Chapter 7

September 2nd,

It's three in the morning, I can't sleep. I know why, I've had the same dreams for over a year now. Only thing is, it was true. I hate the darkness, I hate feeling like this. Like I don't belong, like something is wrong with me. Something is wrong with me. I don't know how to fix it. I can only hope it gets better as move on. Maybe.

Hermione didn't sign this one, she didn't even address it to anyone. She sent it though, if she got a response back, she would deal with it if and when it came. The early morning hours came and went and there was no point lying in bed and listening to her roommates' breath in their sleep. After she finished getting dressed for the day she headed to the great hall for breakfast. Hermione sat down at the Gryffindor table, she picked at her food. Pushing the eggs around on her plate. The great hall was still quiet, being six o'clock in the morning. She pulled out one of her new text books. She flipped through the pages, not even bothering to read. She didn't even notice when someone sat down from across from her.

"Why so melancholy?" Professor Lupin asked.

Hermione looked up at him and just shrugged her shoulders.

"Care to talk about it?"

Hermione shook her head no. She felt Professor Lupin reach over and pick up her hand that had laid the fork down. He ran his thumb over the back of her hand, his callused skin across her smooth delicate skin, she felt the difference right away. She was also aware of the slight jerk her whole body had given after he touched her. She couldn't look up at Professor Lupin, it wasn't do to embarrassment; it was the shame of it all.

"It doesn't help when you hold everything in. Promise me you'll tell someone, at least talk to someone."

"I can't do that." Hermione said as she was finally able to glance back up at him.

He tilted his head to the side and looked intently at her. "Why can't you? Surely nothing is that bad that you can't talk about it."

Hermione pulled her hand away from his. "I don't feel like talking about my problems Professor Lupin."

"Hermione, I know it hurts to lose your parents. Please talk to someone about it."

Hermione couldn't believe it, he was thinking this had to do with her losing her parents. She started laughing, not the kind of laughter that was contagious, but the kind of laughter that had a touch of madness with it. When one was losing it. It echoed around the almost near empty hall. Every head and turned her way. She gathered up her books as she settled down. "Professor Lupin, this is not about me losing my parents." She turned and walked out of the hall.

Hermione headed to the library, she started searching through the rows. While she had been lying in bed that morning she thought of the fact that she had been adopted. Last year, she hadn't been able to do school, much less figure out who she really was. She had come up with two goals for her to do this year. One was to find out who she was, the other was to find out who her benefactor was. She strode into the section on family genealogies. She had to start somewhere, so she picked out a few books that would help her start to research to find out who she really was. Once she was loaded down with a few books she headed back to the great hall. She would need her time table to see when her classes were as well as try to eat a little more food if she could.

Her mind was on her hunt when she walked out and entered the hall again. She sat back down at the Gryffindor table. She poured some juice, but that was all. Food was not important this morning, her stomach was still churning and the juice was doing little to settle it. She felt like she was being stared at and turned to look at the head table. She saw Professor Lupin watching her with a worried look. Next to him sat Professor Snape, he was looking at her along with Lupin. She stared at both of them for a bit, trying to figure things out.

X-X

Upon awaking the first thing Severus had seen that morning was a floating letter above his bed. After he sat up, he reached out and grabbed the parchment and read what was written.

"Damn!" He swore heavily.

He knew she would be scarred. He had already pieced it together that she hadn't told anyone what her adopted father had done to her. Severus felt this was as close to what she had come to admitting anything, and as far as she knew it was to a complete stranger. Severus hung his head for a moment and let out a heavy sigh. Dreamless sleep potion would help for a short time but that was too addicting. She needed a confidant, someone she could confide in someone whom wouldn't hold anything against her. He pulled his covers aside and got out of bed. He placed the letter in the box on top of his dresser where the others were kept as well and headed to get ready for the day.

Severus had always been early to the great hall on the first morning of school. He had watched as Hermione came in and sat down and filled her plate with some food. It was bothering him that she wasn't eating, more than he cared to admit, even to himself. Then Lupin of all people had to show up and sit down across from her. Severus leaned back in his chair as he sipped the dark rich brew of tea he enjoyed in the mornings and narrowed his eyes as the man picked up her hand. He knew Lupin was trying to comfort her, but it was her laughter that rang out in the hall that made his gut clench. He didn't like hearing it at all. Severus knew he was going to have to reply to that letter that she had sent so early this morning. He would have to be careful and if he was maybe she would open up about what had happened to her. He felt it was definitely worth a shot as he watched her take her things and walk out of the great hall. Schedules would be passed out this morning so he knew she would have to return for that, and hopefully maybe actually eat something this time if she did.

Lupin had sat down beside him and started filling his plate. "Miss Granger reeks of depression and melancholy isn't there a potion she can take for that?"

Severus took another sip of his tea. Blasted werewolf and his heightened senses, thought Severus then replied. "She would have to request it from Poppy and so far she has not. It is not a cure all, far from it and she would have to be monitored while on it. She refused the potion last year, I highly doubt she would ask for it now."

He started eating his meal. The students continued to come into the great hall, some in groups of two or three and others alone. At least Lupin hadn't brought anything back up as they continued eating in silence. He noted when Harry walked in the hall alone and sat down to eat. When he saw the book that came out, Severus couldn't help but raise a brow at it. The brat was actually studying.

"Well at least I see Harry took my advice to heart." Lupin said as he sat back and sipped his morning black tea.

"No doubt it has something to do with a book that is actually in his hands." Severus reasoned as he looked over at Lupin.

Lupin gave the barest of nods. "Something I discovered about him over the summer. He actually likes to read. I discovered a few more things that he kept hidden as well."

"Such as?"

Lupin turned to look at him. "He cooks as well as the house elves at Hogwarts. He's more intelligent than he lets on. He kept his grades on par with Ron because he didn't want to lose the friendship. I told him to give up doing that because he wasn't doing himself any favors by it."

Severus turned back to his own black tea. "We'll see." He noted Ron also chose to set apart from Harry. "Is this why Weasley is at odds with Potter?"

"No. Harry has chosen to give up quiditch. He kept that up as well because of Ron. He doesn't dislike the game, but his heart isn't in the actual game. Harry loves to fly. I told him he still could fly even if he didn't play. That was the only reason why he was still playing."

Severus studied Potter, then his eye caught Hermione as she walked back into the hall and sat back down. He noted she only poured juice. Yes, he would have to answer the letter.