"Excuse me?!" What the hell is that supposed to mean? Why did I have to ask him that? For some reason though, his answer made me happy. I loved the sound of those words but the constant fear of something I couldn't explain? kept pulling me away from him. Even if what he said was true, it has nothing to do with me anymore. I have feelings for Dot.

"It's true Magnus. And you felt the same way not two weeks ago before your personal Blackwell Medusa decided to play hopscotch with your brain." Said Raphael. He looked like he was tired of trying to explain stuff to me and honestly, I couldn't blame him. Everyone was trying to tell me the same thing but I was just too blinded to see or hear anything. I was ready to believe Raphael, he is everything to me. A friend, a brother and a son. He would never lie to me. Everything he said was logical and rational but I just couldn't process it. I looked at Alec. His eyes begging me to trust him and I wanted to tell him that I did believe him because I wanted what he said to be true but Dot's voice kept echoing in my head.

"Magnus..." Alec stood up and walked up to me. He sat on his knees on the floor in front of the couch that I was seated on. He lifted his hands and cupped my face in his palms. His hands shaking. He looked hesitant, scared that I might lash out at him and all I wanted to do in that moment was kiss his worries away. But I was freaking out on the inside. Even if I did feel something for him in the past, I know what I feel right now and it was for Dot. Or was it? He doesn't have the right to touch me. He shouldn't be allowed to be this close to me. I knew it and despite everything I leaned into his touch. Feelings of guilt consumed me for not being fair to Dot but at the same time, being close to him just felt so right. Still I pulled away not meeting his eyes when started to speak. And he told me everything, Raphael filling in the bits and pieces. He didn't give me all the details but now I had enough information to know what the hell was going on. So we dated. Yeah. No big deal. People date. So what? Okay, so maybe we didn't just date. We were in love. Or so he says. Even if what he said was true, it was back when he didn't know what I was and as much as I wanted to be with him right now. I still had to figure out whatever it is between me and Dorothia. Alec and I would never work out. It was only going to lead to more heartbreak and pain. Whatever I feel for him, it has to end.

"Alexander. I..."
"No Magnus, listen. I realize that you might not feel the same way, not anymore. But you deserve to know the truth. To remember first atleast. You're not obligated to return these feelings and I will leave if that's what you want in the end but don't expect me to give up on you because that is never going to be an option."
His words hit me and I knew that no one would ever love me the way he does, and I will mever feel the same way for anyone but him. But I don't even know him. Maybe one version of me did. But it's not even about what I want, It's about who I am. At the end of the day or a century, the only person I can count on to be with me is Dot.

"Alec. I think you should leave." The hurt in his eyes was something I couldn't compare with anything. He looked broken but most of all he looked betrayed. I didn't want to be the reason behind it but I knew it was all me. It's the only way. I didn't doubt him when he said I had loved him, maybe I did. Maybe I had it all figured out back then but things are different now. I could never be with a hunter.

He didn't say anything. He just smiled. And not that pure smile that I might have been in love with, it was the smile that cut through your veins and tore every bit of you apart. And he left. Just like that. I wanted to scream but I told myself that this is right choice to make. Raphael was still there. He didn't look annoyed anymore. He just looked disappointed.

"What?" I asked him.
"You're a dick." He spat.
"What is with you?"
"Me?! What is with me Magnus? Five years ago when I came to New York, I asked you the same question. I hated that you'd allowed yourself to feel like that for a Lightwood. You were ready to overlook everything. For him. You even stopped looking for Camille. You told me that this could work in our favor. Him being in love with you. They were all excuses, just so that you could be close enough to him. And all of a sudden you don't give a shit! Did you even listen to him? Or anything that I said? This is all because of that Blackwell bitch."
"Are you done?"
"Fuck off."
"WHY DO YOU CARE? WHY DOES IT MATTER SO MUCH? I'M IN LOVE WITH DOT. I KNOW WHAT I FEEL SO BACK OFF." I was done with everyone trying to tell me whom I should be with.
"Why do I care?! Because in the three hundred years of my life that was the first time I saw you happy. I could see you having a future. For the first time someone actually gave a shit about YOU. Even when we both knew that it might not last forever, you were willing to try! What you have with Dot is an obsession. It's a one sided trick Magnus. It matters to me because you're the closest thing to family that I have and when you vowed to protect me, everyone else might have seen you for the bloodsucking monster and I might not have known what you are but I knew you. You saved me that night and I intend to do the same."
"Raphael..." He was never the one to show emotions. I know he cares about me and he wants to save the day but he just didn't get it. I can't leave Dot. I just can't. It doesn't even feel like an option. I just feel so trapped. I never intended on hurting Raphael. And I wanted to listen to him, to believe him. But its not up to me. Something is holding me back and I don't understand what it is but someone might know. Someone who always seems to know everything. I have to talk to Robert.

"Raphael! I think I need to talk to Robert!" I stand up. Heading towards the door.
"Dios! Esta mierda incluso escucha?!" He turned away from me, rubbing his head in exasperation.
"Hey! Don't call me that." He just rolled his eyes. Nothing new.
"I'm coming with you." He grabbed his coat and we both made our way out to the Lightwood Mansion.
We arrived almost an hour later and I decided to give Isabelle a call, vampires were not allowed inside a hunter's house unless granted permission by someone of the same bloodline. And after everything that happened Isabelle would be the only one who'd let us in. I might not have needed the invitation since I'd already been there but Raphael would have required it.

After a few rings she picked up.

"Magnus? Hey!"

"Hello Isabelle, it's been a while." For some reason I felt ashamed, that I didn't deserve to ask for anything from her. That in some way, I had failed her. But I pushed those thoughts away.

"It has indeed. Is there anything I can help you with? Is Alec okay?"

"Yes. I was just wondering if we could catch up maybe? I'm still having problem with my memories but I was hoping you could help me out with that? I'm near your house so..."
"Of course! Magnus you never have to ask. I'll get ready and we can go out for coffee if you'd like?"

The phone was on speaker so ofcourse Raphael just had to interrupt. "Uh, no? We need to get into the house." It was a whispered yell but it could still be heard through the phone. Idiot.

"Magnus? Is there someone with you?"
"Uh yes, It's my brother. He was visiting so I thougt of bringing him with me. I hope that's okay?"

"Yeah, sure thing. When do we leave?"

"Actually I was wondering if we could stay at your house?" There was a short pause but she agreed and after waiting fifteen minutes outside the mansion we made our way inside because we didn't want to make it look like we were already outside. That would have looked creepy. Actually it was kinda creepy.

The plan was simple, Raphael distracts Isabelle and I make my way to Robert's office. After introducing Isabelle to Raphael while they both started looking fairly comfortable and friendly with each other. The way he was looking at her was too weird. Even for Raphael.

I told her I had to use the restroom. While going through the corridor I came across a bedroom that looked quiet familiar. The only possible explanation to that was it had to be Alec's. Without a second thought I grabbed the door knob and turned it. I was secretly hoping that he wasn't in there but at the same time I really wanted to see him again. I wanted him to yell at me for not being able to remember him. I felt like such a failure, I wasn't even willing to try to give us a chance.

The room was empty. He probably didn't come back home after what happened at the loft. The room was alot like Alec. Simple and black. Way too modern for my liking. I went through a few things in the room, not even feeling like I was intruding. I made my way to his bed. It smelled like sandalwood. It smelled like me. As I sat there, all alone I realized that I missed him. I felt like I know how it feels like to be with him. To be in the same room as him. I was lost in thought when I noticed a book under the sheets. It was old with ruffled pages and a lot of drawings. The writings were in different languages. It was covered in brown leather and the black lettering had been worn away but the title inside was still very clear.

"City of Enoch"

A/N Hope you guys liked it. Let me know in the comments! 3