Chapter Five
It felt like I was floating. I was weightless yet I could feel the warm sand underneath me. The waves crashed and the tepid, salty air invaded my nose before I really knew what the smell was. Slowly, I opened my eyes and realized I was alone. The beach was completely empty and it dawned on me that I was dreaming - I had to be.
I stood, wiping the sand from my sundress while I looked from one end of the beach to the other. A sigh escaped my lips as I walked through the sand toward the ocean. My bare feet catapulted the tiny grains out behind me just like Damon's had the night I'd told him I was sick. My heart clenched at the thought. Maybe I was dead.
The waves continued to crash, leaving a dull ringing in my ears as the current pulled the water in reverse. A flash of something blue caught my eye and I ran toward the object being beaten by the salty water. My hand dove into the water, which had returned and soaked my dress to the knees, before I could stop. It was a blue umbrella but not the highly technical kind. The handle was wooden and worn where who knows how many hands had caressed the curve. I could feel the smile on my face as I untied the loose knot holding the folds of bright blue material closed and opened the umbrella.
It opened with a rush of fabric and leftover sea water. The sun was blocked instantly as water rained down lightly onto my hair and face. I laughed and raised my hand to intercept the blue streaks the sun created through the material. It was raining inside the umbrella.
Somewhere behind me I could hear voices. The smile slowly left my face as I remembered that I wasn't where I needed to be - I wasn't where I was supposed to be. The wind gusted from behind me, yanking the umbrella from my grasp. I frowned as it floated out to sea.
My body began to feel heavy and rather quickly I realized I wasn't dead; I was alive.
"Do you think she'll gain consciousness soon?" I heard my mother ask someone, probably a doctor.
"She'll be fine, considering." The deep voice responded.
I wiggled a finger on my right hand. I tried to lift my entire arm but it was attached to something or someone.
"Elena? Can you hear me?" It was Damon and he sounded…weird.
I tried to clear my throat because it felt like I'd just eaten a pile of sand. My throat just was not cooperating.
"Elena, baby, it's mom. I'm right here and you're fine."
Fine? How was I fine? I felt like I'd been run over and then immediately backed over. My throat had obviously been mauled by a rabid feline and Damon sounded like he'd been crying. This situation was not fine. I cracked an eye and rolled it around until I had Damon locked in my gaze. His face was pained and my heart contracted at the sight of his red rimmed eyes. I'd caused that look on his face, me. The events leading to me being in the hospital, where I assumed I'd ended up, were not lost. I remembered drinking which was a big unknown for me. Having never drank before, I should've been more responsible. I hadn't been the best maker of decisions apparently.
"I'll leave you two alone," Damon said, standing and offering my mother the seat next to my bed.
"No, honey," my mother shook her head. "You two go on and talk; I'll let the doctor know she's awake."
I looked from my best friend to my mother and back again with both eyes. How long had I been out and what exactly had they talked about before I'd woken up?
"Elena, you scared the shit out of me. You were half dead on my bathroom floor." His voice faltered slightly, realizing he was teetering on the edge of dramatic. "At least...that's what I thought, anyway."
"Damon, I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking." The guilt was written all over my face. "I guess you and my mother made friends with one another, huh?"
He cringed slightly. "Your mother is a good person. She's just trying to deal with all of this, 'Lena. That's all any of us can do."
Technically, I had already made my choice the moment I opened my eyes but I didn't let him into that little revelation. I couldn't be the source of his heartache, I just couldn't do it. Whether or not it was supposed to happen, I cared for him far more deeply than I wanted. "Listen," I squeezed his hand, "I'm sorry to have put you through this. Maybe…maybe the bucket list was a bad idea. I mean, it's silly if you think about it."
Damon looked offended and removed his hand from mine as if I'd burned him. "You can't push me away this far in. You can't let someone in and then push them out when things get too tough."
I turned my body toward him. "This far in? It's been a few months, Damon."
He stood up with such force that the chair behind him turned over backwards. He rubbed both hands over his face in frustration. "A few months in your life is a long time."
I thought facing my mortality was difficult. No, that was nothing compared to forcing him from my room with silence. I was settled with the fact that I was sick and that there was no changing that but letting him into my world had been the catalyst. I'd slowly been realizing that I needed to live life and I had pushed my mother back in the process. Then again, that same epiphany had landed me in the hospital bed.
The air conditioner hummed and groaned as it came to life under the house. I stared, not moving, through the vertical blinds in my window, thinking about the things that had transpired since my mom had brought me home from the hospital. Damon sent flowers, no note. I knew they were from him because no one else would have made the effort. I'd only really been casually dodging him but he didn't push.
I had become severely dehydrated and stressed and it damn near took me out early, according to my doctor. They threatened to make me see a therapist if I didn't start taking better care of myself. I don't know what I expected from my half assed confrontation with Damon in the hospital. Of course, he respected what I wanted, despite his very obvious disagreement in the matter.
"Dinner's almost ready," My mom said, poking her head into my open door.
I smiled and pulled myself from the bed after closing the blinds. My legs were tired and to be honest I was just tired, period. The pale sheen of my skin was disturbing to say the least. When I reached the kitchen I collapsed into the closest chair.
"How are you feeling?"
I smiled at my mother. "I'm better. Don't worry about me."
She sighed and turned back to the stove. "What happened to Damon?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well," she set a tray of sliced bread on the table. "He was such a constant the past few months and now he's just disappeared." She eyed me, knowing the answer already.
"I told him I wanted to spend some time at home…alone." The statement sounded so hollow, which is exactly how uttering the words made me feel.
"I'm worried about you, Elena." She set two plates and two glasses down on the table. "You've gone from reasonably balanced and happy to overzealous then now…this." She waved almost dismissively at me.
I sighed, twirling the fork next to my plate. "I think I was complacent, mom. I was settled in to the fact that I only had so much time left and I would go out with a good spirit but all that changed when Damon came along."
"So why in the world have you separated yourself from him?"
I thought about the look on his face, the pain. "I'm just going to end up being a source of pain and disappointment in his life. I can't do that to him." My eyes burned.
My mother sat down across from me, understanding in her eyes. "I'm not sure where that happy go lucky young woman went but you can't deny he made you happy."
I smiled despite myself. "He does make me happy."
"If you spent all your time worrying about other people, you'd wake up one day and realize that time has caught up with you."
It was a shock to my system, realizing that my life wasn't so evenly balanced after all. My mother continued cooking while I drew my knees up to my chest and rested my cheek on them. My skin grew warm as I thought about the night at the party and Damon's reaction to my bold behavior. It was obvious he liked me even though he claimed we were only friends. I definitely liked him more than I originally thought or admitted.
"I'm going for a walk," I called behind me as I was halfway through the living room, dinner and the warning from the doctor long forgotten.
"What about dinner?" Mom yelled after me, still very aware that I'd just gotten out of the hospital.
I disregarded her question and headed toward the beach. My feet were almost in the sand when Damon found me. "Elena!" He called me and I knew it was him.
I kept on walking. "Damon, are you stalking me?"
He laughed, finally catching up with me. "Oh yeah, it's a hobby of mine."
"I had just given you credit for giving me some space and well, you've just blown that all to hell." It was near impossible to be mad at the guy. Especially when his eyes were on mine and the blue was even bluer next to the ocean. He grabbed my shoulder lightly, stopping me just as we were halfway to the water. I turned to look up at him, shading my eyes with my right hand.
"Can I walk with you?" The dimple was back.
"You don't even know where I'm going." There was something about him, about the way he stood and spoke and just existed that made everything else go away. "Lucky for you I've decided to save swimming to Hawaii until next week." I smirked up at him.
He laughed loudly as if my joking with him was a relief. "I happen to be an excellent swimmer."
We began to walk again, side by side down the beach until both our feet were being washed in sand by the waves.
"I've been thinking-" We both admitted at the same time.
"You first," he offered.
I took a deep breath, gathering my entire negative stock of emotions and forcing it out mentally. "I've been really weird about us, and I think we would be fine if I just stopped trying to put so many restrictions on…things."
Damon took my hand in his. "I was just about to tell you that I would be willing to go along with whatever you decided."
I laughed aloud. "I don't want to worry about time or boundaries. I just want to live and I mean that this time."
He lifted me up into a hug and spun me around once before putting me back down. "I didn't expect you to give in so easily. I was prepared for a fight," he said with a more serious look.
"My knight in shining armor, come to save me from myself." I folded my hands dramatically under my chin and batted my eyelashes.
"You're a class 'A' smart ass." Damon lurched forward in an attempt to grab me but I dodged him easily.
I ran at a medium pace down the beach, my feet splashing in the surf and wet, heavy sand. I could hear him keeping up easily behind me. My laughter was uncontrollable as I ran, feeling so alive. When he finally decided to catch up to me, he grabbed me around the waist and threw me over his shoulder.
"Be careful, I'm delicate!" I yelled as he walked further into the Pacific ocean.
He swept me from his shoulder until I was cradled in his arms. "I would never hurt you," he whispered. "But I will drop you in this ocean."
I squealed as he let go and I could hear him laughing as I hit the salty water. When I surfaced he was grinning, a double dimple grin. "You are not funny."
He opened his mouth to respond as a huge wave crashed in, knocking us both off our feet and pushing us toward the beach. We landed on the beach like two fish, mouths gasping for air. It was a moment I would never forget. Everything was perfect and I would store it away to think about when things started to fall apart.
"What should we do now?" I asked Damon as I wrung the water from my long brunette hair.
He twisted his shirt, shook it once and put it back on. "Have you ever been to the swap meet?"
"I thought that was in the mornings." I wrapped my hair into a bun and secured it with a hair tie from my wrist.
"It is, usually. There are some hard core swappers that keep stands open inside all day." He winked and it was decided.
We rode across town, listening to some guy talk about sports on the radio. Damon's car smelled like ocean and my skin felt tight from all the salt that I had yet to wash off. He parked the car as close to the front door as he could and then walked around to open the car door for me.
"You'll love this place," he assured me as we reached the entrance door. He held that open for me too.
The swap meet was nothing more than a glorified flea market and Damon was right; I loved the place. There were so many different stands full of clothes, toys and almost anything one person could desire. It reminded me of the boardwalk at Venice and it reminded me of my mother.
"This is amazing," I breathed as we walked and browsed.
"They have really good soft pretzels here too."
"Better than on the boardwalk?" I asked, smoothing my fingers over a silk kimono.
"Better than that," he answered. "Want one?"
The mention of pretzels reminded me that I hadn't eaten dinner and that I was starving. "Get me two?"
He laughed and nodded. I watched him walk away, waiting until he'd disappeared around the corner before going back to my browsing. I slowly examined table after table until I came to the end of the aisle and had to turn the same corner he had. There was one table in the corner, where an elderly woman sat, humming along to a record player that was sitting next to her on a stool. I smiled warmly at her and started to walk away but then I saw it.
The flash of blue gave me an instant adrenaline rush. The umbrella. I quickly moved the two sweaters that covered half of it and slid it from the table carefully, as if it would turn to dust. It was practically the umbrella from my dream. My heart was pounding in my chest with excitement.
"What did you find?" Damon appeared next to me with a bag of pretzels and a handful of napkins.
My face lit up as I looked over at him. "I think…I may have just been given a sign."
He looked confused but I ignored it as I paid the older woman for the umbrella and thanked her.
There was a warm breeze blowing through Topanga canyon as Damon drove with both windows down. I cherished the feeling of the wind against my face. I breathed deeply, tasting the air and the ocean in it. My head bobbed to the song on the radio and Damon's fingers matched the beat on the steering wheel. We exchanged a smile and my stomach burst into butterflies.
"I'm only doing this because it will make you happy, 'Lena." He gave me a raised eyebrow and a half smile.
"Riding a horse is a privilege and you'll be fine. Just wait, you'll be calm and at peace with yourself afterwards."
He scoffed and turned the car onto a dirt road. "I'd take yoga if I wanted that kind of peace. I don't need to ride a horse around a dusty canyon."
I poked at him with my index finger. "I jumped out of a plane; that's more dangerous than this."
Damon sighed but let me have the last word. I grinned as we passed the sign for Los Angeles Horseback Riding. I felt like I was back in Georgia, on the farm and it brought feelings to life that were surprising to me. The familiar feeling of panic gripped my windpipe and for a moment I lost my breath. It was the feeling I wouldn't ever see my true home again. One day, I wouldn't be able to do anything. I grimaced, disappointed in myself for letting the terror grip me so tightly.
"Well, let's go." He was trying to be positive but I could tell he really didn't want to go horseback riding.
"How many times do you get to see the sun set from the back of such a majestic animal?"
He wrapped me in his right arm as we walked to the barns. "I guess it's a good thing we're the only two on the trails tonight."
"What?" I exclaimed, yanking myself from his arm.
He smiled at the woman who had come to greet us. "That's right, just us."
He seemed pleased with himself and I had to admit it was a nice gesture. The other part of me realized just how romantic a horseback ride through the canyon while the sun sets could be. I tried not to worry over the changing dynamics between Damon and I as our guide explained all the rules. The truth was, I didn't loosen up until I watched him unwillingly get on his horse. I mounted my own much easier and he made sure to give me a dirty look.
"How did I end up with a horse named Lucifer?" Damon whispered as we were led away from the barn.
I giggled and patted the mane of my own animal. Ignoring the question I looked around as we gained altitude. It was breathtaking and I mentally scolded myself for not exploring Topanga Canyon before. If it hadn't been for Damon, I would have spent the rest of my days on the boardwalk at Venice.
"This is beautiful," I said softly. Talking any louder seemed wrong.
Our instructor kept a good distance ahead of us. It was almost as if we were out there alone. I watched her back as she got further away then concentrated on the scenery around me.
"I didn't expect this," he said, looking in the opposite direction. "This is a surprise."
I closed my eyes. The sun was beginning to turn a dark orange and it felt good against my bare arms. "There's something about the feeling. I used to love the feeling of riding a horse and the power it gives you. I feel invincible."
"I have to admit...this doesn't suck at all." He laughed and I put on my fake angry face.
Our entire ride that night was something I'd always remember. On our way back up the canyon and toward the barns, the sun began to set. Purples and reds streaked across the sky like lightning. The air smelled like dust, from the horse's hooves and I could feel a layer of dirt on my skin. Our guide let us stop to watch the sun sink below the horizon like it was quicksand.
"It's so quiet." Damon grabbed my hand and held my pinky tightly from his spot atop the horse.
I could feel the blush on my face or maybe it was the setting sun. I refrained from saying a word because the moment was so perfect. I was truly a lucky girl but realizing it was the best part. My feelings for Damon shifted their axis in Topanga Canyon.
"Are you hungry?" He asked as we passed three seafood restaurants.
I sighed and rolled the window down so I could put my hand out. "Not really. I feel like I've been eating dirt."
"Do you want to go home?"
I turned to him. "Let's do something exciting!"
He barked out a laugh. "Elena, what in hell have we been doing all this time?"
I fell back into the seat and crossed my arms. "Fine, I'll just go home."
"Are you throwing a fit?" He asked in disbelief.
"I might be," I mumbled.
Damon turned the car around and began heading in the opposite direction. I questioned him with my gaze but he just shook his head, telling me silently not to question him. My curiosity got the better of me when I saw the familiar signs for Hollywood.
"We're going to Hollywood? We never go to Hollywood."
He smiled and took the exit for Santa Monica Boulevard. Rather than questioning him further, I stuck my head through the open window like I was new in town. The lights and buildings went by at a moderate speed, considering the traffic was light. People walked the sidewalks in groups, talking and laughing. The smells of different cuisines mingled and gave the air a definitive aroma. I breathed deep, pleased with his location of choice.
"We're going right there," he said suddenly, pointing ahead.
"Hollywood Forever?" I was confused. "We're going to the cemetery?"
"They play movies on the lawn during the summer."
We parked and once again, Damon walked around to open the door for me. I let him pay for our tickets and find us a good spot to sit before I spoke. "This is rather morbid, don't you think?"
"Of course it isn't. We're surrounded by some of the most powerful people that ever existed in Hollywood, not to mention we're going to watch an equally amazing movie."
I looked around at the different headstones and considered the location. It was sort of odd that I was spending time in a cemetery before I actually had to be there. Other people were seated in chairs and had blankets spread out. No one seemed to be bothered by all the dead people.
The movie was a classic though halfway through I lost interest. I just couldn't get over the marble stones and statues surrounding us. Damon must have noticed because he suggested we slip off into the night and check them out.
"We'll be kicked out," I said, trying to keep us from being removed from the property. "Why are you always doing things that might get us banned from places?"
"Come on," he said with a dimpled grin. "Live a little."
I sighed. "Fine, lead on." I let him take my hand and lead me off into the dark.
"Have you thought about…" He stopped mid sentence, unsure of how to continue.
I used his cell phone to light the manicured grass in front of me. "Go on. You know you can ask me anything."
"I was just wondering if you'd thought about your own funeral." His voice was monotone but it was a valid question.
"Not really. I've written three or four epitaphs though." I laughed. "I used to admire Edgar Allen Poe."
Damon stopped and I ran into the back of him. "And you said being in the cemetery was morbid?"
I pushed him forward. "I said I used to. Besides, sneaking around with all these graves is morbid."
"Let's hear one," he suggested. He stopped and leaned casually against an angel.
"You want me to recite my own epitaph, here in the graveyard?"
He nodded but I could barely see it in the dark. "Why not? I want to hear how you think people should remember you."
"These were before-"
"Before what?" he questioned.
"They were before I met you and everything changed." I kicked at a lump in the grass.
"Well, let's hear a new one then. Make one up right now."
I tossed his phone back at him. "This is insane! You do it if you want to hear one so bad."
Damon held his cell phone up under his chin and grinned at me. He looked like a murderer with a really great smile. I rolled my eyes and kept walking. I could hear his feet moving along behind mine.
"Here lies Elena from Georgia," he began. I couldn't help but laugh. "A loving daughter and best friend who left this earth too soon."
I stopped and turned. A small gasp escaped when I realized how close he was.
"Elena lived life to the fullest and never let anything stop her from being the amazing person she was. She jumped from planes and even tried sushi." He backed away.
"Go on," I urged.
"She was a determined and hard headed person but she was always nice."
"Nice? Damon, I don't want the word nice on my headstone." I liked where our strange conversation was going.
"OK, let's see…Elena was a beautiful soul who didn't let anything stop her from life. She loved with her whole heart and looked really good in wet clothes."
"Damon!" I stepped forward and pushed him playfully.
"Okay, okay..." He said, laughing. "Fine, I'll think of something better."
I noticed the outline of a crypt under the glow of a street light. "What's that?" Before Damon could answer I walked off.
When we reached the marble building I opened the door and let myself in. He filed in behind me, his cell phone lighting the way for me. Both sides were marked with bronze plates. I ran my fingers over the raised letters in awe. "I like this. I could rest peacefully in a place like this."
"You think so?" He passed me, admiring the flowers and things people have left for their loved ones.
"Will you leave me fresh flowers and teddy bears? Maybe a soft pretzel?"
He chuckled and it echoed around the room. "This conversation is going downhill fast. Let's talk about something else."
I felt bad for him. "Let's hear another epitaph then. You've had enough time to think of something decent."
"You're right." He clapped his hands together and rubbed them furiously. "Alright, here it goes. Our dear Elena, beloved daughter and best friend."
I closed some of the distance between us.
"She left the world too soon and will be eternally missed by everyone she touched."
"This is my favorite one so far. We should be writing this down."
Damon looked toward the floor and moved closer to me. He advanced until I had no choice but to back up toward the wall. "She had the prettiest smile and a cute laugh. Her hair always smelled like the beach."
My back hit the stone behind me with a soft thud.
"She liked riding horses and eating soft pretzels. She could read palms and even gave some guy a refund because he doubted her."
I looked up and could barely make out the expression on his face in the dark. He was so close I could feel his breath on my face. "I do like soft pretzels."
"That guy she gave a discount to, well he thought she was amazing and wouldn't leave her alone. He spent all his free time with her until one day he realized why."
"This is becoming a story, Damon. It's too long-"
He shushed me and I obeyed. Our bodies were pressed against one another and neither of us cared that we were in a mausoleum surrounded by lives gone by. My breath quickened as did my heart beat.
"He kissed her for the first time in a graveyard and they lived happily ever after."
I started to answer him but he kissed me. It was unexpected but I didn't reject him because I wanted it just as much as he did. It felt right, his soft lips against mine in such a gentle way. I wanted to cry because my heart ached over the perfection that was Damon Salvatore. I wanted to live forever. I never wanted to leave him. It wasn't an over the top kiss or a very long one for that matter but it was filled with passion and it changed everything. When he pulled his lips from mine I could almost feel him smiling. The only sound was our breathing.
I absolutely LOVE all the reviews and comments you guys. I read every one even if I'm horrible at responding. I'm much more accessible on my Twitter which is Nikki_Novak. (And if you're reading Bloom, that update is coming next week. I'm going away for the weekend.)
Anyway, I hope you enjoy. This is one of my favorite chapters.