say.

Maybe for Nagisa, some tears might have fallen, but with the hot water of the shower so scorching over Nagi's body, how could his mind have time for tears?

She could feel the eyes on her as she entered the class and handed in her late slip. The strongest pair she felt without a doubt belonged to Gakushuu. Instinctively, her gaze turned to Karma's seat. He wasn't there.

Her stomach sank, but nobody could have guessed that at the sight of the dreamy girl with the silent steps slipped into her seat and entered her own mysterious world.

The strawberry blond was sweating without a reason that lesson. His mouth opened several times to speak, but feared for the unknown punishment of provoking Nagisa.

Gakushuu had probably taken more secretive glances in her direction that lesson alone than he had in any other lesson of the school year so far. He had something to tell her, something he had to say as a warning before it was too late, but every time he opened his mouth, he would either freeze up or their teacher would almost knowingly squint in his direction, silencing him.

The fair blunette would often tilt her head away in thought, whether she was daydreaming, debating the mysteries of life or plotting to kill them all, nobody knew. Eventually, when Karma walked into the classroom, his eyes found the girl in the corner like a hawk.

He wasn't pleased by what he saw. She would always look towards the sky or out of the window as she sat in class. If they were on the pavement, she would look out towards the road. Likewise, if they were on a bus, she would look out to the sky. Towards a source of light, or a wider space, or a brighter atmosphere.

Today she looked at the ground below her.

Someone might have said something to her, but everyone was focused on the class. Her thoughts might have been upsetting her, but what would he be thinking of to affect her so deeply? He placed what he had been asked to collect down on the teacher's desk, mind still questioning.

Now that he was a bit closer, Gakushuu was looking down as well, though his eyes seemed to be intentionally avoiding his, he was too aware of Karma's presence. He made it obvious that he was hiding something. He looked guilty.

One thought came into Karma's mind, should have known it was to do with him.

"Nagisa, I thought you weren't in today."

Her head jerked up. When their eyes met, he could have sworn her saw those blue eyes waver as if they hid an ocean.

She nodded submissively, "I woke up late."

"You guys can speak at lunch instead of interrupting everyone's lesson." The teacher scowled, but Karma was still standing. His eyes were so focused on Nagisa, even their teacher felt awkward.

"I think I should change my seat. Gakushuu, you don't mind swapping do you?"

The boy tried not to flinch, expecting a threat but finding that his friend's words held no conspiracy.

"Karma, you don't just walk in and decide-"

"Don't you think it's better to have me at the front where you can keep an eye on me?" He snickered, "Gakushuu won't cause any trouble back there. Will you?"

The woman at the front sighed, "At least be quick about it then."

A cold seemed to leave, replaced by the warmth that radiated from Karma as he took his seat comfortably beside her. Suddenly, her heart could beat again without tensing up, her chest could rise and sink calmly, and her blue eyes looked up at the ceiling despite the fact that her head was tilted in his direction.

He knew he'd had some sort of victory, as small as it was.

Nagisa could have easily blushed and claimed she hadn't wanted the attention, but inside, what Karma had done (as embarrassing as it was) seemed to help her in a way she couldn't describe.

Still though, she flinched when his hands slid down her neck. "Nagisa, I'm talking to you."

"O-Oh. Sorry." She turned to face him, her eyes looking to anyone like they were too innocent to be hiding a single thing. But Karma knew better.

"Are you sure you woke up at all today?"

She bit her lip puzzled, "I'm sure."

It only just occurred to him that she had done that as a test. He smiled, "Let me try and wake you up."

Their class was still full of people when he leaned in to kiss her, then again when hadn't they kissed without an audience? Her heart-rate picked up and her head tilted, her eyes shut and her cheeks darkened to a shy pink.

But right before they could - she could see Gakushuu. Her eyes were shut, she was sure of it. Yet there he was leering down at her like he was disgusted and disappointed, like an animal that had claimed her as his property. It was like he had somehow shackled himself to her.

She jerked back so hard she nearly hit her head. The girl feared kissing her own boyfriend as the guilt of her own filthiness weighted down on her, allowing his him to coil her hair around his finger as his lips closed in with no regard to her turmoils.

But she didn't want to kiss him...

Nagisa gasped as he bit down on her lip, pulling away without so much as a peck to sooth the cut. Looking down at her offended face without a trace of guilt, he smirked.

"So you are awake." The red head concluded.

It wasn't long before she realised that was his intention all along. She glared at him, putting on a falsely sad face and accused him of being mean before they laughed it off.

Nagisa had been reading that evening. She put her comic down however when her mind stepped onto a dark path.

The protagonist's father was a lot like her own boyfriend. The playful, caring, overprotective type. She'd like to have said minus the violence, but the character of the book happened to share that in common with Karma too.

He had never hit his daughter. But he had forced her to wear things, to talk only to certain people, to go out only at certain times and had practically kept her on a leash her whole life, only he had the capability to see through his actions and feel guilt. If he could sincerely apologise, why couldn't Karma?

This behaviour was labelled as abuse in her book. Although, she didn't hate the way Karma treated her... not anymore anyway.

Had she come to accept his behaviour?

Now that she thought about this, it wore a striking similarity to her own father, who again, never hit her but managed to find other ways to make her feel... worthless. That was upsetting at most, sometime annoying and other times unsettling, it never depressed her and never turned her into a vengeful superhero for certain.

But then, if that was abuse, what was the opposite? Why did she struggle to imagine a story-book like character that treated a girl perfectly? Thinking to herself, why can't he be more like... only to struggle when she couldn't find anyone had lead her down this path. What was a perfect guy?

That didn't exist and that was normal. Reality was full of people who manipulated and forced her movements and thoughts, raising their voices over hers... but if reality was so harsh why were there so many wishful stories of princes and gentlemen who respected girls and paid for their meals and made them smile without touching them?

These people did exist, so why weren't they inclusive to her life? She couldn't recall a single positive male role model in her life, and it wasn't just that all the people had hurt her several times, it was that they saw her pain and continued to enforce it as if covering her body with small cuts and cracks before filling those cracks with timed explosives only to wait it out and watch to see when they would eventually destroy her.

Her breath hitched in, shocking her. Her cheeks were cold. She was crying.
"But why..?" That was the question, why did she have reason to cry her eyes out when she should be nothing but happy that she had narrowly avoided a terrible situation? Why was she acting sad and ungrateful of the amazing friends she did have?

Gakushu... he'd protected her, he'd made her smile and lent her his jacket in the cold and walked her home in the dark when Karma had damaged her clothes. He was the kind of person that spoke up for her even when he was afraid and let his own friendships fall on the line just to make her happy. Just to fill her with the idea that he cared.

But he had raped her. That was reality. That was his betrayal.

He was the worst out of them, her could her mind possibly even consider that he might be a positive male role model-

Suddenly it hit her. She had been raped. She had been raped and kidnapped and yet here she was sitting quietly in her bedroom without telling anyone. She was fully prepared to role over and take it like a trained circus pet because... there were a lot of things wrong with her life she didn't tell to anyone.

Nagisa wasn't living normally. A lot of people would look at her like a victim, like her life was a poorly written story made to entertain those who were mentally twisted. Her life was wrong and it would only get worse.

Why her? Why did she deserve this? Why did she attract the worst kind of man?

It was her fault for not telling anyone.

But how could she?

Despite everything, she love her father, she loved Karma, she loved Ga-

Or maybe she didn't. Maybe these people knew how to manipulate her thoughts so she would be too weak to defend herself when they did the horrible things to her they had intended all along. Was that why it felt so natural to accept this, because she had been raised to give up without a fight?

The people she loved loved to make her hate herself. They had raised her to accept this so they could continue reducing her to an empty, quiet and lonely shell while she lacked the strength to escape this cycle.

Before the pale, silently crying girl even knew it, her bare feet had landed onto the cold tile of the bathroom floor, standing for several seconds before her gaze finally found the mirror. When had she even started moving? When had her eyes dried? When had she found herself standing in the bathroom holding a fist full of pills and looking down dully like a lifeless doll?

Three seconds of consciousness passed.

Then suddenly she screamed. She screamed like her reflection would attack her, jumping back and throwing the assorted drugs down into the drain so hard they clattered. Her legs were trembling, but not nearly as much as her soul felt like it was.

In the back of her mind, her favourite song played, her friends laughed over it, and the sun arose over the sky somehow simultaneous to the shooting stars that she had loved to look at from her window as a kid. Her favourite foods lingered in her mouth and her lips trembled with the memory of many kisses, her favourite trips and places in the past left her insides content yet craving to return, the anticipation of the release of her favourite comics, movies, games and even school lessons replayed until her head sunk, leaving her to look down at her short, skinny body in disappointment.

What had she been thinking? How could she possibly have been so close to giving in to her weakness and letting it crush her. How could she nearly have let the people who had tried to break her succeed. They would only move on to another helpless victim.

"Nagi?" Her dad frowned, somehow behind her, at the top of the stairs and looking right at her. She hadn't heard the door open or even heard him come up them.

That name made her head ring.

"What are you doing?" The tall man's eyes landed on her pink stained cheeks, he stopped forward, brushing his thumb against the skin as though trying to erase the mark. "Don't tell me you've been cryin-"

"Shut up!" Her hand silenced him, her slap sharp enough to smear red onto him in seconds. His head tilted to the side, both eyes widened in shock.

"So what if I'm crying? You're the reason you delusional bastard who doesn't have the slightest clue how to raise his daughter."

He was speechless. His daughter..?

He had never seen his child act this way, never had they screamed and been so disobedient.

"Do you know what it's like to grow up dealing with you! Do you know that you taught me to love and respect abusers who violate my h-human rights while I was moulded into a vulnerable d-dummy w-who w-won't even complain at...!"

It reached a point where she couldn't speak anymore. She was sobbing to loudly, her head falling down into her shoulders as tears dropped from her slender chin to the floor like raindrops. More and more choked cries emerged like a tidal wave, unconsciously tipping her body forward into her father's concerned and unconfident embrace.

His eyebrows furrowed together, holding her head to his chest.

"Nagisa..."